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The relationship thread......nurturing caring and love

Discussion in 'Female Quantum Biology' started by Jack Kruse, Jun 26, 2019.

  1. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    I'd like this thread to be dedicated to ideas around nurturing love long term.

    I think I have done a poor job of exploring this aspect of relationships and how it relates to health and wellness and I think I need to improve this.

    I believe relationships are built around three cornerstone pillars similar to life's 3 legged stool of light water and magnetism.

    They are:

    • Intimacy, which is characterized by warmth, support, communication, and understanding;
    • Passion, which is characterized by physical arousal and desire; and
    • Commitment, which involves the decision to actively work on, and sustain, a relationship.
    I think all three are dynamic and lead to different types of love in relationships and they all build different lives and loves. This mimics the effects of light, water, and magnetism and its dynamism effect on mitochondria and cells to create an epigenetic program that sculpts the matter in our cells to build our tissues and the life we experience.

    I will develop this in Patreon and it is a foreshadow of what is to come.
     
  2. Vercsa Veer

    Vercsa Veer New Member

    Just signed up last month... And in your voice is so much bitterness. No idea what you are going through or how hard, but maybe its time to pause for little bit. Love all your work and commitment. White Swan.
     
  3. JanSz

    JanSz Gold

    How to be a proper narcissist
    and
    caring when in relationship with non-dedicated white swan or black swan?
    -----------------------------
    https://forum.jackkruse.com/index.php?threads/escape-room-journal.23209/page-15#post-272675

    Why Being A Narcissist Is Actually A Good Thing

    Narcissistic personality disorder — one of several types of personality disorders — is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.
    -------------------------------------------

    Narcissism has had a terrible connotation for a long time. It has been disparaged by society, relegated to the sphere of wrongdoing and branded as immoral. The construct of narcissism is defined not by the narcissists themselves, but by the insignificant everyday persons, who in absence of success, levy complaint.

    You might recognize these people, clustered together in a faceless barrage of pickets, scorning the 1% of society who actually had the courage to do something with their lives.
    -----------------------------------------
     
  4. Sue-UK

    Sue-UK New Member

    It is difficult to be understanding if I have so much brain fog I don't understand. Difficult to be passionate or committed to making it work if I'm permanently knackered. I don't think we see relationships as they are, but as we are. How many times we do a rinse and repeat of the 6 healers could make a difference, both to the relationship itself or the decision to continue to invest energy into a relationship.

    Knowing what is worth working for, and when its time to walk away, not being needy, not being afraid of being on my own, or having such low self esteem that I'll put up with shit, being better aware of the value and/or flaws in a relationship comes from a position of mitochondrial strength. Then a good relationship can be an amplifier of health and well being. Back to if you are not good enough for yourself who are you good for ......?
     
  5. LieselK

    LieselK Titanium Member

    In my experience, honor and respect are the roots of any lasting relationship. Trust and shared values are big foundational pieces. I can give space to my spouse and be patient (even if frustrated) with him because I have faith and trust that we will come together at some point on any issue. There is always give and take and letting go of things while advocating for the things you are passionate about. Have I dishonored and disrespected my husband and has be dishonored and disrespected me at times? Yes. We are human. We can lovingly call each other to account and in humility respond appropriately. That builds the trust and continues to strengthen the foundation when we can be "wrestle" and then thrive.

    A great question to ask of a relationship you are in is how the partner responds when you disappoint them or say "no". How do you respond to them when they disappoint you or say "no to you? Is there honor and respect there? It can look many different ways. But denial, manipulation, blame-shifting, anger and a cold-shoulder are in no way loving and kind. Disappointment is inevitable. Frustration is inevitable. What do you do with it?

    I've been through some of the worst "wrestling" in my marriage this year. is it worth it? I think so. I can ignore the world and do my own thing and not deal with relationships or I can put in the hard work and enjoy the things @Jack Kruse mentioned: intimacy, passion and commitment with another human. A human I really love and am so thankful to share my journey with. I don't give up on myself to keep the peace in relationships. I seek relationships that choose peace with me amidst the hard stuff.
     
  6. Inger

    Inger Silver

    Love this thread Jack.
    Want to write more but I am working so much in the moment.. need to wait for a rainy day....when I can get in a a little more computer time
     
  7. Karen & Glen C.

    Karen & Glen C. New Member

    I'm a culprit of a stale heart.
    Dr Hatsumi has taught me to have a forgiving mindset and to not deny my faults, plain and simple.
    Really it all boils down to control and not letting your mouth rule the roost.
    My auntie used to say "cuddle them until they cuddle you back." Used this in the mental ward alot..worked every time

    @ someone above : Jacks not bitter..well I don't think he is! He's a front liner in a messed up world...his legacy will go down as the greatest battle ever discovered.
     
  8. 5G Canary

    5G Canary Gold

    I agree that every relationship requires the given... intimacy, passion, and commitment.

