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The relationship thread......nurturing caring and love

Discussion in 'Female Quantum Biology' started by Jack Kruse, Jun 26, 2019.

  1. Anne V

    Anne V Silver

    thanks . i did not know how to unload it.
    and thanks to not see nature as a narcissic .
    there is competition , but a load of cooperation
    i am grateful for that xxx
  2. JanSz

    JanSz Gold

    when man marry woman
    provide her with shelter and milk and honey
    and expect her to be
    always pregnant
    she calls that subjugation
    is not injustice, domination or narcissism
    that is
    KrusinWitchie likes this.
  3. Sue-UK

    Sue-UK New Member

    When a woman marries a man and loves him enough to bear the children he wants, is willing to be barefoot and pregnant for the benefit of their relationship, if he plays the I'm providing the shelter and milk and honey card, he's communicating that he's an idiot. :)
    caroline and KrusinWitchie like this.
  4. JanSz

    JanSz Gold

    I see that in your book
    man is always an idiot,
    if that is his only choice (with women),
    I think @Jack Kruse provides better alternative.

    Sean Waters likes this.
  5. Sue-UK

    Sue-UK New Member

    What alternative is Jack providing? :confused:

    In any case that is not what I said at all. It was in the context I stated and IF he plays the card. As a thread in the female quantum biology section you didn't expect not to get a response to a pregnant and barefoot post now did you .....? :D
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2019
    Sean Waters and caroline like this.
  6. JanSz

    JanSz Gold

    Jack's alternative is
    alternative of narcissist:
    first I have to be satisfied
    we will see after that what falls off of my full mouth
    if she bears 11 perfect children
    and the 12th is less than perfect it is her fault

    Sean Waters and KrusinWitchie like this.
  7. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    I hate when a good thread is usurped by nonsense.
  8. Sue-UK

    Sue-UK New Member

    @JanSz . My POV is not based on gender or fault, if my redox is high enough I see visually what I call decision ripples .....Not accurate predictions, more like probabilities and possibilities. If my redox is low I may experience the effects of the ripples later, but its often with an ouch! :(

    My mother was from an era when her first fiancé dumped her when he found out she earned a lot more than him …. That was an issue for him even in an age when a woman was expected to give up work on marriage, without even waiting until they had children. Was he a man constrained by the social norms of his time or an idiot? Whatever the label we attach, in the resulting longer ripple from his decision, she married my father. And here I am. :D

    My experience with my ex husband doesn’t make all men bastards. And yes he played the shelter, milk and honey card. :rolleyes: When it came to having children with my now DH, at a time when it was very unusual for men to be househusbands, I did the bit he physically couldn’t do, (pregnancy, giving birth, breast feeding), but he was the one at home looking after the kids. Not just in a way of Dad babysitting until Mom got home, but as an active Mom - mother and child social groups and all. In those days he was the only male there – didn’t care, it was for the benefit of the kids. We didn’t give a shit what other people thought, or if they laughed at us, it worked for us until it didn’t work, and then we rethought it, based on current need, and both worked part time. But had I played the I'm the one providing the shelter, milk and honey card on him back then, I would have been communicating that I was an idiot (who just happens to be a female :) ). More of an idiot in fact, because I knew from experience how horrible it felt to have that aimed at me.

    Apart from the problems my first husband caused me as his partner, my son from my first marriage experienced the decision ripple of a father doing crazy, every time he felt the need to prove something, or wanted to wave two fingers at me or the world. If we'd had an intimate, passionate and committed relationship, we'd have had a better chance to GO ALL IN in our own way, at our own pace, for far better reasons than waving two fingers at each other or at the lemmings of the world whose opinion neither of us should give a shit about anyway. But as we couldn't make it work, we each had a responsibility to at least pull away from the relationship paying better attention to the ripples we sent out to our child and the people who were important in our lives. Poor redox took its toll, and I made my own mistakes with that too, but on top of everything else my son had to be reassured that it was nothing he had said or done to upset his father that was causing his father to do crazy and self destructive in the way he did. Its not about gender, I don't think it would have been any less damaging if it was me mirroring that to him, or my other children when my now DH was the one keeping the home fires burning.

