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RMW's Journal

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by RMW, Sep 23, 2019.

  1. RMW

    RMW New Member

    All you need to know is I recently cut myself out of my closest friend's circle of 6 as I was dragging him down with my toxic behaviour unknowingly. I was unaware of my own actions and habitual destructive behaviour until he went ALL IN for me.

    I'll further detail the run though of this on a later date but for now I'm here to provide myself with some accountability for the changes I'm making and to actually have some communication with like minded people and of course to learn.

    I'm mostly aware of what actions need to be taken in order to optimise my health however I severely lack the understanding behind it all. To be honest my redox is pretty good right at this point in time as I've spent the past 2 months in Tenerife, (Canary Islands: 28th latitude) following the necessary protocols. However I returned home (Nottingham, UK: piss poor latitude) on the 16th September, right in time for the English winter.

    If the past two winters are anything to go by then my mental health is odds on to deteriorate, my motivation/drive dissipate and chronic fatigue will render my existence to resemble that of the crusty sock located at the bottom of my washing pile.

    So why on earth did I come back!? Good question man, I'm not really sure now. The excuse I fed myself was that I've got a strong business opportunity to exploit back here, this may seem true on the face of things I guess. But I'm also flat out broke, a result of my unwillingness to step up and do the difficult things necessary to claw my way out of a handsome amount of debt I have accumulated in the past 2 years attempting different business ventures and fucking things up consistently.

    I have an incessant behavioural pattern of not doing things I don't want to do. I'm 25 and a couple years ago I said to myself I don't want to do this shit work I'm doing now, I'm going to make a go of it in business. Rather than work, save and grind my business ventures out on the side I just took out loans and went with it. I fucking HATED working in warehouses, bars, construction, shops I HATED IT ALL. Which is exactly why I should've kept on doing it because now I'm in a position where my finances have dictated me and my circumstances.

    It's been this way my whole life man, I left school as soon as I possibly could aged 16, I tried further education aged 22 and couldn't even finish the first year before dropping out. My reluctancy to even fill out forms, do my banking, basically do ANYTHING unless I want to do it has plagued me my whole life...

    And I didn't even know. I thought I had such an acute sensitivity of my own behaviour but I had no fucking idea. That was until my friend went ALL IN for me on the evening of 18th September. I hero worship warriors and people with that "fuck you, nothing will beat me mentality" most notably fighters: boxers, martial artists etc. And could you even believe I thought I had that mentality myself?? Hahaha Jesus Christ man it is literally the polar opposite, no wonder I look up to them so much, because they have in abundance what I severely lack. An ability to put up with pain, do what is necessary, GET IT DONE NO MATTER THE COST, the mentality, the warrior's mindset. I fucking love that shit.

    So my question for anyone reading this would be; how would you react to one of your circle of 6 going ALL IN for you? Would you disregard it straight away (like me)? Would you take the time to reflect? It took a long time for this to sink in for me properly and would I of ever even awakened to this unless my friend bought it to light?

    You might have a pattern of behaviour that is seriously fucking with you that you don't even know about so don't get too cocky with your current virtues. If you go deep down inside of you that/these quality(s) might of even been present your whole life, holding you back without you knowing.

    These are all rhetorics of course but you see what I'm saying. For now I understand the value of making small changes, I'm starting with CT. This is a protocol I have never really practiced daily, nor with any sort of progression. Let's be honest, it's the most difficult one to do; it's tough getting in that tub of ice is it not? Does it ever get easier? No. This is why for me it's absolutely paramount that I get going with this, I actually started 3 days ago but relapsed yesterday because I'm a pussy so I started again this morning.

    I never put any metrics on it before; I just hopped in the cold water and when I deemed it acceptable to get out (basically when it got a bit cold) I did- what a mug. I now have a timer, a quantifiable number of ice blocks (I need a temperature gauge which I literally can't afford now) but I get paid within the week so that'll be the first thing I get. So here is my first official entry for my CT:

    13 ice blocks for 9 minutes you got to start somewhere right? As long as I beat this time every day/make the water colder every day then I am very, very slowly but surely sculpting the warrior I desire so much to be... Rather than the man I am right now- I understand this isn't much and maybe I will relapse again... And again... And again but fuck me I will not stop until I continue to do the things I don't want to do. I will educate myself on Kruse's science like I've been so reluctant to do in the past. I will engage in the Kruse community like I have been so unwilling to do in the past. I WILL get a shit job I FUCKING HATE if that's what it takes to get myself out of this debt I'm in. I will master my shit, easy-way-out mentality in this lifetime because I will not be satisfied otherwise.

