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Optimal Journal- ACL Kadin

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by ACL Kadin, Dec 16, 2016.

  1. ACL Kadin

    ACL Kadin Gold

    I sure hope I'm doing this correctly... :)

    Basic Info: 35 yr old female, married w/ toddler
    From San Diego (less populated mountain town for most of it), relo'd to Northern AZ (Prescott) last September, Moved again to outskirts of Phoenix in May (hubster got better job offer here). Was a teacher, then went into sales, and now I'm a mom.
    MTHFR: Homozygous C677T
    Haplotype: U5b1b1 (Northern Scandinavian/Saami or Basques are the examples)
    My mom got pregnant with me 6 months after a miscarriage. Maternal Grandma was super ill during pregnancies, had asthma and numerous immune conditions as child and adult.

    Immediate surrounding Info: We are actually renting an add on from my Brother and his Family. Live on a county island, half acre, surrounded by a 55+ community which is probably good since they are usually seasonal occupants and don't have as much tech. Which almost offsets my paranoia of radio/cell towers on every freeway exit and high voltage power lines that go through every park. :-/ I'd like to relocate even though it means leaving the only people who don't totally think I'm nuts for having a large feed trough in my room for CT and replacing all the bulbs with red lights and attempting to build a clothing optional PVC/tarp room outside (more on that in a second).

    Known Health Issues:
    I carry an extra 25-30 lbs of weight.
    I've been describing it as "not fat- inflammation" since that 6 month personal training program ended in my trainer throwing up his hands at why I looked more toned but the fat measuring thing was still putting me at 35% fat and he was finally as frustrated as I was..., because I can't burn or diet it off. When it disappears, I don't know why. When it comes back, I don't know why. I always looked at it from a CICO point of view - and then when that didn't make sense I started to Question birth control, diet/food allergy, and now I'm trying to remember in what phases the tv was on, where I lived, etc.
    In the last 15 years I've been clean eater who drinks heavily on weekends, vegetarian (the Kind Diet), Paleo (Primal Blueprint), Chronic cardio-er vegetarian with breakfast burrito after a 13-26 mile weekend run (Born to Run meets starvation), on GAPS/SCD (GAPS diet), ad nauseum. I've had inflammation in and out of all of them. I've looked great or not looked great until ???- something changes- and now I think I know what the something is. Or the somethings.
    I've always hated taking pills/medication. You should see me after a Benadryl- just one. Birth control hates me. After my C-section (horribly failed natural birth- yes I've read the linked in articles) which was an antibiotics shit show, I was swollen for 2 weeks and had to fight like hell to start lactating. Medication and I'd argue the medical field, HATES me.

    I have chronic neck, mid back, hip pain- mild to medium, but annoying.
    Thanks gymnastics, cheerleading, and falling off horses. Chiropractic makes it feel better, but I can't get down to once a month. Ie: I can maintain and get to minimal pain as long as I have frequent appointments, but I can't heal.

    My skin is really dry. Also annoying, but not painful.
    I have a new issue in this department- I started Ct'ing in September, was cold showering before that. I was using a tub filled from the hose, slowly getting used to the water coming down in temperature as the season changed. It sounds really silly but 68 F water is really cold compared to 90 F air. I stopped about 3- 4 weeks ago because I started getting really itchy if I touched water (took a shower cold or not) or CT'd and then had any pressure on my skin (waist bands, sitting on a bed/chair). It started interfereing with falling asleep. So for now I'm just baiscally washing with a wash cloth and then slathering oil on me, which helps a little bit. Since the air is colder I've been trying to just go outside and sit in the sun grounded. I tried to build myself a 'naked room' for outdoor sunning however the angle of the sun currently and the height needed for the walls so I don't get on-lookers means it needs to be much wider than anticipated and that has created placement issues. Working on that...

    Where I am In Dr. Kruse's world...

