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Prana: Emerging

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by BigPapaChakra777, May 29, 2013.

  1. I just wanted to start a journal to share my experience and gather the insights of all the brilliantly helpful minds here on these forums. I want to update and quantify (subjectively, without labs/markers/etc.) my experience with both the leptin reset and my adventures with martial arts and living optimal. I also wanted to create this as an official greetings to everyone here, since my first post was just a question to everyone. I'm not sure on the frequency of the updates, and I'm not necessarily doing this for views/comments, I just think it'd be a nice way to track how I feel and the journeys I'm on with the option of like minded individuals commenting along the way. Let me begin.

    I was born November 25, 1994. I was born anemic and was rushed off from my mother by the doctors. If I remember correctly I had to be put under I heat lamp as well because I was too cold - I know I had to get Iron shots for some amount of time as well. I was told that for the first few seconds of my life my eyes appeared to be black. No one believes my father but he swears that my eyes were almost completely black for the first few seconds. I remember bits and pieces of my very early childhood - I lived in a nice home with my mother, father and my grandmother, or Bubby as she enjoys us calling her even though we are not Judaic/Israeli. Tensions quickly escalated and we had to split ways because my father and my mothers mother (Bubby) did not get along, we eventually moved into an apartment complex nearby my elementary school, and my younger brother Max was born on October 21, 1998. Things were okay in my childhood. I was enthusiastic and enjoyed life, I can remember that. I enjoyed school and I loved my brother although I kind of tormented him at times and really regret it. I didn't have many friends until later in life, mainly because I was extremely shy. There was also always a lot of fighting between my mom and my father, as there is to this day. They don't see eye to eye on life, and my father tends to create excuses for himself while being very negative, and then he wonders why things are always negative. My mom even worked pregnant with me, she worked two jobs for some time (as a waitress for two large restaurants walking miles a day while on shift), and often worked 12 or more hours a day. We often had money problems. I remember times where the water/heat/cable/electricity would be out for days at a time.

    Skipping ahead to middle school, this is when I really started to make friends. I actually had quite a lot of friends at this time, and I was on both the football team and wrestling team (I had also played football previously for some odd years as a child). I got sick quite a lot and remember missing something like over twenty days a year of school. I always had upset stomachs, nausea, dizziness, headaches, sore throats, and more. My diet was terrible, too. I remember drinking lots of coffee with my mom, as she really ONLY drinks coffee unfortunately. I would pour about half a cup of coffee (which was already weak as my mom enjoys it) only, and the other half I would put milk in. I would also dip many cookies into the coffee (chocolate chip warmed in the microwave). I remember I had to lose weight if i wanted to be on the "middleweight" football team in 8th grade so I can continue to play for my favorite coaches/teachers - and I did just that. I ate unhealthily that summer, although I thought it was healthier due to more salads and what not, and ran many times a week and lifted weights. I maintained my weight of about 120 some odd pounds and became the running back AND outside linebacker for the team - I played both ways as did two other players on the team - no breaks during the games whatsoever. This continued into high school. I played outside linebacker for my freshman team, and then ironically enough I played noseguard sophomore year at only about 140 pounds and at this time 5'5-5'6. Wrestling was brutal as well. One year I wrestled for two teams at the same time and often had eight practices a week, a "duel meet", and sometimes a tournament. For those who don't know, wrestlers are by far the masters of cutting and maintaining weight. I mean that in a bad way though, it's entirely unhealthy. Joe Rogan speaks about it a lot on his podcast. You would be dehydrated by the time of the weigh in approximately an hour before you were scheduled to wrestle, only to dehydrate and wrestle all day. You would have to lose 2, 3, 4, sometimes 5 or more pounds in a couple days. You would be starved, dehydrated, and would run with five or six layers of clothing on in a hot room. Coaches would tell you not to shower the morning of because the water could weigh you down from being absorbed into your skin.

