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PaleoCowgirl Battles Hashis, Adrenal Fatigue, PCOS Binge Eating With CT/Keto-Paleo

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by PaleoCowgirl, Jun 18, 2012.

  1. colleencoble

    colleencoble New Member

    Here's what I know from experience. When you've lost a lot of weight like she has (and I have so I'm speaking from experience) you don't see yourself clearly. You still see the fat girl you were. So it's extremely helpful to realize that our thinking is skewed. That's one reason I always tell the gals to take pictures of themselves so they can actually SEE on a photo that they aren't the fat girl they see in the mirror. There is something about a photo. . .



    I'm constantly asking my husband, am I about the size of that girl? Because I don't see myself clearly even after 2 years at my new weight. It takes time and some help from others. Her worth shouldn't be in her size, but it's helpful to realize she's not the size she thinks she is either. Then we self talk ourselves into trying to see things more rationally. :)
     
  2. Lyndra

    Lyndra Gold


    My sis used to ask me the same question - "am I the size of that girl?" I didn't know how to answer. I wasn't perceptive enough to tell whether they were really about the same size. I never analyzed my sister's butt enough to know how it compared to someone else's. Maybe if they had been standing size-by-side, then I could have rendered an opinion, but that was never the case. I was also wary of making her feel bad; if she saw the other girl as bigger than she wanted to be, it would sour her mood. Thankfully, it sounds like your husband is far better at giving you useful feedback than I was for my sis.
     
  3. Souldanzer

    Souldanzer Banned

    Colleen, there is a point in recovery where you will deal with finding the correct body image and it is true that the brain lags behind in that.... I went through it. But for someone with an ED that comes after finding self-worth outside of body size. Size shouldn't matter at this point.



    I don't need to get into it but what is happening here is eating disordered, and it is helping PCG none (even if she doesn't agree with it). You will not find one ED therapist who will ever comment on the body size of a patient. Rule #1 in ED treatment.
     
  4. Souldanzer

    Souldanzer Banned


    nice description of the uncomfortable place this kind of thing puts the bystander in.... and not everybody even looks at some other woman's butt to determine if it's smaller or bigger.... more interesting things in life.
     
  5. colleencoble

    colleencoble New Member

    yes my husband is good at reassurance. LOL
     
  6. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    body image is coded for in a different part of the brain than actually looking at a pic of oneself......so there is a biologic reason what colleen is reporting actually works........Its two separate brain regions.
     
  7. PaleoCowgirl

    PaleoCowgirl New Member

    Wow, I didn't mean to start a huge debate. The picture I posted is 20 lbs. heavier than my lowest when I realized I have a problem and 10 lbs. heavier than my avatar, so I think that's progress and don't think I need to gain anymore. Is it enjoyable gaining that much weight after working so hard to lose it? Absolutely not. Do I want to have a baby one day? You bet, so if that's what I've got to do, then that's what I'm going to do. I'm just trying to love myself along the way instead of hating what I'm becoming.



    I've mustered up the courage to spend the rest of the weekend at my family's cabin. That means I'm rocking my bikini even if I feel like I shouldn't, and I'm not go to give in to temptations of bad food or worry about what other people think about my body. I'm going to enjoy the sun, relax with a good book, drink my lemon water (my new favorite) and just be.
     
  8. Sueville

    Sueville New Member

    Good Attitude PCG. Enjoy your time making memories with your family. Time is a precious commodity and shouldn't be wasted wallowing in negative emotions. (Spoken from someone who wished she'd learned this lesson in her 20's or 30's instead of her 60's. I missed out on a lot of life because of poor body image). So grab life by the horns and live it to the fullest.
     
  9. Owl

    Owl New Member

    Cowgirl. good for you!

    And go buy some clothes that fit - you don't want to be always uncomfortable in clothes that are too small.
     
