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My Optimal Journal

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by KrusinWitchie, Jun 28, 2018.

  1. Anne V

    Anne V Silver

    i emaile them and they replied it has to be downloaded every week.
    if i know howw i can do it :)
    drezy likes this.
  2. drezy

    drezy New Member

    It's worth finding out.

    I'll just say that one of the phone manufacturers is very very very picky about the aesthetics of their devices, even after you own them.
  3. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

  4. drezy

    drezy New Member

  5. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    You bet! ;):rofl:
    KrusinWitchie likes this.
  6. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    Lol. Unfortunately I'm not eligible for a feature in the mitochondriac calendar. Too pasty right now in all the wrong places.
  7. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    My maternal grandmother is the last G-parent standing. Mito stands strong. I felt close to my roots being with her, and whenever I was with her I was her silent shadow. I have a lot of sweet memories with her as a kid, all of them either in the kitchen or outside in the gardens.

    Then in my teens I guess I was grown enough for my mom to completely shit on any good feelings I had about Oma. This broke my heart and I began to resent Oma for making life hard for my mom. I don't know specifically what issues my mom has, but I'm sure she got off by turning me against my own grandmother. I am also sure that the things my mother told me about her were true, however I don't think she should have told me so young. Now I'm a young adult and I have a lot of guilt about this and I know no one else is to blame but myself.

    My paternal grandmother had pretty severe dementia and tried calling me when she was essentially on her deathbed to say goodbye when I was in my late teens. I didn't pick up and I didn't call her back. I've made a good deal of poor decisions but nothing feels as shitty as that when I think back on it. Hanging out with Betty and helping her in her gardens has caused some grandma feelings to bubble up. I am offloading the feels here so that they don't spill out into my phone call with Oma.
    caroline likes this.
  8. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    Don't ever, for even 1 second, think that you are the only one who makes stupid, selfish, childish, and really hurtful and poor decisions.

    Move over sister .....you have lots and lots of company!

    Never, ever forget...... even after lots of regrets.....

    Now that you know better ....you MUST and WILL do better.

    The sun has come out for us ........don't ever let anyone block our shine!
    KrusinWitchie, drezy and recoen like this.
  9. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    Thank you for the sunshiney reminder :)
    caroline likes this.
  10. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    Oma is good. Dealt with my guilt and just connected with her.

    Stepdaughter is here next week for two weeks... can’t wait. I wasn’t expecting one of the preparations for her visit to be putting our dog down. She bit my finger drawing blood last night when I reached down to close her crate. I can’t accept the possibility of her hurting a child.

    I tend to overthink these things given the time and opportunity to do so. It’s like CT. If I mull over how to submerge, when to submerge, to wait for that one cloud to pass... I’ll never get in. Whatever the internal switch is to turn off ruminating thoughts, I do have it, and having a solid goal is essential to pulling the trigger. In this case, quite literally lol.

    I’ll remember her wily ways and how big she smiles when she’s running in a field or at the beach. How she wiggles her butt in excitement when she sees me get her leash for a walk. I’ll also remember the tension I felt whenever anyone came to the house as she barked incessantly at them. She was/is causing me some social hermit behaviors and I suppose I can thank her for giving me a definitive reason to grow beyond that now rather than wait for her to die in her old age.
    Last edited: May 21, 2019
    caroline likes this.
  11. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    That must have been really difficult with your dog. I’m not sure I could do it but I understand why you chose to, especially if there are potential custody issues with the stepdaughter. My dachshund was a bit of a nipper and very protective of the family around other dogs. She was a rescue and not well-socialized so we were always a little hesitant to take her out and about. Come to think of it, I’ll bet this contributed a bit to our social isolation. Easier just to stay home than having to worry what to do about the dog.