    High school sports, although I really miss greatly, was definitely the start of bad habits for me. I would get home late and have to rush to do homework, at this point becoming mentally and physically exhausted but realizing education was important I would get the homework done. I would fall asleep at 1 or 2 am and have to wake up my 6:30am to go to school all day and then wrestle or play football for two or three hours after. Sometimes wrestling meets would get done at 10 at night, only for us to be required to get back to school the next day (Saturday's) at 4am to prepare for a tournament that would take 12 or more hours to complete. Man, just thinking about it makes me want to go back - as crazy as that sounds. I have the feeling of love and excitement in me when I think about it. Similar to how I feel when I think about my fiance, obviously not NEARLY as intense, but you get the idea. During this time we had continuing financial difficulties that were stressed by my younger brother becoming increasingly ill. He always had problems as a child - born with asthma and eczema, almost died in the womb, DEADLY allergic to many foods (fish but not shellfish, tree nuts but not peanuts, many medicines such as penicillin, and much more). He had fistula's that were unknown at the time - one of them got injured one night and started bleeding profusely. This is what lead us to discover he had diseases (although they couldn't figure that out at the time). He had many surgeries to remove fistulas and close up holes that were inside of his anus. He had tubes put in there to drain pus. He got worse and worse. We found out he had Crohn's a few years later, and soon after we found out he also had Peri-anal disease. *GRAPHIC IMAGE WARNING* right now he literally has a large opening right between his anus and genitals that needs to get packed with gauges/bandages with highly potent chemicals every day. My mom is his stay at home nurse and no longer can work because she needs to pack him and help him in the shower and getting dressed. He is on many medications - 6MP, which to my knowledge is used for cancers, Oxycodone for pain and up to four or six pills a day, and a host of other medicines to "control his disease" and some to loosen his stools (even though he can't sit on his rear to go to the bathroom - he lays down all day and only walks to get food or a drink quickly before becoming too painful).

