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Phosphene — She Wants To Do Right

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by Phosphene, Jun 21, 2018.

  1. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    drezy and Scompy like this.
  2. drezy

    drezy Gold

  3. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    what Dan said ^^^^^^^^
  4. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Recipe turned out really good, with a few tweaks. I hardly ever follow a recipe exactly.
    • Was suspicious of the stated 35-40 minute total squid cooking time and I was correct. Needed closer to 2 hours of stewing for sufficient tenderness and sauce reduction. Probably not a factor of multiplying the recipe.
    • Only multiplied the non-squid ingredients by about 3, not 5.
    • Ran out of thyme (ha!) and used some dried tarragon, plus the bay leaves.
    • Added a bit of turmeric (of course) and some lemon juice and zest at the end.
    • Not the prettiest dish, but tasty. Perhaps it was the suggestion, but I did miss having bread or pasta for all that sauce. Still have a spaghetti squash lying around so might use that with the leftovers.
    • Realizing this is basically Survivor’s Soup plus tomatoes...
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2018
    caroline and drezy like this.
  5. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Getting an overnight guest from one of my friends at the ashram, on her way home to New Jersey for a visit. We don’t get many visitors so I’m in a flurry of cleaning—at least the guest room and bath, which have been my lair for years. She’s bringing some stuff I had in storage that I couldn’t carry on the train back with me in May. Can’t even remember what—clothes and books and sentimental shit probably.

    She is one of the reasons I chose to return. Many hours of discussion on the importance of family, from an aging, single ashramite estranged from much of hers.

    Lots of emotion.
  6. Sun Disciple

    Sun Disciple AKA Paul...That Call Drop'n Canadian

    I looked on the website but couldnt find where he references this. Is it to test how bad your EMF induced tinnitus is?
  7. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    @Sun Disciple — It’s in the list of symptoms, with a note about this frequency in homes with dirty electricity... :(

    I tried it again. Thoroughly appalled that I can’t notice this until I turn it way up. Of course I unfortunately still hear this noise in my head even outside too, but it’s not as loud.

    Last edited: Nov 10, 2018
  8. Sun Disciple

    Sun Disciple AKA Paul...That Call Drop'n Canadian

    Grab yourself a stetzer meter or greenwave meter to test your house for DE. I have not tested a friends or families home that wasnt hot.
    Phosphene likes this.
  9. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    There is a huge list of things to do at this house, and that is one of them. I agree it needs to be moved way up the list. Like many, I’ve been very confused over which meter(s) to get.

    This house is a quaint and eclectic mishmash of 1978 A-frame plus a modular addition in 1995 by second owner, which has its own separate electric distribution board. We added the geothermal heat pump in 2002 covering the whole house, probably complicating things further.

    A few years after moving in there was an electrical issue in the kitchen when we added yet another gadget on an already loaded circuit. When more than 3 things were running at once (unfortunately common) the circuit would trip and we finally got tired of it and called an electrician. He quickly proclaimed that the whole house wiring was royally screwed up and we were lucky it hadn’t burned to the ground. We briefly stopped using the microwave, coffee maker, toaster oven, dishwasher, etc. simultaneously, until he returned to install a new circuit. He also brought a team that combed through the house testing outlets and rewiring stuff. I don’t remember exactly what, but he mentioned some outlets having reverse polarity, among other nonsense. They were here all day and the bill was huge, but the fuses quit tripping and we assumed the problem was solved.

    This is a bad time financially for another major expense, but I know this needs to be prioritized.
  10. Sun Disciple

    Sun Disciple AKA Paul...That Call Drop'n Canadian

    also add a gauss meter if there are any wiring errors your gonna get a nasty magnetic field in that room.
    Phosphene likes this.
  11. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Thanks Paul. I think I’ve been putting this off because I love this house and part of me really doesn’t want to know how bad it is.

    Or conversely, that it’s not actually bad at all, and I’ll have one less thing to blame for all the troubles and lost years.

    Ok stop. Those years were not lost. They shaped who I am, and if it hadn’t gotten to such a hideous mess I might not have found yoga, and lost poorly fitting jobs, and lived in an ashram, and traveled to Portugal, and found Jack.

    I am so very blessed.
    shah78 and Sun Disciple like this.
  12. Sheddie

    Sheddie Silver

    I didn't use the 'official' or Phosphene-adapted recipe yet, but will file it & try it later!

    I found that pressure cooking frozen squid rings came out best & fastest for me, with being the least "chewy." Many hours slow-cooking will probably get close. (Almost has a 'pasta' mouth feel...)
    Phosphene likes this.
  13. shah78

    shah78 Gold

    it counts as ct! yes!
    Phosphene likes this.
  14. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    I try not to get caught up in general news, but the California fires are getting to me. I spent a long-ago summer in Northridge (pre-earthquake) and, well, I’m just glad my instincts prevailed and I’m no longer anywhere near CA, beautiful as it is.

    I think @Matty_M is out there? Prayers/good vibrations for him and all other CA residents.
  15. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    Matty seems to be safe and sound and in Mexico ......even without his passport. Apparently he was able to cross the border by foot. with a driver's license and then get a flight to Cancum
    Phosphene likes this.
  16. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Ah Matty the intrepid traveler—angels have his back for sure and I can’t wait to witness all the good he does for the world. Saw there’s some kind of movie being filmed by/with him in PDC? Didn’t watch yet since I’m trying to stay off social media but difficult when so much new Kruse stuff seems to be there. Understandable for building the business empire but not very compatible with the teachings.

