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Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by indigogirl, May 24, 2012.

  1. indigogirl

    indigogirl Silver

    Today and yesterday have not been great food wise. *sigh* Not beating myself up, but...

    Tomorrow I plan on going to the gym...basically continuing to rehab my knee and to do CT at some point.
  2. indigogirl

    indigogirl Silver

    Another not great day.

    My food is not good. My sugar monster is rearing its ugly head.

    I did go to the gym, so that's something good I did for myself. I am going to take a nap now (4:15)...the joys of having a 20 year old home ...he and friends decided to cook clams they had caught in a creek at 10:30 last night. Clams, pasta, etc. They tried to be quiet...house was a little lighter than usual (old house, transom over our bedroom door), and noisier than usual so I slept fitfully. Or maybe I slept fitfully b/c of what I've been eating. I'm in a pissy mood and going to take a nap before I cook dinner!

    I am considering going back on HCG in 2 weeks...that will make it 6 weeks between rounds. I lost 23 lbs and have gained back 10.:(

    Note: allergies have been worse than ever this spring, itchy in general, mosquito bites very itchy, psoriasis on elbows flaring.

    Positive: have not taken Trimethoprim 2x and no UTI! Why? Could CT be responsible?

    Edit: just read something on the Internet about a link between too little estrogen and frequent UTI's.
  3. indigogirl

    indigogirl Silver

    Better mood today! Better night sleep.
  4. Lynnetnb@frii.com

    Lynnetnb@frii.com New Member

    I notice that each day you are having a "big" piece of chocolate. That is enough to keep all your sugar cravings romping around in your head. To kill the sugar monster, you have to spend a couple of weeks ABSOLUTELY sugar-free. Even avoid fruit during that two weeks. Yes, you can kill it.

    In December my therapist told me that I had an eating disorder, because I was apparently unable to stop going to the store and buying gluten-free goodies and eating them to satiation every day. It was a sad day. I had many years of either being on the (wrong) diet, or gaining weight like crazy. In January I went on the Leptin Reset diet with the BAB,

    and, miracle of miracles, NO CRAVINGS! I didn't even WANT to stop at the store and buy cookies, chips, candy and other crud. I could go grocery shopping when lunch was two hours late, and not want to buy a snack.

    So, no eating disorder (in spite of 20 years of that kind of behavior). My BAB is zero-carb, BTW. And at the same time I quit eating ALL candy, grains including GF goodies, and fruit. High-quality meats, eggs, and low-starch veggies.

    It's 22 weeks later now, I have lost 21 lbs, and am not reset yet. But my weight is lower than it has been in 27 years. And I can't convey the relief I feel at being free of cravings.

    Please be kind to yourself. Beating yourself up just raises your cortisol, and thus your appetite and cravings. It a way of shooting yourself in the foot, and just as painful. Been there, done that. There is hope.

  5. Souldanzer

    Souldanzer Banned

    Good sleep always spells great food day for me!

    I also slept well last night - despite being hooked up to some LED illuminated, blinking and beeping thing that my doc made me sleep with last night :rolleyes:
  6. Wow Lynnet, you are doing good!! Just like you, only the BAB can keep the cravings at bay. After being a sugar junky for years, I am so glad I don't think about food all the time anymore. Weight isn't budging yet, but I know it will come some time.

    Indogogirl, I hope you are doing better. Unfortunately, there is no magic pill...Being consitant and doing the optimal choices is the only way to go, but I know some days are more difficult. Even if you do again HCG, you will face the same problems after the round...Poison will always be around, you have to choose not having any and not suffer from that choice. Upping the fat and protein should help you do that. And why are you going to the gym? Shouldn't you focus on your diet until you are LS? Going to the gym increases inflammation, cortisol...and cravings...

    Have a nice day,

  7. indigogirl

    indigogirl Silver

    Thanks Lynnette and Katy!

