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So let's try this ... DarleenMB

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by DarleenMB, Apr 3, 2012.

  1. DarleenMB

    DarleenMB Silver

    It feels as though I've tried everything and over the years just got fatter and more unhealthy. Let's start with the reader's digest version, shall we?

    I am a master at running away from things and burning the candle at both ends. Or I used to be. Back in the early 70's when I decided to go back to college I worked a full time job as a cocktail waitress (40+ hours a week), commuted 60+ miles (round trip) a day to get to classes, did 15 hours a week work/study AND carried an 18+ hour course load each quarter. I barely ate. Didn't have time and besides I needed to stay thin! Of course, pictures from then show a thin body with a volley-ball belly.

    The running didn't stop when I graduated. I just found other ways to keep myself busy. A few years later when we'd moved to Wyoming I was working 20 hours a week as a DJ (that's like 40 hours at a desk job), selling Avon on the side (cause I was bored), singing in a rock band (I always wanted to be singer, for as long as I can remember) and anything else I could think of to keep moving.

    And I starved myself to stay thin.

    Then, in my early 30's, the weight starting piling on. And, although I didn't know it at the time, I was already in menopause. Sleep deprivation became the norm, my periods were gawdawful, my weight continued it's upward climb until I hit 203 and about had a nervous breakdown. (I'm 5'9.5" tall when I stand up straight). I NEVER EVER in my wildest dreams thought I would ever be that fat. Then came the parade of "remedies." I tried the diet service that had me eating a couple of ounces of protein and a couple of crackers twice a day. Then came Nutrisystem where I wound up being a counselor and telling other people that eating fat makes you fat. The scale kept moving upwards.

    Then I read Enter the Zone and tried it. It worked! I lost 2 pounds a week for 2 months and kept it off for over 3 years. Actually I was probably closer to Atkins than the Zone because there was NO way I could eat that much veggie matter at one sitting. I finally got sick and tired of chewing and focusing on what to eat and just slowly wandered back to my same old eating habits.

    Then came the total hyst. And more weight. 6 years ago I topped out at 241 pounds. I was so ashamed of myself I didn't want to leave the house. We were due to travel to Washington state to see friends and I had an emotional breakdown sobbing to hubby I was ashamed to let our friends see me looking like this.

    I love my husband. he looked at me as though I had two heads and was popping a 3rd. "Well," sez he, "why don't you do the diet Kirsty Alley is doing?" But it's SO EXPENSIVE I wailed. He didn't care. So I ordered it up.

    18 months and several thousand dollars later I had dropped a less than exciting 58 pounds. EIGHTEEN FREAKIN' MONTHS. My counselor kept asking if I was cheating. NO I was absolutely sticking to the 1200 calories a day and not eating anything that wasn't on the plan. I was tired. I was beyond hungry (it's your typical SAD ... heavy on the carbs, light on the fats and esp the protein). I was completely incapable of working out.

    I finally gave up. Quit. Began researching on the net. Discovered my basal temp was down to an average of 95.6! Talk about a slowed metabolism. I began eating coconut oil. I gained back 20 pounds. Went on HcG and after about 9 months of starvation finally got that 20 back off.

    It came back. Brought friends. I tried to do Jenny Craig again and just could not. Tried to do HcG again. Just. Could. Not.

    Then in January of 2011 I read Gary Taubes's "why we get fat" and had an epiphany. I went low carb. But I was still eating small amounts of grains. Last September I found Dr. William Davis's "Wheat Belly" and threw out all wheat containing products.

    From there I found Jack's blog and in October attempted the leptin Rx.

    Trying to eat 50g of protein for breakfast made me want to puke. I had to FORCE it down and some days just could NOT do it. In two weeks I dropped 10 pounds. Why? How? I couldn't eat anything after breakfast. Just. Could. NOT.

    Then those 10 pounds came back. All of a sudden I was HUNGRY and feared gaining more weight. I quit.

    But I kept trying to plow through Jack's blog postings as he was now off on CT.


    I dithered through the holidays being really naughty with a what the hell attitude on.

    January rolled around. I closed my eyes and got on the scale. Well it wasn't as bad as I'd feared. Maybe I should try that BAB again.

