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Sean's Optimal Journal

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by Sean Waters, Jan 24, 2018.

  1. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    can't wait to hear more Sean.......
     
  2. I have to break this down somehow.

    A Timeline perhaps? Alright......

    1. Got to Mexico after Destin with Jack, feeling pretty low voltage but "relaxed" and just so content to be out of my hell-hole. I felt like everything was pointless and there was a high level of Apathy in my general state of being. But, I was alright with it.

    2. Eventually, I got bored of that, and lying on a beach, by myself, started to get a little old. So did living eating and sleeping in an apartment surrounded by Spanish speaking mexicans, also, by myself.

    3. I had waves of Fatigue and lying in the Sun, quite literally, 7am to 3pm everyday, felt like it was Frying me alive. I didn't feel the "BOOM" and I felt pretty low redox........ I'm sure, 90% of you will attest to this. Of course, it is because you are sick, and you live in shitholes, and "you can't handle the truth".... Just like me.

    4. Switched up my environment - took a nudge from my Girl in Canada who said "YOU NEED PEOPLE - MOVE". So at the same time as switching to a Calorie-Restricted Oranges, Grapefruit and Mandarins/ Fruit style Diet I began to feel a lot "LOOSER" and more fluid in my movement, my thinking, it was like a Weight had been lifted from my mitochondria. As you saw here, just before Christmas, I began to take this as a sign I needed to eat Carbs and Fruits that grow here, because Fats can't be processed in the Sunlight or something....... I don't know, I was theorising on what I was feeling I guess. But, i couldn't eat a lot of fruit, or heavy fruit, like bananas and papaya etc. it weighed me down. But, Spicy Tacos and quick-sugar carbs were alright.... more meat/ protein and fats at night too.

    5. I got really fucking smashed over Christmas...... I also took it as a sign I could do that too. DRINK LIKE MY DUBLIN BORN, RAISED IN THE LIBERTIES< FACTORY WORKING IRISH GRANDFATHER SO I DID...... I had an absolute blast. Met some great people. Even on sober days, I loved having an abundance of Human Energy around me. Whether I interacted or not depended on what I wanted, but I really like a lot of people around..... I guess, there is a lot of Light for a vampire like me to sample. Sucked to realise this, but as a sick person/ no matter how far I've come, I do feel with low redox there is an inevitable Redox exchange going on. HOWEVER, I gave them all the information and stimulation I could give, and what I am not factoring for, is the power of the Group Resonance... or the "Circle of Six". I don't think anyone left my company feeling "blood sucked", in fact everyone wanted more......... I guess, Dracula is quite alluring too, isn't he?

    6. MY GIRL ARRIVED........................ FUCK-ING-HELL.

    What do I even write here?........ 6 months, no physical contact, a huge amount of pent-up energy, nerves, doubt, extreme desires, books with commentary through out, post cards, video calls, passion, commitment issues, uncertainty, chaos........ it all erupted into some Astral, out of this world, Neutrino-colliding, Photonic fucking explosion of beautiful serenity and spiralling chaos that is probably well described by some kind of word like Love.

    From 23rd we spent 3 nights in a Glamping Tent in Tulum with a Private Cenote - it was absolutely incredible. We ate amazing food, drank cocktails, swam in the ocean and cenote where I taught her to swim and control her fear of fish and swimming, we learnt so much about each other, and above all we just completely intertwined, eloped and fizzed around each other like love birds. We knew the day was coming where we'd have to share ourselves with the world again.......... but all we wanted was to remain in our enchanted Jungle palace, where we ruled over noone, where nothing existed but each other.

    Then, her friends arrived and we got to the booked villa in downtown Tulum on 26th........ all of a sudden, I had a WiFi router in my room (great) and 2 techies with macbooks that want to use it til midnight/ 1am and smoke weed.......... My Girl knows the deal with me, and in the first few days we just used a Red Light (and she actually asked me "can i turn the light on?", without a prompt, fucking unreal Circadian Etiquette right there).