    But if you are talking about what nurtures love long term in a relationship, I feel it is a sense of purpose. No matter how big or small, both individuals need purpose. That purpose is needed to strengthen the bond and create the passion.

    It is natural for humans to want to feel needed... that you are making a difference in the lives of your loved ones.

    Many people like to strive to feel like they’re doing something good for someone else, and improving the world in some way. That purpose brings a sense of well-being and passion for life.

    We all want validation that our purpose in our relationships matter in life. And when you lose that purpose or your identity you stop mattering both to yourself and the relationship. The connection gets lost and the passion disappears.

    Being in a loving relationship, no matter what kind, can give a person a sense of purpose. But only when you feel needed does it create a connection and fuel the passion.

    With “purpose”... intimacy, passion and commitment become second nature. Purpose + Love = Passion.

    “The meaning of life is to find your gift... The “purpose” of life is to give it away.”

    I thought this was a cool article on what happens in the brain when in love...

    https://neuro.hms.harvard.edu/harva...in-newsletter/and-brain-series/love-and-brain

    On a side note... I like where you are going with this thread.

    Gotta do my “5G Canary thing” here...:whistle:

    With more 5G roll outs... the destruction to healthy relationships and families is going to go undetected by most. Most are focusing only on the physical affects 5G will bring, few are noticing what the mental affects bring to our relationships.

    I have experienced and witnessed it first hand. Technology is silently destroying healthy happy relationships and families. It is so evil and subtle no one even realizes it is happening.

    In my old 5G neighborhood people including us became angrier, more anxious, impatient, irritable and depressed. Relationships were falling apart quickly and people were becoming more detached from one another.

    If you are living in a 5G area and you start noticing strange behaviors in yourself or loved ones... your “purpose” should be to move.
     
    Sean Waters, Alex97232 and caroline like this.
  9. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    Great thread and great responses......

    Thanks Jack - we all needed this...
     
    Alex97232 likes this.
  10. Sue-UK

    Sue-UK New Member

    If you put narcissism on a sliding scale, if a "proper narcissist" is one who is at a point where their inflated sense of their own importance, deep need for excessive attention and admiration leads to troubled relationships and a lack of empathy for others, them caring about anyone else isn't likely to be authentic. I don't scorn the 1 per cent of society who, as "proper narcissists", actually had the courage to do something with their lives, but in a relationship, it may come at a cost to them.

    Its how you define success, its not all about money, or good looks, how a man thinks is what I'm drawn to - and if all he thinks about is himself it would get boring very quickly. And I've yet to be bored into bed. :D A facade of caring can't be faked for ever, all right for a while if they were good in bed, but long term, no one is THAT good in bed to make up for losing the caring and nurturing that comes from a truly authentic relationship. Why would a white or black swan want to become dedicated to a relationship doomed to failure? Making a judgement about such a person as a prospective partner for a long term, mutually beneficial to health relationship doesn't make me an "insignificant everyday person." It shows my current redox. :D
     
    Inger, Alex97232 and caroline like this.
  11. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    like this a lot Sue ^^^^^

    I can't believe I have nothing to say ........:oops::oops::oops:
     
    Alex97232 likes this.
  12. JanSz

    JanSz Gold

    It is definitely not easy to be self respecting narcissist
    and
    be in honest lovely relationship.

    Tall order.
    Only @Jack Kruse can handle it.

    Likely good idea to discard existing definitions,
    and start with definition of narcissist by narcissist.
    And then possibly define
    benevolent version of narcissist.

    ...............
     
    caroline likes this.
  13. 5G Canary

    5G Canary Gold

    Narcissist... I do agree if done in ego without love will destroy any relationship.

    BUT just a different point of view if done with love...

    I am a daughter of a narcissist and have 5 siblings. Being the youngest I was constantly told by older siblings that my father being a narcissist was wrong and bad.

    They feared him and distanced themselves from him. I didn’t see him as they did... I saw someone who took care of himself first in order to care for his wife and family. He wanted the best for us and that meant he had to be the best version of himself. If he didn’t put himself first he would have been no good to my sick mother or us.

    Sometimes I wish my husband was better at putting himself first... it can get exhausting taking care of him and myself. (Yes, I know now I sound like the narcissist now. Lol!)

    If you see a narcissist as bad you have already made it bad in your mind. It’s not what they bring to the relationship... it’s what are you bringing to the relationship? I know with my dad it meant you had to bring your best version of yourself to the relationship as well. Which to my siblings this was seen as controlling but is it? When it’s done without ego and in love?

    “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of Mother Nature. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to manifest the glory of love that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

    On a side note...

    My parents were married 50 years and he is 87 now, completely independent, still golfs, has a girlfriend and a busier social life then myself. None of my siblings have had to care for him because he cared for himself first.
     
