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Phosphene — She Wants To Do Right

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by Phosphene, Jun 21, 2018.

  1. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    <<<HUFF>>> You’re no fun! :zzz:;)

    But of course I get what you’re saying, for the most part. I know the stereotypes but free to expand on your take on “haplo differences”.

    Personally, I’ve been very much at war with alcohol, but have made peace with it in many ways. Yoga, meditation and general mindfulness allow me to inhabit my body and mind along with whatever discomfort is there. I can now observe the pain and negotiate with it, instead of totally numbing it out with alcohol. It’s been an incredible transformation.
  2. drezy

    drezy New Member

    I was a little more wild once upon a time.

    From: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC369461/pdf/molcellb00166-0464.pdf
    "Since ADH catalyzes the conversion of retinol to retinal,which can be further converted to retinoic acid by aldehydedehydrogenase,these results suggest that retinoic acid activation of ADH3 constitutes a positive feedback loop regulating retinoic acid synthesis."

    Straight from Reality# 4

    Straight from Quantum Biology 10:
    " Together these results yield significant insights into the role of vitamin A in maintaining neuronal plasticity and cognitive function in adulthood...

    Dietary deficiency of Vitamin A is rare, but the loss of the recycling in the brain is common and the most overlooked manner in which it occurs is the excessive use of alcohol. Nothing in our diet depletes Vitamin A faster than booze. The biggest factor is blue light, but when you mix the two you are creating an appetite for destruction."

    Think about (human)system design and retinoic acid creation requirements on the equator and then on the Baltic.

    If you drink drink in the sun. being half submerged in cooler water would be nice too.

    BTW my pre-Kruse thoughts on this were driven by the least politically correct discussion I've ever had with a black business owner and landlord as we sipped some alcohol in a Canadian bar. It was mostly his monologue on races, substances, and which white ethnicities sucked (turns out Polish were very admirable in his book). It had me both laughing out of control and looking over my shoulder because I was convinced he was going to start a bar fight.

    I'll PM it if you are interested in that little episode.
    Sheddie, Sean Waters and Phosphene like this.
  3. drezy

    drezy New Member

    Do you mean physical pain or mental pain. Modern English does a bad job differentiating the two. "Anguish" needs to step on up again.
    Phosphene likes this.
  4. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Bound to be entertaining so of course, if you have the time. Oh yeah I forgot—you seem to have taken ”creating time” quite literally. Do tell.
  5. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Both. Writing something up—not done yet.

    Creatures of all sorts do take a shining to me. Does this mean I’m leaking too much light? Both of these guys stayed for at least 10 minutes.



    One of many reasons I have trouble decluttering:

    Sean Waters and KrusinWitchie like this.
  6. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Sean Waters and drezy like this.
  7. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Getting my last chunks of UVI 5-6 this week before it turns sharply colder. (Pup is enjoying as well.) I’ll still be out as it cools but bare skin will be tough. I’ll certainly manage some, but good god I love the warm sun.

    Thinking of putting a camper here to get good sun most of the day, then peaceful cold sleep at night. I can easily picture living in a camper (or two) on this 2 acres, and renting out the main house which is on 4 acres of woods. Even planted that seed with hubs. We shall see...

    Also planning a winter getaway to Mexico. People are so kind and generous with information, and truly caring. This is such an awesome community!

    I feel so much better than I normally do, but of course the upcoming time and weather change will be the test.

    Speaking of tests, getting the following vitamin D done now since I’m so curious about the effects of just summer sun, and no supplements. Just found out that my insurance will cover many more labs starting in January so I’ll probably wait for a full workup till then, before I leave for Mexico.

    It’s worth it to travel an hour for the blood draw. Can combine it with a trip to my favorite Asian and Indian grocers.


    Sean Waters, drezy and KrusinWitchie like this.
  8. drezy

    drezy New Member

    Doggie knows just what to do
    Sean Waters and Phosphene like this.
  9. JanSz

    JanSz Gold

    This place have a cheap labs, thanks for posting it.

    Insulin 004333 - $12.01

    Glucose, Serum 001032 -$7.98

    Homocysteine, Plasma 706994 - $28.01

    The venipuncture fee of $6.95 will be added to the Processing Fee of your lab order.