    So, oddly, I think I was first getting into MDA when the monster blog happened. I remember coming home and telling my husband that I don't know enough science to know how to analyze if Kruse was crazy or on to something- but I remember feeling like I was missing something important. I was so new to paleo though I was already overwhelmed. And I had to go juice some carrots probably... :)

    Since giving birth (3 years ago) I stumbled into a couple mom support groups that have definitely opened my eyes to many of the things that can happen with health (MTHFR, EMF, Holistic healing- although I've always had a basic knowledge, energy work,etc), but after three years of following I find the conversation shifts back to diet and supplements and kids that do better, then relapse. However, a member of that group follows these groups, and 2 years ago she posted something along the lines of our leaky guts (what I was trying to heal at the time) will never heal with an EMF problem. And it jarred me back to this thought in the back of my head, and my frustration at diet after diet of good and decent food, just NOT helping, Not SOLVING anything; I knew it had to be SOMETHING ELSE. So I started paying attention when she posted things. And she posted a lot of kruse articles/FB posts. And then I started reading the forum...and got a little intimidated... so I was sitting on the fence probably about Jan of 2016, looking for where to jump into. I had just spent 4 months in Prescott AZ where my health had gone back to shit (Mile high town, pines, but I was drinking 4 ESPRESSOS A DAY, depressed and had gained an additional 10 lbs since moving from San Diego). I was following Kruse, Medical medium, Ben Lynch and others.
    And I read a couple things from Lynch about how supplements and MTHFR were only part of it, not the HOLY GRAIL, and these things need to come after you fix a bad environment. And suddenly that message was everywhere.
    And then someone mentioned Mitochondria on FB- and suddenly everyone, across all these very different diet modes, was mentioning mitochondria.
    And I was like, F* I need to understand this. So I came to the place that made it the most mind-boggling, but somehow most satisfying. I read EPI Paleo RX in February, started reading the blogs (BG, EMF, EE), and became a member in September ( I think). I've now listened through to the begining of the 2014 webinars and reading back through the Blogs at the same time- which is helping it stick better. And I finally decided to start the journal because I'm probably going to need help soon.
    The thing I find most promising about the Quantum world/Kruse information is that a lot of it I've heard before. Maybe not in super technical terms, but for example- the Kind diet really pushes a seasonal local source of food, Born to run is all about grounding and natural movement, I once watched a hokey survivalist movie that mentioned the ground being 55 degrees in the desert.... so when these things pop up all compiled I feel like this is just how the world is meant to be.

    My Current Game plan

    -I need to source RO water. I thought we had an RO filter on the house, but it's just a filter... so I thought I was driking RO but I wasnt. I'm hoping this is part of the skin itchiness after water contact because I had quit drinking Mountain Valley and went only to our filter water around the same time. So maybe there is salts from the filter in the water (i think the Jan 2014 webinar was talking about this) which paired with the colder temps and influx of snowbirds, set it off (?). I went back to drinking Mountain Valley Spring for the moment.

    -I have an EMF meter (Cornet ED88t). While overall wakling around it doesn't have 'bad' readings I want to compare to someone who really understands and has optimized their house. I'll post that with numbers later.

    -I'm hoping to buy a magnetico soon. And run labs.

    -In the summer I should have saved enough to go on a potential relocation search on the gulf coast. However, there is a small question in the back of my head of whether there is anywhere is AZ (Northern, where there are plants and pines) that would work since the hubs can't leave here for awhile. Elevation would be 5000-7000 ft, I think the latitude is around 35 (like Santa Fe) with low population density/rural. There is an old volcanic chain (sunset Crater near Flagstaff) and a meteor site (east toward winslow) that Im wondering if I lived a non tech lifestyle (which I already do for the most part) would possibly be in the right ballpark for health. I know SW is horrible for fluorites, and AZ has never been mentioned (in the parts I've read) as a possible optimal location... my other guess is maybe that has to do with all the things they mine or just overall lack of surface water...???

    So that's where I'm at. I'm so grateful to anyone who read this far. :)
    Danny and caroline like this.
  2. Sue-UK

    Sue-UK Gold

    Great start to your journal! Welcome :)
  3. ACL Kadin

    ACL Kadin Gold

    EMF Meter readings with WIFI not on in the places I'm in the most
    RF mW/m2
    bed: .002-.004 (until the neighbor talks on her cell phone outside then it's .08-.1)
    Dining room .01-.03
    kitchen .02

    .05-.1 uT or .55mG throughout house (green reading)

    LF 30
    throughout .04-.05 uT (flickers green to yellow) except next (within a foot) to microwave/oven and a couple lamps where its obviously reading high (red)

    E Field
    throughout house between 8-9 with occasional jumps to 12 in V/M except next to appliance or within 6 inches of electrical socket, etc

    I get similar readings outside.
    Under my car steering wheel and near fuse box is red.
    We pay not to have a smart meter (eye roll)

    So assuming the power went off tomorrow in the house and never came back on again (ie what I could control if other people didn't have input), how does this compare to a more rural area? If I were to travel to the middle of nowhere would I see zeros?
  4. ACL Kadin

    ACL Kadin Gold

    thank you!
  5. ACL Kadin

    ACL Kadin Gold

    So more info- this is all very uncomfortable to me but last night I felt guilty about not airing enough of my dirty laundry- so here's the dirty laundry post.