    Around this time (I was then 16), things quickly escalated for me. Although I was in AP courses and doing well in school, I started to abuse substances. Ironically enough I started hookahing at this time and using alcohol BEFORE marijuana. To this day I believe marijuana is a medicine and a tool for spiritual development, but I unfortunately can no longer use it. I hookah'd, used alcohol, then progressed to marijuana and stayed a "pot head" for about a year before experimenting with other things. I first tried adderall and other ADHD meds to study and to combine with marijuana for synergistic effects. I then tripped a few times on psychedelics, and to be honest they were catalysts to me becoming increasingly philosophical and spiritual. I regret doing some of the things I did, though. I took psychedelics out of their nature, and rather than using them sparingly as tools for spiritual development and introspection, I used them at concerts mixed with substances such as MDMA and ketamine. I started going to lots of concerts using many drugs every time and in large quantities all combined. I even dabbled into xanax and other drugs such as DXM. The only thing I'm grateful for, is the fact that the amount of research and reading I do now on nutrition/religion/physiology/etc. I did on drugs through very factual sites and sources. I understood how drugs interacted and the half-lifes of them. Unfortunately I did this so I could enhance the effects of all the drugs and make them last longer. Many of my friends always went to me to ask me questions on these things because I knew so much random info such as avoiding MAOI's on certain drugs and combining MAOI's on others (some psychedelics) to enhance the effects. I also did this, though, so I would never grow addicted. I also avoided many other drugs such as cocaine and heroin because those are down right disgusting, and even my former self using and abusing many substances would NEVER touch anything as addictive and destructive as those chemicals.
  2. My life all changed one day when I accidentally ingested PCP (or embalming fluid, I'm not sure). It used to bring me horrific anxiety to even think about the event or speak about it. For months when me and my fiance would take walks and she would smoke a cigarette, if I even looked at the cigarette I would get increasingly anxious. She would ask me to explain but I couldn't as I would feel I was about to freak out. I ingested this substance through a cigarette which was laced at a concert. I just wanted one puff for a nicotine buzz as I never smoked cigarettes in my life, but unfortunately it came with much more than that. I was already on other substances as well. After this day I grew increasingly worse. I had anxiety which I never had before. I came to the verge of panic attacks many times. My mind would wander and I would lose control of my thought processes. I become sensitized to bad thoughts - if something came up on the television about murder, rape, or suicide... my mind would not be able to get off of it. I continued to occasionally use at this point, but a lot less because it would just mess with my psyche. If I smoked marijuana, I would get this massive surge of pressure in my head. I mean it literally felt like my head was going to implode or just collapse under the pressure of itself. Then massive aura's would come - migraine like aura's - I would get photosensitive and in my peripheral vision I would see blobs of pink/blue/green/etc. It wasn't necessarily hallucinations - if you read about migraines (which I thought I developed), if you have occipital migraines they can affect vision - people get wavy vision, tunnel vision, see aura's as I described, some even hallucinate as described by Oliver Sacks books on migraines and hallucinations. Some people even developed 2d vision (from other similar disorders). Marijuana became worthless to me as I couldn't even enjoy it because of how anxious I would get and the head pressure and aura's/visual illusions. This carried over to my day to day life while sober - things would have a shimmer affect to them, almost as if they were moving slightly or vibrating. I was extremely photosensitive and had daily headaches (very terrible ones - even an athlete who wrestled with a broken elbow felt helpless to these). I would have after-images of not only lights, but anything I look at. If I look at a color on a digital clock and look away, the digital clock number/color is imprinted in my vision for a second and I still temporarily see it.
    This is what lead me to health and fitness. I quickly got into organic foods and avoiding all processed foods, and everything artificial. I drank TONS of green tea every day. These changes seemed to help slightly, but nothing profound. I occasionally would drink alcohol or use xanax, though, which was just a bandaid and to not "feel left out" from partying and what not. Those were the only two things that wouldn't make me anxious. Flash forward some odd months to when I started dating my best friend and presently my fiance, I started making more changes. I moved in with her for a month because my air went out at home and it was too hot in summer for my head to handle. Ohhh how I loved those days waking up to her gorgeous face with no make up and her hair down.... just like I like her - the way she roles out of bed is when she is most beautiful. I ended up becoming vegetarian at this time - it actually temporarily made me feel well for a month or so. My migraines became less and so did my anxiety. But I suspect this was just avoidance of sugar and an increase in organic fruits and veggies with lots of green tea. I also took cold showers quite a bit as I read it would increase fat loss via BAT activation. I did this for the wrong reasons though. I needed to (and need to) gain weight/muscle, not lose weight. I was only around 145 at the time and would end up waking up in the morning and jogging for 30 or so minutes, then come back and lift weights for over an hour. Knowing what I know now.... damnnnn was I stupidddd. Over exercising every day almost of every week, eating a vegetarian diet skewing to the point of veganism (I cut out all dairy and replaced it with fake shitty vegan dairy) and ate lots of non-organic, unshelled, NOT raw nuts that probably contained molds and other toxins. I eventually made the switch to a better but not optimal "Slow Carb Diet" and included more beans and eggs - fortunately all organic. Unfortunately I used things such as grapeseed oil for all my cooking. One step forward, two steps back. The slow carb diet would leave me bloated, gassy, feeling lethargic, and smelling like garlic from all the damn garlic supplements I was taking as per Tim Ferriss' recommendations.
    To speed things up, I accidentally ate meat at a restaurant and just went ahead and enjoyed it. I told myself I would only eat meat then if it was grass-fed. I quickly found the paleo diet through Marks Daily Apple and PaleoHacks. I asked many questions on there. I made a question about curing my brother of his ills, and another about my own problems. Dr. Kruse commented and was ridiculed but he was the only one who made any sense. I often thought I needed neurofeedback/brain training and a host of other interventions, and Jack basically said I needed to read his EMF series and follow everything in there. I didn't, I just listened to ALL his podcasts on CT and started ramping up the cold showers. I eventually heard Dave Asprey on Joe Rogan and was in awe. I searched up his blog and started listening and annotating all his podcasts and presentations. Long story short, I purchased a lot of books that I still need to finish (I always read half, annotate everything, summarize info, look at cites, then find a new book to read, lol) - Good Cals, Bad Cals, Meditation by Marcus Aurelius, Body By Science, Perfect Health Diet, Better Baby Book, and so many more. My life has now been changed. I'm going to my local college a year earlier than all my old friends since I earned my GED, and have been taking additional courses and certifications online in genetics and philosophy. I take everything as FAR as it can go in terms of research and utilization. For instance, I'm reading through each Leptin Prescription blog, all the comments as well, and annotating it, forming it into a word document, and summarizing my notes. Then I'm looking through and annotating all the citations given. I'm going to order Master Leptin (3rd Edition) when I get the money and read that as well as other books Dr. Kruse recommended. I've been intermittently doing Jiu-Jitsu but haven't had the funds the past two months, but I plan on starting again. My dream is to compete in an internationl/continental tournament. I want to become one of the best. I would love to do MMA, but considering my concussion history, and my substance use, I'm not risking my well-being and contentedness with life, as well as my longevity, just so I can experience the thrill of fighting. Jiu-Jitsu is close enough and almost like a form of meditation. In fact, just as Zen is applied to archery and tea drinking, I'd like to apply zen to Jiu-Jitsu. Now, I'm doing the Leptin Reset (although I still workout), and I'm taking ice cold showers and wearing minimal clothing even when it is freezing out. I've been trying to ground myself as well. I did the LeptinRx once before for only about a week and noticed I started waking up earlier and earlier and falling asleep around midnight rather than 2-3am... well, 3 days in and the same results are happening... I woke up at 7:30 today after falling asleep around 12:30am. I feel as though the combo of blue light blocking glasses and a big breakfast really just stimulate my circadian rhythm. I will continue this for the next 5 or 6 weeks and see how I feel... maybe continue it and if not I will go on the Post Leptin Reset eating plan for 4-8 weeks, then dabble in with weekly fasts. I want to keep this to update how I feel, maybe include some photos of my improvements (muscle gain/dark circles going away/etc.), as well as how I perform in Jiu-Jitsu on a cyclical keto and increasingly strict keto diet.

