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On the Wagon..Off the Wagon...No More...This Time...Optimal!!!

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by PaulaRichards, Mar 24, 2012.

  1. PaulaRichards

    PaulaRichards New Member

    Wow...A Public Journal...that sure adds some accountability!

    Discovered low carb about 8 years ago & I learned that I feel the best when I eat this way. BUT I've fallen off the wagon so many times!!! Always in the name off "TheBinge". Sometimes they lasted a day, a week, and sometimes months!!! I've been up and down so many times. Everytime led to feeling worse, with weight loss becoming harder and harder with each new start! Thanks to Jimmy Moore's website & blog, I found Mark Sisson and the Primal Blueprint, then Dr. Kruse! I feel like it all comes together NOW! I can soooo relate to MommaGrok! Never give up!

    So here we go again!

    12 years ago before being pregnant I weighed 118 lbs! It was the only time I felt comfortable in a pair of shorts or bathing suit! Now 170 lb!!! I'm 43 now and 5'6 so I think I'd feel great at 135 lbs! I've been in the 160-170 zone for several years now so we'll see!

    I was exercise addicted a few years ago. Did a sprint distance triathalon & a half marathon. Certainly didn't result in any weight loss; just made me hungry!!!

    Here we go.... Ketogenic+CT to start. There's alot to read and learn!
  2. PaulaRichards

    PaulaRichards New Member

    Not sure what yet what basic info to track everyday but I sure felt full of energy yesterday and even this morning, mainly because I feel a little lighter.

    Converted to Primal sometime in January 2012 but there were some binges in there. I guess that explains the 10 lbs I gained since Christmas. I cannot do a diet 80/20 as the Primal Blueprint suggests to strive for. Anything other than 100% leads to Binges & having wicket cravings. When I stay VLC Primal I have very little cravings and if I do they don't last long so I can overcome them.

    So my new start, armed with Dr. Kruse's info and this forum, was last Monday, March 19, 2012! Started at 169. I am 166 today. Even though it was likely water weight lost it still feels good. I haven't started CT yet, unless I consider cold air :) I went for an 1 hour walk yesterday in the cold and started to wear a t-shirt around the house; which is a bid deal for me because I'm always cold! Yesterday the house temp was 67 & I didn't turn on the heat...huge for me. I think the face dunks will be ok but no idea how I'll tolerate the rest...the thoughts of a cold shower makes me cringe!!!

    As for supplements...I already take a ton of them but not sure if they are specifically what I need. I've taken them for years. About $100/month, morning & evening packets contain different ones. I'll have to take a look at the specifics and compare with the recommendations here. Last year I added vit D, about 8000-10000 IU/day. The vit D made a difference in my house. My son had one cold in the last 1.5 years, I had one that lasted less than a day!

    I read quelsen's journal last night...wow! When I was reading it reminded me that when I was young, maybe 12ish, my grandmother offered to pay to lose weight! Yup, was going to pay per pound of weight lost! What a gem she was! Weight was always a struggle as a youngster. It was a routine topic of conversation; who ate the bag of cookies?? Must have been Paula! It usually was...but I'd eat them in private then deny it! I guess there's some emotional baggage attached to my weight issues; although I guess there usually is; I mean...who intends to get fat!!

    Well off to read more of Dr. Kruse's info! Journaling is new for me so I guess it'll take shape (as I do too!) as I go along! I feel a little apprehensive/embarrased at the whole public journal, knowing ppl might actually read it but I think it's a step in the right direction.
  3. PaulaRichards

    PaulaRichards New Member

    Okay, so I didn't feel as great this morning as I did yesterday but it might have something to do with the fact that:

    - I ate too late last night. I was busy in the evening & instead of a proper meal had a protein shake. Also didn't get to bed at my regular 10-10:30. So I was tired getting up.

    It was wonderful getting through the weekend without thinking about ice cream. I could live on ice cream & caramel sauce! As a reminder to myself how horrible I feel after ice cream & caramel binges...Last weekend before starting the Leptin Reset I ate 2 litres on Saturday night. I woke up feeling like I had drank 2 bottles of wine. Even my body hurts when I do this but there are times when the cravings are so strong that I do it, knowing full well that I shouldn't. Obviously I know it's poison for my body. Why do I give in??? I do enjoy it while I'm eating it but come on!! Would I eat rat poison??

