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Phosphene — She Wants To Do Right

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by Phosphene, Jun 21, 2018.

  1. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    I’ve been putting off starting a journal for a host of reasons—some usual, some not.

    As mentioned in my intro thread, I first became a member on Winter Solstice 2016, during an extremely low point, and after much incredulous lurking.


    I’ve had some pretty extreme ups and downs since first finding this site; some revelations, some successes, and some setbacks. I thought it would be fitting to keep the theme going and finally start my journal on Summer Solstice (today). True to my procrastinating form it’s the 11th hour (and yes I should be asleep) but damnit I MUST get this journal started.

    It’s my symbolic start on this longest, sunniest day of the year. The first bite of a humongous elephant.

    The title comes from a song that sums up my life pretty well.

    Miss Ohio - Gillian Welch

    “Oh me-oh my-oh, look at Miss Ohio
    She's a running around with her rag-top down
    She says I wanna do right but not right now

    Gonna drive to Atlanta and live out this fantasy
    Running around with the rag-top down
    Yeah, I wanna do right but not right now

    Had your arm around her shoulder, a regimental soldier
    An' mamma starts pushing that wedding gown
    Yeah, you wanna do right but not right now

    Oh me-oh my-oh, would you look at Miss Ohio
    She's a runnin' around with the rag-top down
    She says I wanna do right but not right now

    I know all about it, so you don't have to shout it
    I'm gonna straighten it out somehow
    Yeah, I wanna do right but not right now”

    Dr. Kruse and I may have gotten off on the wrong foot a few months ago, I’m afraid. My procrastinating with the avatar pic got me temporarily booted. But it was a good lesson. It showed me he really doesn’t shit around, and that there are consequences for inaction.

    In honor of all this, I’m quoting Jack’s wise but stern text that I copied from some poor sot’s post who DID get booted permanently.

    As a little reminder. :rolleyes:

    “Change comes fastest to those people who are capable of unlearning and relearning. People who do not listen to feedback, will not be able to pivot based on changing circumstances, because they refuse to acknowledge reality. This is tied to a low dopamine state. Moreover, because they think they already have all the answers, they are not open to receiving feedback or contemplating advice designed to help them.

    I look for and seek people who are honest about their limitations, and who are willing to put in the hard work needed to find out the answers in their environment to what they don't know, rather than someone who is happy remaining confidently ignorant.

    The buck does stop with you, but you do need to be humble and curious, so that you can roll with the punches the environment throws at you.

    Until you ALTER your thinking, you will always recycle your experiences...............I don't waste my energy or knowledge on people who “cry” for help but don't really want to hear the truth. Your intelligence is a powerful force that will change people's way of thinking, but only when they're ready. Most are not. Most out there in the world are conditioned “pharmaceutical or food guru sheep” that have been led for years that masking the disease is the way forward, not disease prevention or the promise of a disease reversal. I am not emotional about the truths nature has revealed.

    Before you make an opinion, look at all the facts and not just the ones you agree with, A truly wise person is willing to be wrong so they can be illuminated by the truth. You cannot help people......only they can help themselves. I try to be a rainbow to those who seek help but I cannot clear the climate in their world, only they can. Few will even try to help themselves, so we must move quickly through the walking dead to find the living among us in this world.”

    I’ve truly been close to joining the ranks of the walking dead, in so many ways. This quantum maze still overwhelms me, but I have to keep going. In many areas I still have to begin. I’m looking forward to finally sharing my journey.
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2018
  2. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    looking forward is a wonderful thing.......

    when you know better ....you will do better......

    give it a go girl!
    Phosphene likes this.
  3. Sue-UK

    Sue-UK New Member

    Welcome to journal land. :) I agonised about putting up an avatar. With experiences from a stalking ex husband, to at the time practicing as a therapist, having emails from the anti alternative therapy brigade in the UK pretending to be would be clients, asking me questions that could land me in trouble with the advertising standards board, I simply didn't want to identify myself and attract more hassle … But the interesting thing is that for my n=1, actually taking that step marked a turning point, as did using Sue in my forum name. When I faced my fear and did it anyway, the emails stopped. I know that if I was recognised and got another email I can handle it, just as I had to then. The difference was that I was no longer living in fear of what might or might not happen, and that has been hugely empowering. That's moved to if I'm recognized they will just have to get over it, because now I just don't give a shit ….:cool:
  4. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Wanted to add this yesterday but ran out of time. Seems there’s never enough time...

    I’ve been trying to reconnect with my intuition after many years (a lifetime?) of ignoring it. Unsurprisingly I find this easier to do out in nature, and now make any excuse to be outside as often as possible. Yesterday I didn’t even need to be outside—Mother Nature plopped this treat down right in front of me as I was doing dishes.

    A baby hawk! A bit fuzzy and disheveled, but still poised and regal.

    Of course I had to look up what this might “mean” and it does seem to fit with my need to start focusing, and perhaps even baby steps towards leading.
    • Hawk is the messenger of the spirit world
    • Use the power of focus
    • Take the lead when the time is right
    • Power to see, clear vision
    • Strong connection with spirit, increased spiritual awareness
    • Like all birds, symbolizes the ability to fly and reach the skies
    I’ll take it!