  10. I agree with Owl, go shopping girl! You'll feel much better.



    You unfortunatly can't decide if you need to gain more...Your body knows better. You look awesome on the pic, and IMO, you would look even better with more curves!! You might gain some more, your body will adjust, and once your hormones are balanced, you might lose part of what you gained. And maybe not.



    It took me a while to stop focussing on my weight. I'm not happy with it, but obviously for now I have to live with it, so better accept it....When I was caught in the buliemia trap, I was the first one to judge people according to their weight. And now I'm the fat one. Ouch!! I learned to be kind to myself. There is some day that I just hate my body and all those love handles. But I come back to more positive thoughts and remind myself that I'm still beautiful (men stop me in the street to tell me I look good! Never happened in my skinny suit when anyway I had no self-confidence) and that my goal is to sleep and be healthy, what ever the scale says.



    I know you want it all right now. It will come, but the more you'll try to control everything, the less it will happen. But you already know that ;)



    Have a good week-end, have fun and enjoy time with your familly and friends, that's what really matter in life :)
     
  11. Yay! Vacation w family and bikini!! Good for u. I likey
     
  12. chocolate

    chocolate Silver


    Can't you go to the thrift store and funk out a little? Maybe experiment with your style? You guys probably have way better stuff than we do. The Japanese tour buses come to ours. Its dog eat dog.
     
  13. nuttmegs17

    nuttmegs17 New Member

    I've been out of the loop due to travel (conferences) so am catching up...hugs to you PCG! you are on the right track




    i feel you on this one. i live in a big city and the women here are SUPER tiny. I used to think they were just genetically lucky (and no doubt some - a very small percentage - are) but after spending a ton of time with them i've realized what the secret is: they just dont eat. its really sad.



    my boss works out (heated power yoga - hours and hours a day) and is vegetarian (i know! - however, i suspect its more ED related than compassion related....its just a way to restrict right?) and after spending morning noon and night with her, she prob takes in 500 calories. literally. dinner was 3 bites of a salad (while i dug into a steak...yum!) i was shocked (but even more shocked when I realized eating dinner is not usually part of her diet). I'm coming to find out that is pretty typical of these super svelte ladies. even the ones that appear to eat normally when i have dinner with them, i usually find out that they did not eat anything at all the entire day. honestly, i've been shocked. however, realizing this is making it easier to not compare myself to them bc that is not normal. society's image of what "women" should look like is sick...the projected ideal is the body of a 12 year old GUY. sick and twisted. for anyone who grew up watching 90210, i was really taken aback by the reboot: the girls on it are anorexic looking. it's amazing how the "ideal" has changed in such a short time.



    by best friends are pretty tiny. one is naturally so. she doesnt eat a ton but she is very petite. the other works at it. she works out, and she basically has a cup of yogurt for breakfast, a salad with cucumber and tomato and fat free dressing for lunch and a super tiny supper - she eats like this so she can go all out on the weekend. if you find yourself comparing yourself to other tiny women, remember that they are not as pulled together as you think. MOST women have some sort of hang up with their body, food, etc. and most women are working hard to be "ideal". i am quiet certain many of the tiny women you see walk around in a constant state of denial - denying their hunger signals, denying themselves of pleasure and in general not being kind to themselves....in the case of big city women, most are heavily medicated as well (adderall, uppers, downers, etc)



    i constantly have to watch myself around these women bc its easy to fall into their mindset. i am actually starting to look forward to moving to a smaller town where the pressures to look a certain way may be a little less. i am so sick of hearing my co-worker eat a piece of dark chocolate and then obsess about it and schedule an emergency spin session so she can work it off....ugh! NOT HEALTHY



    i struggle with body image issues and not being able to see myself the way others see me as well. i'm a work in progress. my hormones are still being optimized so i'm trying to go with the flow as much as possible. its amazing how much weight inflammation/bloating can cause. crazy. i'm still figuring out what works best for my diet. i generally eat low carb but eating sushi the other night with rice left me feeling amazing same thing with chocolate (sometimes i think chocolate is the one thing i've been able to eat throughout all of this that has never made me feel worse after consuming, hehe), same with french fries (i know they aren't primal, but cooked in duck fat they should be ok ....i dont make it a habit but they tend to leave me feeling good and not bloated) i go back and forth with carbs but sometimes worry not getting enough is stressing out my adrenals/thyroid. esp as i ride my bike to work almost daily, but i digress






    yes that seems high! i am only on 10, but i also take a grain and a half armour so maybe that's why

    PaleoCowgirl;34196 wrote:

    "Because optimal is within your grasp....if you choose it."




