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unravelling pete

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by peter robinson, Apr 16, 2017.

  1. peter robinson

    peter robinson New Member

    So i will start a little from childhood.

    Severe ocd and depression and inability to process information from school...high achiever in sport. Lost interest though at 16 think i was very depressed cause of my environment.

    Went to uni and smoked weed in first year every day...then started to have panic attacks and wouldn't leave me room. Parents came and got me and I was admitted to a pysch ward, polydrugged on 4 meds and give 12 rounds of ect and kept there for 6 months.

    Got back to uni 6 months later worse than i left and on all the drugs which i came off most apart from the AD. This all had led to fatigue most of the time. Moved to London< UK - started working and then became depressed again wasn't able to complete tasks most of the time or meet deadlines. OCD came back with a furry ..went on medication rollcoaster for a decade- pure hell off this and that.....

    About 12 years ago came off all my meds felt for the first time ME....then was playing football one saturday morning and when i came off the pitch i could feel my face burning was like acid...went home and my templed and cheek were burnt deep down..I started to panic and looked for a reason and it got worse, i stayed indoors for 2 years and looked for every reason....tried everything just made me sicker...then i started to go a little bit mad from being confined to a room and isolation with face burning all the time. i admitted myself to private hospital and they polydrugged me, this seemed to help the photosensivity as i could start to go out but my mental state was a mess...the photosensivity eventually got less and less as my mental state got worse. MY d was in the sink and i supplemented with that. I became agoraphobc and suicidal all the time especially when i tried to stop the lorazepam not knowing it needed to be tapered ....

    Anyone i took the lorazpam off and on over the next decade as i was so fearful of going anywhere to the point i wouldnt leave my neighbourhood and i slowly started to wean off the lexapro...i was getting severe fatigue and muscle pain legs from this - i had become completely exercise intolerant. My sleep was ok.

    3 Years ago after working for over a year without break longest i had worked for 10 yrs i started to get anxious etc. i started to take lorazepam every day to get to work. Then i started to get ocd symptoms and fear and terror and adrenaline surges fromt he drug .....stopping it wasn't going to happen as it had got a grip of me. I dosed 4 times a day as i felt i was in tolerance and i was having spasms in me head. My teeth which had always been fine started to hurt from clenching and my gums were receding...i was getting trig nerve pain...

    Soon after this i was told i had to leave my house i was in for 10 yrs it was my only sanctuary...i started to get photosensivity on my face and eyes....this got worse and i couldn't use the computer even. I spent 3 months in a darkened room at my friends house till i found my own place as i had been burnt badly by the sun.

    Roll on 2015 september a dentist made an adjustment to my splint and I woke up one morning and my neck had collapsed, i knew my jaw had dislocated. I had some adjustments done and got the dentist to try to fix the splint... my whole face started to atrophy ...and i started to get spasms in my gut like the vagus nerve had gone mad. I did some SE work but to no avail- within weeks i was allergic to most foods and had no motility at all...never before did i have gut issues..my breathing had become laboured and i couldnt breath through my nose. I developed acid reflux and mouth breathing - i started to get decay for the first time since a child and would wake up each night several times to drink water. I wasn't sleeping to 2am as i was not tired and the depression came in hard. I started to taper the meds and as my whole cns had been messed this became hellish...6 months ago i stopped tapering as i started to get ataxia, slurred speech , cervical dystonia ...never had any problems with my spine before but the jaw had knocked everything out...i was so malnourished and haven't had any sun for 2 yrs...

    Currently my eyes burn in any light as does my face...i have hearing problems cause of jaw , breathing and swallowing and speech problems.. I started to get severe inflammation on my body a few weeks ago and nerve pain and now my legs are all cracking and joints my fingers feel like they have nerve damage... my neck and lumbar and thoriac all seem messed up. I have no bite with my teeth and my head is twisted , with occipotal neuralgia and trig neuralgia...chronic fatigue and depression are prevelant...i never feel full when i eat.

    My diet consists of veggies and fish and water and nut butters..i use a lan line for my internet and keep mobile off. I obviously cant get out in the sun but i do put my back out the window every day....i have tried to go to the local park and ground when its dark....

    My mother had cancer last year.

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