1. Registering for the Forum

    We require a human profile pic upon registration on this forum.

    After registration is submitted, you will receive a confirmation email, which should contain a link to confirm your intent to register for the forum. At this point, you will not yet be registered on the forum.

    Our Support staff will manually approve your account within 24 hours, and you will get a notification. This is to prevent the many spam account signups which we receive on a daily basis.

    If you have any problems completing this registration, please email support@jackkruse.com and we will assist you.

My Optimal Journal

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by KrusinWitchie, Jun 28, 2018.

  1. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    Ohhhh le sigh. It is sure something to have a narcissist as a mother. I sent the above message regarding Gadolinium interaction with EMF to my mother, brother, sister, father. I asked my mom for specific guidance on not going to a wedding in 5 weeks I had already rsvp’d to. Instead she provides me with the following:

    “Because you are my daughter and I love you, I have a few comments. As far as the wedding, of course that is your decision and I respect your choice. I wish we had known before we bought the plane tickets though because that is non refundable. If we were driving would you have attended? As far as the MRI dye, are you sure you had that? You may not recall but I did a ton of research on every step of the way. We had to go to a special appointment for the MRI because I wanted to do healthiest approach. So I am actually not sure if you had that. Maybe you did when you had the MRI two December's ago when they thought you had appendix complications?”

    Of course she took me pursuing my own health as an attack on her past parenting. Healthiest approach? What I remember before the MRIs was her telling me that there was no big deal with the dyes because even she had taken it orally before, and she was fine. I remember the injection itself. It was the biggest needle ever stuck into me before. Typical behavior. The MRI i had two years ago didn’t require contrast. I have those records. As far as non refundable tickets? Last discussion there was that I said I was going to drive and really preferred not to fly.

    Pretty pissed but not far from what I should’ve expected. I expected nothing actually because it matters not at all what my family thinks, but fuck man. It helps knowing that she is desperately grasping ahold to her interpretation of reality and that has jack shit to do with me.

    Just not sure which parts of her response to address and which to ignore.

    This is the same woman who claimed this year as I’m discussing my need for Kruse-isms with her that I probably suffer from poor digestion and skin issues because I’ve changed my diet so much since I moved out. Oh, yes, you’re right. I should have stayed strictly on the course with eating Tyson and Perdue breaded chicken patties cooked in the microwave, ritz and fluffernutter, along with continuing my healthy habit of puking up $20 worth of fast food multiple times a week. I guess she also doesn’t remember the horrible eczema my cooch was covered in when I was 5...that was pretty fucking memorable for me. or the aquaphor our doctor gave BOTH me and my sister for perioral eczema that we used for years making us look like snotty rotisserie chickens.
     
  2. drezy

    drezy New Member

    Wow cooch redox indicator!
     
    Phosphene likes this.
  3. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    Clues everywhere lol. I am glad that indicator didn’t persist into teenage years and beyond.
     
  4. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    Edit... i was 8 or 9. Wonder when we got WiFi.
     
  5. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    Had a really weird brain rush type feeling just now, combined with a memory of running into Kruse years ago, but writing him off? Not sure it it was my own memory. Sometimes I have to take a minute to decipher which reality is a dream and is not. I build dream houses/estates/places and revisit them in dreams and in waking hours. Whatever the Kruse memory was, it scurried off. Can’t access it now that I’ve flagged it.
     
    Phosphene likes this.
  6. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    I’ll admit, my entries sometimes make me sound nuts. Someone in the forums (forget who) had said that a lump in the throat is a sign that you need to clear your throat chakra by speaking your truth. That’s what I’m doing now, because for 26 years I had a big lump in my throat that got in the way of my movement. In lots of ways.
     
    Phosphene likes this.
  7. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    I know all about that lump in the throat. So glad you are recognizing and expunging it at such a young age. Write on my dear—you are quite entertaining! :thumbsup:
     
    KrusinWitchie and drezy like this.
  8. drezy

    drezy New Member

    I find this all very informative. I've had a recurring lump myself.
     
