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Nathan's Journal

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by Nrelax11, Aug 2, 2019.

  1. Nrelax11

    Nrelax11 New Member

    About myself:

    Hey everyone! My name is Nathan, and I currently am residing in the state of Washington with my girlfriend and beautiful 13 month old daughter. I grew up in the Bay Area in California and had a great childhood besides some issues that occurred. At a young age I did find that something was wrong mentally because I was prone to being overly obsessed with being clean and have things in order. This did not last that long and these signs kind of went away over the years. I recall one scary incident when i was in middle school where I was staying at my grandparents house with my mom, and I had the song "Rain drops keep falling on my head" stuck in my mind. i was sharing the bed with my mom and I kept singing the song out loud over and over again until I started balling my eyes out because I couldn't stop. So obviously something wasn't right as a child but things got better. I was a shy kid, but had a lot of friends so I was out doing things a lot. I was born in 89', so I was outside a lot as a kid, except for the short times we would be indoors playing Nintendo 64 or PlayStation 2. I played Ice Hockey my whole life up untill the age of 14 when I decided I wanted to hangout with friends more and smoke weed and drink.

    In High School I was still a pretty shy guy but met some new friends and had a pretty good time up until my Senior Year. In my Junior year, i took pain pills for the first time and fell in love. It helped with my anxiety and just made me an extremely outgoing guy. It wasn't until my senior year that I started taking them a little bit more frequently. That year I had a theology class and we had to get up in front of the class and read the Bible out loud. I did it the year before no problem, but for some reason it was different with this class. Maybe I it was because it was full of jocks and I didn't know them and felt intimidated. Well i went up to read and had a complete panic attack. I could barely read, my voice was cracking and I was terrified. After this incident I started skipping that class and was the start of my avoidance with many social situations. I started using more pills with my best friend and by the time I started community college, I was addicted. I spend the next 5 years addicted to all opiates. I finally got clean in 2013 when the cops found me passed out in my car at night and gave me the opportunity to call my parents and go to rehab. I went to a month long rehab and was clean for a couple years until I slipped up about 4 years ago. It wasnt for long, but I had to get treatment ago by seeing a group for 2 weeks. I have been clean ever since. I did start using Kratom for chronic pain I acquired back in 2011 in my back and hip.

    After getting clean one of the years I noticed that something wasnt right with my jaw. I had a huge gummy smile and couldnt close my lips together without feeling tension. This led to my current OCD. It is called sensorimotor OCD, and it is when you become aware of automatic bodily functions. It soon became all i thought about and led me further into my addiction. After getting clean I had a surgery on a deviated septum and I told the surgeon about my jaw issue and she introduced me to a jaw surgeon. I eventually got jaw surgery on my mandible and Maxilla. The problem was, my OCD was still there. Over the years my OCD transformed though and I began thinking about my breathing and now this is my current obsession. Some days are better than others, but it has really controlled my life and health.

    Since I got clean, I slowly began become more of a health nut. I've done a lot of diets to try and help myself, and found Jack Kruse at the beginning of 2019. I know wear my blue blocking glasses at work and at night. I try and watch every sunrise, even if its cloudy. I eat sardines and pork for breakfast and try and eat oysters everyday. I work at a hotel as a purchasing clerk for the restaurant and banquets, so I get oysters at a cheap price. I also drink Mountain Valley spring water or whistler glacier water most days. I do have a distiller at home that removes fluoride and everything, but I haven't been using it much anymore. I would add minerals to it and lemon juice to help it. I want to get my labs done and start doing CT, but just haven't got to it.Its very hard doing everything and taking care of my daughter, but I know I'm just using that as an excuse.

    I don't know what it is, but lately after eating my sardines and having pork belly, I feel like my OCD has been getting worse, and this is why I need to get my labs done. I've been implementing mostly everything, but seem some aspects of my mental health have not improved and some days got worse. I'm also very cognoscenti about my phone and wifi. I always have my girlfriend and I have our phones on airplane mode, especially around our baby, and we watch tv once a week and I wear my blue blockers as does she. I have a cornet 88 and have found that pretty helpful, but also want to get a better meter for reading ELF feilds. We do live fairly close to a military base, so I know that is probably a problem. I really want to move and am looking into becoming an electrician so I can learn to wire our own house and maybe help others. The problem is my girlfriend doesn't want to leave her family that we are living with because they help so much. But if I do get a job, she said she'd be willing to move and we have looked at Bend Oregon as a possible living place.

