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Seriously...

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by indigogirl, May 24, 2012.

  1. indigogirl

    indigogirl Silver

    Yeah, I definitely have an ED.
     
  2. Souldanzer

    Souldanzer Banned


    Vanity never had anything to do with my ED. I looked *terrible* when I was really sick.



    I'm having trouble differentiating AN and BN as well on a physiological basis. Clinically, I have been diagnosed with both. Yet starvation will make you binge, so it's hard to parse apart. There barely is a person with AN who doesn't also binge or binge/purge. Yet there's many people who only have BN. On the other hand, most of those people are equally obsessed with being skinny as AN's are. This one is a tough one.



    I think the biochemistry of AN must be different from BN. Simply b/c people who binge, no matter if they purge, don't have the ability to starve themselves to such an extremely low weight. Getting to that low of a weight *must* have a biochemical component imo b/c a human cannot just stop eating like that and starve to death by choice. ANs have super high MSH - your brain thinks you're fed. No need to eat. In fact, it feels entirely WRONG to eat. I was surviving on a few hundred calories a day.



    If you can't eat, you must :p Food is medicine. Take the measures to make it happen. Can't do it on your own? Get somebody to make sure you do. Still can't eat? It's time for IP (inpatient, unfortunately, there is nowhere where they won't feed you crap ^2 and will make some things worse). Hospitalized and still refusing to eat? NG tube. Hopefully someone will be kind enough to puree your BAB instead of infusing you with *EVIL* Ensure. There's much more to healing AN than just eating again. Control your stress is one of them. Circadian cycles are super important. And so much more.
     
  3. MamaGrok

    MamaGrok New Member

    indigogirl, it's linked in my signature!
     
  4. PaulaRichards

    PaulaRichards New Member

    Starting my journal was key for me. Like I said I’ve had some cravings but keeping track of it all here has been ingenious for me. The times I didn’t eat a big enough breakfast and had cravings, and was even planning what foods I was going to binge on, I had a nagging voice telling me I didn’t want to come here and reset my “binge free since†date.

    Reading MamaGrok’s journal was powerful and I don’t know if I’d be this far if I hadn’t read it and started my own.



    Keep posting & enjoy a great big BAB tomorrow morning :)
     
  5. indigogirl

    indigogirl Silver

    Thank you Paula!

    Going to read your journal now.

    Binge free since March 19 is awesome!
     
  6. indigogirl

    indigogirl Silver

    Eating my BAB right now.

    1/2 roasted whole chicken and pickled okra.

    This is a LOT of chicken!
     
  7. MamaGrok

    MamaGrok New Member

    Make sure it's enough fat, too - I don't find chicken very satiating without some bacon grease or the like! Sounds ldelicious!
     
  8. indigogirl

    indigogirl Silver

    Actually, finding the chicken difficult to eat this morning. Had some, will finish with 2 crab cakes (crab, shallots, parsley, mayo, old bay seasoning) and some coconut manna.



    Edit: rats, leftover crab cakes gone...ds must have eaten them!

    Bacon and 3 eggs and 1T coconut manna...will shop today and be better prepared, trying to avoid eggs.
     
  9. MamaGrok

    MamaGrok New Member

    Your "make this a priority" attitude is showing! :D It gets so much easier after you've done trial-and-error for a while and know what kinds of obstacles to anticipate. Then it becomes second nature!
     
  10. indigogirl

    indigogirl Silver

    Hate to be pessimistic...but I've been there, done this...

    Must keep this going!:)
     
  11. indigogirl

    indigogirl Silver

    lunch: piece of "porktastic" leftover meatloaf and roasted string beans.



    There was a doughnut truck outside of WF today...people were lining up for them. When I was checking out the cashier asked me if I had tried them...was curious, but didn't feel like I HAD to buy them. Again, been there, done that...have to keep it going!
     
  12. MamaGrok

    MamaGrok New Member

    So when you BDTD before, where did things go wrong? Did you eventually cave in despite the BAB, or was the BAB slipping first?
     
  13. indigogirl

    indigogirl Silver

    I caved despite the BAB.
     
  14. indigogirl

    indigogirl Silver

    Took a nap late this afternoon for 1 1/2 hours. I am tired of being tired. I have been tired since my 20's. Since I got up from my nap at 6:45 I didn't cook the dinner I was planning on cooking. We went to a BBQ place we frequent where we know we can get pulled pork and collards and not eat the other foods. Came home and had the last 2 pieces of the coconut manna/shredded coconut/72% dark chocolate candy I had made earlier in the week. Don't think I should make more b/c I will just eat it!