    149605A5-D577-45E9-BE5C-A3178F1EEB15.jpeg CC85E301-B9D0-4E45-8183-4216FA1476A3.jpeg
    Sean Waters, Joyfun, caroline and 3 others like this.
  5. drezy

    drezy New Member

    Majestic predators of the sky
    Phosphene likes this.
  6. drezy

    drezy New Member

    It's their eyes. Most birds try not to even be seen by humans. Hawks and owls will look you right in the eyes and lock eyes for minutes with zero trace of fear or anxiety. It's like they know we're both members of the predator club.
  7. Sue-UK

    Sue-UK New Member

    Can you put a link to the source you looked it up on? It would be interesting to compare my squirrel visitor symbolism (my prompt to watch a programme about squirrels :D) from the same source. :)
    Phosphene likes this.
  8. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Thanks for the reminder to credit sources. It’s easy to get laissez-faire about internet info, but it’s still someone’s work.


    I did almost include it originally, but my rational side is still suspect of Woo, and this site is monetizing it pretty drastically. Should have looked for a better source (they don’t even appear to cover squirrel).

    Can you recommend a trusted one?
    drezy likes this.
  9. Sue-UK

    Sue-UK New Member

    Billybats, Phosphene and drezy like this.
  10. drezy

    drezy New Member

    I do sometimes think that seeing a hawk or a squirrel means that you saw a hawk or squirrel with the only deeper implication being that hawk food or squirrel food is likely nearby.

    In my backyard I have a roadrunner (largish land bound predator bird) that will make a nasty rattle sound from the weeds at me for 5-10 minutes. After that the bird will run within 8 feet of me stare me straight in the face and make even nastier sounds.

    If you ever witness it I think you'd agree that no celestial toes need to be opened to understand that the Roadrunner is pissed that I'm on it's hunting grounds. Obviously I stay put and let it rant.

    That said the native American totem animal lore is interesting. There are good books on the subject. This is "meh" at best b/c I don't think Native Americans really had a Gorilla or hippopotamus totem...


    Interestingly EVERYONE sees rabbits as representations of fertility. Even in modern language there's only one thing you do "like rabbits".
    Emma C and Phosphene like this.
  11. Sue-UK

    Sue-UK New Member

    The UK in paleolithic and metholithic times had a lot more forests, so watching what the squirrels were up to was probably useful for humans. Getting information about the environment from the behaviour of animals was possibly how these things developed, but it is likely to have been local. Squirrel stores could become human survival stores over winter, if they were running out themselves and the squirrels were a source of meat and fur. I hope I'm thinking how does a squirrel do that and what can I learn from it, rather than channelling my inner squirrel. :D
  12. drezy

    drezy New Member

    Preaching to the choir on that one:
    I usually don't go into this part of my history, but I've had many a squirrel stew growing up. So much so I could advise the best spices to use with it.
  13. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Excited to be getting ready to listen to my first live Q&A as a Gold member!

    It’s funny—I have so many questions but none that I’m ready to ask yet. I know many of the answers are hidden in plain sight in the webinars and recorded Q&A sessions that I’ve just started to listen to, so I don’t want to clutter the airwaves with old news...

    It will just be a privilege to be an official part of the tribe and learn by osmosis. :)
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2018
  14. Joyfun

    Joyfun Intuitively curious

    What! That is the view out your kitchen window. You are so fortunate to live in such a beautiful spot of land. You could side outside on one of those wrought iron chairs on a soft pillow and meditate. Your intention to reconnect with your intuition is powerful. :):):)
    Billybats and Phosphene like this.
  15. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Yes, I am absolutely blessed; I’m finally starting to understand. :)

    Much more to add here, but before this day is done I want to express the following song, which has been haunting me.

  16. Jenelle

    Jenelle Evolving

    Funny, when I clicked on your video ~ an ad came up with a HUGE brand-new house (huge) ~ and it said, "Be the envy of your neighbors".

    And I thought ... no. Lol. I'd like to not have neighbors. I'd like to live in a cave.
    Billybats, Phosphene and drezy like this.
  17. drezy

    drezy New Member

    Jeez! That's pretty blatant. They might as well just say:

    "Don't forget to only value yourself through the eyes of others!"

    All the ad crap out there still thinks I'm in the Yucatan so all my ads are still in Spanish. It's kinda nicer that way.

    Wait... Put webinars you've listened to in a playlist and play it in the background while ou do stuff. Even when (or especially when) no purposely listening to a webinar I heard before, I still have "eureka" and "that's what that meant" moments.

    The downside @Phosphene is that you'll have to forgo your usual Miley Cyrus.
  18. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Them’s fightin’ words.
    Sean Waters and drezy like this.
  19. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Having Kruse stuff on in the background won’t fly just yet, but it will happen soon. My house is still a nnEMF cesspool, to the extent that I’m embarrassed to admit here. It’s one of the reasons I’ve left for long stretches in the past. My tinnitus, anxiety, and cognitive haze seem much worse inside, but I have no way to prove or quantify it. So I spend a lot of time outside.

    I actually haven’t been listening to much music at all for quite awhile now because every spare (and not spare) minute I’m reading. I have a hard enough time concentrating without something else competing in the background. I tell my family I’m learning about the biophysics of disease, and they just roll their eyes. Yeah, mom’s up to her wacky shit again.

    I did look look into getting some ‘air tubes’ headphones (since I won’t use my normal ones) and see there’s a bunch now. Any particular brand recommended?
  20. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    I love how the dew drops cling to the very tips of the serrated wild strawberry leaves.

    drezy, Joyfun and Jenelle like this.

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