    This is when things started to get "REAL"....... I started to get sick, my gut felt bad, my head/ thinking was totally off..... I felt jealous, over-bearing, toxic, and paranoid....... I was ANXIOUS about everything, and all I wanted was to whisk her up and fly back to the Jungle Palace........ the one night, they stayed up til 2am and I had to wait til I could go to bed in my room with the Router off. The previous nights I'd shut it off totally, and they were fucked cause they had no internet at all....... also, the router was the main one that supplied not only ours but also the neighbours upstairs...... OHHHHH FUCK OFF.

    I Knew this was some kind of Test.... chaos... So, I assumed my natural position:

    Close myself off, put up all defence shields, go into Lone Wolf aggressive mode and "do what is necessary to feel better again".

    After a day of this, my Girl came to me on the beach after I'd opted to stay there for Sunbathing Redox, as her and the others went to walk the strip. She said to me "do you not want to spend time with me?..... no don't worry - go the beach, its fine its fine". When she returned we went for a walk, and despite feeling better in the Sun from a complete lack of sleep, I watched her break down and shake with tears because she was absolutely torn and I had no idea what I was doing.............

    By shutting myself out, being alone, she was being ripped by both sides. She had to host both groups. She empathised with both parties and was like "what the fuck", in addition, she is new to all of this so a part of her doesn't understand my part AT ALL but she tries extremely hard (i.e the Light bulb situation in the tent) and I guess that is her going all in for me. But, she couldn't take it and she got so upset (she never cries either, especially over boys, god forbid what I'm doing to this girl).

    I felt my heart sink into my gut. I could see everything I was doing reflected to me like a mirror. Why was I behaving like this? Why am I always in "lone wolf-aggressive" mode when I feel sick?...... one of the key things she said was; "Why do you let the environment and your symptoms dictate to you so much?......"

    It is a startling question. I had no real answer. Why? I guess, because, this is some inherent insticntual or learned reaction to "getting sick" within an environment/ group of people (i.e. my family, ex-girlfriends, work colleagues) that I've grown to use as a defence tool in the last 5 years........... but, in actual fact, do I have to be such a dick when I get sick?.... Is there another way for me express my emotions when I'm feeling down?

    Turns out, YES THERE IS.......... IT IS CALLED HONESTY.

    What you do, is you tell everyone around you what is going on. How bad you feel and what you need. And you fall into the arms of those around you and allow them to carry you to safety............ even if, you don't really know them.


    I did it. And, incredibly, everything became a whole lot easier. Not only did my bond grow with "the other party", I actually became really good friends and started to love them, instead of seeing them as enemies. One of them, has autoimmunity issues herself and came down here to heal, but she's still wearing sunglasses etc. and talking about organic food.......... but what was funny, is we began to take the piss/ joke about all of these things........ the group energy elevated, we got better and better and better.......

    I had probably the best New Years Eve of my life...... dancing with these 3 on the streets of Tulum and then me and my girl headed to the beach and caught the Sunrise @ 6am the first of 2020.

    It was eye-opening to see how much my behaviours were affecting my relationships. But, as I've said all year....... HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY........ from her opening up to me, to me honestly looking at my own behaviours.

    7. THEN SHE LEFT...... AND I WENT TO THE MEMBER EVENT


    I felt my heart pulled through my chest. No joke. I wouldn't lie. I genuinely walked down the stairs and felt a string/ rope pulling my heart back towards the security-check line at Cancun airport where I left her. I was an emotional wreck.

    Meeting up with Jack and the crew, farm members etc. pulled me right back to my feet.

    I have to thank @Jack Kruse here because his Energy and just a few solitary touches of my chest and forearm were enough to light me back up and change the frequency within. I was really really low. I know he could feel it, but we didn't talk of it. Chin up and move forward kid. That's what I got, and that's what I did.