    So I"m dithering with it a bit and finally decide to add face dunking to the mix. Arguing with Jack about the cost of all the blood tests. grrrrr. If I had HIS income blah blah blah

    Ok excuses excuses.

    I KNOW i'm very low in vitamin D ... I NEVER GO OUT IN THE SUN. I'm a strawberry blonde (or was ... age and gray hair aside) with the old "peaches and cream" complexion. Do you know how many times and how badly I sunburned myself as a child and young adult? I got tired of it so I stay inside most of the time. My regular CRP is GOOD, practically zero. OK OK I'll get the HS CRP checked when they check the D again in a few weeks. (insert exasperated sounds here)

    I bought a compression shirt.

    Filled up a 2 gallon zip lock baggie with ice from the ice maker.

    I'm up to 30 minutes today. Yesterday was HELL. The boiler for our heating system is on the fritz again, it's been cloudy so the house is COLD and I got chilled. Lay on the floor for 25 minutes shivering away. Onward.

    I gave up my beloved HOT showers weeks ago because of what Jack said to me. darn it. NOw they're tepid followed by a quick ICE rinse cause our cold water is 43 right out of the tap.

    I have given up decaf. And HWC! Found an awesome home-made creamer recipe (I think it was over on MDA ... 1 can of Thai Kitchen coconut milk with 1 egg, 2 TBS CO [Tropical Traditions ... the ONLY CO I will ever use it is just SO awesome] and 1tsp vanilla (SF of course) whipped to a froth in the blender). First batch came out nice and thick. OMG it is delicious! I do not miss the HWC. 2nd batch is kinda runny. Still tastes great.

    Dug out my Mr. Coffee espresso maker, bought a Mr. Coffee burr grinder and have discovered that Cafe Americano does not give me caffeine jitters! I'm using Starbucks. sue me.

    bought a HUGE hand rolled batch of Amish butter for bullet=proof coffee. Sorry but they only had the salted. Haven't tried it yet but darling hubby has and I think he liked it.

    My weight, which I forgot to mention earlier, has stabilized. I weigh exactly what I weight in October. 5 months without a gain. AMAZING! UNHEARD OF! And that deep visceral belly fat seems to be disappearing. hmmmm.

    Oh and just for the record I'm at 223.3

    I'll try not to be humiliated by that confession.

    I am slopping through the leptin Rx. But I keep trying and keep trying to be GOOD. I'm slowly getting there. A lifetime of really poor eating habits has a choke hold on me. OK thats an excuse. :mad: I'm weak. So every day is a new day with a new attempt at commitment.

    Maybe keeping this very public journal will make me stick with it.
  2. DarleenMB

    DarleenMB Silver

    Yesterday's 30 minutes with the ice bag didn't happen. It was FREEZING in here because the boiler is on the fritz and by the time I got to my shower I was way chilled. I shivered the entire time I was in there. Which brings up a question I had while freezing my tushie off. Why is it that tepid water makes me feel colder than cold water? One thing I've noticed so far is that when I get out of the cold (shower or ice bag) my face has a LOT of color in it. Rosy cheeks (think scandahoovian milk maid) and deep pink lips. Huh.

    Ate very little yesterday. Had my usual BAB and about 5-6 hours later was wandering through the pantry and fridge looking for something. Didn't know WHAT but something. Finally had a slice of ham. Ok, I'm good.

    Dinner was a tad late as I was at the torch and actually WORKing. :) Had some rotisserie chicken heated up in the nuwave. And a cup of coffee. Done.

    This morning had my first ever cup of bullet proof coffee and OMG I think I have died and gone to heaven. YUMMMMMY!

    Downside, my left ear is plugged up and I feel like crap. Feels like a cold trying to worm its way in for a snuggle. sigh. And after dodging that EPIC cold DH had a few weeks back. bother.