    If I didn't know who had written the latest blog, I wouldn't have believed it was the same person who started this thread. The latest blog seems to have touched a nerve and if that's thrown me into going off discussion, I apologise @Jack Kruse. With a little CT the nerve the blog has touched will get over
    it. :D I'll leave the thread to get back on track without me, thanks to everyone for the discussion so far. :love:
    5G Canary and caroline like this.
  9. JanSz

    JanSz Gold

    nurturing caring and love
    the narcisist way
    Anne V likes this.
  10. Anne V

    Anne V Silver

    5G Canary and JanSz like this.
  11. Anne V

    Anne V Silver

    For inspiration @JanSz
    Symbolizing rebirth and new beginnings, the daffodil is virtually synonymous with spring. Though their botanic name is narcissus,Narcissists,
    more than the other types, are natural visionaries and tend to think holistically .
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2019
  12. 5G Canary

    5G Canary Gold

    Being the best version of yourself...
    Anne V likes this.
  13. Anne V

    Anne V Silver

    is the definition of narcissic the same on all continents.? i do not think so.
    i think even Freud changed his interpretation later in life.
    what is the american version?
  14. 5G Canary

    5G Canary Gold

    I am not sure exactly what you’re asking?
    I don’t think a different country makes a difference... I think we all just individually think differently.

    I enjoy reading ALL the posts and different points of views. There are great lessons to be learned from all. That word “narcissist” obviously effects everyone differently based on interpretation and life experiences.

    I was just sharing my interpretation and experience and have obviously hit a nerve with many. I was not focusing on just a “word.” I believe people are more than a title and definitely more than one dimensional. I was focusing on the question about nurturing love long term in a relationship. My parents were a great example of a loving long term relationship that included disabilities and providing for a large family. I have been married 30 years and have learned many great lessons from my parents.

    My Dad put himself first...in order to put his family first. Pretty simple. One major trait I observed was it wasn’t the cliche “the universe revolves around me” which, it could appear to an outsider, but it was just the opposite. He had complete and utter trust in God/The Universe. He never doubted that God /The Universe would provide for him no matter what. He walked completely by faith and still does.

    I know what some might be thinking- that he caused her illness. No he did not. She was diagnosed within a few months of dating. Her mother was ill as well. In fact, she was the longest living in her family. She was diagnosed with MS at age 19 and lived to 70.

    Me finding this video was just shy of a miracle and I instinctively wanted to share. The video shows my parents relationship pretty accurately but my mom was the disabled one. If he hadn’t made himself happy then he couldn’t have made her happy. It mirrors what you bring.

    I am also not saying it was perfect and there was plenty of ups and downs... it’s learning to “rise up.” Having lived with a parent with a severe disability and now myself it’s easy to understand the importance of putting oneself first. So you can be whole and bring the best version of yourself to the relationship.
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2019
    Anne V likes this.
  15. Anne V

    Anne V Silver

    ok that is ur perception
    i have been asking french friends
    their answers are so different

    and some had lived in LA
    their views are so different

    they mostly came up with
    narcissic to an american is loving themselves 1st

    the definition in france is so different

    hence my question
    Sean Waters and 5G Canary like this.
  16. Anne V

    Anne V Silver

    no nerve hit , just curiosity:)
    5G Canary likes this.
  17. Anne V

    Anne V Silver

    and your view using ur parents very interesting.
    while watching , i thought there must be so much love and compassion
    for everyday living
    5G Canary likes this.
  18. 5G Canary

    5G Canary Gold

    Thanks Anne... I have a great grandmother and sister named Anne. Both were very intuitive and insightful... :)
  19. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    what is the definition in France Anne?
    KrusinWitchie likes this.
  20. Anne V

    Anne V Silver

    In 1914, the famous Sigmund Freud published a paper titled, On Narcissism: An Introduction. Freud proposed a rather complicated set of ideas in which he suggested that narcissism is connected to whether one's libido (energy that lies behind each person's survival instincts) is directed inward toward one's self, or outward toward others. He felt that infants directed all of the libido inward, a state he referred to as primary narcissism.

    In Freud's model, there was a fixed amount of this energy, and to the degree this libido was directed outward toward attachment to others, it would diminish the amount available to one's self. By "giving away" this love, Freud suggested that people experienced diminished primary narcissism, and in order to replenish this capacity, he believed that receiving love and affection in the world in return was vital to maintaining a sense of satisfaction.

    In addition, in Freud's theory of personality, a person's sense of himself develops as a child interacts with the outside world and begins to learn social norms and cultural expectations leading to the development of an ego ideal, or a perfect image of oneself that the ego strives to attain.

    Another important part of Freud's theory is the idea that this love of one's self could be transferred to another person or object. By giving away love, Freud suggested that people experienced diminished primary narcissism, leaving them less able to nurture, protect, and defend themselves. In order to replenish this capacity, he believed that receiving love and affection in return was vital.
    Jackie Jolie and Alex97232 like this.

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