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Sean's Optimal Journal

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by Sean Waters, Jan 24, 2018.

  1. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Yes the questions make me examine my advice-giving lens.

    Was I subtly discouraging you from going all in on primitive winter camping because I’m jealous of your opportunity, or afraid to do it for more than a week myself?

    If you’re meant to get eaten by a fucking bear then that’s your fate/karma. Nothing I can do to stop it. :p
     
  2. kris90

    kris90 New Member

    This drives me nuts. I'm dealing with this ALL THE TIME with my spouse. Radio silence... It must be tied to low dopamine.
     
    Sean Waters likes this.
  3. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Hi.

    I appreciated the maternal love. And I appreciate your introspection even more.

    It’s a SERIOUS concern and I’m going to prepare for Probobably three things only before I jump:

    1.Not die from an animal
    2.warmth
    3.taking a shit comfortably
     
    caroline, Phosphene and Sean Waters like this.
  4. drezy

    drezy Gold

    And I'm now examining why I schadenfreude chucked when I read that! Wait no, that's getting wayyy to echo chamber-like.

    Failure in relationships, camping trips,
    or even business partnerships
    Can’t be evaded or abated,
    it needs to be evaluated

    Don’t waste time self flagellating
    intense navel ruminating
    Failure, when it isn’t deadly,
    provides us with a learning medley

    Lessons there are quite germane
    to how and why you feel the pain
    to kick one’s self is very vain
    just do your homework, don't abstain
     
    Cuffy, caroline, Phosphene and 2 others like this.
  5. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    nice... but what does navel ruminating mean? instinctual pondering? navel = gut?
     
    Sean Waters likes this.
  6. drezy

    drezy Gold

    navel gazing, as in a neurotic level of self over examination, just didn't rhyme
     
    Sean Waters likes this.
  7. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Sean Waters and MITpowered26 like this.
  8. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    I’m fucking high on sunshine right now.

    Is it obvious?
     
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  9. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Sean Waters likes this.
  10. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    FUCKING EHHH!!!!!
     
    Sean Waters likes this.
  11. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    @Sean Waters

    Sean.. I've been working through your journal man. When you will realize your own power... on your own terms.. and not when someone tells it to you.. you are going to be even more unstoppable. You have all the pieces waiting to be put together as a grand puzzle. Its really inspiring me how developed you truly are inside.

    Regards
    J
     
    Phosphene and Sean Waters like this.
  12. I appreciate it J. I'm getting close to understanding it. I really am.

    I fully had it out, on the phone, with my friend who has just got back from the Canaries.

    I spent time thinking about where my rationale was coming from, was it bad advice due to my own insecurities?

    I checked it, and checked it, and dug deeper into the reasons why I felt this way.

    It all came back to feelings I felt after I'd have a conversation with him, during the depressing period of unemployment and low redox from February 2019 to May 2019. He would leave me drained. Why?

    We would constantly debate, whether "following your passion" was something that overcomes poor Redox. So, if you did something you LOVED everyday, would that override any poor redox.

    I started to realise, as my finances dwindled to lower and my debt increased, and I continued to try and become an "Online Health Coach", that following his rationale on "passion" was leading me into a hole.

    I started to build Redox myself, more commitment on Sunrise and CT etc., and I realised that my "passion of helping people" did not DO ANYTHING for my own wellbeing or for my lust for life.

    Sat in my home, on my laptop, making videos to people who were at work and too busy to give a fuck, while my own Redox dissipated under the WiFi and my lust for life squandered to fuck all as I lived out my 4 year "passion".

    We had kinda stopped talking, because I was becoming more and more serious about NOT Following a passion and instead Embracing Discomfort...... for Redox, for Relationships, for Life.....

    By Mid-July, I'd been to Mallorca and met the girl and had a magical experience with the One Zeros and then I'd been to Poland and been dressed down by Jack and felt in complete awe as he said "YOU ARE IN 2ND GEAR, YOU NEED TO STEP UP INTO A HIGHER GEAR THAT YOU DONT KNOW YOU HAVE"...........