    Well shoot. It's 9:30 and I haven't eaten. Don't feel like it but guess maybe I should. OTOH maybe I'll just down another cup of BPC. Or maybe I"ll go back to bed.
  3. .lina

    .lina New Member

    haha, i loved reading you BAP (big-ass post hehe) and your style of writing! :D and recognise the vitamin D thing, being quite fair myself and only turning an unattractive shade of pink when i do catch some sun! for now i have started supplementing. will see if it renders any noticable results. keep posting!
  4. DarleenMB

    DarleenMB Silver

    Yah, thanks. And that WAS the reader's digest version, LOL. when you have to cover 40 years it takes a bit of space.
  5. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    Love it and love you for telling it as it is.......stay on the road to optimal because it was built for somebody just like you.
  6. nonchalant

    nonchalant Silver

    Darleen, since you now are eating more animal fats, you may be able to get much more sun exposure now without burning. I was pleasantly surprised, myself.
  7. DarleenMB

    DarleenMB Silver

    thanks Jack! And Non ... my goal is to start spending 10-15 minutes each morning out on the patio having my bullet proof coffee. I hope to work up to twice a day within a few weeks.

    Yesterday was my monthly massage and she worked me HARD. Woke up feeling sick so I am definitely ON with the ice bag this morning.

    Sipping my BPC and feeling headachy and just plain icky. I thought I drank enough water but evidently either didn't or have let myself get dehydrated again.

    I do NOT understand why I'm not drinking enough water. 6 months ago I was routinely going through 100+ ounces of water a day.

    Well, even though I'm feeling like homemade doo-doo it's time to go eat.
  8. DarleenMB

    DarleenMB Silver

    boy my tail is dragging this morning.

    Did 30 minutes yesterday with the ice bag and the compression T. time to double bag as I got some moisture (probably condensation) on my shirt. Was trying to relax with a meditation track but 10 minutes in started shivering. 10 minutes later I switched to Lady Gaga and rocked the rest of my time.

    BAB yesterday (and today) ... 5+ oz of good Wyoming grass fed ground chuck, 3 farm eggs with coconut milk (carton, not can) and a couple of slices of nitrate free bacon. burp. ANNNND a mug of bullet proof coffee. Made with espresso of course.

    Skipped lunch and had the rest of the rotisserie chicken last night. Managed to drink lots of water for a change but am evidently holding onto it for dear life as the scale was up FOUR POUNDS this morning. Damned water retention.

    Am so tired ... don't get this. I've ben wearing my blue blocking sunglasses in the evenings starting at sunset. Am sleeping really well but last night my stomach was giving me fits. That's 2 nights in a row and I suspect it's the magnesium which prior has not bothered me. ???

    Been kinda of "off" all week. Sometimes feel as if I'm fighting a bug but maybe it's detox? who knows. Just keep on truckin'.
  9. MartiD

    MartiD New Member

    I agree, I just returned from Mexico for vacation and was almost disappointed at how I didn't get any color the first few days. I tan nicely but do burn if not cautious. I started out with 45 spf with about 4 hours in sun on beach and at pool...no lines from suit. Next day did 30 spf...still nothing. Decided to go drastic and went with a 8 spf oil based....faint lines but seemed to be getting some color just not what I had hoped. Stayed with 8 next day and saw a difference but no red, just tan. Last day, or last 3 hours in Mexico sun I went totally without anything. Finally, at the airport my hubby said I looked like a got a little red! Whoo Hoo! LOL...next day had a very nice rich dark tan.

    I can't believe changing eating habits can make such a difference with sun exposure but I am a believer now!

    Good luck with your adventure...I am a believer in HCG, Leptin RX and CT so I think you have to find what combination works for you and just go for it! Look forward to following your progress!
  10. Marsha

    Marsha New Member

    Love your journal, Darleen! Besides being informative, it's very entertaining and encouraging!!!

    I keep planning to start one, but I want to post my labs, but can't get the photo thing to work without posting them on an outside source first- such a pain! Will begin anyway on Monday - warts and all!:)
  11. DarleenMB

    DarleenMB Silver

    Good to know about the dietary fats and sun exposure, Thanks MartiD! Marsha, thanks I aim to please and come on in, the water's fine!

    I, however, feel like home made doo-doo this morning. I woke up in the middle of some very entertaining dreams to a screaming, claw my face off headache. At first I thought maybe caffeine w/d? but that can't be it. Then I realized I was HUNGRY!!!! Holy cow, is THAT what that feels like? So I did what any sane person would do. I pulled the covers over my head and went back to dreamland.

    The cats got me up a little bit later and that's when I realized my neck and upper back were ICE COLD. duh. Muscular tension = SCMFO headache. Still no heat and it's been in the high 20s here at night. Kitchen was a balmy 55. I'd yell at our plumber who left us in this fix but he's not back from Florida yet. I will refrain from name-calling.