    The event didn't resonate with me at all. My mind was elsewhere, despite feeling better, I was in a real "hunger for productivity/ work" mindset and the calibre of questions from the members was downright poor........... the energy from some people there, possible including myself, was non-existent I felt. Jack was unimpressed, as was I, with the quality of questions and learning. WHY ARE YOU AT THIS EVENT????........ Quick fixes, or genuine growth????? ASK YOURSELF.

    I left after 4 days, despite meeting Eric G (farm member) and staying with him for afew days and really having some epic talks. I just had to go.

    8. Valladolid, Progreso and back to Merida..........

    Since then, I've been chasing "Redox" once again. I had IBS/ Food poisoning and felt pretty low once I left and lost the energy from Jack and my gang. I had to find it myself...... I was still eating SHIT and I fixed this back to the fruit thing but it didn't work all that well.

    I moved to Progreso to the beach, but again, I ended up in a hostel next to a lot of RF and with noone there but these french dudes, one looked like John Lennon ( i hate the beatles, sorry Jon, it's too soft for me mate), and was preaching about Israel and global currency being the answer......... I thought fuck this lefty bullshit I'm out of here.

    As ERIC G pointed out........ We are constantly being given the opportunity to settle for less than we are worth.

    I'd like to add to this and say YES, absolutely....... so in essence....... The best Life is about taking the path of resistance which is the opposite to settling, about carving out your own reality through the dense forest.... this is what God/ Universe/ Nature wants from us all.

    So I got the fuck out of Progreso, and I was feeling very hopeless, lost, and things were bad mentally and in my gut - I'd lost total control of the wheel........ I could now feel all the Booze over xmas, all the tacos, all the shit in my head, I couldn't get right at all!

    9. MERIDA

    So I got back to a hostel I'd stayed at before Christmas and really enjoyed.

    I've stayed here for 2 weeks now and I've gone from strength to strength in terms of Redox and my own reality.

    I'm not eating Fruit anymore........ I've started some CT, and trialled a few days of low-carb and then almost Carnivore/ Ketotic style............ WOW IS ALL I CAN SAY....... PLEASE READ ON.

    So, I've realised I'm actually in need of SERIOUS DEUTERIUM DEPLETION........... I've cut out the shit, and I'm eating:
    - Avocados, Eggs, Coconut oil, Steak, Fish, Octopus, Salsa habanero and Sea Salt.

    That is literally it ^^^^. Within a couple of days of this, plus some CT...... My whole body felt "FREE" I could feel the air on my skin and my head has become so clear and so full of energy, but the most profound thing is how I feel in the Sun............

    Sunbathing becamse tax-ing before. Too hot, too much. But now, MY WHOLE BODY POURS WITH SWEAT (DEUTERIUM) AND I AM LITERALLY SOAKING WET WITHIN 20 MINUTES!!!......... I FEEL INCREDIBLE AND MY MIND GETS EVEN MORE ENHANCED, I FEEL ENERGY, CALM, MOTIVATED.......

    IT WASNT ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE FRUIT......... THE ONLY FRUITS I COULD EAT WERE THE JUICY ONES, OR LOW MASS/ DEUTERIUM...... MY ISSUE WAS ACTUALLY THAT I NEEDED TO DEPLETE DEUTERIUM (MY ENGINES MUST BE PRETTY CLOGGED!!) AND ONCE I GOT RID OF ALL THE MASS BLOCKING UP MY ATPASE/ MITO ENGINES...... IVE BEEN ABLE TO SPIN THAT FUCKER WITH IR LIGHT AND PRODUCE MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF WATER (SWEAT) IN THE SUN AND ACTUALLY DEPLETED TO HEAL!!

    I've been working out too, for the first time in fucking AGES......... I've smashing workouts and swimming 50 lengths every day. I'm also smashing into my business and reading and researching as much as I can with the only obstacle being I NEED MORE SUN SO I DONT HAVE TIME TO BE ON A PC!!

