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Searching my true self

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by Verena1028, Oct 5, 2017.

  1. Verena1028

    Verena1028 New Member

    Inger, This offering is amazing!!
    I think everyone can learn a lot of you... and you are surely a lovely Person :)

    At the Moment with Walking and pain is everything very difficult...
    I am near Hamburg at the Weekend of 1 December for a remote Training, this would be about 100 km away from you....i could visit you after (sunday afternoon)
    If it would be possible for you.

    You don t Need to sleep outside (dez) i would sleep on the ground (yoga mat)everywhere in your appartment , I use to do this :)

    I will write you a PN soon.
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2017
  2. Verena1028

    Verena1028 New Member

  3. Verena1028

    Verena1028 New Member

    day was difficult... is very hard for me to calm..........Baby steps !
  4. Verena1028

    Verena1028 New Member

    Philip, das Video lässt sich leider nicht anschauen
  5. Verena1028

    Verena1028 New Member

  6. Verena1028

    Verena1028 New Member

    Rest of the year was very bad.....no words for it...

    But I know next year will be my year :)

    I wish me a happy new year :)

    and all of you :)
    Inger likes this.
  7. Lahelada

    Lahelada New Member

    Verena, hallo ! Schönn dich zu sehen. HappNew Year . It will be wonderful.
    Verena1028 likes this.
  8. Verena1028

    Verena1028 New Member

    I havent been here for so long.
    Half a year is over now, I remeber last winter which has been very terrible for me.
    I cant say the year has been good til now, but at least small Things improved.
    Its summertime now, and I m as much as possible outside in the sun, sometimes I move for Swimming in a very nice lake, which is not so far.
    My mood is a bit better some days :) at least.

    So why am I here today. Actually I would need some advice.
    I am planning to fly to africa, Uganda Kampala end of this year when weater is getting worse.
    I want to make some new expericen and meet positiv people. My best friend is a student , studying here in Germany from africa and he invited me to come with him to his home Uganda for 1 to 6 month, as Long as I want.

    So i alrady went to the Hospital for some advice About vaccination. There is a lot the doctors recommented me:
    yellow fiefer, hepatis A, hepatis B, rabies, and some more. So i already got the yellow fiver vaccination two days ago.
    The doctor also adviced me About Food, water and other Things.

    I stay close to lake Victory but i should not swim inside not even hang my feed inside because there is something called bilharzia in the water . He told me Maybe i can swim in river nile.. but thats far.

    However the most Question I have now is actually about Malaria, I tryed to inform my self and also talked to a lot of Germans who went to africa for some month, but i could not find a good solution for myself yet.
    For sure i will use a mosquito netz for Sleep and strong spray, which is actually for sure not good for the Skin.
    So far, Malarone, the doctor advised me to take it but i am not sure how much demage it makes to the Body and if i can deal with, many People say they feel so sick. And if i would move there for some month i couldnt take them the whole time.

    So hase someone an idea what i should consider when i am moving there? especiall with Malaria prefention? Or for emergey when i Fall sick there?
    And can Maybe someone explain to me why Malaria is existent and for what it s necassary ?

    It would be really helpful, Maybe i write it in an extra treath if not much People reading here in my Journal.

    Ok thank you if someone replay :) , and for not so good english language :) :)
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2018
    Phosphene likes this.
  9. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    My Out of Africa webinar would help answer this in detail. March 2016 was the webinar if you choose to buy it as a non member.
    Phosphene, JanSz and drezy like this.
  10. Verena1028

    Verena1028 New Member

    Thank you very much, I still try to figure out how to buy it as a non member. I am very interested in watching it :)
  11. Verena1028

    Verena1028 New Member

    I think this yellow Fever injection really causes some wierd Symptoms :confused:

    However I Maybe try to write here in my Journal from here to than to track how i make Progress with life

    I ve stressed myself way to much the past month, was thinking to much, to Little medidation and my Sleep wasnt recovering too
  12. Verena1028

    Verena1028 New Member

    I thoug it s no big deal...benzodiazepine withdrawl

    I was writing my story a bit already in the beginning of my journal...

    After I suffered on a terrible and stressful childhood I went badly on anorexia, i been in hospital and phsychatric the first time when I was 12 years old and been put on thirten antidpressiva and medication, even i was a child i wanted to refuse to talk... however i had no choice... i went to bulimic in my teens and been forced again and again to hospital and taking depression drugs.

    When I was 18 then..i was forced by law to stay for 9 month inside closed lonly in a room without time withou anything....3 times a day someone was comming in to serve me some food and water and to open the door to the badroom with a key...and the wardroob to put on my sleeping clothes. Ohter bad things happend there to myself... However at this time I was supposed to take 3 different antidepression pills, beonziadepine and sleeping pills.

    After I come out of this forced law instiution, for sure i should continue talking the pills, i stopped myself with antidepressin stuff and pretend that I take it because once per week i was supposed to go there.

    So lot of things happend meanwhile I wanted to kill my self ...and been on intensiv care more then once because of that. Withhin aroun 4 years I stayed again in pychatries because i was so traumatized and depressiv without any selfconfidence enery and so on. There the doctors also told me they cannot help me when i refuse to take drugs...so i contiued with taking benzodiazepine and zopiclon and thyrten other pills.