    So that is my story everyone! Sorry for it being so long! Thank you for listening and any advice would be much appreciated.
  2. Nrelax11

    Nrelax11 New Member

    So I started the first stage of CT yesterday by doing a face dunk in cold water. The cold always make me want to take a big breath! I use to have a lot of dandruff on my scalp, but ever since washing my hair with cold water, my dandruff has disappeared. I also have dandruff on my eyebrows, so I wonder of the cold face dunks will help with that. I'm also trying to figure out a good breakfast to have everyday and maybe switch it up every few days. i'm currently having a can of vital choice sardines, either bacon or pork sausage, and hard boiled eggs. I want to try and only have breakfast and dinner so I can save money, but I'm trying to think of more foods (fat) to add to my breakfast. Any suggestions would help! I still get hungry after eating what i am currently eating. I actually have to wake up at 4:20AM for work, so I cant cook in the morning. I'll eat cold food though. I make sure not to eat until I see the sun or until I know the sun is out if its cloudy. I wonder if I can heat up some oysters the night before and bring them to work. Maybe marinate them in something to help with taste.

    I'm having some struggles with my babies health. I personally don't want to give my daughter any vaccines, but a lot of the schools around here require it. I think they still have personal belief choices in Washington, but I just don't know what to do. If I ever were to get her vaccines, it would be one at a time, but for some, they only have three at once! I can't believe they got rid of a lot of the single vaccines. what are your opinions on vaccines? I also need to start getting my daughter into the morning sun. It will be easier when the sun rises later because she sleeps from 8:30PM to around 8AM, So shes asleep during sunrise and I'm at work. When my girlfriend watches her on her days off I have her take her outside first thing in the morning, but when her mom watches her, I don't know if she's doing it. I catch her sometimes turning our room light on which bother me. I should change all our wall lights to red lights but the bulbs are very weird and I think youd have to change the socket. I do use amber bulbs in our lamps in our room though. Its hard getting everyone to follow our rules, but they are slowly getting it.
  3. Nrelax11

    Nrelax11 New Member

    Quick observation from this morning. I have two eye floaters in my eyes, and I dont know if its just a coincidence, but they seem to be getting worse from either wearing the glasses or from watching the sunrise/set. They could also just be getting worse because of all the damage i caused in the past from looking at screens all the time. Also, went grocery shopping yesterday, and am going to really try and stick to my healthy epi-paleo diet. Since days are beginning to get shorter now, i'm only eating the carbs that grow in our backyard, which are figs and our tiny apples. so anyways, i really want to help get rid of these ey floaters. I've searched on here about them, but I haven't found anyone that has got rid of them. Any help with them would be great! I think someone had asked this on here, but are wearing blue blockers all the time indoors at work bad? I have access to the outdoors whenever I want at work, and I can actually prop a door open most of the time to let natural light in, but I still have a bunch of fluorescent lights above me. I wear my glasses pretty much all day until like noon and would switch to my clear glasses and then when I get home, I don't wear anything because we don't use lights and leave windows open. I do wear my very red glasses before bed. So isn't wearing orange glasses during the day indoors messing with your circadian rhythm as much as artificial light? Your basically taking out all the blue light and the sun produces blue light, so your brain wont know what time it is. Obviously the best thing to do would to be outside all day, but I don't have that luxury right now and don't know if I ever will. Any opinions on this subject??
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2019
  4. Nrelax11

    Nrelax11 New Member

    So I've been slacking on my CT. Since I can't do it in the morning I have to set a schedule for the Evening. Lately we've been putting our daughter down for bed around 7:30 pm, so I should be doing my CT right after. I will have to schedule in a time to do my CT once I get to the point where I'm using the ice bags on my torso, and then eventually I will have to buy a inflatable or portable tub, because the only tub that's in the house has a leak. I really want to stick to the cold therapy because Jack said it is very useful for people with mental disorders.
  5. Nrelax11