    I'm going to the gym because I am rehabbing my left knee. I do 20 minutes on NuStep... a sitting step machine...and some strengthening exercises. I do this 3X a week. It's not negotiable. I had knee surgery this past fall and if I don't exercise and strengthen it it gets stiff.

    Yeah, the chocolate is probably a problem and will have to go. I don't eat fruit when doing the LRx unless I have cheated. I have thought that Stevia in my iced green tea is triggering me and the thought of drinking it unsweetened is not appealing. Just thought tho' there is a cinnamon spice tea that is good unsweetened and would be yummy iced!

    Souldanzer, hope everything is OK re whatever you were hooked up to last night. Have I mentioned to you that my son goes to CU Boulder and I will probably visit him at some point his summer? Would love to get together with you, Cavemam and Lyndra.
  8. Souldanzer

    Souldanzer Banned

    I would love to meet!

    Oh, my doc and I actually did the test so I could fail it, hehe. I was doing oximetry testing to see how low my blood oxygen saturation goes at night. I'm trying to get insurance pay for some treatments and my doc and I are collecting "evidence". Thing is... I live at altitude and those tests are pretty worthless here b/c most people fail them. So hopefully, I failed ;)
  9. indigogirl

    indigogirl Silver

    To be brutally honest I don't think I REALLY want to give up my emotional overeating or I would have.

    This has been a problem for me for 20+ years.

    I like the way sugar makes me feel...kind of high. There I said it. I also think I like the drama the gaining weight/losing weight crisises bring to my life.

    Is this physiological? Am I missing some chemical that drives this?
  10. Souldanzer

    Souldanzer Banned

    If I was this "emotionally" dependent on sugar, I'd look into what happens in my body/brain when I consume sugar. One of the things that happens is that your brain gets flushed with serotonin when you ingest sugar (or carbs). That's one of the reasons it feels so good to so many people these days. B/c so many of us are depleted in serotonin. That's why certain antidepressants work for binge eating/bulimia.

    Then, after the rush, your brain is even more depleted than it was before - you just used up all the serotonin stores your brain still had by forcing it with a sugar binge. So you want sugar even more.

    I have a friend who used to have BN who now exercises twice a day to feel "normal". I'm more in the camp of figuring out how to fix the issue. I know this is what caused a lot of my binges - I felt crappy b/c my serotonin was depleted, I forced it with sugar binges to feel "normal" for a little while... repeat and deplete. A vicious cycle.

    A telltale sign is if you sleep really well the night of a binge (assuming you don't have stomach/digestive pains from it). I'd sleep like a baby after binges - serotonin brakes down into melatonin.
  11. Souldanzer

    Souldanzer Banned

    No, I never wanted to give up my binges. Total high. That was the most scary thought in the universe for me for the longest time. I swear I was so out of whack that I don't think I could have survived without binging. I still don't want to give up my binges.

    I just don't need them any more :) but I never decided to give them up for good. It just happened one day. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it's for good this time.
  12. MamaGrok

    MamaGrok New Member

    I've done the same with my hubby...

    As far as "motivation," someone challenged me on MDA that there must be something, maybe a million dollars or saving the life of my child, that would motivate me to go without sweets back in the binge days, to go without bingeing for a year. I thought on it and said that YES, just as you can ignore urges to breathe and hold your breath for a while, just as a Tourette's sufferer can ignore the urges to tic and be still for a while, a binge can ignore the urges to binge for a while.

    But while you are not breathing/tic'ing/bingeing, you are devoting 100% of your energy to NOT doing that activity. You can't let up for a second, or you're doomed. And living like that for a year would NOT be worth it for a million dollars, b/c it's not living. Obviously it would be worth it to save my child, but you have to realize that it is akin to deciding to live in a coffin for a year to do the same thing - it's not living. It's not sustainable in the long term, only for an extreme goal can it be worth it.