    Phosphene and KrusinWitchie like this.
  9. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    @Phosphene thank you! I finally learned what those patterns I’ve always seen when I close my eyes are—phosphenes! I am glad you picked this as your username because I’m not sure I would’ve ever learned that. Thank you. Now all that’s left to figure out is why/how I feel like my something in my eye is a microscope. I can see moving ~things~ but they’re not floaters. It’s like I’m looking at a slide under a microscope. Long squigglies with a cell wall, and unicellular little guys (I assume but am not sure). I was never too great at identifying slides in bio. The first time I noticed it was when I was laying my head sideways on my wet arm as a kid and the sun in my peripheral vision. I asked my eye doctor last year, no insight. Just got a warning about floaters.
     
    Phosphene likes this.
  10. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    When FH and I met, there were no sparks. He had ugly shoes and a goatee which did not tickle my fancy. We were foreign to each other. He was raised in the streets of the South Bronx and I in NYC’s Connecticut suburbia. The closer we got to be as friends, the more we realized that we did not fit into the molds we had created for ourselves and each other. One of the reasons he was so enamored by me was because I reminded him of his love of art and drawing when he was little. I was an artist, but too depressed to DO any art without the pressure of an AP board evaluating my work. Yesterday, for the first time, we drew together. Before bed (8:30 lol) we did a still life study of my hat and compared our results from the different angles. It was so much fun, I had a rough day yesterday and that instantly made me giddy. I’m still giddy.

    I got up before the fog cleared and took a 66F dip. I’ve been hyping myself up for months about CT, convincing myself of the dopamine rush, that it’ll be better than a hot coffee, etc etc. I can’t tell if it was because I was laughing at myself pawing around for my glasses at the bottom of the lake like Velma, or if it was the dopamine rush... but this is one instance where I am grateful for my addictive personality. It felt goooood. And then I come inside to FH finishing the bunny rabbit he started drawing yesterday. He is so good! This is a feeling I’ve never felt before, looking at his work. After so many years of go, go, go, he is finally slowing down. He has more patience than I do, which is clear below. Mines the messy one his is the tiny one!
     

    Attached Files:

    Phosphene and drezy like this.
  11. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    Ding ding ding... when I was 8 we moved to a new house right next to a country club. Our backyard was indistinguishable from the driving range aside from a stone wall. Golf balls flew into our yard constantly. The golf pro gave us one of those picky uppy things to collect the balls. I always had to be alert when I was playing out back. Lots of time spent sitting on the grass in our yard eating various edibles... running across all the golfers in my PJs after my dogs, chasing them around the 9th hole... Idk what they were spraying on the course but it was always immaculate. Cooch clues!
     
    drezy likes this.
  12. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    Just completed my most badass CT yet in the lake. Only 67.5F though, lol. Grey skies and some rain on the lake made for an entertaining show of the raindrops dancing on the water surface around me. I shivered some, and was pretty tense. About 15 or so minutes in I started to increase my body movement because I realized my knees were locked from trying to keep my legs from floating above the water. When I tilted my head back to wet my hair, I stopped shivering and became more relaxed. I believe I was in for about 20-30 minutes. Cold adaptation continues...
     
    caroline and Phosphene like this.
  13. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    Got my records and confirmed I was given gadolinium on two separate occasions less than a year apart 07/08. I would send them all to my mom if I wanted to be an ass... but I’ll refrain. She is not too concerned, anyways, as she more focused on being a bit of a hater.

    The MRIs after my surgeries showed that everything recovered nicely, but when the surgeon cleared me to start running I had pain. He then said that I’m fine, I just shouldn’t run.. ever. That put me in a pickle as far as school sports went. I didn’t make too many friends watching my entire lacrosse team run laps around me (I was goalie). I wasn’t able to return to cheerleading. I’m thinking that the pain may have been (and still is) from the Gadolinium.

    The pain is inconsistent and dull. I haven’t figured out a pattern yet. I haven’t attempted to regain the same level of flexibility I had before, but don’t believe I have limited ROM. Kruse protocols have increased my muscle mass around the trunk area which has definitely stabilized things. I’m not as clumsy as I was last year and haven’t exercised at all. I just want to be able to have pregnancies without intervention and have healthy kids. Post-consult with Kruse I want to relearn how to tumble. If anything, my connective tissue is stronger now than it was when I was 15. Maybe. Tumbling feels like ecstasy and would just be fun to do again. While my stepdaughter was with us she called me a show off for doing a roundoff, lol. She ain’t seen nothin’ yet!
     