    I had a phone consult today with a rep from Dzugan PhysioLogic...they advise on hormonal issues and restorative health. Both Collen Coble and Shijin (on the Forum) work with them. They ain't cheap and don't have an MD who partners with them in my area. They will work with my PCP, but I'm not sure she would be open to working with them and my GYN specializes in BHRT and I am not getting optimal with her...so I wouldnt even ask her. They do have an MD they work with in Atlanta ( a plastic surgeon...I shouldn't judge that he does this as an extension of his practice...but I guess I do...that's not an indictment of plastic surgery! I just don't want my plastic surgeon to do other things!) and one in NJ in the town next to where my sister lives (this came up b/c the rep lives in NJ, I grew up there and my sister still lives there). The rep I spoke to really likes/respects the MD there and feels that If I work with one of their MD's (included in the initial cost) that things will be done in a more timely manner, as well as the fact that the MD is familiar with their program. Decisions, decisions...well I don't have to make a decision right now, but I'm a little OCD and like things prettily lined up in a row!



    I remembered we have a Cenegenics (anti aging, although they don't like that terminology) practice here and just PM'ed Dr K to see if he's heard of them. If he can recommend them that would certainly be easier than traveling to NJ for a doc.
     
  15. MamaGrok

    MamaGrok New Member

    It's okay. Just get up and have your breakfast again. It takes time for the body to get the message it's being fed. At 50g, I dramatically decreased bingeing, but still did every 6 weeks or so. At 65g, I *still* binged another time or two, but after a month of holding steady there, never again.



    Interesting to hear that Dzugan has an affiliate in Atlanta, in case I ever go down that route!
     
  16. indigogirl

    indigogirl Silver

    Thanks for checking up on me, MamaGrok!:D



    BAB: 2 dinner size mild Italian pork sausage, 3 eggs

    Feeling stuffed! Glad I checked the amount of protein in each sausage...16g each...planned on only eating them and it wouldn't have been enough protein.
     
  17. Souldanzer

    Souldanzer Banned


    +1.... took about 7 months for me to kick in. But then, I struggle with AN and sometimes the BAB went missing :eek:



    Every day is a new day with the potential to bring greater success. If you can learn to see your failures as part of the path to success, you will change your mind to approach the day with curiosity instead of fear about what might or might not go well today. There is information in failure... lots of it. If you welcome it, then you put your mind into a state where it is open to learn from it. We don't learn well when we're stressed out about something.



    Start where you are at. You're not failing when things go wrong b/c that's where you're at. It's your body's normal. Celebrate the days that you are able to do things differently from normal.
     
  18. MamaGrok

    MamaGrok New Member


    Yes, yes, yes!



    This is my strength right now, as every day goes by and I still haven't figured out why I'm bloated all the time, all the more frustrating as I can clearly see my mood, energy, & sleep go up and down with the bloating, so I know if I figure out one, I'll improve all!



    But every day I think I've got something figured out and don't, well, that's one more thing ruled out that wasn't ruled out the day before!



    And I 100% agree that you celebrate EVERY day that is better than what used to be normal.
     
  19. indigogirl

    indigogirl Silver

    Information in failure...

    We went out to dinner with friends last night. I ordered a glass of Malbec and unsweetened tea. Had a cup of gazpacho and a pork belly appetizer that came with a little side of greens and a poached egg on top.

    I went on to have 2 pieces of bread with butter. I don't think anything "spiked" me...I just think the defiant little five year old in me wanted to. When I got home I had 2 pieces of my homemade choc candy. So not a full on binge. Up 1 lb, but think that will be gone tomorrow.

    BAB this morning was 6 pork sausage links from WF (fresh from a producer in NC) and 3 scrambled eggs. Yes, I have to ditch the eggs eventually...but one thing at a time!



    edit: last 2 days have been mildly nauseous...eggs or 1/2 & 1/2 in coffee?
     
  20. MamaGrok

    MamaGrok New Member

    ITA, one thing at a time! Can't heal autoimmune stuff if you're still bingeing on wheat & sugar b/c it's not yet sustainable to eat a BAB without eggs!
     

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