    I’ve been in a funky mood all week since my friend was here. She was in awe of the obvious foundation of love that exists here, and how lucky I am to have a gem of a man who lives and breathes to love, support and forgive me. He really is my rock, holding everything together with the household when my health went off the rails over the years. Still have much to explore in why intimacy on all levels is still so difficult.

    One thing I know for sure—it was a hellish mistake to get entrenched in a new relationship before being completely free of the marriage. I REALLY thought I was so close to freedom during the separation, and that I was only “technically” married while waiting for him to finally, finally agree that an amicable divorce was the best way out of the mess. I realize I was just repeating a pattern from early on of jumping ship when things got tough. Things are still tough, but it’s pretty obvious this man is in my life for a reason, despite our seemingly irreconcilable differences and lack of clear couple goals. Let’s hope I can figure it out before too much more time slips by.

    As much as it may have been a hellish mistake, the inexpressibly deep relationship with my crippled foreign yogi held many blessings as well. I got word that he’s finally moving on and starting to date again, which is good of course, but bittersweet. I’m afraid we are quite permanently entangled and will always hold melded chunks of each other’s heart, mind and soul.

    Another part of my funk is of course the departing sun, but this is the first time EVER that I’m going into winter with awe, gratitude and acceptance.

    Husband is taking the boys into New York City this weekend for two small-ish rock/punk concerts—The Pixies and Jack White, plus some sightseeing and YMCA sleeping. Good bonding (not that they need it). I was invited but frankly those loud, bright concerts are no longer my thing, plus NYC 5G nonsense of course. This is tough since this is very much his thing.

    I’m choosing to stay here all alone and dive deep—maybe even the electric totally off. A few candles, webinars, CT, chanting, yoga, simple fish, hot tea, member Q&A on Sunday. Maybe even a few minutes naked in the first snow of the season. That would be a first for sure!

    Have a few looming tasks I need to complete and it will be so much more at ease going into this weekend retreat with those done and off my mind. Will be DONE by tomorrow afternoon. No excuses.
    KrusinWitchie, Sheddie and caroline like this.
  17. Inger

    Inger Silver

    running away never helps...
    If you stay fully present, accepting and open, soft and tender... do not close yourself, be vulnerable, and at the same time do what is true for you, it will work out exactly as it should!

    I think we always have to begin with ourselves. To be true to ourselves.
    It is not easy, I know. It is going to be painful too. But I cant see any other way.
    I am still learning.......
  18. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Thank you Inger. I’m indeed no longer physically running away from my situation, but I still find myself hiding from my disheveled mind. This past summer of relatively good sun exposure was so luscious and healing, but I can feel mood dropping fast now after the time and UV change, despite more CT. I am ramping it up now, pushing past the persisting aversion.

    This is the faint remaining imprint from my first ever nude snow angel! (I did wear a hat so it’s oddly headless. That should be some kind of horror story—nude headless snow angel...)


    The snow had been much deeper but drizzly rain followed and the 10 heavy, wet inches is disappearing fairly quickly.

    I could only stay with bare skin against the snow and pesky drizzle on front for about 2 minutes before I retreated to my robe and went back upstairs. Then I got annoyed with myself for wimping our so quickly, did some deep breathing, and went back down. The second time there was less of the acute burning sensation of extreme cold, and I could relax into it more. I stayed for about 5 more minutes before my elbows started aching. Took a tepid shower about half an hour later, and the cool skin temp persisted beyond the shower for another hour or so. Some shivering, but not too intense.

    More to say about my weekend retreat, but wanted to post this success. Busy getting ready to visit the old homestead for the holiday.
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2018
  19. drezy

    drezy Gold

    That snow angel has really nicely cold adapted heat producing buns. I think I even see an ember on a couple of those leaves!

    If it's not built into your inner emotional dialog* then maybe use the perspective of an inner finance expert and "account for and consolidate your gains" when you can. Think about it this way, like most of us, you spent decades out of the sun in humanity's blue-lit zoo and covering your surface from natural light. If I were your financial advisor I'd be telling you to "realize" the gain and minimize losses for the next (solar) cycle.

    I can at least say for myself that, on the course I used to be on, the last 1.5 years would have been predominantly health and sanity "losses" for me and for my wife. Feeling better despite another year of aging feels like a big deal to me and it feels like winter is thee to remind me just how tied to the sun it all is. I'm calling it out here year end '18 winter will be my nakedest ever.

    Who knows, you may have inspired @JanSz to post his own naked snow angel picture. I do hear that snow angels get finer with age like a good wine.

    * - There's a range of temperaments from lotus eater hippy dip through Eeyore at least. I'm not sure how many meditations it takes to alter this all that much and the weird thing is that even temperament actually seems quantized to me. The planet would be a dystopia if everyone have the same lotus eating or Eeyore temperament. The reason I say this is that almost every naked and now cold morning in the sun I try to let at least one old thing that I know resonate with something new.

    This bit resonated with your post this AM:
    "Many of those who show the most gain in changes in gratitude are those who started in the negative side(temperament) of the spectrum." - from an interview with an author about his book on gratitude studies.

    Aka people with a tendency to have or be driven negative (internal) emotionality (dialog) stand way more to gain (health and mental) by working in a little gratitude practice. Take that overly optimistic people. Let me see you turn that into lemonade! Nevermind you were bound to anyway.

    Seeing that it's damn near Thanksgiving who knew that in 2018 I'd be extremely grateful for the nakedest neurosurgeon and his students. Past me sure couldn't have predicted that.

    Have a great Thanksgiving @Phosphene.
    KrusinWitchie, Sheddie and Phosphene like this.
  20. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Happy Thanksgiving all!

    I am so grateful for sunrises! And the will to get up for them. How did I miss this all my life???

    Jenelle and KrusinWitchie like this.

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