    Meanwhile I got ohter bad issuses, autoimundesases..

    I write this for myself however I dont want to make it so long there is lot to write...

    All in all, to much stress has happend in my life … last winter i been so worse, i broke my foot last sommer and problems contiud... but on lot of weith either....

    Then I thought its going a bit better til around one and a half weeks ago.

    I planed to go to africa end of the year ( and I still plan going there), to Uganda (equator)

    But I dont know how someone cannot relize that she is still on drugs that s me.

    I couldnt stop with this shit I was so addictat at Zopiclon sleeping pills, which make same effect as benzos, and disrturb the GABA receptors...

    I got a yellofefer inject, while I decided to stop to get this sleeping calm pills again.

    So I thougt all the bad symptams I had have been from the injectns. How blind can I be??

    OK I was in bed since 2 weeks so week couldnt sleep and got like electric shocks from inside... I was so hot all the time... and after a while symtops chanced and I was so restless and exhausted .. and zero sleep nightmare nights...so then it started with food intolranze problems I was nauses all the time and vometing and I could not even trink a glas of water , apart from the most horrif headache I ever had. So yesterday I got also problems with my vision and eyes, they are so paining try and I cannot see rith so froggy , so I put on sunglasses nothing else is possible. And I am so scared and I am so electric and restless.. I cannot discribe the situation... and I konw its gonna take probaly... month or longer to heal the GABA receptors in the body, which are everywhere...so I am sitting herer... though I go crazy the past days and still do, I cannot walk straih because i am so dizziy and everything in my body is swolen... . Tomorrow I need to try to take the car and buy some cocnutwater for dehyration some citrons, bananas and fish for protein. However I dont know if i am able to because of eyeproblems.. rining in my eyers weeknes...

    I just needed to write something her befor i go back to bed listening maybe to sth if i am able to... i really dont know yet how to continue there are no words... I suffered so much , and sure I need to take responsibilty … for all this... but i cannot blame myself...I really dont know how to continue , one more restless sleeples most terrifed night ever.... I cannot tell anyone of this despite one friend bt he lives far without him the past days on phone i didnt know what i have done... so far …. I have no choice going through this I suppose, i can only see it as a chance when i survive, i am mentalyl already so week and everthing is gonnacome up.. maybe when i am strong....

    So I only go day after day and prepare my mind for more worse symptoms while my eyes burning and my body is restless.. scared ever....my heart beet so fast its scary , and ..I am here alone in my room for the next weeks i suppose...until i am abel to speek to someone again....and try to survive
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2018
  13. Verena1028

    Verena1028 New Member

    Finally this winter i am running from germany...on thuesday next week to uganda for 7 weeks, equator sun and healing :love:
    WalterNL, caroline, JanSz and 3 others like this.
  14. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Hi Verena! I’m so happy to hear this. I meant to reply to your previous post to offer encouragement, but somehow did not. I shared some of your feelings and symptoms, thankfully much better now, but my Mexican sun break can’t come soon enough. Ugandan sun sounds so healing too—just avoid those lions, which I assume are there. :)

    Last edited: Nov 20, 2018
  15. Verena1028

    Verena1028 New Member

    Thank u so much !!! < 3
    I am excited...24 hours on travel trains, airplains....but all will be well :)
    Inger and Lahelada like this.
  16. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

  17. WalterNL

    WalterNL New Member

    Cool. Good to hear.
  18. Verena1028

    Verena1028 New Member

    Good morning from Africa.
    I am now in Uganda since some weeks, i felt very relaxed and happy, had lot of sun and good food, no wifi and reduced emf, made new friends andplan to move here actually. But 2 weeks agao I got typhoid from the waterhere, took 2different kind of antibiotics. Now after theantibiotic treatment I feel very week, dizzy, swaeting, low blood pressure, stomaxh problems and running stomach,hasanyone any tipps how to do to recover fast?
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2019
  19. Lahelada

    Lahelada New Member

    I would go back to the doctor to see if you need more treatment.
    Phosphene and Verena1028 like this.
  20. I just had a day in Mexico with feverish symptoms like chills, aches and pains, weakness. Not sure if it was the fish I ate or the general exposure to dirty things down here.....anyways I decided to crush ascorbates and attempt to learn to kiteboard, and although the boarding part did not work out, it certainly got me in the salt water. Weather it was that or the other or some combination, I was got over it surprisingly fast. Next day I was a little low but the real "SICK" part never really kicked in. I took probably about 6000 grams or ascorbates and was in the water about 1-1/2 hours in strong Pm sunlight.

    i dont know about typhoid but I have severe stomach pains and diarrhea in mexico so I just fasted and ate only grapefruit and using colloidal silver only under the tongue whiched seemd to help. But when It persisted I caved and took over the counter antibiotics whiched seemed to help...HOWEVER my gut was way different after that UNTIL i took ACTIVATED CHARCOAL. The stuff worked WONDERs for me. Like my gut normalized completely after the charcoal :)
    Phosphene and Verena1028 like this.

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