    Phosphene likes this.
  14. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    I started making coffee again 3 weeks agofor the both of us. (Bad, I know. I just read cpc 33 on Patreon). FH understands the dopamine issue and envisions mornings with a CT session instead as a boost before work. He just dipped in the lake before bed. I know he’ll get there. I stopped drinking it a few days ago cause of digestive complaints, and now he’s experiencing the same but doesn’t want to accept it may be the coffee. I prepare it with kerrygold butter oil and coconut oil. And collagen powder. That’s probably bad too.

    Well our teeth are remineralizing, we noticed this past week. Discoloration is dissapearing in both mouths. I am interested in roasted dandelion root as an alternative vehicle for all that fat.

    Dr Kruse are you spying on me? First the rosacea / eczema Patreon blog and now cpc 33. More practically, you probably just know that a lot of us up here are short on light since bidding the August sun farewell and are filling that hole with alkaloids and rosacea/eczema, so figure now is the perfect time to tell us about it! Last August I also had an outbreak around my mouth/nose.

    Yes I had coffee this morning :/ which is why I’m not asleep.
     
    Phosphene likes this.
  15. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    20 minutes in the lake at 64.9F this evening. Last CT session it was raining so I had a bit of entertainment, but I got pretty bored this time which is why I got out. Will need to figure out entertainment out there for when I am alone. My nipples... I wouldn’t say they hurt, persay, but felt like there were ice cubes on them.

    I feel much better after this session. I crashed hard last night/all day today probably for a few reasons. CT helped lots and am now feeling motivated to do all the things I should’ve done today.. but I should be winding down now. AM CT should be a good solution.

    Reflected in the lake that I have a problem communicating with men, mostly when I think they’re really smart or when they think I’m dumb. Can CT fix that? I hope so. I am curious about emotional/psychological stuff that a mitochondriac lifestyle can affect. I believe with more dopamine stuff like this can melt away. I have problems communicating with women too, as I do not discriminate. Overall I just have some communication problems.


    I picked and roasted some dandelion root and made a BPC with it this morning. Loved it. I want to think that as a result my facial redness reduced but am unsure if that’s why. I know that something in dandelion acts on liver detox pathways that I have probably trashed with coffee/alcoholism.
     
    caroline and Phosphene like this.
  16. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    19 minutes at 63.2F in the lake on another sunless day :) I am closing in on the real CT temps! As I dried off with a towel my skin was really sensitive, however that didn’t last long at all.
     
    drezy likes this.
  17. drezy

    drezy New Member

    That's the temperature my wife used to start her adaption at as well as the temperature she requested after a month long of travel to resume.

    Keep it up.
     
    KrusinWitchie likes this.
  18. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    Thank you for the boost :)
     
  19. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    Got my hands on some chicory to calm the coffee addict in me and to phase FH off the caffeine. BPC with it is bangin. As a result I learned about liver detoxification pathways 1 and 2, and things were clicking. Having been on oxycodone for quite a bit after my surgeries combined with lots of alcohol and regular antibiotics in youth probably messed things up. And then things went further south when I became vegan. Had no clue that I’d be getting any sort of benefit from the chicory other than satisfying the need for a foamy bitter hot roasty drink.

    I had been measuring the lake temp with a gun thermometer, so wasn’t getting an accurate reading. I was temping the lake bottom. So the water has most likely been colder than what I thought! Happy accident. Although I should’ve realized this sooner... I was trained on how to temp properly using gun vs probe at my job.

    Upped my Celtic salt intake too this past week. I always feel better when I do but am not consistent with it. Tried to force feed some to FH this AM and was met with a bit of resistance, lol. Maybe 5am is too early for a shot of saltwater.
     
    Phosphene likes this.
  20. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    Two nights ago was the coldest night so far of the season. 38F. Last night’s low was 42. Sleeping outside in the tent is so much fun.. we feel like little kids every time we get in there. The cold has been tolerable. The first night I didn’t even hear FH get home from work and go into the house.. was out like a light. Good shit!
     
    Phosphene likes this.

Share This Page