    Thank you all, you are all so helpful and inspiring. I wish you all the best and hope everyone on the road to recovery the easiest journey possible, and those more performance minded - I hope you succeed in every way your heart desires (Barry, lol). I'm extremely gracious I've found this and the bulletproof exec blog/forums, my life has been changed.
  3. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    Welcome to journal land BigPapa!
  4. So, the past couple days I have been rather content, though I've noticed my tendencies arising to worry about my food and physique. I've been wondering if all this time I've had a hidden eating disorder. I remember days of freshman year high school (before I leaned out from year round football/wrestling) I would always look in the mirrors to see if I appeared fat. Even in my football pads I would do the same as I was issued lineman shoulder pads although I was a linebacker (well, they aren't different but I had larger/broader pads for some reason, they didn't quite fit). I wouldn't enjoy eating at lunch sometimes because I would get bloated and just feel fat. I would always try to stand up straight and do odd things with my body language to appear thinner/more muscular. Even after I got into health/fitness, after I turned a temporary vegetarian, I was trying to lose weight although I should have been maintaining or gaining. And even now, I find myself to worry about my physique. My muscles looked rather flat in the mirror, and it was discouraging. Although I think it is nothing more than the simple fact that when I workout (1-2x a week BBS style) I can't target my chest well because I don't have a bench and pushups are my only resort, but I have equipment to target other areas (67.5lb dumbbell rows, dumbbell swings, dumbbell squats, etc.). I want to gain muscle so badly but I NEED to stop worrying and allow it to come to me.

