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Sean's Optimal Journal

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by Sean Waters, Jan 24, 2018.

  1. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    I remember that!
     
    caroline likes this.
  2. I leaped off a cliff edge on Sunday and opened up on how I felt to my girl in Canada...... at the moment, we hadn't discussed truly the thing between us. We both said, "let's keep it chill, see what happens".

    But, lately I've felt more and more passion and I'm sick of hiding what I have inside. I wanted to unleash it on her and I did. I told her my intent, and that I wanted to make it happen.

    She's a girl completely wrapped in chaos. She's not had a moment's rest since moving to Montreal. And her life has always been chaotic. She handles it supremely well, which is why I admire her so much. Calm in the middle of a storm.

    In return, she continued to play the cautious approach, and said "it is too hard too see, our lives our so chaotic, I feel the feeling you do, but it will play out if it is meant to be".

    I used to think like that. These days, I think it plays out if you MAKE it be. If you don't, you'll get a sub-optimal result. A reflection of your commitment, a mirror... I think I'd rather go all in than continue to hesitate on the edge. At least, if she isn't ready I'll know a lot sooner than if we continue to bullshit each other.
     
  3. She loves my passionate, my boldness, my extreme nature... it is one of the tonnes of reasons why she wants to talk to me.

    There is an insane resonance, how have I lived 25 years on other sides of the worlds to this girl and we our minds are so coupled......?
     
  4. My Mother......... I think I actually hate this woman.

    And, I don't know what to really do about it.

    I feel like the things I hate about her, are a reflection of my own inadequacies, or former inadequacies......

    Ignorance. Lack of respect. Impatience. Fear of what others think.

    I told her all of this, and we had a huge blow out last week, that resulted in a period of calm after she admitted to things (finally) and offered to listen and change.... a period of communication and positive vibes. But, slowly it began to deteriorate when I picked up on her falling back to her old ways.

    Today - we have hit another blow out again. And in our rage, we said bad things. Things that aren't even true or accurate. Just pure FIRE being breathed out amongst the roar and rumble.

    I went to the Sunrise, came back and did day 37 of my Ice Baths... and felt a change of emotions. I looked inwards...

    WHY DO I HAVE AN ISSUE WITH HER?... I KNOW SHE'S FLAWED. SO WHY DO I CONTINUE TO TRY AND CHANGE IT? WHY AM I OBSESSED WITH HOW SHE BEHAVES?......... WHY CAN'T I ACCEPT THIS? WHY DOES IT BOTHER ME?

    A part of me wonders, is it just Redox...... it is these Electric Fields that I can fucking feel pounding my head from the walls at night... is it Irritation in my gut from some Poor Food or Light Choices.... is it just detox from these Ice Baths....

    AM I EVEN ALRIGHT, IN MYSELF, CAN I EVEN TRUST MY OWN THINKING ?........ IS THIS "FIRE" JUST A COMPLETELY UNHINGED CRAZY FUCKING ANIMAL?........ DO I EVEN KNOW WHAT I AM DOING OR SAYING?

    WHAT ARE THE CONSEQUENCES OF THIS FIRE?...... DO I UNDERSTAND THAT?.... AM I READY FOR THEM?

     
  5. My Friend RMW in the Canary Islands......... well, he's flew home to the UK for some kind of "remote income opportunity" that he says is "BIG".

    So he's left the 28th latitude, Sun and no EMF, and ocean... for some fucking remote income bullshit in the UK. Like what in the fuck are you thinking man?

    Remote Income, those two words OFFEND ME. IT says "I don't want to work hard" all over it. It says "I can't deal with an uncomfortable situation". And I hate it. I mean, fair play, if you have a job where you GRIND and it is a remote thing, then fine... but that ISN'T what he is saying... he's saying he doesn't want to get a single finger dirty and just make millions. It is completely, utterly, flawed in it's entirety.

    Now he wants to meet up back in the UK.

    A part of me feels like I owe this guy my time, to try and make the change, but I also don't have the spare energy to go through this again.
     
  6. A part of me also doubts whether I'm accurate in my summation of his plans and thoughts.

    But, his actions speak louder than his words, and he never embraces discomfort... he is constantly fleeing it. Which is why, he is in £15000 of credit card debt............
     
  7. AM I TOO HARD ON PEOPLE?....... DO I NEED TO BE CAREFUL WHO I BREATHE MY FIRE ON?......... OR DO I LET MY INSTINCTS DECIDE?

    UNHINGED or ON FIRE?