    I'm going to organize it based off the biggest healers list:
    AM sunlight: this was easy when it was summer and 90 in the morning. Right now, it's... uncomfortable... so I look a little like this- run outside, repeat oh shit repeatedly while pacing manically for 2 minutes while the cat swipes at my heels and meows loudly (I'm her favorite human- I give her salmon). Its usually still dark because... toddler likes to wake up and eat a BAB pre-sunshine...I flip a breaker back on and run inside. I usually venture back out after an hour or two and since it's now in the 70s I expose more skin and pet the electron stealer (cat). Up until December we would open all the windows first thing to let in light, however my SIL has Reynauds and the cold is kicking her ass right now so we wait til later in the morning.

    Unfluoridated Water: thought I was doing better than I was. See water part above.

    Seafood: The cashier at Costco asked me the other day what the hell I was going to make with all this seafood. It's just how I eat. I have tapered it off though since September when I was pretty much only eating seafood, and meat wise have been following my intuition a little more. For example after the seafood binge I started craving beef and lentils (iron?), and then I went through a shrimp and bacon phase, and then a all the meats (seafood, bacon, ground beef) phase, and then an egg and salmon (from our chickens) phase, and now it is anything goes as long as it is topped with sour cream. I can't stand eating the same thing over and over. Really wish I had labs.... :-(
    I'm trying to keep any vegetables or fruit local or seasonal... and when think about this I hear Sam Kenneson (comedian) screaming "You live in a desert!" I do have an herb garden.

    Grounding: this is the easiest for me. I don't like shoes. I do have Earth Runners for when I leave the house. We ripped out all the flooring so the house just has concrete floors. We have a backyard with lots of dirt.

    Community: When it comes to my immediate people I'm pretty lucky. I'm obviously still way beyond but at least they are curious. My hubster tolerates my crazy ideas even though he loves tech/movies/etc because I promised him we'd have better and more frequent sex if we moved to the middle of off grid land. He's not interested in doing the research, but at least he's not fighting me on my holistic crunchy voodoo. My brother is into Permaculture so even though he hasn't followed the EMF part he's open to it and can build me a rocket mass heater and plan my food source. My sister in Law is the best present my brother ever got me. We parent similarly, question way too much, come up with wild ideas, seriously consider moving to properties where there are underground cave houses..., I'm also lucky enough that I know like minded, or at least open minded, homeschool playgroup parents. I think the main difference between me and my clan is I'm not afraid to make a mistake, or hit bottom. I nicknamed myself an abyss jumper 15 years ago, although this is harder with a family. I make plans but I'm not afraid to scrap them and start over. I guess this is merging into Self confidence. Where I lack is including others as to how truly unconventional I would go. I feel like people retaliate against unconventional. So I feel like I have to do it all myself. I'm sure there is some missed opportunity there because of that.
    fitness@home and caroline like this.
  6. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    Water is the biggest issue in AZ and the grounding effect there is hit and miss. Sedona is great but places up North not so great. I have a sense there is something deep to the base of the mountains that is a geopathic stressor........= poor ATPase spin in mitochondria
    Danny likes this.
  7. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    I love your down and dirty journal! keep going!

    unconventional rocks!
    ACL Kadin likes this.
  8. ACL Kadin

    ACL Kadin Gold

    Thank you! I needed to cross that possibility off my list :)
  9. ACL Kadin

    ACL Kadin Gold

    So this week I read and re-read EE 9-11. I print them out so I can sit outside, and make notes and then try to summarize the big points or write down the other connections I made.

    Things that keep on sticking oout to me are Coherence, Fractal design, Harmony... because they seem to be themes I am seeing in other things I read about (Parenting/Homeschooling/Unschooling, Political ideals, etc). I had to stop in the middle of EE11 and write:
    When conditions are right, ________ occurs spontaneously and effortlessly. The blank could be filled in with learning, weight loss, job offers, etc in my life..., and if I'm getting wha the doctor is selling, my lifelong source of most of my frustration that "X" should just be and take zero effort if it was supposed to be done at all (ie was natural), seems to kind of make sense. I have a love of efficiency. I have an overactive sense of urgency. Things need to be moving. Things need to be functional. We need to advance... without doing any harm, losing any value, losing any time.