    Nrelax11 New Member

    Cold Therapy has been going smoothly! I don't know if I have to drink the 16oz of water and large fatty meal before doing the face dunks, but I think I will start doing that since my time under water has been increasing. I need to purchase some bags of ice and try and put them into another bag and just reuse it. I'm excited to continue progressing with the CT. I have also been wondering if it's okay to be eating canned sardines everyday, or if maybe I should switch up with fresh fish every other day. My budget for for is $300 split between my girlfriend, baby and I. We usually shop at whole foods and barely make the bedget, So I'm trying to figure out some cheaper morning meals that I can meal prep becasue I get up at 4:30am for work and do't want to wake up earlier to make food. Also kind of hard to do in the dark.
  6. drezy

    drezy New Member

  7. Inger

    Inger Silver

    Hi Nathan, and welcome :)

    You need to educate yourself about it, read about every single illness that they want to vaccine against, and when you know what the risks are, also how much skin in the game you have, you will know if to vaccine or not :)
    I do that, and I do not take vaccines so far (I was vaccinated as a kid though, which I am not happy about but had no chance to say no). But you really need to learn about it all to make sure the decision you do comes from your heart and wisdom.
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2019
    Jeanne likes this.
  8. Nrelax11

    Nrelax11 New Member

    I have access to oysters through work at about $9 USD for a dozen. I also can get a big container of shocked oysters in water, but would think the shelled ones would be better. Shrimp is definatly an option. I've bought a big bag of wild gulf shrimp at whole foods that lasts a decent amount of time. I want to get a new costco membership so I can check out there seafood options.

    Thank you!! I'm glad to be on the forum!

    I've done a decent amount of research on the topic of vaccines. I do not like what I see and if I can I'd rather not give her any. I was vaccinated as a child also, and always wonder if that had anything to do with my OCD because I started having signs of OCD as a child. Could be a coincidence though. We haven't taken her to a pediatrician in a while because they are so pushy with vaccines, but we are going to get her checked out soon to just have her looked at. I actually followed what Dr. Natasha Campbell said about limiting doctors visits for your baby, but at the same time I like to have her checked out.
  9. drezy

    drezy New Member

    $9 / dozen is an amazing price for such a great food.

    Gulf shrimp, gulf oysters, and fatty pork make up 90% of my diet for the year and I'm doing great, except for all the voices I hear.

    Implicit amongst these here pages is the concept that the environment your child is in(coupled with individual redox) is a very very important factor. Don't forget that aspect.
    Jeanne likes this.
  10. Nrelax11

    Nrelax11 New Member

    Yeah, the perks of working as a purchasing clerk for a hotel/banquet hall :)

    I am pretty strict on my daughters environment when I or my girlfriend are home. Her Grandmother though, can use some improvement. She has defiantly improved a lot though, but still don't know what all is going on behind our back when we are not there. My ground rules are to take her outside first thing in the morning, no artificial light if possible, and only the food we have bought for her. Is she following that on a daily basis? I don't think so, and I have come home to all those rules being broken. I am very very grateful to have her helping though. We don't have to pay for daycare, which is a huge plus. My dream is to be the main money maker and to have my girlfriend( hopefully soon to be fiance) stay home with our children. This is what she wants to do, and myself. The one thing I want to do for my daughter is to get her up for the sunrise, But then I also want her to get as much sleep as possible. Isn't it better to have her get all her sleep, than to wake her up from it to go outside? She's been going to bed earlier lately, around 7:30pm. So she is usually getting around 13 hours of sleep, and then a 2 hour nap in the daytime. It will be easier to get her out for the sunrise during the winter since the sun doesn't rise till around 8am. I guess if I or her mom were to wake her up for the sunrise, then she can just go to bed even earlier.

    i also want to talk about my job situation. I currently do not like where I work, even though there are some great perks food wise. I am actually looking into becoming an electrician. My boss gave me crap when he found out about this. He said, " so you hate EMF and all the artificial lights, but you want to work around electricity?!" I want to do it because I want to be able to work on our own house someday to make it more safe and protected. Maybe also start my own business helping people create a safer home environment. I've talked to a couple electricians that have come to our work, and they have said I should go the school route first, since we have a school very close by that offer and electrician program that isn't too expensive. Then again, I've heard some electricians say you should just go to the union hall and sign up for an apprenticeship. I also and very stuck in life because of my OCD. I let it control a lot of things in my life and it has held me back tremendously. I know I am in control of my life, but when you have a screwed up thinking process, it makes having control very difficult.