    When I walked past the pull-up bar this morning (I started P90X a few times) I had a fleating thought that I'll use that again someday!!

    Went around the house yesterday in a t-shirt (65 degrees inside) when I'd usually be in a t-shirt + sweater! I minded it a few times but not too bad. I planned to start the facebaths last night but apparently have some issue with submerging my face in water! I felt like I was going to panic or drown! Crazy...I swim...don't love swimming underwater...but did do a triathlon and had no problem. So...I plan to try it with a snorkle.

    Well the day just started but I passed on a tea biscuit this morning at our morning coffee break. (I work at a hospital where everything is homemade & they are simply the best). I feel in control! Yah!!! I'm a little surprised but I like this journaling thing! I feel inspired when I see start dates & progress; especially the Binge-free part! My problem in the past, even though I felt great eating VLC for weeks or months I'd be frustrated because over the years weight loss is at a snails pace for me. So, I'd rationalize an ice cream binge (since WOE wasn't working anyway!) & "start again on Monday". If I had a dollar for everytime I said or thought that line!!

    That's it for now. :)
  4. Lyndra

    Lyndra Gold

    Congrats on finding this site and starting on your journey. I think most everybody goes through fits and starts. Things go great, then something happens in your life, and you go backward. But every time you rebound, you get a little more strength, a little more determination. Kicking sugar can be very, very hard. You speak of overweight as a child; I was a little pudgy, but more than anything, I remember devouring plain sugar. Yep, sugar cubes, powdered sugar, soft drinks. It was only after I got rid of all traces of processed sweet that I have found my cravings to disappear. Even the revered 85 percent chocolate leads me to binge. You're on a journey to find what works for you. Keep at it - you're doing great!
  5. PaulaRichards

    PaulaRichards New Member

    I appreciate your kind words Lyndra! Your comment about eating sugar made me laugh, not because it's funny to have a sugar addiction, but I had completely forgotten I used to do that!!! Especially the sugar cubes, although I did enjoy brown sugar too!!! Hmmm...when I converted to Primal I was having some 70 or 85 percent chocolate & although I didn't attribute that to what lead to my periodic binges it may have had something to do with it. I'll have to pay more attention in the future to see if it is a trigger; after this leptin reset though!
  6. You are doing good Paula!! Week-ends are when I'm more vulnerable to binge...The "I'll start again on Monday" syndrome ;) I did it again this week-end!! I have to put that behind me, and remind that I have to be kind to myself. I'm doing so much better than last year and learning every day. Tooks me years of harmful behaviors to get here, my body can't change overnight... Every night I go to bed thinking about what I've done for myself and how good and proud I feel about it. Foccus on the good things, and leave the bad behind :)

    I think I'll do like you and put how many no-binge days in my signature...One day ay the time, we'll get optimal!! :)
  7. PaleoSue

    PaleoSue New Member

    Welcome, welcome, welcome! I, too, am all too familiar with "the binge." Let's help each other stick with it this time!
  8. PaulaRichards

    PaulaRichards New Member

    Sounds good to me! It never occured to me while I was inhaling 2 litres of ice cream on a weekend night that there were others out there doing similar things. I think the more Binge Free days we can post the more determined we'll be not to break the streak!
  9. MommaGrok is a true inspiration for me too! She is doing awesome! She's living proof that we can succeed too! Those binges/sugar cravings are usually lead by hormones imbalance, so we should not feel too bad or guilty about it and concentrate on fixing ourselves...It will probably happen again, but less often and less intense...

    Did you get any labs done?
  10. MamaGrok

    MamaGrok New Member


    Get up, eat the BAB, stick to the rules, do the same tomorrow, every now and then fail, then get up, eat the BAB, stick to the rules, do the same tomorrow...

    There may be little tweaks you find you need to make along the way. Some people use 5-HTP (with the proper precautions - very dangerous within 6mo of anti-depressants, etc.), some use chromium picolinate, some use EFT ... I found I needed to up my BAB to 65g after a while. We're all different ... and we're all the same.

    The one thing that must be solid is knowing with no doubt that you *will* beat this, and that it's only a matter of time and persistence.