    So obviously by the end of reading EE11 I was feeling kinda frumpy..., because FU*K that is not how our current system of living/food production/employment/education/etc is set up. I'm already in the unschooling/voluntaryist/rewilding/permaculture mindset so I know this already... but when I read about how specific, yet amazing, on an electron level all these foods are coded for to work with us, and then look at my crappy desert garden of herbs and my grocery store that only has produce from the southern hemisphere at the moment, and I just want to scream.

    The running joke in the house is I go outside to read and enjoy some sun, and I come back in gloomy and crying the end is nigh....

    It's not because I'm afraid of living under a rock and partaking in some fried alligator (This is my highly stereotyped affordable plan of moving to the gulf south- I've never been there so I'm just preparing myself for all possibilities), it's because I currently feel I'm going to be the only one doing it out of the ones I love. And that's sad to me.

    That gets enhanced when, last night, my parents came into town. And I'm drilling my mom for maternal health history. Both her and my Grandma had consistent bouts of illness as kids. I asked about my Great Grandma and from what my mom knows, she was born in 1890. They lived in Baja California and her father worked as an Onyx Mining Engineer. My mom remembers her as hardy, with it, not sick, until her mid 90s she got dimentia, before she passed. Her child (my Grandma) was chronically ill as a child. Asthma, Food allergies, spent a lot of time inside. She was progressively sick and on bed rest for most of pregnancies(5- my mom's the second). My memories of her are hearing about her knee replacements, inflammation, timidness/anxiety/inability to make decisions/ inability to remember. My mom, says comparitively her and her siblings are much more healthy, but my mom had chronic ear infections nd at some point, way too closely to puberty (6-8 grade), the ENT decided she was "Allergic to the bacteria that creates ear infections" And started doing tri weekly injections of something to help with that to boost her immune system. My sister in Law and I are staring at eachother and it pretty musch took all I had not to scream Holy SHIT. So when I asked what year my great grandmother was born, I launched into a rant about the electrical grid and circadian timing and all that concluding with and that's why I'm moving under a rock on 10 acres with no power. To which my dad chuckled no thanks he doesn;t want to have to rub two sticks together to make a fire. My mom gives me the deer in the headlights look, files it as interesting information that interferes with her life, and poof it's gone.

    And this is my problem with ... People. You have the example of a seemingly hardy female with no health issues until she's old as dirt, traveling independently into her 70s internationally, who within a 30 year span has an extremely sick offspring, who then produces 5 other offspring, the last pregnancy almost kills her. Those offsprings, who all the women have memory issues although yes they are better than their mom, then have more offspring, which despite our access to resources financially and really nice weather (all San Diegans), have issues. I have 14 cousins. Issues. I think I know why most of them are males. The three of us that are girls... 2 out of three of our kids are boys. There's plenty of addiction, weight issues, etc. I think nature's just gonna go ahead and do away with our mitochondrial line. ANd here's my dad (with his cancer and addiction issues also) saying well I like my ability to flip a light switch. Really? Even though we know there is an issue with my mom's memory and thinking, and he is pretty much having body parts taken out of him every 6 months... Sigh.

    It also makes me think that if the grid/lighting could create such an extreme difference in one generation (Great grandmother to grandmother) maybe it explains that we are/I am particularly sensitive to this change. Hmmm.
    Optimalbound, Lahelada and caroline like this.
  10. Liam Taylor

    Liam Taylor New Member

    Love your journal. So honest and authentic, no pretence or posturing. A breath of fresh air, thank you for sharing!
    ACL Kadin likes this.
  11. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    keep going.......
  12. Liam Taylor

    Liam Taylor New Member

    "My mom gives me the deer in the headlights look, files it as interesting information that interferes with her life, and poof it's gone."

    Thank you for putting that in words, I suppose many on here and similar pursuits experience this same pattern of interaction. How frustrating and disappointing it is. How soothing to read someone else describing it.
    ACL Kadin and caroline like this.
  13. PaulG

    PaulG New Member

    I was having chronic neck pain for many months till I bought a firm memory foam pillow and moved my bedside locker so that I could sleep with my elbows jutting out. Also recommend sleeping in a queen or king size bed by yourself if you have the space.
  14. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    Nice journal.........and EE9-11 lay out the case that our mitochondria need the solace of nature to give you wellness.
  15. ACL Kadin

    ACL Kadin Gold

    Some day, oh some day. I apparently am an amazing cuddler because my toddler sleeps on top of me. I need a clone.