    ANYhoo. Staggered out of bed holding my head and mumbling 4 letter words. Did the usual AM routine (brush teeth, apply hormones, clean out litter boxes, feed whiny little fur faced babies). Remembered I was HUNGRY so got breakfast started. The usual BAB routine and a mug of BPC.

    Guess I should mention that last night I fixed some yummilicious bratwurst (the excellent organic variety) and batch of my patented hubby-pleasin' cole slaw. Glad to hear pineapple is ok but I was a few hours early with it (go visit Jack's FB photos and check out the crawdad gumbo/stew whatever with the huge hunka pineapple in it!). Here's my recipe if you're interested:

    slice up some cabbage with a mandoline or save your fingertips and use the food processor

    dump in some chunks of pineapple (canned in it's own juice is good, fresh is way better)

    a FEW raisins (like a couple of TBS ... they're just for flavor and hubby won't give 'em up so ... use at your discretion)

    chop up some raw walnuts or pecans or throw in a handful of pine nuts

    Add whatever else trips your trigger.

    Dressing: plop some good mayo in a bowl, sprinkle liberally with raspberry infused balsamic vinegar (our fave but fig-infused is also FAB), add a touch of stevia or a pkt of splenda (yeah yeah I KNOW!). Stir till it's a nice smooth consistency. Taste to be sure you have the right balance of acid/sweet. Pour over the above and stir ... ENJOY!

    So back to the headache. I don't know if THAT'S why my stomach is upset or if I'm doing more detoxing. I tried to drink plenty of water yesterday and have my honkin' tumbler of ice water right at hand. I'm also looking longingly at my now empty mug of BPC and thinking I maybe oughtta have another.

    The big question is whether or not the headache will keep me from the (what the heck do I call this?) ice bag today. Man it is BAD. So bad I may have to take an aspirin. And since I tend to eschew taking drugs of any sort (ick ick ick) you know it's bad 'un.

    Maybe I'll go lie down.

  12. DarleenMB

    DarleenMB Silver

    Yesterday was a total wipeout. The headache finally left last evening but I"m still feeling rocky. I cured the detox though ... ate a bunch of carbs (popcorn, one of my 4 favorite food groups and the last one I'm having trouble letting go of). That stopped it but I still feel like crap. I suppose that's from the carb overload.

    Didn't get to the market yesterday so am having a power shake for breakfast ... 3 scoops of protein powder, a cup of ice, a cup of almond milk, 3 TBS coconut milk (the can, not the carton), a TBS of cocoa powder and a touch of sweetener. BPC is up next.

    I was pondering this morning while brushing my teeth why Jack says to be sure and have a meal with plenty of protein and fat before doing the face dunk (and I'm assuming any other form of CT). Yet another DUH moment. The last several times I've iced down with the compression T (maybe I'll shorten that to ComT) I've gotten RAVENOUS afterwards. Being as how I'm so good at ignoring hunger signals I really haven't paid much attention to it. Don't know what prompted that thought this A.M. but there it was. Mayhap eating well prior to CT keeps the hungries at bay?

    Have a lovely chuck roast in the fridge and although hubby thinks it's going to make soup I have other ideas. Guess whoever gets to the kitchen first wins, eh?

    Today's plan is 35 minutes with the ice bag and ComT. And A LOT OF WATER afterwards. Wonder what lovely symptoms the detox will give next. Oh, on that subject I suspect I threw off a BUNCH of estrogen the last couple of days. Yet another reason to stop the ketosis for a bit. gee this is just SO much fun. :p
  13. .lina

    .lina New Member

    oooh, if you want to substitute popcorn for something, try this seed cracker recipe, it has some slight popcornish flavour! and everyone i serve these to just love them, even the carb-eaters :eek:

  14. Zorica Vuletic

    Zorica Vuletic New Member

    Haha, getting rid of excess estrogen is EXACTLY why I like keto + CT. It's so wonderful! Keep up the good work.
  15. DarleenMB

    DarleenMB Silver

    .lina thanks for the recipe. Hubby really wants crackers but we have given up wheat. I'll have to try these.
  16. DarleenMB

    DarleenMB Silver

    Rocked 35 minutes with the icebag/ComT yesterday while listening to fatburningman's interview with Jack. Have enough of it left to finish out today's ice torture.