    Over the next month to Mid-August I'd found that Gear, week by week. I've delved deeper into myself as contact with him and my cocaine friend was severed to nothing........ my Redox has climbed to new heights, following my intuition, and entering into a tub of freezing water and being extremely committed to my goals.......

    Through that, and my 9-5 office job...... I've found EXTREME PASSION AND LUST FOR LIFE........ Something that NEVER came from "doing my passion"........ I've actually FOUND THAT I HAVE MANY PASSIONS IF I WANT THEM AND I CAN CHOOSE WHAT I WANT TO ACT ON.... I FOUND ALL THIS FROM FINDING MYSELF, BURIED IN THE COMFORTABLE DARKNESS, AND PULLED HIM OUT AND THREW HIM INTO THE ICE AND INTO DISCOMFORT.....

    Mid-September and as you all know from the forum I've been like a Fireball..... lighting up everyone around me and burning those who can't take my heat.

    In the meantime, he has maxed out his final credit card and been declined any more loans. We get back in touch the last few days and he has called me out for having a "superiority complex", "not being able to take criticism", and "not being an entrepreneurial risk-taker, but an academic who needs structure like a 9-5 job", and "not understand he embraces the chaos of uncertainty by taking risks without having stable income".

    I thought about all of those.......... and wondered if they had truth, or whether that was how we was framing it for his own peace of mind.

    I've pretty much "Experienced" every single one of my health gains. I even leapt out of a job, girlfriend, house in london, and into a totally wild and uncertain reality in Mexico in 2018... I had no idea if i'd come back or what would happen.

    What about his embracing of uncertainty? Is it accurate?

    I think, maxing out credit cards, with the knowledge of bankruptcy saving you, is not embracing discomfort. I think, it is running away from the real chaos........ the Fear of a regular job, the fear of monotony, hard work...

    When I asked him what he would do if Redox ever got so bad in UK winter what would he do?

    "that is easy, I'll just top myself".

    Hang on. So, you're ok with just passing off all your burden onto your family and friends by suicide.

    Hang on. So, you're ok with just passing off all your needs to WORK and EARN money to feed yourself by taking out credit, and letting the tax-payer pay for it, instead of dealing with it yourself?

    Hang on. So you're ok with not learning any of Jack's work yourself, but getting the information through me via questions on the phone each day?

    Hang on. So you're not even willing to read books on Business/ Marketing or whatever you want to do for your passion, you just think "it's meant to be"?

    Hang on. So, when you call me up saying you feel "unfulfilled" and need answers on why you feel low motivated but also unsure on your passion, but then refuse to accept it may be that you can't rely on passions for your fulfilment, it is because don't embrace the suck enough, you can't handle it and I'm an anti-entrepreneurial academic?

    Hang on. So, when shit gets hard... you just bail and let other people deal with shit?

    The picture is forming................. I've got someone, in my Circle, who IS NOT GOING ALL IN.

    I've been vampired. Still, being vampired. Blood-sucked....... no wonder, my Redox has been amazing since we cut off, no wonder it was soooo bad when we were talking everyday..........

    I got someone, in my circle, who is absolutely averse to everything I stand for.

    He frames it as entrepreneurial....... but, whatever happened to doing your passion on the side, for 3 years, investing every spare penny of your salary, the hard-way, and making it fucking happen around a 12 hour shift and looking after 3 kids like @Jenelle does..........

    Whatever happened to 30 years of Neurosurgery, call @ night, Wife and kids, CT for 18 months straight to lose 147 pounds and teaching yourself Quantum Biology like @Jack Kruse did???

    Whatever happened to spending 5 years engineering a disease reversal, teaching yourself QB, working 8 til 5, doing a degree in your trade, doing a 2nd degree in nutrition to only cancel that cause it's fucking bullshit and then pay off the "pointless" debt by working in an office redox stealing job, and hacking it by CTing like a maniac, embracing the suck and teaching yourself Spanish, a Teach English course, AND setting up a Business for when you move to Central America LIKE I FUCKING DO...........