    Many moons and chiropractors ago I decided no pillow when x rays showed a cervical pillow made my neck worse. Sigh. I have the luxury of switching sides of the bed with my husband (his side is firm) and it creates a hip issue instead. It's fun chasing symptoms... :)
  16. ACL Kadin

    ACL Kadin Gold

    In my 20s I would do long trail rides out in the mountains on horse back. I called it going to church because it was the only place I found "God"... It's so true, I had a lot of revelations out there which resonate with a lot of what you write.
  17. ACL Kadin

    ACL Kadin Gold

    I'm a lover of pen and paper and not so much of tech. So it's kinda funny trying (happily) to not turn on the computer to journal but then trying also to keep a mental note of things I want to put down, and then realizing people talked to me and feeling a little rude I didnt respond earlier... yikes!

    So this week was filled with EE 12 and 13, and once I finished with 13 I picked up Pollacks book again. I'm a little excited because EE 12 is pretty much what I was looking for a year ago, but now I think it might actually start to stick how this all works. As long as I draw pictures and keep it on my wall over my bed to stare at for the next 6 months.... :-/ The other night I had a dream where I was trying to explain protons, photons, electrons and I couldn't. Reminded me of the year I lived in Spain where every dream I would say something in Spanish and then translate it for someone else. Yes, I know. My dream life is very exciting.

    I had the good fortune of losing my engagement ring a couple months ago and with the insurance money I decided to buy a magnetico. (My husband side eyed me a bit...). So we had to do the rearrange the room to accomodate magnets dance. I asked if he was going to divorce me after the magnets were all set up and then I mentioned some people have crazy detox symptoms ... for like two weeks... and sometimes their sleep goes to sh*t momentarily... But he said, probably not. SO I'm going to count that as a win. I've only slept on it for two nights and no one died. Another win. I really wanted to wait and run tests so I could compare panels before and after but I'm not patient enough. My goal for January is to get labs drawn. Supposedly, there is a naturopath here that is somewhat circadian aware. Skeptical....

    My biggest win over the last couple weeks is I stopped drinking our house filtered water and started buying random "Purified Water" (it says RO or distilled) at the grocery store and Mountain Valley and the weird skin itchiness thing that was happening is gone, or barely noticable. I say biggest win but I simultaneously mean 'incredibly annoying lesson with accompanying frustration." As much as I believe anything is better than Phoenix's tap water (you can smell the chlorine), and I'm glad I contributed to the purchase of the filter for the house to avoid that, I'm amazed (but ya know, not) that I had that reaction to it. And I hate freaking buying the water in bottles. SO another goal for January is research water the filtered water companies to see if they add anything back in after RO. The upside of that is the new water mixed with some MCT oil as lotion means my skin looks a lot better.

    Environment was on my mind a lot this week so here are some things I did:

    Took my EMF meter on a field trip to the park. Park was fine. Car ride was interesting. Stop lights are really interesting. Within a block of a Lowes parking lot is a fucking shit storm. Our original plan was to rent in the apartments across the street from there and I am so thankful we didn't ( I came across antennae search right before we moved out here, which is one of the big reasons we moved in with my brother instead as every apartment community has a tower within a block). The main street that runs a couple blocks North of us has the HV power lines and the houses that face it are always being listed for sale or turning over tenants. It's all 55+ and ... that's just criminal... that people are coming out here trying to get some sun in their winter and are probably doing worse for their health.

    I bought thermometers so I could see how cold it gets in my room. Currently 58 in here with the window open. My child is running around in shorts.