    Phosphene and drezy like this.
  10. Laura C

    Laura C New Member

    Stopping by your journal to say "Hi" too! I read through and have to say I understand the bizzaro side of it, but I have lived for so many years being a non-conformist that it doesn't come as a surprise to me anymore. I feel that public schooling was intentionally created to breed conformists. I was greeted by the weirdo stare from my man after I told him that after 6 years of researching for why he had problems with staying asleep(getting enough sleep) that led to cluster headaches, I finally had an answer for him. I gave a synopsis of his work environment, looking at 5 computer screens all day then coming home and staring at the tv, gaming and playing on his phone, then connecting that to his melatonin levels, and hormones being out of whack, lack of sunlight on his skin and then delving into his leptin resistance(and I am paraphrasing here for length), He replied with he wasn't interested unless I had some studies to show him from double blind trials that were published in a medical journal. I rephrased and simplified his strategy with offering to make him blue blockers and explaining the light spectrum aspect of artificial lights. He went to bed without speaking to me(and I got no lovin that night either). It's so hard to deal with that from loved ones. But I found out several weeks later that he ordered some blue blockers off amazon (behind my back)and tried them at work but didn't like the color change so he didn't wear them long. I told him where he can get the answers but I can't live his life for him. I did change out our light bulbs and told him that was for my health, because I am worthy of good health and life. He tolerates my weirdness and says he is the skeptic in our relationship and I am the total believer in woo woo. LOL, so it is what it is. My kids are all in for being healthy so they do what I do, and listen as I teach them in homeschool the science of mother nature.
    I like that property you are at in the photos above. I have been longing for some land with a natural spring and just privacy so I can get my sun on.
  11. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

  12. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Sending this to my sons, and anyone else who might listen.

    My favorite scene...Kiniki gone very, very wrong.


    Michalis and Jenelle like this.
  13. Hi @Phosphene .... I'm feeling you on the drop in the UV... It is down to UVi 1 in the AM and on a clear day at 1pm we get up to a UVi 3...

    In London we are in a really mild winter, so the low sun isn't being offset by the extreme cold we normally face.

    Current symptoms: Boredom, lack of satisfaction or interest in anything, wanting to buy or consume things, spending more time on tech too.

    If i'm busy at work or college I'm fine, but as soon as I stop I wonder what the fuck am I doing here feeling like this.....

    Couple of hacks that I've used are Saunas at 80-100°C, Icelandic Water - nice and cold and obviously the Cold Showers and Ice Baths. Oh and planning your Christmas break to the Equator...

    But in reality, and I've never felt so strongly about this, nothing replaces the Sun for the dopamine man. Took me 2 years to get the Time/Reality blogs, but I can feel it more than ever right now... even with all my other vital signs being good, the low Dopamine is a KILLER.
    KrusinWitchie, shah78 and Phosphene like this.
  14. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Damn it’s been an intense month. Late summer and early fall always are for me, but this year...holy moly.

    Both boys in college—Empty nest. Finances a little tight but thank the gods for the college savings plans. Who knows whether the degrees will even be worth their ink, but at least that box will be checked.

    23rd anniversary actually spent here, with this wonderful man who has endured so much hurt. Me not wanting to be somewhere else for the first time in many years. Still want to be alone more often than not, and far to go to repair the damages—but genuine hope that it’s possible. Libido needs a serious jumpstart.

    My British Yogi now really just a friend. Spent the last year detaching, and finally, finally willing to let go. Still so much to say on this experience—a memoir surely awaits. Wish I’d taken better notes along the way. So many moments forgotten or misremembered.

    I feel good but...odd. My writing feels dull and stilted, like just jotting down a skimpy frame that must someday be built out with foundation, concrete, windows, and flowers. Lots of flowers. Feel like I should be in more of a flow with what must certainly be high end of summer redox. Much higher than normal at least. Tinnitus still raging and eczema still persistently annoying. Thoughts still bouncing round the mind like seeds in a dry gourd. Dour moods few and far between, but winter looming large.

    Summary of Major Wins: Leptin reset, awesome sleep (SUNRISES!!!), increased cold tolerance, thicker lustrous hair and nails, chucked most makeup and toiletries, somewhat calmer mind, more confidence, Mexico plans, relatively healthy and happy family, GRATITUDE.

    Okay—time for sleep. Wanted to write about my killer meditation this morning. Tomorrow.
  15. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)


    I still haven’t written about my killer meditation because I’ve been focused on CT. Both doing and learning (or relearning).

    As expected temps have plunged and I’m optimistic but still nervous about embracing the cold. The house has a geothermal heat pump (the following behemoth is right under the far corner of the master bedroom/home office, though thankfully a slightly older NON web-enabled version...)


    I have to say it does work well, and our electric bill is relatively low considering everything is electric. But yeah—everything is electric. :thumbsdown::(

    There is a propane fireplace in the great room that I’d like to use more often, but the heat pump thermostat is there and that would totally screw with temps in the rest of the house.

    We had been advised to keep the temp set at 70 and that fluctuating from there would be inefficient.... This is painful to think about how spoiled we’d gotten with our goddamn artificial climate. I’ve already reduced the temp to 65 during the day and 60 at night, so it’s a start (and frankly yes, I’m uncomfortably cold even at that when not moving around). I plan to go lower but since hubs works from home and is NOT on board with this yet, it’s all a battle. There is separate electric baseboard heat in that room that could be used for him during the day I guess, but the door would need to stay shut and this will confuse the dog and... uhh.

    I’m over-complicating as usual. There must be a solution. Besides moving, for now. The camper is still an option.