    In terms of the Leptin Reset style of eating, I'm undecided at this point, but it's only been roughly a week (maybe 6 days I believe). It definitely helps my circadian rhythm.... I go to sleep earlier and wake up earlier. I feel slightly more refreshed in the morning (but nothing extraordinary), and I get hungry at around the same times (although it isn't really true hunger, if I want I can just tune it out and not eat). I haven't been doing so well with eating within 30 minutes, more in the time frame of 30-60 minutes, I hope that is still okay. I also skip lunch, normally I'm going 7-10hrs between eating breakfast and dinner, then 10-12hrs from dinner to breakfast. I have been continuing my cold showers - they are getting very easy, I can jump right into the coldest temperature and only just start getting goosebumps/hairs beginning to raise after 8-10minutes.

    Interestingly enough, I took a 12 minute cold shower right before working out today, and I noticed a slight increase in all my lifts. I don't know whether I should attribute this to CT or not yet, though, as I have some other theories I'd like input on. 3 and a half days a go I worked out and ate carbs after, about 175 of carbs when including what I ate from mussels. Ughhh did I feel bloated after, though, I doubt it was the carbs themselves and more because of fructose as I incorporated a Banana and fruit ALWAYS makes me bloated (I'm DONE with fruit, even in summer). I'm wondering if I just wasn't in ketosis yet, before my workout today. I've been eating a cyclical keto diet and noticing my increasing rate of fat adaptation, I want to keep it, and I'm worried I may have stalled/knocked it back a notch by eating so many carbs the other day, I normally refeed with 100-150 MAX. The thing is I had over 72hrs of VLC eating with "mini fasts" (dinner-to-breakfast, breakfast-to-dinner), as well as multiple tbsp of MCT Oil a day. I definitely feel I had to have been dipping back into a ketotic state. Regardless, I'm happy that my lifts continue to go up, I just need to refine my refeeds and eventually (slowly) drop them.

    If anyone does happen to read this, I was wondering what someones take was on a few things. (1) should I even stress not eating EXACTLY within 30 minutes, if I'm off by say 15-20mins? (2) Am I not creating a biological mismatch by doing increasing amounts of CT in summer with cyclical carb eating? Should I just do CT in summer when exposed (a cold night with minimal clothing), should I keep it, should I drop all carbs?

    On a side note, It's been raining often here, and I love the rain. I walk barefoot basically everywhere now - whether I'm taking out the trash, walking to a field to do foundation training, walking to the car, etc. And I would imagine the wet soil/grass is more conductive for grounding. I'm wondering if there are other effects that may enhance my well being since there is all the rain and lightening. I remember Dr. Kruse saying something about that in a comment on a blog post in the Leptin Prescription, I'll have to look over my notes. Damn, that reminds me, I need to get back going on my goal - Read + annotate all Leptin Blogs + associated comments + citations + videos, THEN purchase, read and annotate Mastering Leptin (Third Edition), by the end of summer.... Gotta get moving on that!

    Well, time to go make some lean ground beef with a sweet potato for my post workout with a side of Bulletproof coffee!
  5. cantweight

    cantweight Gold

    Hey BigPapa.....you mentioned in my journal eating raw store bought eggs....I won't eat a cooked factory egg...lol! Nasty stuff man!

    If you have access to any fresh eggs, get them. Even if you have to take a drive to a farmers market, the eggs keep and you can buy a few dozen at a time. Even the "organic" or "cage free" at the grocery are not the best quality.

    You asked if I would consider eating raw eggs....absolutely if they are pastured. When I was really sick a few years back I showed 3 kinds of salmonella in my blood work. I dont screw around with bullshit food anymore...its just not worth it to me.

    Here is an article on eggs.. http://www.healthyrootshappysoul.com/2013/05/do-pastured-eggs-need-to-be-refrigerated.html

    CT is definitely why your lifts increased. Google Daniel Craig...this is his practice..CT then workout for better performance.

    Good luck to you, you are a very bright young man to be figuring all this stuff out at your age. Chill on the body image. Trust in your knowledge that you are fueling properly. I am concerned about the amount of exercise if you are trying to become leptin sensitive and yeah watch the carbs. I never feel good when i yo yo in and out of ketosis.

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