    That's the key point here in my journey, isn't it? I could choose to stay stick thin and meet society's standards, or I could follow your advice and get to optimal and have a baby. Sometimes the right path isn't the easiest path, and I have a lot to learn along the way. Your post really means a lot to me, as I've been grappling with my self-worth as I feel somewhat like a failure...I failed my body. I failed to lose weight AND stay healthy. I failed my future babies. Basically, I've been having a little pity party with myself, but I have been eating, not restricting and not binging, just eating! And, it feels right. For the first time, even though my jeans are tight, my diet feels right.



    I know I need to change my mindset first and foremost and know that I'm making positive changes with your RX. You fuel my fire, Dr. Jack Kruse. I'm making baby steps with my husband, and my doctor is willing to order the labs I request, so I'm on my way.



    If you stop back, could you recommend which labs I should order? I'm thinking HGH, FSH, LH and a hormone and cortisol panel. Anything else? I will order from ZRT. This week, I'm getting blood drawn to test my ft3 and rt3 and for hashis. I will post in my journal my results.



    great book! i am also reading "it starts with food" and "the perfect health diet" they are not really telling me much that I haven't picked up either and they kinda contradict each other in terms of carbs, but i find reading these things helps reinforce healthy behaviors...reminds me why i eat the way I do :)
     
  14. PaleoCowgirl

    PaleoCowgirl New Member


    Yeah, it sucks going back to being the fat girl...I hate it. But, I suppose things have to get worse before they get better.
     
  15. PaleoCowgirl

    PaleoCowgirl New Member


    Ha! I don't know if I have it in me to funk out...not sure it would fit in my conservative ranching lifestyle! LOL!
     
  16. PaleoCowgirl

    PaleoCowgirl New Member

    nuttmegs17;36374 wrote: I've been out of the loop due to travel (conferences) so am catching up...hugs to you PCG! you are on the right track





    yes for sure! if anything weigh yourself less. For instance, i was glutened twice (bacon was on a bed of toast but they told me it was "gluten free" sigh) last week due to conference food - def blew up due to inflammation for the following week (finally going down now) i have avoided the scale bc i know it will reflect a high number but its not "real" weight. its water/inflammation/bloating. no sense in getting on it and upsetting myself.







    i agree that you want to be emotionally ready to have a child, but am not 100% sold you will have any effect on whether your future kid will have an ED. my mother has a great relationship with food, i never once overheard negative comments about her body or saw her dieting...in fact my family LOVES food....a bad experience with handsy soccer coach is what spiraled me down into ED. My husbands sister never had an issue with food and yet their mom was ALWAYS (and still is!) on a diet...always....she talks horribly about her body and her struggle with food all the time. However, my Sister in law - besides just showing a lack of interest in food in general - never went through what I went through (we grew up together so i've had 15 plus years to observe). I dont think one is ever 100% "ready" to have a child and am trying to avoid having to have a "perfect" life before taking the plunge myself (I get caught up in "i need to have more savings, need my health to be 100%, need to have my debt lowered" etc). If you wait around for perfection, you'll never be ready to have a child.

















    i feel you on this one. i live in a big city and the women here are SUPER tiny. I used to think they were just genetically lucky (and no doubt some - a very small percentage - are) but after spending a ton of time with them i've realized what the secret is: they just dont eat. its really sad.



