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Phosphene — She Wants To Do Right

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by Phosphene, Jun 21, 2018.

  1. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Pork belly for the win!


    Sheddie and KrusinWitchie like this.
  2. drezy

    drezy New Member


    Keep air fresheners. That's how a car should smell.
    Phosphene likes this.
  3. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Well as I sensed, Inna and I were peas in a pod. She’s living the mitochondriac life in spades and I took many notes. We spent the entire afternoon in and on the bay. (Sorry no pics of that—phones gladly left behind.)

    This is dinner later of cold shrimp and a fabulous homemade cocktail sauce of avacado, tomato, ginger, garlic, and lots of lemon, plus salt, pepper, turmeric. Really yum and refreshing!

    Frozen fresh coconut, dark chocolate, and a little whipped cream for dessert. :)

    Methinks I have a friend for life here. So grateful to talk to someone who doesn’t think you’ve lost your mind. :love:



  4. drezy

    drezy New Member

    You better get that in writing.
  5. Inna

    Inna Platinum

    Love meeting my new quantum friend!!!

    Thanks for wonderful time.

    I could definitely attest your sanity, as long as your attest mine. My daughters definitely think I am crazy and my doctor daughter lectured me the other day about dangers of “cult” mentality, etc...I got frustrated and depressed after those conversation.
    It adds to feelings of isolation if you can’t discuss stuff that matters deeply to you with people you love
    KrusinWitchie, Phosphene and drezy like this.
  6. Jenelle

    Jenelle Evolving

    Mainstream medicine is its own cult in a lot of ways. I don't even need to go into it ~ you know what I mean.

    Stay strong, Inna. You know you are on a good path.

    I'm so glad you guys got to meet up ~ thanks for sharing the wonderful pictures! You both look so happy and vibrant. :)
    KrusinWitchie, Phosphene and drezy like this.
  7. drezy

    drezy New Member

    When people warn me about the dangers of cults it makes me want to throw the snake I'm handling at them and curse in tongues. That'll show em.

    Phosphene, countingstarsx and Jenelle like this.
  8. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Hoo boy! Tumultuous couple of weeks and a bit more to go. Several pre-planned trips into the belly of the 5G beasts exhausted me (except for my refreshingly kickass afternoon with @Inna). I promptly succumbed to a nasty head/chest cold upon regturn, exacerbated by seasonal hay fever, which was fairly under control before these trips. And then the start of a funk with the relentless clouds and rain.

    The trip to Boston did have some highlights though, especially the days with the boys. We do make a nice little family.

    This is a rough time for personal reasons that I still struggle with posting here. I’ve been emotionally distant and on zombie autopilot for 10+ years, plus physically distant on and off for the past 4. Plotting and planning to leave a fortunate but trapped and uninspired life. Tremendous mood swings—hugely depressed in winter/spring to bordering on manic in summer/fall. Increasingly scattered and brain fogged most of the time. Wide array of antidepressants ineffective at best, and landing me voluntarily in the psych ward for a few days at worst. Numerous experiments with prescription stimulants somewhat helpful—till they weren’t. A smattering of Xanax thrown at times in for good measure, and fist-fulls of largely useless supplements. Hormonal birth control of various types for many years. Serious alcohol abuse reversed through yoga, meditation, and yogic philosophy. Years of personal and marital counseling with scant results.

    Uggggggg. :alien:

    It all makes so much sense now it makes me squirm in anguish over the lost years.

    The Kruse protocols are the ONLY thing besides the yoga that’s helped, and I am so grateful. But still so overwhelmed with how far I have to go to reinvent the next half of my life.

    The answers will come, I know they will.

    Looking forward to the Q&A session in a few hours. The boys are home from college, visiting again, so I might be late. Nice to know they actually prefer to be here with us than at their schools, though I do wonder what that says about their schools. Huge topic for another day.
    KrusinWitchie, caroline and Jenelle like this.
  9. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    great pics - Thanks for sharing!

    We get to choose our friends ....how awesome is that!
    Phosphene likes this.
  10. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    Jack has been accused many times of being a cult leader ....and we are apparently sheep willing to follow him off a cliff.

    I don't feel like a sheep? do you?????

    We can only save ourself......truer words were never spoken.

    This is our quantum tribe of thinkers and doers ........mitochondriacs each in our own way with our own set of issues.

    Jack has always told me that I am the lucky one .......I don't have all the science background and I struggle to keep up...but I don't have to unlearn a load of shit that our Doctors spent years studying.

    My money is on you Inna ........your daughters will have to play catch up big time. Maybe they will choose to ignore the light unfortunately - there isn't one single thing you can do except set a fantastic example of health and wellbeing and love and light, especially for your beautiful grand children.

    It is hard, very hard .....but so be it.
  11. drezy

    drezy New Member

    Don't make me step out of this circle of candles!
  12. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    When I was back home after my first tumultuous year in college, my mom was thinking of leaving my Dad. She was envisioning a life of glamour and high rolling success, and started dating some executives in her field. My dad was unemployed and depressed, saying he was going to sleep in the pool shed. The only reason they are together still is because my mom must have subconsciously realized that she had zip to offer to another human in a potential relationship and was interested in just taking. She now belittles him every chance she gets, and has convinced herself that she’s glad they’re still together because he cuts the grass and keeps the house clean. It is overwhelming to think of all the reinventing you will embark upon, but you’ve got tools. A warm heart and a nose for bullshit.
    Phosphene likes this.
  13. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    yeah I know ....I love candles too!
    Phosphene likes this.
  14. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    What an incredibly sad way to live ....sounds like your Dad deserves way, way better......
  15. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    I have thoughts to express about some of these comments but they aren’t surfacing yet. Cut a little close to home, which is ok. Good and necessary.