    I kinda hope my friend doesn't read this because I don't want him to think I'm on here just so it looks like I'm fronting the effort to make a change haha how pathetic even is it that I even care about that? Fuck what insecurity I have towards him reading this- I know he will anyway at some point as he's an active member on here.

    Sean I love you man, I don't know how long this process will take me but I'm fucking on this shit.

    Much love,

    MITpowered26 and Phosphene like this.
  2. drezy

    drezy New Member


    Knowing how you fall apart, especially when you are young, is important. Start to identify the little signs along the way because they are likely there and will be an excellent guide. It took me till 27 to even identify that I do have the ability to fall apart, even though I had been for a while.

    Debt in business is not necessarily a bad thing, especially when all currencies are subject to planned inflation. Wielding debt favorably is a skill much like welding an Oxygen-acetylene torch. Without proper education or mentorship and personal focus it can be disastrous.

    Maybe either too much stuff was done for you when you were younger or the opposite and you did not have a good role model that practiced focus. Dopamine is surely tied up in there too for sure, but I'm keeping it simple.

    The first 2 weeks if I remember.
    Don't be. Also this metaphor is well understood but inappropriate because that particular organ is:
    1. My favorite one
    2. Incredibly elastic and strong
    3. Bears forth life (I've never admitted this, but I actually emerged from one)
    4. Is run on a hormonal system way more sophisticated than you and I run on

    Do act for yourself. Based on your understanding of how and when you fall apart you'll do well if you remain focused and do yourself this favor.

    It's supportive to connect to people here that do this.
  3. RMW

    RMW New Member

    Appreciate the welcome and the insightful words; especially those related to the metaphor in question haha.

    You're bang on about having too much stuff done for me and also about the role model bit! Without question the dopamine story too.

    Just for my own reference I hit up the ice bath this morning with: 14 ice blocks for 11 minutes. It feels pretty straight forward right now but I'm not going to drastically increase the time or decrease the temperature just yet... Just gunna keep on going and aim to beat this every day. I've never actually given myself metrics to aim for/beat so it feels good to be very slightly better than yesterday.

    Then again it's all well and good saying this while it's early days but we'll see how this all pans out.
  4. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Welcome Robin! (Nice name)

    I can sense the similarities between you and Sean—good on you for jumping in and doing the work! It’s worth it.
    RMW, Sean Waters and MITpowered26 like this.
  5. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Go for it!

    RMW and Sean Waters like this.
  6. Sean Waters

    Sean Waters New Member

    I continue to be astounded by your open mind and bravery.

    Never be ashamed of what you write here, even for me, this is a safe place to journal and discuss your ideas, thoughts and actions... this is the place where you can bear your soul and be sure that the people here want to nourish it just as much as you do.

    The people I had in mind when I advised you to join up here have already made their presence known to you before I even sensed you were on here. That is credit to them, they are all amazing people.

    This is why I wanted you, above all, to join the forum... because I couldn't help you on my own. I saw a friend sinking... and I couldn't save you without breaking you apart with my words. I'm sorry it had to be such a rough storm, but I hope that you can start to build the Strength within to take control of every single aspect of your life so you never need anyone else ever again...

    Take control of your debt, of your choices, of your education, of your relationships........ all these things I haven't mastered myself, but the act of continually getting back on the Surf Board (or in the Tub for you this week) will eventually pay dividends for you.

    That is what many people here are trying to do, including myself. This is why this place is so important... because when you fall, there are others falling too, or those who have fallen similar, and they can show you how to get back on that board and ride the waves a little better each time.

    Joining here was the best Bio-Hack I ever did. More than CT, Sun or anything. I hope you get from it what I have brother.