    I'm feeling the best I've felt in years............. PREDICTION FOR 2020: SEAN WATERS IS GOING TO TAKE THE JACK KRUSE OPTIMAL HEALTH COMMUNITY BY THE BALLS AND SHOW YOU THE POWER OF THE 20TH LATITUDE SUN AND REVERSE ALL MY FINAL AILMENTS OF EHS. GUT AND BRAIN ISSUES, AND SET SAIL FOR THE ANCIENT PATHWAY OF OPTIMAL HEALTH................. WATCH THIS SPACE.



     
  3. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    I, for one, will be watching this space........

    Well done Sean........you are staring down the monster...

    Keep going mate
     
  4. Great post. Love that you are being honest and raw with us. Appreciate it. I'm excited to read on!
     
    Sean Waters likes this.
  5. Awesome and inspiring post. This is just what I needed to fuel my hope for gaining optimal health.
     
    Sean Waters likes this.
  6. Continuing to make strides with my protocol in Mexico:

    - 4-5 hours of "high sun" or vitamin D sunbathing 9am to 2pm at UV 8 peak at this time of year. This induces massive amounts of sweat release, like nearly a glass full, and that doesn't happen if I eat deuterium/carbs.

    - naked except for swim shorts 6.30am to 1pm outside in Sun even if cloudy for AM Red Light.

    - No tech or smartphone before midday to ensure I get a natural Dopamine and Hormone rise without disruption via alien light. Helped major in UK when depressed too, not use phone before diurnal peak of dopamine. Sure no time is good but this would ruin my day/ motivation before I started if I didn't do this. Same applies in Mexico except I feel greater gains doing it.

    - Deuterium Depleted Diet with only coconut oil (150ml per day seems to stripping away bacteria every 2-3 days - crazy stools you don't wanna know about)

    - Seafood every other day (octopus or fish) but mostly Eggs and Beef which I feel amazing from which again is counterintuitive as I could never ever ever do in UK I could only tolerate Omega 3 fish for the last 2 years not even seafood without reaction. The sun is fucking incredible. Without it I can't eat Meat. Think about that for a sec. Lol.

    - Cold swims/ CT @ approx 65-70 F for 30 mins twice a day, after breakfast and after dinner, both to encourage Leptin release and metabolise my food and it helps with the nnEMF effect on my Insulin - which Sun does seriously quench, but in those weaker sun periods I still feel an insulin issue - this is the remnants of my EHS that I want to eradicate while being here... I'm not even guessing it will take much longer, the strides my body is making is ridiculously fast under this protocol.

    - Sleep or indoors at 7pm as hostel becomes blue light toxic and I have my red lamp in my dorm room. Something not optimal but I've wrapped sheets and blankets around my bed to block out incoming Blue from Windows and the Air conditioning unit. Probably my most unoptimized area of the protocol but I'm working on it. When I make $$$ I'm gonna move into a private room full time in the hostel.

    - People, Relationships, Friends and Socialising..... Strength to strength with my girlfriend (she won't label us with that but I d give a fuck she loves me), she has pins an needles and neuropathy getting worse and worse in Montreal and I can feel the Universe is pushing her mitochondria towards me ever closer, it won't be long before she must move down here. Shame it has to happen this way, but I won't argue. The beautiful symphony is playing out exactly as I intended last year.

    My mother smashed her wrist the day I left and her senescent rheumatoid arthritis has now returned and her smoothies and diets and supplements aint doing jack shit and she's had to reorganize her entire lift in 2020 to get more Sun... Cannot believe how long I waited for her redox to drop for her to "get it" and it happens the very moment I say goodbye to go airport she falls and breaks her wrist and the process begins. She has seen the lack of support of all the family/ people and has become even more incentivised to change her life and she is completely "with me", it is incredible to see, again, the beautiful symphony playing out exactly as I predicted.

    My cocaine friend sends my mom a message saying he is looking for security work soon as he wants to quit the office screen job and go volunteer abroad.... This one seems like a win but he is still vampiring. We have not spoke in months now. Since I told him to F off. He's sending messages to my Mom that he knows I will see. Olive branch? The key is - he hasn't made the changes yet, he just plans to. He's got a lot to change, including his own personality and insecurities which make him vile and repugnant and horrible to women and himself. I'm not falling for that old trick. but, I also hope it means he actually wants to change and perhaps, my absence really has made an effect on him after all, more than the "saving him" ever could have.