    Wanted to start off with some positive stuff. First I am very proud of my husband for achieving his first weight loss goal. He still ridicules beliefs about Matrix conspiracies and the nnEMFs saturating the house, but he is certainly convinced about the epi-paleo diet. Can the rest be far behind?


    I’m been outside for hours soaking up the glorious sun while I still can. I will have good UV 6-8 most of the week and intend to take advantage before getting my vitamin D tested for the first time in a few years. (Last time it was 28...).

    Still debating on what other tests to request. My doctor, who I haven’t seen in over a year, is fairly open to my suggestions, to a point. The annoying part is the $500 deductible before the insurance will even consider kicking in, but that’s certainly not bad. I also still need to order the DNA testing, which I’ve been reluctant to do for privacy reasons. I suppose all privacy is moot anymore so what the hell, right?

    Is 23&Me still the best option? Is the full medical report necessary or is the cheaper Ancestry-only version sufficient? Last time I looked into all of this there was talk of all the needed data being in the cheaper version...

    Got close to my nature friends over the weekend, in between yard work.

    Clever markings—hard to tell which end is which till he moves...


    Spot the mantis? One of my favorite insects and the first I’ve even seen here in the yard.


    Nearly nude sunbaking rudely interrupted by this bozo just over the treetops then straight overhead...


    And finally, my eldest with our beloved pup, and the guitar he’s started learning to play, much to my delight.


    Life is beautiful.
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2018
  16. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    Yes. I can be a bit of a negative Nancy, but I do think that people can change. Since moving home near my parents, I have witnessed them make little improvements in health and in character. When they say horrible things about each other and other family members, I put myself in an uncomfortable position by “parenting” them and pointing out unnneccesary rudeness and the like, rather than sweeping it under the rug and smiling pretty as I was raised to do. I think they both deserve better which starts with them caring about themselves more instead of hating on themselves. I think they are learning how to do just that by being exposed to myself and FH. I think I put my foot in my mouth by sharing that without any context. It is important to also recognize their capacity for growth. We can choose to see our loved ones change for the better, even if it is not at the pace that we would call optimal.
    caroline and Phosphene like this.
  17. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

  18. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    It’s been so grey and rainy, the concrete sky rarely cracking enough for sun to peek through. My solar callus is fading fast, and I keep poking away memories of recent past winters spent languishing in a dark room, huddled under thick goose down.

    I can’t and won’t let that happen again. I have new tools to cope this year, and if I can’t cope, I will move.

    One of the most helpful doctors I saw when my health was at its worst and I couldn’t fathom going back to work, any work, was named Hope Woodring. She was (and I think still is) an aging naturopath who does no advertising—a simple yellow page listing and word of mouth only. She practiced out of her massive farm house, and I loved the atmosphere so much I considered moving into a tiny apartment she rented out, and helping with her natural food side-gig.

    Physically, she suspected thyroid and adrenal issues and a low-grade chronic infection in my eustachian tubes, which resonated as very possible. She provided osteopathic manipulation, lymphatic drainage massage and high quality food grade supplements which improved but did not resolve my symptoms. I’ll never forget the part of her diagnostic process that revolved around (woo alert!) astrology. She did a thorough analysis of my birth chart, revealing many uncannily accurate things that brought me to tears. I lost a little faith however, when she insisted that my path would eventually involve leadership in a community health setting.

    What, who ME??? LEADING???

    I couldn’t lead myself out of a paper bag at the time, but I’m starting to see glimpses of how she might have been right.

    Moving an hour away with Hope was one of several options I had back then, thoroughly convinced I was leaving my marriage. For complicated reasons this did not materialize, and instead I went to the ashram for a ten day certification course in Yoga of Recovery. (I will write separately about that amazing experience, but need to move on now.)

    Near the end of the course I would cross paths with a man that changed me and my outlook on...everything. I wasn’t actively looking, but not actively resisting either, and our paths collided. Entanglement to the extreme.

    Oh what a tale to tell.

    To summarize, he was a British yogi living in sunny southern Portugal and, like me, certified to teach yoga but not currently teaching. Also like me, dealing with health challenges but his were far more extreme—15 years of primary progressive Multiple Sclerosis with significant but generally manageable disability. A strong, curious, charming, and fiercely independent kindred spirit, we clicked immediately.

    He is the reason I found Dr. Kruse, after months of researching alternative treatments for MS.

    Why am I saying all of this?

    I guess it’s some of the background for why I’m still struggling now emotionally. My friend, let’s call him A (for many reasons) is currently back in the country at the ashram and I’m......not.

    Despite the fact that there are many good reasons why I’m not, I can’t shake the feeling that our book is not yet complete. There is something big we are meant to do together, even if just platonically.

    Ok this is more than enough for one sitting. The sun is finally out and it’s time to just sit and bask, and meditate.
    caroline likes this.
  19. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    wow .....you write good stuff.........

    What a complicated, fulfilling, eccentric, remarkable, entangled journey we are all on.......
    Phosphene likes this.
  20. Christina Gagnon

    Christina Gagnon New Member

    @ Are you serious Caroline - do cold vodka tonics really have health bebefits?! If so I hope the sam applies to gin and tonics
    Phosphene likes this.

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