    It's not living to ignore urges for the rest of your life. AND THE GOOD NEWS IS, YOU DON'T HAVE TO, because your body and mind are NOT that screwed up; they WANT to go back to the human norm of only eating nourishing foods. All they need is you to feed them that big breakfast every morning. I mean, maybe there's a chance this doesn't work for *someone*, but I haven't seen it fail anyone yet. Even in Radiant Recovery, this was the basis of kicking sugar addiction, and it worked for hundreds (short term, the heavy emphasis on "healthy whole grains" did many in in the long term).

    This is not about your supposed lack of motivation. It's about you not being motivated to spend every waking moment on ignoring some stupid physiological urge that isn't supposed to be there in the first place. Tell the stupid urge to shut up and then you won't have any need for any special motivation! Apply all your motivation, all your will power, to eating a big enough breakfast every day and watch your so-called "emotional eating" and "lack of will power" just go away.

    And tell your husband and sons to read my journal from March 2011 to November 2011, then have them read my signature. I haven't seen you write one thing that wasn't true about me this time last year, and for the 15 years before that.

    Okay, I had my fair share of fights with Dr. Kruse about this on the old monster thread, but here's how I feel about the matter. Accountability CAN be important. All the "behavioral" techniques like not eating around the TV, drinking before snacking, journaling, having someone to be accountable to, etc., etc., ad nauseam, were USELESS before I had my BAB. With the BAB, they were powerful. The BAB alone may not have succeeded, b/c without someone to help keep me accountable to my BAB, I may not have been able to stay on track.

    So what I'm trying to say is that while I agree it's pointless to tell someone to be accountable about bingeing, it can be very helpful to help them be accountable about BREAKASTING.

    We can't control the bingeing if we're craving. But we can control the craving by the BAB. Apply the willpower, the motivation, the accountability to the *right* thing. My public journal on MDA was invaluable for keeping me accountable to my BAB.
  13. MamaGrok

    MamaGrok New Member

    This is absolutely physiological. There is some thread here - maybe the unhealthy minds one? - where lots of us discuss how the exact attitudes you describe here have gone away for us on the leptin reset.

  14. indigogirl

    indigogirl Silver

    Hugs MamaGrok...yes we discussed this on MDA last summer. I remember you trying to do the reset, eating off of it and getting right back on it. I know where you are with it today. I am embarrassed to say I haven't read your journal. Nor paulalynn's, nor abetterme's. I will read all 3 over the next few days.

    My BAB's are probably not big enough. Because of Hashimotos and psoriasis I have been trying to avoid eggs, which means BAB ideas are a little more challenging. I've been having a lot of pork sausage. I need to find some more creative ides here (I know there was a thread). I also need to go on Livestrong and see how much protein I'm actually eating.

    I appreciate your taking the time to help me :) .
  15. Souldanzer

    Souldanzer Banned

    Was waiting for you to chime in here, mamagrok ;)

    That is what I call a tool. I can't control my binging b/c my brain will make me do but I *can* use tools that then prevent the binging from ever happening. I'm happy to be accountable for those choices.

    I do want to say that if you suffer from AN then the BAB can be impossible b/c AN will prevent you from eating that much and no, it's not in your control. There's other ways to deal with this situation as well then blaming the person.
  16. indigogirl

    indigogirl Silver

    What is AN and BN?
  17. Souldanzer

    Souldanzer Banned

    Anorexia Nervosa

    Bulimia Nervosa
  18. MamaGrok

    MamaGrok New Member

    It's long seemed to me that AN is totally different from bulimia, b/c bulimia seems just like binge eating with a logical means at the eend to prevent weight gain. Now, the conventional medical establishment lumps them in b/c they think that vanity is driving them both. Bah.

    Anyway, Dr. Kruse has me back considering whether or not they do have more in common - one a constant drive TO eat, the other a constant drive NOT to eat, perhaps? And if you are driven not to eat, how do you fix it? IV BAB?
  19. indigogirl

    indigogirl Silver

    Nope, no BN or AN.

    MamaGrok just did a search for your journal and can't find it...
  20. Souldanzer

    Souldanzer Banned

    I wasn't suggesting you have either. You are dealing with a variant or a sub-clinical ED (eating disorder).

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