    My life is fucking incredible. I'm learning Spanish, building a business, transforming my body and mind, and watching all the seeds I planted and all the chaos form itself into beautiful music.... Actually sitting here listening to Jose Jose, 180 years old Spanish singer, courtesy of mi amigos en El hostel.

    Keep embracing the chaos people. Fuck fear.

    Sean
     
    Lite Nomad, caroline, Sazzle and 3 others like this.
  7. Mexico gains IMG_20200129_171710.jpg
     
    Jackie Jolie, 5G Canary and caroline like this.
  8. 5G Canary

    5G Canary Gold




    “I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now.”


    Life can be a bitter sweet symphony or a beautifully orchestrated symphony. It depends on who we let orchestrate it...The Universe, Us, or Others. I am loving your melody.... It’s contagious and inspires awe.

    Thought you’d find this funny.....
    Ironically Mick and Kieth were added to songwriting credits of this song, because of their song The Last Time.... Love the Entanglement!
     
    Sean Waters likes this.
  9. Matty_M

    Matty_M Purple Angel Club

    Yo Sean Matt M here--- where are you based now? Would love to connect while down here, send me a whatsapp +12675350476
     
  10. Pablo

    Pablo New Member

  11. Gina R

    Gina R New Member

    I'm not an expert on this, but all the nomad quantum folks work virtually. Also, the need to work could be less when living more simply depending on personal preferences. There are also work/trade options for free housing in other countries.
     
  12. I'm lone wolfing it bro, but I appreciate the offer.
     
  13. Very strange how often this song has appeared in the last week.........
     
  14. Easy now amigo ;)
     
    Pablo likes this.
  15. I'm now down in guatemala on a great Lake after talking with a guy I met in a hostel who lives here as an Expat.

    He was professing the benefits, the long life or "green zone" but I think he meant Blue zone?... anyway, people living to over a century, and all kinds of stuff. There are several volcanoes here and 37 in total across the country. Plus, its the 14th latitude and very cheap, with great food.

    I'm down here now and the RF is very low in my village, I can't get a 4G signal, and the population here is probably a few hundred in the kilometre around me. but the town has up to around 10,000.

    The house is shared with Expats and pretty much all of them Smoke, Drink and do old American hippie shit and play Rock Music. Not gonna lie I really fucking like the vibe... but I have to keep myself away at night and in my room. Which fortunately, has a very low RF level. Unfortunately, there is a power line outside the walls on my bedroom side and I think the EMF is actually causing some minor ear drumming or tinnitus but when testing on my Cornet it is very low. Despite the ear drumming sounds (not full blown tinnitus, just drumming) my Sleep has been the best I've had in a long time... vivid dreams, waking with fluidity and energy... and Libido and sexual dreams. Libido has also been at its best the last few days.

    One thing about here is the Altitude, I'm 1500m high above sea level, and I noticed the Oxygen drop had an effect on my energy and my mood. Low NAD+/Pseudohypoxia threads would be good for anyone querying this, luckily I was already well-read up on it. I spent all the last few days in the Sun to increase O2/NAD+ and I felt my best when I was low-tech and not using my phone. I'm now starting to get energy come in nicely, and a walk to the market clarified my O2 adaption is on its way.

    Another big step forward has been some Mindfulness Training.

    I realised I've been in some form of PTSD or Depression, even over the last 6 months when I've had health sucesses.... my Mind is utterly chaotic, and I've lost so much sensory ability, my thoughts generate flight or fight responses and I'm often sucked into anxiety for no good reason....... inadequacy, jealousy, paranoia, worry and anxiety about others, aggression, reactiveness and hostility....... Man, I couldn't enjoy my life at all. No matter how much Sun, Seafood and low EMF I was getting I have had to really swallow my pride and take a step into the "Meditation and Mindfulness" realm of healing....... I did write it off as bullshit, but luckily I didnt, because it nearly cost me my relationship with my girl.