    I don't generally regard myself as "actually ill" but I started to question that at IKEA yesterday. After about 20 minutes I was completely congested, runny nose, teary eyes. Every new smell, perfume, smoker, candle section just made it worse. By the time I walked out my eyes were so teary I couldn't clearly see objects in the parking lot. Headache was on the horizon. Cleared up by the time I got to my car. Thanks sun. I started thinking about how much avoidance I do, because this isn't abnormal for big box stores for me. The difference is I don't know where anything is in IKEA so it took me a lot longer to get through. In general, most stores I go in I treat like I am on a special ops mission that's time sensitive. I have the 10 things I buy and I'm in and out. I probably walk the same path every time. I don't browse. I may pause to read a label, but that's it. So is it that I'm just 'not sick' because I'm still able to avoid most things that make me uncomfortable? I wonder what it would be like if I had still been working this last 3 years. And really I guess it doesn't matter to me other than if I'm experiencing the same or similar thing as Multiple Chemical Sensitivity, that plays into the correlation with EHS and my thoughts earlier this month on the dramatic change between my great grandmother's health and my grandmothers. And it makes me wonder about how much time I have before my symptoms are unavoidable. And that plays into my Grand Plan for 2017 (Also known as the set up year for eating locally sourced alligator and living under a rock)...

    Here is my hope/intention for 2017... that after the quick and profitable sale of a condo we own, I will go on possibly two exploratory missions in the second half of the year to the gulf south, hopefully locating little havens that are possible future homes, that have enough affordable acreage and tall plants (ie free fencing) that I can roam scantily clad, while gardening and avoiding reptiles. It's a big ask... but i was told yesterday that Numerology says that 2017 is a year for beginnings. Crossing my fingers.
  18. ACL Kadin

    ACL Kadin Gold

    Just finished the 2014 March Webinar (Redox Potential w/Jeremy).
    Going to out myself (fully) as a crazy horse person. I don't currently have one because I find it too sacred to not be able to fully devote time to it.

    I probably can't describe this well other than Deja Vu. This (a monumetal this) is everything my Natural Horsemanship trainer was talking about when I was 19. Using completely different words. Quantum horse words. And I'm trying to figure out how he knew about this other than, maybe in some ways like Jeremy up in the Venezuelan mountains, in the military they would basically drop him off in the middle of nowhere, give him a map, and say 'Find this thing'... (by his account) and he'd show up somewhere 5 days later, filthy, surviving off water and whatever he could catch to eat, with the information and ask for his next mission. He knew about it via experience of what the world really worked like/ felt like and the abandonment of all things comfortable. He then in retirement, took what he learned in the wilderness as a young buck, and turned it into creating that 'solace' for people, via a mutual love of horses and leadership.
    In my head I'm geeking out over the parallels here, which are way too vast to delve into. But I guess as Jack talked about what/how Jeremy shows him the holes that he 'lacks' in his ability to deliver the information to lay people, and the subsequent giddiness over the path the blog would take, I just honed in on that I've been here before and I started 'translating' a lot of these words, into the ones I already know in horses. I've been down this path, and frankly, I owned this path when I was on top of my horse. It saved my ass then, and it'll probably save my ass now. And the funniest part of that is, I'm not sure if it's obvious, but I'm terrified of reptiles and am extremely concerned about the snake population in the gulf south (I know- so nuts) and as I've been looking at real estate and researching I've had the thought that it was so much easier to deal with reptiles when I was on my horse and I would feel so much more comfortable if I had a horse with me. ... oh that intuition.

    In horses we would talk about coming back in from a long adventure/trail ride/whatever as being lined out. The body language of the horse would be long and low, no wasted energy, efficient movements, minimal concern while still being aware of their environment (All the horses we owned were pretty much fire breathing dragons/ cannonballs waiting to explode prior to starting this training- which is why we were interested in training in the first place). We'd CT our horses in running streams (you have to make sure they don't lay down with all your gear on). We created energy at spooky distances. I could get my horse to run to me by looking (directing energy) at her flank from 50 ft away. We were magicians (after ya know, a long time of practice with no audience) to the lay people at the stables. We'd create chaos to create harmony. We looked nuts until we looked like we really knew what we were doing.
    Natural Horsemanship has become more of a fad now near my parent's house instead of a lifestyle with weekend clinics and such, probably some half truths in there, because I don't think many people can afford to live in CA and also spend that much time on a horse. I couldn't once I was out of college and commuting to work among other things, which is why I strayed off that path in the first place.

    But it's all coming back to me and I just got it on a whole different level. Horses are a reflection of our best and worst selves. They are giant rabbits, completely sensitive and aware of their environments, but due to the social structure of their herd don't always have to be afraid. They communicate with a perfect dead point of energy that Jeremy talked about with Rock climbing. They urge us to be calmer, braver, smarter, more athletic. We must be patiently persistent in the proper position. It's about timing, the appropriate amount of energy, and about ultimately, Finesse.