    WILDLY INACCURATE or TARGETED MISSILES?
     
  8. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    I resonate with a lot of this Sean, I will formulate a response..just can't right now...sorry. Talk soon!

    J
     
    Sean Waters likes this.
  9. Jenelle

    Jenelle Evolving

    Anything I'd say regarding your mother would be through my own mother-lens ... and I have certainly come to realize that not all mothers feel or operate the way I do.

    So I will just send out a hug, across the many miles. Families are complicated. Shit gets messy. We really have to be able to see things from the other person's perspective sometimes, and not everyone can do that. I hope you are able to find peace and resolution of this relationship soon ... whatever direction that takes you. Lately I have been thinking a lot in terms of, "I would regret it if I ___ (did or did not) say or do this certain thing". It brings me clarity. I operate a lot as if this day were my last.
     
    Pablo, Phosphene, 5G Canary and 2 others like this.
  10. I feel the same..... that is the locker (live this day as your last) of where all the doubt comes from.

    Am I really understanding the consequences of my Fire?

    But then, regardless, should I tolerate it either way?
     
  11. I have a 3rd, job opportunity, in the Caribbean.

    $40-50k U.S. with Housing/ Car/ etc. all paid for. Tax Free.

    12°N in Grenada.

    They don't need Carib experience. Nor do they need any special chartership etc. They just want someone to have experience and be willing to adapt to their way of doing things...

    Could this be it?
     
    Phosphene likes this.
  12. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Girlfriend - I commend you opening up! I think I could learn a lot from you when it comes to women. Your patience in a ltr, going for it and Making it happen for yourself, fact finding.

    Chaos as I’m learning accelerates the “playing out” of things... keep putting her in it :)

    Mother - as a son to a mother I’ve hated but wasn’t able to admit it — despite 10 years of poking prodding and discussion about my mom in Counseling service, I can safely say you are not alone. It took me so damn long to come to terms with the fact that I can hate my mom, but still love my mom, and even more important come to a decision to LIMIT my exposure to her until I can learn to live my own life, fill my own bucket of water, and carry that water. You can still be there for her at a distance y”know?

    Friend - decisions. Again.. I commend you for taking ownership and grappling with this decision making process. It speaks to your maturity, passion.

    As jack says, your circle can be a revolving door. Let people come and go, and continually evaluate how that’s going? I don’t think there necessarily an ultimate absolute decision you have to make in the dark if you are not sure - so keep it open and revolving until life informs you and makes you sure of finally closing that door.

    Self doubt - I sense your having a moment of unsureness of yourself. Pertinent and valid questions...signs of growth. I’m not sure there is any Perfect answer to your concern here.. but just know you don’t need to know all the answers right now. Seek as you are.. but when the lesson is revealed you will feel right again. And the answers will be found within your own thought and feelings — so keep stewing, keep struggling, keep writing, keep making moves.

    J
     
    Phosphene and Sean Waters like this.
  13. 5G Canary

    5G Canary Gold

    Great words of wisdom Janelle! Seeing things with a different perspective...going deeper then what we think we perceive sometimes- we don’t know what we don’t know. Our eyes and minds can play tricks on our thinking and perception if we aren’t using them wisely. I like Albert Einstein quote...”The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” In other words, we don’t have to change the world, just our thinking.

    upload_2019-9-17_12-19-10.jpeg
     
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  14. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    LATEST TREND TO PAY ATTENTION TO IN YOUR CIRCLE OF 6?

    It’s not wrong to need people, especially family/spouses. But some of our biggest disappointments in life are the result of expectations we have of others that they can’t ever possibly meet. This is why cutting family and those closest to you often pays the largest dividends. This is a counterintuitive truth bomb.

    Have you ever wondered why your friends, spouse, and family discourage you from taking risks? To put it nicely, if people don’t support you let them fuck off. I said this to our Farm members in for this weekend. Family/spouses are particular problems for those looking to change their life. Why? They tend to be crabs. Crabs in a bucket mentality...If you put one crab in a bucket, it can claw its way up and out. But something interesting happens if you put a bunch of crabs in a bucket. If one of them tries to climb out, the rest pull it back into the bucket.
    Then, if the crab tries to climb out a second time, the other crabs gang up on the crab again, and may actually begin to break its claws to completely hinder its progress. This means that none of the crabs end up escaping because they are all working against each other.
    Unfortunately, this type of mentality is often transferred to human behavior. The crab mentality is a metaphor for how humans respond when they see someone else around them achieving some kind of self-improvement that they can't achieve themselves. Don’t be a crab in a bucket!! If your family or spouse act like this demand change or show them a life without you in it. NEVER SETTLE FOR LESS THAN YOU DESERVE https://www.nateliason.com/blog/subconscious-sabotage