    Another hint is to figure out which rules you will never, ever break, b/c they're not affected by your cravings. For me, it was

    - meal timing (between, before and after sleeping, etc.)

    - amount of protein in my BAB

    - no indulgences that I don't love. Cheesecake was a love, but the things I would never ever consider having included bagels, whole wheat ANYthing, Dum Dums, crackerssoft drinks, dry cereal ... make your own list!

    - etc.

    So even in the midst of a binge, I would never consider having the things I *didn't* *love*, and I'd still have my next meal with plenty of fat & protein, and I'd never EVER skip the BAB. Once I started these things, especially the "no missing BAB!" rule, it was only a matter of time before the healing overtook the binges. Yes, I gained some weight as I still binged occasionally & also stopped skipping meals - it's just math - but that slowed, then stopped, then reversed - for the first time in a decade.

    Don't forget the fat!!
  11. PaulaRichards

    PaulaRichards New Member

    I really appreciate the comments MamaGrok! This all makes sense! It is inspiring to know that people with similar food histories have beat this & are on the road to recovery. So thank you again!
  12. PaulaRichards

    PaulaRichards New Member

    Hey! I was MIA for a the last couple of days. I actually wanted to write something but it was getting late at night & I didn't want to bright light from the computer! I hope you're doing well; I'll pop over to your journal! I haven't had labs done but I'm thinking about it. What about you?
  13. PaulaRichards

    PaulaRichards New Member

    Hey! I was MIA for a the last couple of days. I actually wanted to write but it was getting late at night & I didn't want the bright light from the computer! I hope you're doing well; I'll pop over to your journal! I haven't had labs done but I'm thinking about it. What about you?
  14. PaulaRichards

    PaulaRichards New Member

    The last couple of days have been okay. 10 days binge free so that has been great! I haven't had a lot of energy this week. I know I'm in ketosis (I know it's not advised to test but I had strips at home and was curious) but ketosis has never really given me the "low carb flu" before.

    I've noticed my hunger towards the end of the afternoon has diminished but I do eat something regardless. I'm a little hungry today though, probably because I didn't eat the BAB, only 2 eggs this morning. I can't make that mistake again!

    I haven't started CT yet & think I should wait until I'm finished the Leptin Rx or least well on my way through it. I have been driving to work, about 30 minutes each way without the heat on. It's still winter here so I definitely notice it!

    My son wants me to see the Hunger Games with him this weekend which is fine but I've NEVER gone to the movies without getting a large popcorn. I'm going to have to eat a couple of steaks or something to get through that one! And Easter treats will be in full force next weekend...that's going to take some willpower!!
  15. Hey Paula!

    I didn't noticed before that you're from Nova Scotia. Viva Canada!! lol (I'm french speaking, so please be indulgent with my writing ;))

    Yeah, being hungry at evening is the worst...Without knowing, you find yourself in the kitchen telling yourself that just a few sponfuls of ice cream won't hurt...STOP!!! It does! If you are not hungry for a steak, you are not really hungry...That helps me a lot to figure if i'm hungry or simply want to eat...

    I had to eat the last two nights, i was simply too hungry. Just a little salmon 2 nights ago and I slept like a baby, but last night i was still awake at 2 and was really hungry...Had some salmon again and went back to bed at 2:30...A little tired today, but the hours that i slept were pretty restful. That's new for me, I'm really glad. I used to wake up very tired, even if I slept all night.

    I'm in the bath tub as I'm writing you ;) I first started 5 weeks ago with cold showers, lowering the temperature a little every day and trying to stay a little longer, but it was really hard and pretty boring! Ice spoting is really easy, I wrap a ace band aroud my waist and put 3 or 4 ice packs in it, over a thin t-shirt. After 3 weeks, I could put them directly on my skin with no problem. After a week of showers, I went for the baths. I started by sitting in the tub and filling it, adjusting the water temperature, and after a week, i decided to fill it up completely and just sit in it, holding my breath until a feel confortable (2 minutes at the beginning, and now it's getting easier and easier). Was also wearing a tuque and socks to protect my toes (I've got Raynaud). I didn't do any in the last week, but was missing it! Funny thing... Last week, I could easily stay in a 10 degrees Celcius water for up to an hour! Most of the time, I put my computer by the tub, on a chair, and do some reading. As I'm typing, I can't obviously lay back, but I've got water up to my belly button. I'll complete when I get out with ice packs on my belly while doing some cleaning in my place. I feel really great when I get out of the tub. At first, I was shivering a lot when I was getting out, but that lowered over time. Now I just get out of the bath and wait until my skin dries by itself. I was sometimes having a tea just after to help warm me up, and doing a bunch of squats in the living room also does the job. Today the water is at 15 degrees, I didn't know how far back my break would have taken me, but is pretty managable, and I even put my feet in it!