    my boss works out (heated power yoga - hours and hours a day) and is vegetarian (i know! - however, i suspect its more ED related than compassion related....its just a way to restrict right?) and after spending morning noon and night with her, she prob takes in 500 calories. literally. dinner was 3 bites of a salad (while i dug into a steak...yum!) i was shocked (but even more shocked when I realized eating dinner is not usually part of her diet). I'm coming to find out that is pretty typical of these super svelte ladies. even the ones that appear to eat normally when i have dinner with them, i usually find out that they did not eat anything at all the entire day. honestly, i've been shocked. however, realizing this is making it easier to not compare myself to them bc that is not normal. society's image of what "women" should look like is sick...the projected ideal is the body of a 12 year old GUY. sick and twisted. for anyone who grew up watching 90210, i was really taken aback by the reboot: the girls on it are anorexic looking. it's amazing how the "ideal" has changed in such a short time.



    by best friends are pretty tiny. one is naturally so. she doesnt eat a ton but she is very petite. the other works at it. she works out, and she basically has a cup of yogurt for breakfast, a salad with cucumber and tomato and fat free dressing for lunch and a super tiny supper - she eats like this so she can go all out on the weekend. if you find yourself comparing yourself to other tiny women, remember that they are not as pulled together as you think. MOST women have some sort of hang up with their body, food, etc. and most women are working hard to be "ideal". i am quiet certain many of the tiny women you see walk around in a constant state of denial - denying their hunger signals, denying themselves of pleasure and in general not being kind to themselves....in the case of big city women, most are heavily medicated as well (adderall, uppers, downers, etc)



    i constantly have to watch myself around these women bc its easy to fall into their mindset. i am actually starting to look forward to moving to a smaller town where the pressures to look a certain way may be a little less. i am so sick of hearing my co-worker eat a piece of dark chocolate and then obsess about it and schedule an emergency spin session so she can work it off....ugh! NOT HEALTHY



    i struggle with body image issues and not being able to see myself the way others see me as well. i'm a work in progress. my hormones are still being optimized so i'm trying to go with the flow as much as possible. its amazing how much weight inflammation/bloating can cause. crazy. i'm still figuring out what works best for my diet. i generally eat low carb but eating sushi the other night with rice left me feeling amazing same thing with chocolate (sometimes i think chocolate is the one thing i've been able to eat throughout all of this that has never made me feel worse after consuming, hehe), same with french fries (i know they aren't primal, but cooked in duck fat they should be ok ....i dont make it a habit but they tend to leave me feeling good and not bloated) i go back and forth with carbs but sometimes worry not getting enough is stressing out my adrenals/thyroid. esp as i ride my bike to work almost daily, but i digress







    yes that seems high! i am only on 10, but i also take a grain and a half armour so maybe that's why









    great book! i am also reading "it starts with food" and "the perfect health diet" they are not really telling me much that I haven't picked up either and they kinda contradict each other in terms of carbs, but i find reading these things helps reinforce healthy behaviors...reminds me why i eat the way I do :)


    Agreed. The more positive articles/books I read, the more it reinforces this way of life.
     
  17. colleencoble

    colleencoble New Member

    Quit saying you're the fat girl! I saw your picture. You look gorgeous! You need to speak reinforcements to the truth. Say I am beautiful inside and out. Eventually you'll believe what we all see. :)
     
  18. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    thinking like this spells doom.........too bad.
     
  19. Souldanzer

    Souldanzer Banned


    It's like trying to rationalize with a drunk alcoholic. Quit reinforcing her ED (which is talking here) and she will stop making these statements. What you pay attention to grows. Help her take the attention *off* her body weight - no matter what it is!



    Every time you react to a statement like that you are encouraging her (ED) to do it again. Draw the attention to something desirable instead.
     
  20. Souldanzer

    Souldanzer Banned


    adventures are good... seek one out? You might discover something new.... about yourself. Clothing is a very safe way to try something new. I went down this path while discovering the real me :) It was fun!
     

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