    <end epic rant of horse geekiness>
    caroline likes this.
  19. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    I love what you have written ^^^^^

    Dr. K's wife - Sandy - has horses .......
    ACL Kadin likes this.
  20. ACL Kadin

    ACL Kadin Gold

    Still trying to avoid a keyboard and screen as much as possible. In preparation for getting my panels run I felt like I needed to sift through some old stuff and ended up printing out about 10 blogs to read through. I seemed to fixate on Cortisol. And I just finished the May 2014 Webinar and Q&A.

    What most resonated with me was ( I think) QB 8 and talking about flow/direction and how that scales to us in being principled and having direction. Maybe it's the new year , retrograde, and the birthday and my natural introspectiveness on a cloudy day or two, but I felt I needed to stop and 'take stock' of what I'm doing and where I'm going.

    Where the F am I going...? I guess I 'swelled' here for a second and have toothpaste brain. My tunnel disolved. There is a a bit of stagnation here. As I mentioned before I currently live with my Brother and Family. Which is way better than overpaying for an EMF hell apartment. There is a good chance the house next door is going up for sale, and we could buy it, which would be awesome because it would allow me to control the EMF more specifically in my environment, and have the benefit of more land for the kids to run around on, and my husband would have an office with a window for light exposure. Oh and my naked room is already built. It allows me to build a more specific tunnel and flow that I don't have access to now.

    The downside is it's a bandaid. It's a better than. The kitty biohack says this overall environment (Phoenix) is no bueno for the animals.
    Most likely my husband's company will have him here for 2 years at least. So for two years I could better than, and use my resources to explore the south-which I need to do anyway. Then it looks like he could possibly go to South Texas or the Northwest. I hope he goes to Texas so me living two states over in the gulf still means my kid can see his best friend (He's a really freaking good dad). But if he goes to the Northwest... I think I'm going too. Which is not ideal- because naked, seafood, jamaica----just more biohacking. I can't have either of us jumping on a plane and living that far apart. A car ride with some good seafood stops- do-able. Plane rides to gloomville...meh. Living in gloomville (NW) would probably have to happen. At least for awhile. *Frump* I know this is a bit 'future thinking' but it does impact what I spend my money and energy on now.

    So really all that to say is- I think the prospect of making (more of a) home here makes me see how much is lacking. I know what I want (almost always). And I want it to change... NOW. Yesterday. And the hard truth is I'm settling(almost always). Because I have some lofty freaking goals being a Capricorn/Aquarius Cusp baby and none of those follow anyone elses ideals. I probably say that every post. Most likely because the things that come out of this blog pretty much throw it in my face. Getting smacked with the reality paddle a bit...

    Other thing I'm thinking about is microenvironment. I'm overly impressed with the skin on my hands (still) which has led to more enthusiasm for not being near silicon wafers with them. But I've also been thinking about what they do all day.
    I don't wear gloves- so they see the light cycle. They get cold water blasted on them cosistently via hand washing. I rub any extra fat (MCT or butter or occasional bacon grease) I come across on them. And I guess they get the most touch/collagen stimulation probably.

    Also thinking about swelling/joint pain. I think the unstructuring/goop picture made me think of what the pain in my hip joint actually looks like. Hmmm... So I have some work here to do.

    Finally, I think the whole direction/flow blog while making me heckle myself a little about where I'm at, really made me conscious of where some of the other friends in my life are, and... they're energy vampires. Sweet, beautiful, caring, undirected, unflowing, energy vampires. Which, as much as it is horrifying, it makes me chuckle because being around them, clucking about their problems, I actually start feeling anxious about their situation which seems to say they actually are stealing my electrons? Wow. I just don't want to be like that. It feels a little bit like all community leads to electron depreciation sometimes (either via the web via electronics or people in real life via the anxiety they cause).

    In case I sound stuck up- let me be clear that I have many a imperfection. They are blatently obvious and I will gladly list them here. Maybe I'm just in that disbelief period of learning new information- where you get really excited about the things you realize and are trying to apply ...and then get really depressed and kinda wacky. I do this. Like every job, relationship, city... playgroup maybe is next. I'm channeling Tom Cruise in Jerry MacGuire. Revealed my big manefesto. Round of Applause from the co-workers. Walks out with the goldfish and the knicknacks from my cubicle.
    Who's coming with me?

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