    Welcome to the best community in the world mate.

    Ps. This is comment #6
  7. Sean Waters

    Sean Waters New Member


    That's what I use for the CT Temperature testing BTW... it is £7... hopefully cheaper than what you were looking at.

    And... if you use the Blocks like I do, swishing them round the bath for 5 minutes or making waves will cause them to Melt Faster! That way you get a Colder Temperature.... It might take you from 55-60°F down to the optimal window 50-55°F...
    RMW likes this.
  8. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    "Never be ashamed of what you write here, even for me, this is a safe place to journal and discuss your ideas, thoughts and actions... this is the place where you can bear your soul and be sure that the people here want to nourish it just as much as you do."

    This ^^^^^^^^^
  9. drezy

    drezy New Member

    What is the mass or volume of the ice block?
    RMW and Sean Waters like this.
  10. Sean Waters

    Sean Waters New Member

    Mine are 1 Litre Plastic Cups, filled with water, frozen for 24 hours...

    To be clear, this is the process....

    I take them out the freezer, and put them in the Bath that is usually running concurrently with cold water, and as it melts a little, I shake the cup and the block slides out. I do it with all 12. Then, once full I shut off the tap, stack the empty cups, take them for re-fill at the sink, and then put them in the freezer. Then I go back to the tub and go through that Fearful moment of "oh fuck here we go" and jump in.

    Hopefully, once the Water temp. drops in a few weeks, I can split the 12 into 6 cups to get it down to below 55 F, and do Twice Daily CT.
    Phosphene, RMW and drezy like this.
  11. drezy

    drezy New Member

    I'll spare you my scribbled math.

    Easy rule of thumb:
    Each kg (L) of ice should lower 50 gallons (190L) 0.5ºC once melted.

    Man that metric system sure is nice to work with.
    Phosphene likes this.
  12. Sean Waters

    Sean Waters New Member

    Which is about right.... Going from about 18.5°C natural temperature to 12°C with 12 blocks.

    But, if you make the waves in the tub, they melt faster and make it colder..... I can get it down to 10.5°C now.
    drezy likes this.
  13. RMW

    RMW New Member

    Literally been on here for less than 72 hours and the reception has been unreal, thanks to all involved. And yes geez, much cheaper than the one I was eying up haha, I'll get on that.

    For my own reference this morning: 16 ice blocks for 13 minutes.

    The blocks I'm using are half litre cups for anyone interested. I'm finding that the satisfaction of improving upon a previous time to be a seriously powerful incentive/drive to get it done.

    Hope everyone has a wonderful evening/day.
    Phosphene and Sean Waters like this.
  14. RMW

    RMW New Member

    17 ice blocks for 14 minutes this morning. On this shit.
    Sean Waters likes this.
  15. RMW

    RMW New Member

    18 blocks for 15 minutes.

    Without a doubt getting into the tub is the real test. Running the water, throwing in the ice and ignoring that voice that says "I don't wanna do this". But I've found that once I get in, then I'm good. I seem to dip in and out of a flow-state of being present where time stands still but also moves fast simultaneously.

    When I come out of this presence then I'm thinking "fuck this is cold" and often laugh about what I'm actually doing. The last few minutes are also interesting because although they're on paper the hardest part... They're also the easiest as you can see the finish line.

    I have this egg timer which just ticks away, I do a good job of not looking at it and the monotone ticking is almost like a mantra keeping me in the present moment and gets me thinking a lot about time.

    If such a state of presence can make one's perception of time to both stand still but move fast simultaneously, then what even is time...
    Phosphene likes this.
  16. RMW

    RMW New Member

    19 blocks for 16 minutes. This morning was actually the easiest it felt... Unsure as to whether the temperature was warmer than previous though hence why I need to actually record the temperature (thermometer has just been ordered). I also ate a lot more at breakfast than usual before which may of had something to do with it, but either way although I'm tempted to ramp it up by throwing a load more ice in there and challenging myself to stay in longer but I'm going to keep with the slow incremental increase; small changes.

    Business has so far been going good, I spend most of (if not all) my waking hours grafting away on it with the exception of AM sun rise/CT, 1 hour reading before bed, walking to and from the shop (I have no car but use that as an opportunity to get outside) and now this forum of course.