    #SurvivaloftheWisest
     
    kris90, Phosphene and Sean Waters like this.
  15. Anne V

    Anne V Gold

    yep reminds me of my mother . she passed away 2years + ago and left on purpose a monumental nasty shitty mess. i need and i believe you too, to just let go .
    what i do is breathing 5in 5 out breathe into ur heart .i then can let go. i get coherence back.

    if u want to do more (i use love and my cat) use love , compassion, care ... breathe it into urself and maybe out to ur mum or anything else friends, earth ... takes ur fancy 2/3 mn to get coherence back
    as time goes do it 5mn 3 times a day ,and on the spot when necessary .
    maybe you will like that , good luck with it :)
     
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2019 at 4:21 PM
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  16. Anne V

    Anne V Gold

    How does it sounds to you if you go in nature , quiet , use your heart it will tell you .you will have your answer. :)
     
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  17. I fucking loved that article.

    You know why me and my Mother had an arguement?........... I told her I went all-in with an open heart to my Canada girl, and she did he classic "silent response" which means "I don't agree, but I'm scared to say anything". Both me and my sister have said how fucking uncomfortable this makes someone feel.... you leap off a cliff, and want to celebrate your bravery with your family/ friend, and they are full of fucking fear because you make them inadequate and show them their own failures....

    Guess what? My Mom's relationship with my step-dad is fucking diabolical. He gives her NO LOVE, NO AFFECTION, NO ROMANCE........ does she Fear this? That I am showing her how things should REALLY BE? Does it make her question her own decisions?

    My Sister, leapt off a cliff and started a new business even though she owns a hair salon. My Mom's reaction "the silent disagreement response". Because she's never been able to do it herself....

    Now, here's the real twist...........

    How am I acting to my friend who is leaping off a cliff by coming back to the UK for this remote income gig?

    Am I displaying support and encouragement for risk-taking, nope.......

    As I sit in my full time job in the office, I'm telling him he needs to go and get cash to pay off his debt and work double-time on his remote gig.

    Am I liable of the same things?... or am I telling him to embrace the chaos and stop running from things?...

    I read the article. And I believe it is highly accurate when it comes to advice from people. The final series of questions:

    • Could they be saying this to feel better about a life choice they made?
    • Could they be saying this out of their own insecurity?
    • Could they be saying this because if I succeed, it means they failed?
    • Could they be saying this simply out of naïvety and inexperience?
    • Do I have any knowledge they don’t, that makes their advice invalid?
    • Could they be saying this out of fear?
    I need to think about all of these.......

    Where I think I'm on the money with my Mom, I'm not sure with my Friend...

    The thing that bothers me. Is that, I wouldn't mind if he was a guy who threw himself into Cold Tubs, Read the Blogs, or actually committed to any difficult form of practice/ learning... he won't read the Kruse blogs, he won't even learn techniques on how to improve his "Video Editing" game...... I think, he assumes he doesn't need to waste time on it.

    I'm not sure about that. Wading through chaos is what makes us fucking heroes.

    I don't mind if he wants to be remote... but if that remote work is to escape hard work, then I don't think I'm about it.

    Because, just like what happened with him, He got bored... and was "longing for something". You know what I think it is?... You never earned your Order and refuses to embrace discomfort. I just really do not think I want that mentality around me.

     
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2019 at 8:09 AM
  18. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Nice thought process Sean. The series of questions is so money. It’s the sieve I’ve been searching for, for many moons.
     
    Sean Waters likes this.
  19. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    I’ve realized in the last 24 hours I need to really delve and explore my relationship and history my mother. Even when my sister observes our verbal and non verbal interactions... quite simply.. it’s fucked up.

    Just an excerpt from yesterday

    “Hey how was your day mom, what did you do”

    “I’ve been ironing and cooking and cleaning”

    “Good job mom, I’m proud of you!”

    “Shutup u idiot! Ur a fool.”

    “Omg, so I give you encouragement and that’s how you react!”

    She chuckles and walks away. I chuckle and move on.
     
    Sean Waters likes this.
  20. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Sounds like these opportunities will just keep coming. I’ll bet you really want to go to Mexico and play for a bit. :D
     
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