    Within a few days of Mindfulness, which I follow the Sam Harris Waking Up (but there are millions of others) I've actually noticed how uncontrolled my mind is. How much childhood, teenage and recent trauma I've undergone and how my internal dialogue is just utterly in Chaos.

    Time to put some Order into it.........

    I've already noticed a return of my sense of smell immediately after practicing. I feel calmer generally. And my feelings toward my Girl are no longer anxiety inducing (which she seems to be able to "Feel" all the way up in Canada) and I feel good about the whole thing. I also had a lot of negative energy about where I was and who I was with.... often seeing people outside of our community as "them" and enemies, this is really really not a good way forward in my opinion, as it only seems to foster and harbour more hatred and aggression and negativity within. People out there are different to us, but we were all one of them at one point, and they really aren't all evil, in fact the major majority are open minded and will listen to our views. Sure, they don't want to get to it right away, but did you? It took me about 3 years to really get I had to go all-in for this..... Why can't I give my girlfriend 7 months without making her feel less?.... besides, I don't think aggression towards others is actually how they change, Live and Let Live, and be a figure of inspiration and compassion and guidance when needed.... allow them to fuck up, just like the 55 pages of this journal so far, it is literally all I have done is Fuck Up........ but in actual fact, I haven't fucked up at all.... i've made strides above anyone else in this community, and I'm proud to say that.

    It doesnt mean I give passes. I'm still big on honesty, respect and people valuing Time.... but my internal perspective, my treatment of others and myself in my reality has got to change........ I was on a high speed train for utter misery, and potentially suicide.

    That is not a road anyone should take with honour or pride.

    Become humble. Fuck your ego. Fuck being right.

    Live your life with joy, and love for yourself and others.
     
    Sazzle, Pablo, shah78 and 7 others like this.
  16. 5G Canary

    5G Canary Gold

    Love it! The Universe was speaking... sounds like you were listening.
     
    Sean Waters likes this.
  17. Novah

    Novah Gold

    Hey Sean, side note... have you considered spending time in Canada? If your g/f is there and you live outside the major cities, it might just work really well, especially in the warmer months, which we’re coming up on soon. As you’re under 30, you should be able to easily get a work visa as well. Just a thought
     
    Sean Waters likes this.
  18. Yeah I'm actually planning to go there this summer if she decides she wants to be my girl for the long term. Which is pending, and decisions are being made over the course of the next few weeks.

    Otherwise, I will probably stay at the 14th latitude on this volcano cause noone else is worth leaving it for.
     
    Sazzle, shah78 and Novah like this.
  19. ah mannn, I have 3 books on the go plus reams of blog posts, Im definitely reading your whole journal before I carry on!
     
  20. Big update for me............

    I spent the last week undergoing some serious fucking difficult times. I'll summarise here:

    1. Me and my girlfriend decided to break it off in an odd fashion, "set each other free" is how Jack coined it, and although weird, it's been the best thing for both of us.

    Neither of us were in a position to be in a relationship. We felt pressured on both sides. Mainly my own personal anxieties.... It's been brutal to face, but it's a beautiful concept to realise... Set each other free.... I envision the cutting of the string on a balloon... I envision Two Lions, a Lion and a Lionness, walking in separate Savannahs, and hunting and roaming, and being able to return back to each others, always entangled spiritually... perhaps to re-connect fully one day, or perhaps to move on with others... and that's where the anxiety can form, the uncertainty, but we are both being honest and looking inwards at solving that. It is unnessary.......... "You don't own Love, you never own it, you must set it free"

    We've both had tears and traumatic moments. I feel guilty for not going to visit her, Jack thinks I did the right thing, but I literally cancelled a trip a couple days before going to Canada. Redox wise, I made a fabulous decision, as I came to Guatemala instead. It actually benefitted us both I think as it catalysed the reaction for us to change things. So perhaps I'll look back differently one day. But, I still feel the pain she went through. If reversed, and she cancelled before Mexico and broke us off, I think I'd have capitulated.