    Man, this shit seriously, seriously, pissed me off when I started thinking about it.
     
  13. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    On fire is an understatement.

    Volcanic! :):):)
     
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  14. 5G Canary

    5G Canary Gold

    Very inspiring Sean... I feel your heat! “Set your life on fire...seek those who fan your flames.”
     
    caroline and Sean Waters like this.
  15. And after the phone call I've just had................... It is complete. It is fucking over.

    He had a breakdown this morning, cried his eyes out at the sunrise, and rang me at lunch and crying his eyes out he said "I've avoided it, my whole life I've been running scared.... I've envied all the Boxers and Fighters my whole life because never been able to embrace the pain like they can..... I've ran from debt, ran from my problems.... I can't believe I was okay with killing myself, like what a fucking weak move.. such a weak fucking move, all the shit my family would have to go through...."

    It was absolutely. Fucking. incredible.

    He said....... "you went all-in for me. What would I have done, without you?... I'd be so fucked".

    He couldn't understand why we had met, so randomly, in that Bali hostel 3 years ago... and then he corrected himself, "it is irrelevant isn't it?.... what does it matter how we met and the circumstances, if I don't act on it... all this universe stuff, the secret, the magic... it is all irrelevant if we don't act"

    I told him that I believe Life doesn't take the path of least resistance. The Water carves its way through the Rocks and forms the paths it wants. We have the same power in our lives.

    He basically, completely broke down, and admitted, he's been running away from pain his whole life. I actually think he is fucking super-brave to do that. I told him, noone else I know has been able to have the bottle to admit this and do this. I told him, I had to push you extremely hard because otherwise I can't walk alongside you any further........ If you can do this, if you can overcome your fears, the World is yours and everything is in it..............

    He self-destructed the "severed from the circle" button.... he said "I've been a vampire. I'll do it myself.... but I'll be back".

    INCREDIBLE. I FUCKING LOVE YOU BRO.
     
    MITpowered26 and 5G Canary like this.
  16. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Wowza.
     
    Sean Waters likes this.
  17. Inger

    Inger Silver

    Sean,
    I think everyone should learn to do just that, to be with one self, and just

    STOP

    for a while... before starting anything important, business, partnership etc.

    We need to go inwards before we go outwards. Like a plant/tree. It has to grow roots before it grows on the surface. The most important stuff happens in darkness! Wow :) just think about it :)

    It is going to be a complete different thing when we do it this way.

    Maybe we see there is no need to "go" anywhere! Who knows! But whatever happens, all moves we do will come from truth. It will be authentic. The opposite is what you see in your "friend" - how he acts and what he does.
    It can be very eye opening to observe, and a great lesson.

    I used to think I needed to "reach" somewhere too...lol
    and then I realized, it was not about that at all :) :) (and I am not saying we cant have goals and plans to do stuff. I am sure you know what I mean)
     
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  18. It is actually, fucking, unbelievable............ and the relief I feel, man it is insane.......

    And Inger - I know exactly what you mean. I've only learnt this recently......... we have to be warriors. We have to be able to take on any battle and any challenge and withstand the chaos. That includes being absolutely comfortable with yourself in any environment or any situation. That is the goal.
     
    Pablo, drezy, caroline and 1 other person like this.
  19. Inger

    Inger Silver

    yep, Sean. Warriors.
    Naked, burned black from the sun, wild and free.

    wow :) I love it.
     
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  20. Inger

    Inger Silver

    writing this I am laying naked on my terrace in the sun
    and the landlords cat just climbed on my back.. laying on top of me with his soft fur... feels gooood :) :)
    He loves me..lol
    But I have to go now. To fix my car! It has something broken and it needs to be fixed.
    Thats life ;) :)
     
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