    We have a nice compromise now—sister-in-law got a Maltese puppy a few months ago and we watch him three days a week while she’s at work. It was almost my son’s but since he got a job and moved out, that would make him ours, and we’re not ready for the commitment and expense of another dog yet. Plus this dog is just a total wuss. Cowers at everything and his sole purpose is to look cute, which he admittedly does quite well. Having a part time dog is nice—kind of like a grandkid I suppose—enjoy him for a bit then hand him back!

    How are things going?
    KrusinWitchie likes this.
  12. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    You and I both have part time dogs. My sister has a goldendoodle puppy that she drops off for a few days a week when she’s working her 12 hour shifts at the hospital. I appreciate the cuddles but sometimes she is just too damn cute and needy—just in time to hand her back like you said :) My dog was scrappy and scruffy. I have been missing her a lot although I haven’t had much time to ruminate over it since the stepdaughter is here. I feel tightness in my throat when I think about her, but nothing in comparison to how I felt looking into her eyes those few days between her biting me and us saying goodbye.

    I used kordon methylene blue topically on the bite and it healed nicely. The first two days i just did soap and water and alcohol/antibiotic ointment but it was still draining suspiciously and looking red and puffy. The MB immediately dried it up and things started moving. I also put it under a heat lamp several times and exposed it to the sun. I had a puncture wound on the underside of my finger and three long wounds on top of my finger either from me pulling my hand out of her mouth or her biting and dragging. Now all that is left is a bruise under my finger nail.

    Interestingly, as a result of this, I learned that my maternal grandmother and my bf’s mother both used methylene blue back in the day.

    Thank you for checking in. I received a kind letter in the mail from the vet the other day that let some tears flow and your note did the same. I appreciate it :thumbsup:

    Short answer to your question is I’ve been drinking a bit too much coffee and wine.

    In other news, our well has run dry and in the past two months we have not had a drop of water for over three weeks total. I’ll bite my tongue here cause I could go on and on about how annoying that has been and my journal is already a downer as it is.
    Phosphene likes this.
  13. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    No worries about downer journals. Life is all up and down so it’s just realistic to discuss the downs.

    That’s interesting about the MB—something I haven’t explored yet for some reason. Going to pick some up!

    I hear you on the coffee and wine...:whistle: At least mine is usually decaf—just love the taste with a little heavy cream. :coffee:

    Plus why is there a coffee emoji here if we aren’t supposed to drink it? :D
    KrusinWitchie likes this.
  14. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    True. Thank you for sharing that perspective.
  15. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    BF is interviewing for a job in NH closer to home, finally, a year and a half after commuting 3-4hrs/day into 5G Boston suburbs. We will find out Thursday whether or not he gets the job... fingers crossed!

    Our well water was soooo tasty before these shenanigans started... On Monday the well was hydrofracked to get more water into the well. Chlorine was added to sanitize the well and today I begin the flushing process to flush all of the chlorine out. A few weeks ago when the pump was replaced, the same process took a week and a half until the chlorine was gone. I am hoping this time it’s not so bad.

    The fill rate for the well pump is now 1.5 gallons per minute. My little lambs won’t be able to drink from this well so I’ve got to figure out what to with them now.

    Light, water, and magnetism... the electricity in this house is fucked, there’s no water... grumble grumble.

    Recently found out that my dad was institutionalized by his family for a short time in his early 20s for taking the end of times in the Bible too seriously. My mom told me if she had known she wouldn’t have married him... lol well I’m glad she didn’t know!

    We were in Long Island :)eek:) over the weekend for BFs sister’s baby shower/gender reveal :rolleyes:. She has two boys, 8 and 5 that both have autism. They were conceived and raised in a Bronx apartment literally a few yards away from the 6 train station platform. They moved to LI a few years ago. I guessed (and hoped) that due to a better emf environment (better but still shit) that she would have a girl. It’s a girl! BF is not so convinced that means she won’t have autism, too, because he said he saw an alarming amount of young girls who may have been on the spectrum at a shopping mall in NH recently. We will see. She hasn’t listened to her brother’s warnings about the WiFi or screen time, and she has eaten nothing but fruit throughout her pregnancy due to nausea and vomiting.