    She's since had a major success with her Project though, and she's been contacted by CBC (Canadian Broadcast Channel) and they want to publish a feature on it. Here's the project, it is all about how Older Generation Women should be as included in our attention as much as young girls, and perhaps, they deserve it moreso. The stories on the site are truly incredible, it's like 4 or 5 of my Lives have been lived by these Women. She's done a fantastic job, and deserves all the credit she's receiving right now. I feel so proud to see her name up there and how she's carried this out over 2 years on a part time gig with her full time job. That's my FUCKING GIRL :love:

    Here it is: https://www.thetimelessproject.ca/

    2. Meditation, reflection and honesty.

    I've had to seriously look inwards to my anxieties, especially since the breakdown of my relationship with my girl, who I fucking love to pieces. Had to face my demons. There are a lot of confusing and misleading pieces of information to wade through as you journey inside. Questions such as these arise...
    • Is it just Redox? My anxiety fades as I feel healthier, but not fully.
    • Is Redox just a cover for what lies beneath, a false dopamine hit, so you avoid your problems?
    • Does it matter if it is or it isn't?
    I've started Meditation, which seems to be harder with low Redox, and easier with high Redox. It has taken about 10 days to really get the hang of it. But, this morning I managed to find some serious gains from asking questions to my subconscious. Such as:
    • How do you feel right now?......... "Very good, plus a little anxious"
    • Ok, so why do you feel anxious, where is it coming from?............ *Girlfriends face flashes into mind*
    • Why her?........... "Cause I don't know if she wants me, I don't know if anyone will want me, or if she will find someone else... I don't know how I will feel if she doesn't..... cause this hurts.... cause I don't know if I'm going to be alright.... I just don't know what the fuck is going on.... I'm scared that I'm not going to be alright"
    And that was simply the process of thought. It was raw, and real as fuck. I began to "hush hush child" and provide statements such as "you'll be fine", but that gave more anxiety. It was like my subconscious knew it was a lie, or bullshit, and it caused more pain.

    So instead, I just said "alright". I settled with just being aware of these feelings.

    They are all accurate........ observe that. My subconscious ain't a dumb fuck. These are all very likely possibilites. I'm not secure. I've jumped across the world, my best friends all elsewhere, I'm alone in my methodology of living this way, there is no blueprint, there is no guaranteed financial security, no guaranteed socialising that will be positive, no guarantee of her ever being mine, no guarantee of me ever being able to support and uphold a relationship, or anything.......... It's all accurate doubts, all good observations from my mind, that I'm really flying by the seat of my pants, and have been for some fucking years now..... I have zero stability, and zero real understanding of what is ahead for me.... I'm embracing the chaos, but it's a scary fucking path, and ignoring those fears has caused me such anxiety that it has diseased my relationship, because I am clutching to her for all my happiness and security, her decision to commit/ not commit is what I've based my future on, whether I am stable or instable is a decision I've handed to her for some reason. She doesn't even fucking want that.

    And so........ with these realisations, my anxiety faded, as the Sun rose over this amazingly beautiful Lake and the UV-A started to water my eyes........ I realised, that just being aware of all of this is enough to rid of my the anxiety.

    I can't change anything. But I can be aware of how my Fears make me feel. It seems that is enough to dispose of the tension.

    It is similar to how I bio-hacked my relationships in 2019..... I broke the tension between my Mother and best Friends by providing brutal, unrivaled, horrid truths to our relationship. But as painful as it was to face, they are all glad and feel liberated by the freedom of communication. There ain't a topic we can't discuss now. There isn't a thing they need to fear anymore.

    So I've just become Honest with myself, my own subconscious, and allowed a free dialogue now, NO LIES. The same as my relationships, but just my own mind, instead of my friends.