    CT has still been going well. I even got my girlfriend to start! She is trying to lose weight because she gained a lot of weight while pregnant. I am looking into buying a portable bathtub becasuse we don't have one and have found a cool fordable one on amazon. What do you guys thinks? https://www.amazon.com/UNIKON-Porta...d=1565877102&s=gateway&sr=8-5#customerReviews Also wondering how I can double bag a 20lb bag of ice to prevent leakage and to reuse it. Okay, just looked on amazon and they carry 20lb reusable ice bags lol. question answered! Look and you shall see :)

    One last topic that I have been curious about, and have researched. Floaters in the eyes. I know jack says there is a difference if you see them indoors or outdoors. I only see mine outdoors and feel like I have more than I use to since wearing blueblockers. I haven't seen that many success stories, but im guessing reducing the bluelight, improving redox and getting more AM light/ UV would help. I'm wondering if anyone has reduced theres? I use to get them a long time ago and they would go away. now they have stuck around.
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2019
  11. Nrelax11

    Nrelax11 New Member

    I got a 1/2 gallon tub of shucked oysters today. The head chef says they use those as shooters and eat raw. I asked our seafood rep and he said technically he can't tell me to eat raw anything, but most places use the pre-shucked oysters raw. Everyone on here says to not eat the pre shucked oysters in water raw, what do you think?

    Also. another success with CT for myself nd girlfriend. I've made it to one minute with my face under water. I'm going to purchase some reusable 20# ice bags when I get payed and an under armor shirt. excited to start the next phase. Lat night it seemed to help with sleep a lot.

    What is very weird, is that I actually use to sleep better when I was watching tv, sunrise and didnt have blue blocking glasses. I think it is because my OCD has increased a lot this past year. Before our baby was born and a few months after, I feel like my mind was more at ease compared to now. So I'm hoping everything I'm doing will help.

    I'm a spiritual person, and I had a sister die when I was younger and then a cousin that killed himself that I was close too. Talking to them and asking for some help when I have struggled has always seemed to help. Every time I have asked them to help me out in my life when I have been suffering, something good has always happened. I usually get some type of help. This is especially true when it came to my drug addictions.
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2019
  12. drezy

    drezy New Member

    That's new territory for me. I'm aware the product packaging. I like shucking my own for my own reasons. It sounds like your chef is feeding them to people anyway.
  13. Nrelax11

    Nrelax11 New Member

    Yeah, I guess I can try it out, or just steam them a little. I usually get three dozen in the shell and then steam them until they open and then eat. I've actually never tried them raw. So maybe I should wait until i purchase some live ones and try it out.
  14. drezy

    drezy New Member

    Can you give me an example how your OCD manifests on any given day? I think I had a coworker that may have been this way.
  15. Nrelax11

    Nrelax11 New Member

    So my OCD is based on focusing on automatic bodily functions, like blinking, breathing or focusing on ones mouth. My specific OCD originally manifested after I noticed I could not seal my lips all the way/ gummy smile and therefore became for self conscious ( occurred after a time period I was clean from drug use). I eventually got jaw surgery because I actually did have a physical problem with my jaw, but it didn't fix my mental problems like I hoped. So I basically was over focused on my lips and mouth because I couldn't close them and then manifested into constantly thinking about my tongue in my mouth and now it has progressed to thinking about my breathing and mouth all the time. There is very short periods of time that I forget, but then I will notice I'm not thinking about it. I also have chronic neck pain, which I know is from my OCD. My breathing pattern is weird and my jaw isn't relaxed, so I put a lot of strain on my muscles and thus tension in my neck. When my neck is hurting, it creates tightness in my jaw muscles and my OCD gets worse. When my neck feels good, my OCD is lessened. I did use to have forward head posture, but has been a lot better. I think my tense breathing though creates forward head posture for me though and I have to keep an eye on my posture more. My brain is basically always overactive thinking. completely sucks:/
  16. drezy

    drezy New Member

    Thanks for the description. I wasn't owed an answer by any stretch.
  17. Nrelax11