    Decided to do a face dunk this morning. Cold water straight from the tap (about 43°). Lasted a whopping 30 seconds before my entire face yelled "UNCLE." Entire face was red which faded rather quickly. guess I"m not ready for the tub just yet. Thinking I'll do another face dunk this afternoon before the icebag.

    More loose stools this morning as well as a slight headache so the detox is back. Going to the health food store for bitter melon extract (which they probably don't have ... one of the pitfalls of living out in the wilds of Wyoming) and some activated charcoal.

    Woke up really late this morning (8:30) then tried to go back to bed as I was quite sleepy. No go. Didn't get my breakfast (another power shake) until about an hour ago. Just feel yuk.


    Didn't find the bitter melon extract but did buy some krill oil and some activated charcoal AND some epsom salts.

    Just had a salmon "burger" for lunch with a couple of spoonfuls of coconut manna for dessert. Going to go see Mirror Mirror in about an hour so best hustle if I"m going to get in my 35 minutes of icebag/ComT.

    Getting real tired of the extra estrogen coming out. My engine is revving like mad, if you know what I mean and it is the LAST thing I need. grrrr. Not even the start of the progesterone phase of BHRT is cooling things down.

    Well, maybe the ice will help.
  17. DarleenMB

    DarleenMB Silver

    Got in 30 minutes yesterday with the icebag/ComT before I had to give it up and head to the movies. I did get to finish fatburningman's interview with Jack. If you haven't heard it it's well worth the time.

    We had Aidell's chicken sausages for dinner and I had about 1/2 cup of nuked sweet potato with lots of butter.

    My Blu Ray sunglasses showed up so I put aside the Serengeti's I've been using which weren't nearly as effective at blocking the blue light as the BR's are.

    Fell asleep about 10:30 only to be awaked about 40 minutes later by Missy SCREAMING at Three (my cats). Got everyone settled down and then couldn't get back to sleep for at least half an hour. woke up this morning about 7ish with pain in my lower back, right side. Don't know what that was.

    Cool shower in a bit and maybe, just MAYbe, I might actually get off the computer and go make some beads today. And aiming for 45 minutes today with the ice. Am seriously considering doing the bath with 65 degree water instead. brrrr.
  18. MartiD

    MartiD New Member

    Yes, make sure you have protein and fat in your system before any type of CT! I made the mistake of doing a bath last week before I had dinner and really had a hard time with shivering and sleeping! My mornings ones are so easy because I do them within 20 minutes of BAB! Good luck and I hope you feel better soon. Detox sucks!

  19. DarleenMB

    DarleenMB Silver

    OOOkay. Did 45 minutes this afternoon, rockin' with Lady Gaga again. Started shivering ... deep, visceral shivers, about 7 minutes in and didn't stop the rest of the time. Had several weenie-out moments but managed to ignore them. I keep telling myself this is all good. It means my body is reacting as it should to the cold.

    Then I thought about the one hour mark and that means starting over with the ice directly on my skin. eeeeeeeeek.

    am also gearing up mentally for the first time in the tub. Our tub is really cold anyway because it is, ahem, a "sunken" tub. That means whoever installed it cut a hole in the floor, put up some supports in the crawl space and dropped the tub in. It is a nightmare to clean. Only about 4" above the floor so I have to practically lie on my stomach to clean it. On the plus side it's BIG and it's your basic old tub ... metal with porcelain finish. ON the negative side it is harvest gold. gag.

    Ok, digression aside. Not really hungry since BAB so am having a mug of BPC and few spoonfuls of coconut manna. Jack will be so proud ;) Trying to decide what's for dinner. Maybe some turkey mignon ... Schwan's turkey wrapped in appelwood smoked bacon. And some asparagus for hubby. :eek:
  20. You are doing good with Ct!!

    I really enjoy reading you, love your style! I wish I could write like you. Since English is not my first language, I write like a 9 years old ;)

    I had to try the BP coffee, it was in my mind since I read your message this morning ;) Had one with my lunch made with CO, butter and raw chocolate...Sooooo good!! I found it so easy to come off coffee, now I'll have to go back (with deca for the moment)!!

    Have a great day, keep rocking!! :)

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