    Always in the back of my mind I am pondering what it will be like when I am pregnant and raising children. Fuck all the noise, the only thing I care about is what light environment I am in and if my partner will be with me. Still looking forward to becoming a member here and having a consult for this reason.

    No one in my family with my mitochondria has had children at this high of a latitude before. Most of them were born in Maryland, including myself, besides my brother and sister who were born in Lowell, Mass and my second cousin’s daughter who was born prematurely in NYC. I will ask where my mother conceived my brother and sister... i wonder if they were also conceived in Massachusetts.
    Phosphene likes this.
  16. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    I must be getting all your rain, though it’s finally letting up now. Are you guys planning to stay there long-term? Maybe there is something like this that could help? This of course wouldn’t work in the winter, but it’s still awesome...


    My father was briefly institutionalized for severe depression when I was 2. Something else you and I have in common. :alien:;)
    KrusinWitchie likes this.
  17. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    The little one is 6 turning 7. One morning she instinctively found the only real glass window in the house and stood in front of it and said, “Ah, this is the spot!” It faces east and is in an old dusty workroom that we have barely cleaned out from the previous owners... but that didn’t matter to this girl.

    She said that she loves bacon more than her mom...

    She also said that she loves mackerel more than bacon.

    She ate some salmon caviar without knowing what it was and said it tasted like salmon.

    On her own, she knows what’s good for her and what’s not. Very cool to witness.
    Anne V and Phosphene like this.
  18. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    Prepared lamb liver masala yesterday and noticed I could hit much lower notes while singing in the shower. I assume that’s a vit A thing
    Anne V and Katie Durham like this.
  19. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    My priorities as of late have been directed towards my stepdaughter and not so much on "optimal health". This shift hasn't cost me any mitochondriac efforts, except financially (no MX trips yet) because of attorneys fees. Instead, it has strengthened our family's mito lifestyle in a way that is fluid and not strained at all. I have time after this has blown over to dive back into blogs and be active on the forums. I do sometimes have trouble caring for myself when I am alone, but when my stepdaughter is here not only do I nurture her, but myself as well. When she recently headed back to FL it hit me that she would intuitively know if I was not taking good care of myself, so I have been holding myself accountable to my needs despite her physical absence.

    We have always known she was not under the best care and that her mom is a nightmare, but we had no idea how bad it truly was until this week. I could get all woo-woo with the backstory of how we got this information, but I'll keep it simple. She is being neglected. Dental neglect. She hadn't been taken to the dentist for over 3 years. For a mito-kid maybe that is okay, but this child eats nothing but fast food, juice, candy and rice w/ ketchup. She has 8 cavities that need fillings and has lost the root of one of her baby teeth.

    When her Dad found out and immediately asked her mom to make an appointment to get the fillings done, she refused, accused him of harrassment, and claimed the dentist told her to wait til they fall out. This dental neglect will be the clear and convincing evidence needed to petition for primary physical custody to be transferred to Dad.

    Sometime earlier this year, I had a dream that me and my stepdaughter were in Mexico for half the year. The same night, my partner had a dream that his daughter was somewhere she'd never been before and he didn't know who she was with, she wasn't with him or her mom. In his dream he was frightened that it was a kidnapping. I wasn't going to tell him my dream, because I had been thinking about going to Mexico solo for months already and felt unsure of being away from him for a long time. I didn't know what he would think and I didn't even know what I thought about it. When he told me his dream about the kidnapping, I laughed and assured him he had nothing to worry about. It was me in his dream with her, and we were chillin at the beach in Mexico! We had a good laugh.

    This manifestation is underway and optimal health is on the horizon for everybody, big and small, in our family.
    wildperoxin likes this.
  20. KrusinWitchie

    KrusinWitchie New Member

    Oh, and my partner finally got transferred to work at a Whole Foods in New Hampshire! Less commute time, no 5G, and no income taxes! He starts end of August :)
    wildperoxin likes this.

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