    Nrelax11 New Member

    It's no problem. I don't mind discussing the topic. It actually helps talking about it.
  18. Nrelax11

    Nrelax11 New Member

    This past weekend was okay. Watched the sky become brighter both Saturday and Sunday( cloudy) and tried out my jug of oysters I bought, I got to say, they are not the best. I did not try the raw, but maybe in the future. I originally made a mignonette with wine wine vinegar, shallots, and salt and pepper, and then cooked the oysters in there. Well that was a horrible decision because it made the oyster very gooey and mushy. So Sunday I steamed the oysters and then poured the dressing over them and it was a little better. i realize that nothing beats fresh oysters though and no matter what, these shucked oysters are going to be mushy I guess from the water they are in. Its a half gallon of shucked oysters and I have a lot to eat! Any suggestions on how to make them taste better?

    Weather is cloudy today and It always makes me miss California. I definitely don't want to live in Washington forever and am hoping that once i get a better job I can persuade my girlfriend to move further south. I mentioned before that we had our sights on Bend Oregon, and am hoping we can take a trip there soon. I grew up near San Francisco in California, so I am so used to nicer weather, and there weather here just gets to me. This summer has been especially crappy because July was mostly cloudy and I feel like we just haven't had much of a summer. This month has been a little bit better, but I wish I could watch more sunrises. It make me feel more at peace.

    CT is still going well. I realized that I can make the water a little colder than I've been doing, so last night I dropped it down a few degrees and it made a huge difference. Was definitely more difficult, but hoping it will help. I get paid in two days, so I will be purchasing reusable ice bags and an under armor shirt. Can't wait to start using the Ice bags on my torso!
  19. Nrelax11

    Nrelax11 New Member

    Last night was another weird night of many I've been having. I will go to sleep and a couple hours later I'll wake up thinking our baby Luna is on the floor walking around. I'll jump out of bed and crawl all over the ground looking for her, and then realize that she's in the crib and I was half asleep. I'll also do it when my girlfriend gets into bed. I'll wake up feeling around the bed and ask where Luna is, and shes always having to tell me she okay ! So that has been waking me up lately, but also, I have been tapering down off of kratom because I don't want to take anything anymore. So some nights that has been affecting my sleep if I take my last dose to far away from bedtime and I'll wake up a few hours later restless.

    Today was a very nice day. Got to enjoy the sunrise from work with my barefoot touching the ground because I have a hole in my shoe! I want to get some grounding shoes, even though when 5G roles around here, that won't be advisable. By lunch time there was some crazy spraying going on over the sun, and the lines were all over the place. One of the lines looked like a plane had just suddenly took a sharp left turn and was loosing control. Now most the sky is a haze and tomorrow is suppose to rain. I notice a lot of spraying before it's suppose to rain. Tomorrow is pay day, so I will be purchasing everything I need to continue doing CT and some more sardines. The sardines I get say they have 1600mg of DHA, and overall 3,000mg Omega 3s . So pretty good!
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2019
  20. Nrelax11

    Nrelax11 New Member

    Man, sleep has been pretty crappy lately with Luna waking up during the night crying a lot. Some nights are better then others. She also started not going to bed when we put her in her crib and crying when we leave the room. Online it recommended that we leave the room for a little bit and let her cry, then come back in, comfort her, and then leave a little longer and repeat. It was horrible though because she was screaming, and so my girlfriend finally went in and sat next to her crib and layed her down and held her hand, Eventually she slowly moved her hand further away until she fell asleep. She use to sleep in the bed with us, but finally started sleeping in the crib after when went on a trip and she slept in a pack and play. So that's my sleep,

    My CT supplies are coming today, and it has almost been two weeks since doing the Face dunks. My girlfriend is behind though because she didn't do them for a few days and its hard for her to do it in the sink because her stomach pushes against the it and affects her breathing. So we are going to get little buckets and do it that way. I was also researching online about eye floaters and came across the Bates method, which I knew about, but saw stuff about MSM drops for the eyes, and saw a lot of people got rid of there floaters with it. So I think i will give it a shot, I'm also wondering and thinking about trying Methylene Blue, but would like some opinions from people before getting it. I am in a pretty constant state of stress because of my OCD, so thought that might help.

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