    Just do it at your pace...Why don't you put ice packs on your belly while going at work? That would be a nice start. Start with 5 minutes, and try to increase every day. Soon you'll surprise yourself going all the way to work without taking them of. The ice packs I'm using (from the dollar store) don't leak, so no mess...You could also do it at night at home...When I do have the icepacks on me, hunger goes away! Sometimes I even feel nauseous, and never I think about food! The hardest part is to jump in...It's doesn't look appealing, especialy with the weather we've got here. But that's gonna help you a lot with the reset. It gives it a kick forward.

    And don't miss the BAB again! You have to force yourself into it, it's the only way you won't be hungry in the day. Yesterday I didn't eat enough, and was hungry by 11. This morning I had 85g protein (I know, that's a lot, but since I'm hungry at night I figured out I might try to eat more in the morning), and could barely eat for lunch. I still did (sardines and a avocado) because I wanted to CT (don't forget to eat before you go in the tub, I see lots of people doing it late at night, a few hours after the last meal...and they shiver all night!) and I'm so full!!

    You can do it, even at the movie theater or with easter coming. IMO, it's not a matter of will power. It's a matter of feeding your body what it needs (protein and fat, especially in the morning), so you don't feel those cravings. Bring some water or tea with yourself at the movie so you have something to hold onto. And treat yourself with 99% dark chocolate for easter. It's full of fat, low sugar, and you won't feel deprivated. And remember your goals...You're doing all that to feel better. Binging won't you make me feel better, but you already know that ;) And if you give in, that's ok, just move on and keep going with a BAB the next morning. When I feel the urge to binge, I just wait.... It's pretty inconfortable, and every time it goes away faster than the previous time. I took me many years of therapy to do that, and it's not always perfect, but it helps a lot. I wait 30 minutes, I have green tea or herbal tea (Do you guys have David's Tea in Nova Scotia? They are awesome) and ask myself if I'm really hungry. If so, I can have fish, meat or veggies, and often, I just don't feel like it and realize I was not that hungry... Be good to yourself, and you'll see every week you'll do better than the previous one.

    I forgot to look at what time I got in the bath! lol I'll stay another 15 minutes and might go for a walk after I warm up. It's pretty cold here and for a few weeks, I've only worn a little jacket and feel fine. Ours bodies adapt very fast, you will be surprised!

    Sorry for the long post, I was inspired!! ;)
  16. MamaGrok

    MamaGrok New Member

    Wow, lots of great words ,AbetterME - the "if you're not hungry for steak, you're not hungry" rule is a great one that has worked for me, too!

    BAB. BAB. BAB. BAB!!!!!
  17. PaulaRichards

    PaulaRichards New Member

    @ ABetterMe...that was an awesome post. Thanks...I will come back to read that time and again! I really appreciate the CT tips; I had not even thought about doing the ice packs while driving to work. That would be perfect!
  18. My pleasure Paula :) If I can help someone, I'll be an happy girl! I've edited my first post in my journal if you want to read my whole story.

    Keep me posted if you try CT in your car!!

    It's been 12 days binge-free for you, congrats! And if you keep going, you'll soon have two week-ends in a row binge-free! I know how week-ends are difficults and that's when all the demons talk the louder. Eat more of the good stuff at meal times, and don't forget the BAB!!! :)

    Have a nice day,

  19. TheKid

    TheKid Gold

    Does anyone know if Jack shared any of his trials and tribulations regarding falling off the wagon on his blog? I don't really remember seeing anything. It would be helpful to know if he had stops and starts and what tactics he used to overcome the obstacles and get past the roadblocks.

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