    Part of me thinks, well I should be sacrificing more time for my own learning, education, reading or spending time outdoors, improving my redox but also I'm still in that start-up phase of business. This is still only my second year and every minute of every hour that isn't spent working on it I feel comes at potential opportunity cost to keep that fire burning (and keep myself financially afloat).

    However if I'm not investing in myself then the complete reverse could be the case ie: the time spent on my business could even be the opportunity cost that is holding me back in the business world, as I'm not leaning!? I'm not sure... And I don't know if 1 hours worth of reading is enough time to explore this as being a possibility.

    What I do know is if I want to continue to pay myself and pay back my debts I either go down the route of getting that normal job I can't stand so much (which I'm now prepared to do as I wasn't before) or keep doing what I'm doing right now which is affording me to pay myself and pay my debts back each month (only just mind you) but also it grows my business faster each day and slowly brings me potential full security over controlling my reality in this crazy world. "Money doesn't buy you happiness but it does buy you freedom" to quote my old man.

    Especially given my recent awakening to the fact of being so reluctant to do the things I don't want to do this is a bit of a "not sure which way to go with this" kinda decision. The ice baths are teaching me a lot so far and it's a good start, I'm not even 1 week in though so we'll see. Is going all in for this business the easy way out for me? It's certainly what I would much rather do than the alternative so where do I draw the line between doing things I don't want to do and doing what I actually WANT to do?

    I don't want to make poor decisions based on simply just doing things I don't want to do because the suffering might bring me wisdom. I could then be at risk of being in the hands of a 5G world much further away from escape than I am right now.

    Maybe this is a yin and yang kinda deal: yes do the things you want, but also embrace that which you don't want... I have been polarised to the yang of brightness, doing what I want all the time with no care for the yin, suffering and darkness. The CT is maybe balancing me very slightly everyday as I go for longer, colder, more difficult challenges in the tub... But not so much where I give up my passion and desires for doing what I want to do.
    Phosphene likes this.
  17. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Great to see your strides with CT, RMW! :)
    RMW likes this.
  18. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    What is your business, if you don’t mind me asking?
  19. RMW

    RMW New Member

    Appreciate it my guy

    And of course no problem: I work with social media, so I spend a lot of time filming, uploading and editing etc. most recently I started to sell videos online with moderate success; but the obvious has to be pointed out that it involves a lot of screen (RF) time. I excuse this by telling myself that once I build it up enough- that the dopamine robbing tasks will be able to be outsourced but we'll see.

    This morning: 19 blocks for 17 minutes. Felt quite easy again, my temperate gauge arrives today though so I'll know now if maybe the water has just been warmer these past couple days or if my mitochondria are just more equipped for the task. I will however take mild satisfaction in doubling my time tomorrow (18 minutes after starting at 9) after it only being 1 week.

    Still doesn't seem a lot but if on day 1 someone said to me "stay in that bath for twice as long as you just did" not a chance would I consider it- so it's nice to think now that I'm actually looking forward to it tomorrow. The water needs to get colder though, I know it does.

    Edit: I need to invest in more plastic cups today too hence why I didn't throw in another block of ice. Another good sign though I'd say. 1 week in but I'm feeling good.
  20. RMW

    RMW New Member

    20 blocks for 18 minutes. Thermometer didn't arrive yday but I should have it today- shame because it felt colder today in the tub so it would've been good to have some clarity on the temp.

    Also: yesterday I would mark officially as my first real day of actually educating myself on Kruse's research; I listened to 2 podcasts and I read the CT protocol blog. I must admit this morning I did have my reservations about the cold tub thinking "have I just attempted to short-cut this as I always try and do, shouldn't I start with the face dunks?" But having read the comments in the blog it seems that the route I'm taking now is also good.

    I "met" a German girl in Tenerife who I'm still in touch with and she told me that the island lost all electricity yesterday too. I found it to be a perfect coincidence that it marked the day I had just dived into the research of nnEMF and blue light that this happened. The universe is for sure giving me the nod of approval.
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2019

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