    It isn't perfect, I notice it slip already, but it's a process. But I am working on becoming Best Friends with myself from here on out.

    3. Redox and Health... HYDRATION IN THE SUN IS KEY!

    I had about 4 or 5 days where I wasn't drinking enough water, coinciding with this relationship breakdown etc. So, I won't dive in but I felt so depressed I was really contemplating what the point of my life was.

    Ultimately, I stumbled upon a simple fact:
    • IF YOU SIT IN UV 12 @ 1500m elevation YOU NEED MORE WATER OR ELSE YOU WILL BURN, FEEL TIRED AND GET DEPRESSED/ SYMPTOMATIC
    So How Much WATER do you really need?

    I think it's contextual of course. But, for me to feel optimal here, I'm drinking somewhere between 8 and 12 litres a day.

    This seems obscene, I know.

    But, I think this could be a reason why so many EHS/ Northern LAtitude people struggle so much in Mexico. YOU'RE DEHYDRATED!

    Especially if you have shitty Mitochondria, like most of us here do (by default of being on a health forum), and you aren't good at building the Exclusion Zone or keeping D2O out, or whatever you want to envision. Basically, we are 70% water. And as you get sick, you need more Water because you're awful at keeping hold of it.

    I heard Jack say 10-12 litres on a podcast once and never forgot it, and never believed it, thinking it was some error or gross over-estimation. Turns out, I was dead wrong.

    So what happens when I drink all this Water vs not drinking?
    • SWEAT BUCKETS IN THE SUN
    • DON'T GET TANNED........ odd phenomenon, but as I sweat, I don't seem to go darker.
    • Not Hydrated = Darker/ Burning Skin and "Stressful feeling" in the Sun
    • Depression & anxiety dissipate and reduce to nothing, vs much higher anxiety and stress with less H2O
    • Confidence and fluidity of thought/ cognition (dopamine) rises to a higher level
    • High Energy/ running up stairs/ more thought-chains in my mind
    • Gut and Bowels more motile and things flushing through better
    • Piss more
    • Sleep much better
    • Tinnitus reduces to nothing/ minimal
    • Wake up with moist and supple skin on my face
    • Dick feels bigger/ more blood flow to it when I'm not aroused (sorry I have to be honest) and also my libido has been way higher (where's my fucking girl @ man? LOL)
    So I will leave here an absolutely incredible blog that I've never read before, to be honest I left the blogs behind for a while and focused on the "actions" necessary to actually change my life. But now I'm here, I feel like learning again, and learning deeper than before. This blog has set the entire internal soliton wave power of my CNS into a Bose-Einstein Condensate fuelled momentum towards learning the fundamentals of Particle Physics and QED, to the incredible mystery of life. Here's the blog, and I found it by googling the key words "Jack Kruse Sweating"... which is fucking hilarious, because I didn't realise how funny that google search is until I read it back!

    https://jackkruse.com/ee-6-quantum-cell-theory-life-collective-phenomena/?print=print

    To quote: "It also makes sense why humans are the only primate to sweat profusely when in the sun. We need to keep our SQUID devices in our skin and brain cool at all time. When the environment heats up, our surface SQUIDS are designed to sweat profusely to cool down. The brain adaptation was to eliminate valves in its venous system to prevent rapid heat exchange witht he scalp. This is why people see heat coming off their head in winter time and why our scalp sweats too. The surface of our neocortex and our skin are SQUIDS that do different things."

    If you're confused by the blog, spend some time reading the hyperlinks to the words "SQUID", "Superconductivity", "Bosons" etc. It honestly isn't that bad once you realise they are just names and descriptions of the wonderful things that happen in our Universe. They are scary words for beautiful realities we experience... and these fools in lab coats still miss the big picture, the key statement that I proudly no longer fail to live up to...

    GET BACK TO NATURE AND YOUR REALITY WILL BLOSSOM.
     
    Lite Nomad, Pablo, Jack Kruse and 3 others like this.

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