  14. JanSz

    JanSz Gold

    Your father is probably still caring for all of you, including all your siblings.
    Caring for himself is a way to fulfill his ability to care for all of you.
    But his way was not successful toward your siblings, why?

    Should narcissists work more on appearances,
    however dishonest it may seem?

    //
     
    caroline and 5G Canary like this.
  15. 5G Canary

    5G Canary Gold

    Very insightful JanSz... “Your father is probably still caring for all of you, including all your siblings.Caring for himself is a way to fulfill his ability to care for all of you” ... You nailed it here!

    “But his way was not successful toward your siblings, why?”... as they have aged and had families they see him differently now. But the reason is this...

    There is a 10 year gap between myself and the oldest. My mother who had MS was not as sick when they were young. The three oldest siblings had a completely different childhood. Their relationship with my father was based more on approval and respect.

    My older sister and myself had a mother that needed constant care when we grew up. It give us all “purpose” and it was more about respecting each other and working as a team. We all including my mom needed to be the best version of ourselves and this brought us all closer together. In my opinion, having purpose and being needed in any relationship is extremely important.

    “Should narcissists work more on appearances?”... not sure what your asking? I think appearances shine from the inside out when you find your purpose in life.
     
    Jackie Jolie, Sean Waters and JanSz like this.
  16. Karen & Glen C.

    Karen & Glen C. New Member

    "nin" - to persevere, continue through.
    For me an integral part of any relationship is the heart to persevere through the hard times. Listen well to catch the relationship glitches or scripts and abort or change these settings when they appear..not an easy call but certainly the difference between a birds and bees relationship or a forced imaginary cling on drama. Big words and flashy podiums phuck a relationship. Something simple as touch and being sincere is gold in my experience.

    The more we know isn't the be all and end all, you'll miss the life boat...Its far easier to follow nature and have several mentors.
     
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2019
  17. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    lots and lots of valuable lessons in your posts Christine .....thanks so much for all you share.

    I think this thread is exceptional .....for all of us exceptional people - each in our own special way.
     
    Sean Waters and 5G Canary like this.
  18. Sue-UK

    Sue-UK New Member

    A narcissist isn't mirroring the best version of themselves if they instil fear in others. If they don't know what they don't know it is one thing, but if a narcissist has been made aware of the potential implications of the ripples of their narcissism in a relationship and do nothing, it is something else.

    The narcissist is probably very used to being dishonest, when it suits them. Whatever they are like when they reach the top, narcissists can't get to the top in business for example without engaging with others in a respectful way, whatever they think privately. My experience is that they can hold it together at the time, but may bring home the anger and frustration, where they can be "honest" with their partners or children.

    A child who grows up afraid of a narcissist parent may be lucky enough to be resilient to the turning on and off of the epigenetic switches associated with that negative experience in early childhood. They may eventually realise that what was mirrored to them isn't normal parental behaviour and they don't repeat it to the next generation. They may not choose narcissistic partners, and may be able to look back in later life with compassion. Or the ripples of the experience can touch every aspect of their lives. :(
     
    Beasol, caroline and KrusinWitchie like this.
  19. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    If you are not good enough for you who are you good for is from the WISE PROPER NARCISSIST out there who get what life should be about.
     
  20. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    My mother is a narcissist. I think that it is not all bad that she is. I can look back on traumatic memories with compassion. There were circumstances in her early childhood that led to her development of a narcissistic personality. She was an excellent provider during the long years that my father was not consistently working.


    I turned my focus inward to examine how this affected my personality and choice of partner. I have the tendencies of a covert narcissist who uses their weaknesses, whether real or feigned, to manipulate others. Knowing this has helped me take better care of myself. I am cultivating the unconditional loving mother figure within myself to nurture myself without looking to others for supply and validation.


    They say that daughters marry their fathers, but in my case I married my mother. That may have been because the traditional gender norms were flipped in my home. My partner, like my mother, is a narcissist born from a traumatic past. For many years we fed off of the explosiveness in our relationship in a similar way that my mother and I did growing up.


    The advice in the majority of my light research has been to NEVER continue a relationship with a narcissist. That was disheartening and I decided to ignore that doomed perspective. My partner and I have broken our codependency and are committed to changing this about ourselves. We are able to argue and disagree respectfully the majority of the time, and we gently hold each other accountable when we fall short.


    @5G Canary, I agree with you that purpose in a relationship is important. Our purpose is to abandon old patterns of thinking so that we are not controlled by abuses from our past.


    Much of what I’ve learned from JK has become a tool to be more understanding of myself and my partner in the context of our relationship. It is much easier to not take certain behaviors personally when I can see the quantum factors at play in our environments, and be able to address those behaviors with real solutions.


    There may have been predetermined factors at play that brought my partner and I together years ago, but I remember telling him that I was attracted to his open mind and willingness to change his opinions/thoughts. Neurotypical or not, a commitment to grow together is what nurtures our love.
     

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