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My journey from frustration to success

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by Aussie Nana, Jan 15, 2013.

  1. Aussie Nana

    Aussie Nana New Member

    Yes, endless, I took off to the beach at the first opportunity. Couldn't stay anywhere near as long as I wanted as my sister wasn't well enough. Other than that it was bare feet all the time and choosing to spend time just walking on the grass.
  2. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    My thoughts and prayers are with you ....
  3. Aussie Nana

    Aussie Nana New Member

    Thanks, Caroline.

    I'm interested though in my emotional responses to the difficulties I'm going through. While they are similar - grief is grief, annoyance is annoyance - there is something different. The amount of pain I'm going through is different. I seem to sink into a gentle weeping grief when facing the inevitable, not a gut tearing grief that affects every muscle of my body. When I made a silly mistake while away that cost me a couple of hundred extra dollars I was annoyed with myself but I only thought about it a few times, I didn't beat myself up continuously causing huge pain all that day and the next and the next. Its different and much gentler. I put this down to an improved hormonal cascade.

    So its back to normal. My weight was down a little, which is nice. I find it richly affirming to keep seeing that I'm no longer the 85 kg that was so awful five years back. Now down below 65kg and oh so slowly dropping. It would be nice to drop faster but at least it is directionally positive.

    My sleep was bad while I was away and my first night back wasn't good. Last night I went to bed as soon as it was dark - about 8pm and went to sleep immediately, waking at 1.20am, stayed awake for a couple of hours then back to sleep from 4am till 6am. The difference was that both parts of my sleeping night were very deep and restful, not light and wakeful, with about half an hour between 3.30 and 4.00 being light. (Blasted dog came and barked outside my door every half minute till I let her in - blast, I've let her train me!)
  4. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    I hope your sleep gets back on track quickly - That is the one thing I won't let slide if I can help it. The last trip I was on - we had 4 overnite flights. It was just a disaster for me. I will never do that again.

    Glad to hear that your weight is directionally positive! I am finding that I am where I always wanted to be and thought I should be - 57 K - but I seem kind of pudgy now - like I really need to lean down some more. I am wondering if it is all the progesterone - I just seem rounder. That wouldn't be a bad thing on a different frame - like an hourglass...
  5. Aussie Nana

    Aussie Nana New Member

    Caroline, the weight thing is interesting. I rather wonder how I will end up. I definitely have another 10kg to go - well that much fat anyway. If I can I would like to improve my muscle mass but don't know how much of that is possible at my age of 62, so if that happens I might not drop that amount in weight, but I definitely want to change shape and get rid of the rest of my spare tires around my middle. So are you thinking you should be a different shape and not quite so round? I know what you mean about the hourglass figure - I'm straight up and down when I don't have the spare tires.

    When my husband was hugging me this morning he ran his hand down my back and sides and said he could no longer grab handfuls of fat, and how nice it was I was slim. He never used to complain about me being fat, but I don't think he liked it any more than I did. I'm not overly worried as I think my body shape will sort itself out if I focus on the health thing. I'm eager to continue to make improvements. I want my brain and thinking ability back too.

    Sleep is difficult when its too hot. It was air con weather yesterday - 39 C and muggy (over 100F). High humidity is awful in the heat. I don't like sleeping with air con so I turn it off as soon as I can, but I don't sleep as well in the heat.

    I thought I had weathered the air trip very well but realised yesterday that I didn't have the usual energy levels in my muscles so I took myself off to the beach. Unfortunately the sea was too rough to swim in safely and it was fully of lots of seaweed so I was restricted to walking along the beach occasionally becoming splashed as the waves came in higher than I was expecting. The water was silky smooth against my legs - something I hadn't noticed before.
  6. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    AN - I am straight up and down too - so when I gain weight it all goes to my middle and I hate it and feel so uncomfortable. I don't know what to think .... before I went down two sizes but my weight didn't change - now it seems to be opposite. My bum is rounder and my skinny legs are rounder - not bad things - just curious. I was feeling quite lean before and now don't. oh well - feeling great otherwise!

    Hope you get a good nite's sleep tonite.

    Are you having a warmer summer than normal? It is cool here and rainy.
  7. ashryn

    ashryn New Member

    Where are you AN?
  8. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    Sometimes we allow what we hate, to accomplish what we love........

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