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PaleoCowgirl Battles Hashis, Adrenal Fatigue, PCOS Binge Eating With CT/Keto-Paleo

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by PaleoCowgirl, Jun 18, 2012.

  1. MartiD

    MartiD New Member

    Mandy, sounds like you are headed in the right direction! Be sure and post your photo shoot pico on FB...I love seeing your sisters clothing line! I know you will look great!
     

  2. Tut tut tut! That's not sad! That's the beginning of something awesome. That's the first steps leading you to a better and healthier you. Every success is made of baby steps. Don't forget that.



    Hug,



    Katy
     
  3. KiwiLauren

    KiwiLauren Gold


    Katy, this is the kind of stuff I wish my mother had said to me. SO nice to hear it (and know you mean it!). Lauren
     
  4. PaleoCowgirl

    PaleoCowgirl New Member

    I am so broken.... I'm screaming at the top of my lungs for help and nobody sees I'm drowning. Binging is out of control. I'm out of control. I'm in a game I can't win.



    What do I do? Where do I turn?



    I'm lost.
     
  5. Sem

    Sem New Member

    Hi. I can completely relate. I have definitely been there. You sound in real despair. Is there someone you can turn to for help? Your mom? Sister? Close friend? You sound very depressed and despairing. It's a scary place to be. When I have felt like that, I want to isolate myself but you can't do it. I had a very bad depression in my late 20s. I ended up on meds. I wouldn't recommend going down that road because it has it's own set of issues. But try looking into some other things to help balance your mood. Have you read the book The Mood Cure? Keep the connection with the people who love you. Sending bug hugs.
     
  6. Destiny

    Destiny New Member


    As per Dr. K, if you do the salivary cortisol test, you can do it any time regardless of current stress. Dr. K says it measures past 6 months not what is going on this weekend.
     
  7. I am so sorry to hear this, Big Hugs for you! I know how it feels and wish I could help you. It does get better. I hope you find your path soon.
     
  8. vkiernan

    vkiernan Silver

    Why do you feel so broken? You are not broke yet, just not down the right path just yet. If you were broken the path would be easy. So you are binging, pick yourself up and try again. Shoot for 1 meal at a time if that's what it takes. I realize I don't understand ED but if you want to fix yourself, then you have to keep on trying. One day it will click. I still struggle every day even after a year. They have a candy dish at work with things I still enjoy but I have to walk past it and tell myself I will not put that crap in my body. I deserve better. It's kinda funny that the tongue (ok, maybe the brain) has so much control over what the body really needs. I look at that damn candy dish about 20 or more times a day and I know how good those stupid reeses peanut butter cups taste (yes, I love them still). Some say shoot for the moon, but that is not always possible. Just keep trying and keep adding better things to get you to optimal so even if you slip you are still making progress. Sounds like maybe you need to do something fun and maybe you are focusing too much on all of this. Smile and try again today!:)
     
  9. Oh Mandy, I'm so sorry! What brought that binge? The photo shoot with sister and friends?



    There's only one thing to do: start all over again. BAB and fat. And then more fat. Get down as much food as you can for breakfast. It's the only way you won't have cravings at night. If you're hungry between meals, eat more fat. After a few day you'll focus on not eating between meals, but right now you have to get rid of the cravings.



    Please don't give up. You can continue screaming, but nobody will come and help you. People around you are their for you, but they can't do it for you. YOU have to do it. YOU have to be there for yourself, YOU have to believe in yourself and love yourself enough to have the desire to heal those body and mind. Take responsability for yourself. If you binge again, just forgive yourself and start over the next morning. It will get easier with time.



    I know you'd prefer an easier and quicker fix. Especially when you feel that bad and so desperate. Yes, there's an end to all that.



    Are you still focussing on your weight and how you look? Are you restricting yourself or feeling deprivated? Those are big stressor that easily lead to binge...Please, please, please, stop focussing on how you look. I know it's easier said than done, I know. People around you will still love you even if you gain another 20 lbs. They will still think you are lovely and beautiful. Why wouldn't you?



    Now get some fat, take it easy on yourself today, don't stay by yourself, and try to enjoy the day. Hugs,



    Katy
     
  10. Destiny

    Destiny New Member


    Sending the same thoughts and hugs to you, Paleocowgirl!
     