    Good news is that I’ve been able to do air CT the past few chilly mornings, removing pre-dawn layers as the sun got stronger till I was in just shorts and Kiniki bikini top in mid-40’s for over two hours. That’s pretty huge for me, but this was in part to full sun, and little wind. Going to need some sort of wind blocking solution. (Appliance box lined with aluminum foil???) Wish I’d built the greenhouse I fantasized about years ago.

    Ah, still didn’t get to the meditation... It was nothing earth-moving, but still cool and worthy of remembering.

    Sean Waters and KrusinWitchie like this.
  16. shah78

    shah78 Gold

    the camper sounds great.
    Phosphene likes this.
  17. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Yes but the camper belongs to my father-in-law, and we aren’t on the best terms at the moment, though that is improving. Plus my husband thinks I’ll use it to just retreat from him further. He likes having me back in the house, even if we are still just glorified housemates. But my argument will be that it’s better for me to be here in the yard, than traipsing all over the world. :whistle: The fact that I didn’t give in to the usually overwhelming urge to be somewhere other than here in September is big progress. I still had options, and I chose to be here. I’ve learned that running away doesn’t solve anything, and that I’m so very blessed to have this stable home base. As electro polluted as it may be, I still feel relatively good here since prioritizing my sun, blue-reduction, sleep cycle, and DHA. Actually DHA has dropped a bit and need to step that back up now that the cold is unavoidable.

    My entangled Yogi went back over the pond Saturday and I’ve been wistful, but not destroyed that our grand adventure has ended. More to say about all of this but not sure how much I want to air. Some big bold plans and challenging goals, and yes, genuine soul-level love there. As my favorite Swami advised, we can still love more than one, as long as we aren’t inappropriately attached.

    And I was so very attached. Planning a whole new life really, but the red flags of that precarious situation finally waved high enough, buoyed by friends helping me sort all of this.

    It was so hard not going to the ashram to help after he broke his leg. They wouldn’t let him stay on without a personal assistant, and the hospital could only do so much after the surgeries to insert a titanium rod in the leg. Travel insurance will pay the core medical expenses, but not the transportation and general assistance he still desperately needs. He spent the past few weeks at a hotel near the hospital, and is now headed back to a terrible situation. His mother’s home was destroyed by unprecedented flooding on the west coast of Wales, and she narrowly escaped rising water, rescued by the fire brigade from the second floor, with her dog.

    Really, what kind of “friend” am I to not do more to help, when I clearly could???

    Lessons here somewhere.


    A bit foggy-brained this morning. Stayed up way too late listening to another epic Q&A—well over 5 hours. Perhaps these need to start earlier? Concerned more for him than me.

    Odd (or not so odd) that I was just thinking of greenhouses. Must explore that further, plus perhaps a wetsuit for the winter river? Good lord.
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2018
    KrusinWitchie likes this.
  18. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Husband has had it with my vilifying all things tech. Visibly bristles when I start yammering about electrosmog or the evil blue-lit Samsung refrigerator.

    A few victories though:
    1. The rarely used microwave died back in June, and despite thinking he might try to fix it (Google says it just needs a new Magnetron...:eek::eek:), it looms there above the stove unplugged as cast iron storage. Ha!
    2. The master bedroom is big enough that half is the home office once commanded by me, now passed to him. The previously maddening conglomeration of electronics and extension cords in this room is now reduced and consolidated to about a third, and on kill switches so everything can be turned completely off with the press of two buttons. It’s a start.
    3. He asked the other day if there is a device we can buy when I can no longer be nearly naked in the sun. I told him, kindly but unhesitatingly, NOTHING CAN REPLACE THE SUN.
    Sheddie likes this.
  19. drezy

    drezy New Member

    Warm blooded American boys, supporting female nudity since 1776.

    <Insert monster truck rally OR Nascar video OR bikini clad women shooting machine guns here>

    In order to assist that warm blooded American boy, I have an idea. You've mentioned a greenhouse. UV light is blocked by most materials, but beekeepers are very aware of the effect of UV on bee behavior/pollination.

    "Among the types of structures to grow in, those covered in a material that allow the transmission of UV light are the most preferable, such as glass, polymethacrylate (PMMA), and polyethylene (PE). Polyvinyl chloride (PVC) and polycarbonate (PC) tend to block UV light and disorient bees."
    from : https://vegetablegrowersnews.com/news/pollination-of-greenhouse-vegetables-a-challenging-endeavor/

    Not quite as good as getting direct sun, but probably way better than being inside:

    Maybe this (piped through the ceiling) and a carbon monoxide detector in there and you're set:
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  20. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    He would support the majority of this, sans balloon boobs:

    Should I lie and say I already own an ammo can? Oh I see there’s an option to have that supplied. Good.

    My parents used to have a fantastic small antique cast iron wood stove collecting dust in the basement till a picker came through and snagged it. Knew I should’ve claimed it.

    It’s surreal to picture myself staying here, doing all the deferred maintenance, maybe even growing some flowers in that greenhouse for my poor neglected gardens. I used to collect exotic perennials, most of which are long gone—only the hardy natives survived.

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