  11. PaleoCowgirl

    PaleoCowgirl New Member

    Thanks everyone for the support and kind words. I need to do some soul-searching and figure out what's important to me in life. Needless to say, the photo-shoot didn't go well for me, at all. It was not what I needed yesterday, but it was a wake-up call that can't be ignored. I'm ashamed at what I've become, and I pretty much had a melt-down with my husband last night. Today, he boxed up all the garbage food in the house -- his beloved ice cream, ranch dressing, tator tots, corn dogs, pop tarts -- and told me we were going to get healthy together, not lose weight, but be healthy. He told me he loved me no matter what size I am (I believe him, he met me when I weighed in the 170s!) but he realized I was unhappy and freaking out about not fitting in this bridesmaids dress for the wedding I'm in in 3 weeks. The last year, I've either been eating like a bird or gorging, and neither path is healthy. So, he took all the junk food over to my mom's -- yes, it's just taking the poison down the road -- but at least it's a sign of solidarity and support in a time where I feel very, very alone.



    Hugs back to all of you who responded to my late-night episode. It really means a lot.
     
  12. vkiernan

    vkiernan Silver

    For your hubby to do this with you is huge. That is a big sacrifice on his part. He obviously loves you very much!
     

  13. Ok, Husband is on board. Put that in the "things I'm grateful for" category.



    Next - do that soul searching. What ever you decide that is important - own it. It looks to me like choices are to opt for fitting into that dress at whatever size OR re-focusing on your overall health.



    It seems that we can get over focused on the details and this rabbit hole - and perhaps some of it isn't positive. You know, even if you don't like you right now because what you R E A L L Y want is a short term win of that damn dress - decide to like that girl anyway. Then that is what it is. . .what would be a shame is for you to realize that is what you want and not learn/grow from it and proceed on fresh after the wedding.



    Changing, real change on all the levels of change required is not linear. If you are not "failing" you are not progressing. Perhaps this is just going to be a fail. Perhaps you will restrict and exercise and do what you can do lose those pounds and fit in the dress. Just make sure along the way to be cognizant that you are choosing that right now - and figure out if there is anything along the way that you can learn or do to help you become something different than you are.



    NOBODY is perfect, everyone has tons of skeletons in their closets. In the big picture of life - not being perfect on your optimal wants for three weeks isn't the end of the road and in reality nobody gives a **** anywhere close to the way you do.



    A couple of things I had to realize before I could let the old me go. Number one is so important:



    1. Other people are not thinking of you. They are not in your head and they are not judging your reasons for/against something. Even if other people talk/comment about how you look or what not - it's conversation. conditioned conversation. They are sitting there in their own heads with their own inner dialog trying to figure out how they fit in the world and what is up next for THEM.



    True connection to another person on an intimate mental level is rare, and it's not going on all the time. Sometimes the middle ground of comfortable by observing standards of behavior is good enough.



    2. Give to others to let the drama go. You could sit in the drive through munching down on yummies and beating yourself up the whole time - or you could embrace that choice. Go be nice to the clerk, go open doors for people, go smile and have a conversation with someone who needs it - enjoy the **** out of that damn yummie and get out of the cycle of beating you up for it. If you don't leave the farm - do something unexpected and nice for your husband. Neighbor. Dog - whatever. You learn to give to yourself by understanding the pleasures and joy of giving to others.











    If you
     
  14. Lots of stuff to really think about and digest. Funny there are a lot of metaphors for thinking related to food. Clue?

    Any way.

    The more you think about and try to control yourself , the worse it gets. My gut tells me your avoiding something and all this is a good distraction. Cavmam has good advice there. Time to clear out the BS voices in your head so you can hear the small voice inside of you that's trying to get your attention. I think it's great your hubby has stepped up. Your having a war of control with yourself. Maybe it's time to lean on him. Either way. I know how horrible it is to feel out of control. IMHO All you can do is hottie your knees and admit you can't do it alone. And fat and protein



    Xoxo
     
  15. And eat more seafood!!
     
  16. Souldanzer

    Souldanzer Banned


    Great step to remove the trigger foods from your home. My now ex-husband had to live with these challenging circumstances for a while. I also gave up all credit cards and cash for a year or so and periodically thereafter so I could not go to the store and buy junk.



    None of this eliminated the binging but it established the right environment for me to take other measures to stop it. I had to think before I acted.



    I still occasionally binge these days and I choose to focus on the good days I had in between instead. There is many more healthy days now than bad days and the bad days are starting to fade. Cold and seafood was the most important thing for me to stop the binging along with Leptin rx. Binging takes a while to stop. Make sure you keep eating right and when you do binge, it's helpful to try to stick to AI foods as to not mess up your gut again.



    You won't fix this overnight. An ED takes 10 years to recover from for most. Hopefully, Dr K's work might speed this up a bit.
     
  17. PaleoCowgirl

    PaleoCowgirl New Member


    Thanks! I love your two pieces of advice! So true! What started my binge last Friday before my sister's shoot was stress. I had a speaking engagement that day, plus all these people coming to my house for the shoot, and my sister was acting like a diva. I was also invited to help can string beans with the Hutterite women who live close to us, and they offered me an iced coffee with whipped cream on top. I haven't had a coffee beverage like that in 6 months, so I was in heaven. (In their culture, it's really really disrespectful to turn down their gifts. They sent me home with rolls, fresh jelly and some beef...which of course, I slathered some jelly on the rolls and it all went down hill from there.) By the time the photo shoot came around, my stomach was distended, and I was miserable. So, I put on some spanx and sucked it up, watching other girls put on dresses that used to fit me and no longer did. Of course, I'm incredibly inflamed from the gluten. I checked the scale and saw I dropped 10 lbs. of water weight over night. Once I saw the pics from the shoot though, I was immediately depressed. I looked so puffy and gross. Now, I'm admitting I need to gain weight, but not the way I have. I recommitted myself to the reset over the weekend, with my husband to back me up, and once this inflammation is gone, I have a feeling I will have a whole new healthy outlook on life and a chance to put on weight the right way. I have a feeling that the dress for my wedding will fit too once I take away all these inches of bloat.






    Fresh-caught crappie is on the menu tonight. I've also got seafood around, and I'm going to try to eat it at least every other day, even though I would MUCH prefer pork and beef.



    Souldanzer;38489 wrote:
    Great step to remove the trigger foods from your home. My now ex-husband had to live with these challenging circumstances for a while. I also gave up all credit cards and cash for a year or so and periodically thereafter so I could not go to the store and buy junk.



    None of this eliminated the binging but it established the right environment for me to take other measures to stop it. I had to think before I acted.



    I still occasionally binge these days and I choose to focus on the good days I had in between instead. There is many more healthy days now than bad days and the bad days are starting to fade. Cold and seafood was the most important thing for me to stop the binging along with Leptin rx. Binging takes a while to stop. Make sure you keep eating right and when you do binge, it's helpful to try to stick to AI foods as to not mess up your gut again.



    You won't fix this overnight. An ED takes 10 years to recover from for most. Hopefully, Dr K's work might speed this up a bit.


    Yesterday I ate more than I probably should have, but it was all okay foods -- coconut flakes (which I threw out to make sure I didn't overindulge on them again) but also pork loin and bacon. I wouldn't call it a binge, but I did eat past the hunger signal. The fact that I didn't go over to my mom's and plow through her junk food though is a step in the right direction.



    I ended up having a great weekend with my husband -- laughing, watching movies, holding hands, working in the garden together, etc. It was so good to reconnect and know I have someone to support me through it all. Even if he doesn't get it completely, he knows I've been hurting, and is finally starting to come around and listen.



    Today, I'm grateful for the return of my libido, my great husband, the sunshine and my positive attitude.

    I'm praying for a shot of rain to help the crops and the hay fields, strength in my food decisions and to continue to feel good about myself.
     
  18. Lyndra

    Lyndra Gold


    I know I don't comment much here but I do read about your struggles and relate to the challenges of being happy with your body & eating habits. My heart reaches out when you're down and I'm smiling now that you are feeling more upbeat. So glad you have your husband in this with you!
     
  19. vkiernan

    vkiernan Silver


    Make him fresh lemonade with stevia. It is actually very good. I sometimes drink it with a meal but that is about it.
     
  20. I just got a real stevia plant! I used that and real mint in a lemonaid. . .so awesome!!!
     

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