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My Blog , My Journal (yourpaleohealthcare.com) & Journey to Optimal

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by Shijin13, Jul 27, 2015.

  1. Shijin13

    Shijin13 Guest

    Mind Fuck... I'm gonna have to dig up a poem I wrote about a good mind fuck.... just for you guys...
  2. Shijin13

    Shijin13 Guest

    Lust (or a mind fuck)

    I see him from across the room as I
    enter the pub, that dark handsome fellow
    brooding at the bar. Oh, he exudes sexuality.
    I want him; I must have him tonight. I desire
    to see him looking at my naked body
    with approval in his eyes. To feel him tease
    me and taste my skin with his fingers, tongue
    and lips. to ravish me with all abandon.
    I can feel my tongue caress a wet path from
    his lips and ears straight down his chest
    chiseled in my mind. His proof of wanting
    me stand rigid hard with his desire. To feel
    his tongue delve and taste my sweet nectar bringing
    me to an ecstatic height of pleasure. His tentative
    entry lured deeper by my moistness, his pace
    quickens as I cum again getting wetter, he slides
    right in for his final plunge cuming with in me.
    OH, I float down only instances after laying eyes on him.
    He'll never know what an incredible mind fuck he was!
    Uh, lust.

    written in april of '99 at the Jet. ]

    Btw all my poetry is copywritted and reside in the library of congress.... :)
  3. Shijin13

    Shijin13 Guest

    After @Joe Gavin brought up the mindfuck... and I found the poem above - I started going through all my old notebooks... so here's one about the bitch.

    The BITCH

    selfish little wench
    without feelings
    cares nothing about others
    not their feelings, desires, wants
    needs insecurities or egos
    she abuses with vicious
    lashes flicking from
    her tongue lacerating
    all who stand within
    her vicious wrath
    she doesn't aim to kill but
    to maim slicing to the core
    regardless of the pain she
    inflicts upon others or herself
    she's unworthy of anything
    respect she does not deserve
    strip it away make her
    grovel and kneel begging
    for a shred of it that's
    all she wants take everything
    away including her self-respect
    and you have her at your mercy - BEGGING.

  4. Shijin13

    Shijin13 Guest

    Many of the poems I've been leafing through this afternoon between meetings were written either on Guam or Okinawa.

    the ones I wrote on Okinawa are raw, in your face. The one about about the BITCH, I was writing about me. I stood between two worlds and I couldn't figure out how to balance between being the strong woman who was in the military, and the scared little girl who just wanted people to accept me for just being me. no questions asked. But they never did. Looking back it was b/c I hadn't embraced me either and kicked my own shit to the curb.

    Took me being medically forced out of the one thing that I had a purpose for, and mission, serving my country. And while I've served my country in another capacity for the past 16 years, it isn't the same. There's a hole. A large gaping hole that only serving can fill. Its like I've been floating aimlessly at sea - waiting for the first sighting of shore... only there's no land. I understand now why. I needed Jack to show me how to fix myself... (I'm not done yet but I'll get there).... Him showing me the way is leading me back to school, to get my BSN and eventually my NP. Jack and @NeilBB have warned me off, Neil even more so than Jack. Yet I'm slowly coming to the realization that this is my new way to fill my purpose to serve.

    And yes. There's gonna be a shit ton of suck. from going to school and working full time while taking pre-reqs. And I get the crappy environment - shit trade one for the other... but I'm going to work my ass off and find myself a position that won't require nights etc. Not gonna sacrifice me to serve. I can serve without sacrifice. For me that's a damn hard concept to learn b/c when I raised my hand and swore to defend and protect the Constitution, that oath including being willing to sacrifice everything.

    what's amazing is that making this decision, and starting classes has caused a peace to settle over a restless heart, searching for its home...
  5. nicld

    nicld Gold

    Working full time, with a family and going back to school and a shitty environment is tough (been there, done that while on nights, still trying to recover) but you have the tools to make it work and YOU WILL!!!!!!!
  6. This is awesome!!!!
  7. Way to go! "restless heart searching for its home...."....well put
  8. It's true....talked with my mom last night and she said, "YOU have to love and respect your father because he is your father"....I said, "no, I don't. I choose who I respect and love and it is not shown to me by him therefore I limit my time with him."
    Joe Gavin and nicld like this.
  9. thomas

    thomas Sun Worshipper

    Respect and love needs to be earned moment by moment.
  10. Shijin13

    Shijin13 Guest

    Devastated. That about sums it up. the realization after watching thrive that I'm a wheel in the cog of the system. I'm part of the problem.

    Given what I currently do, I have truly underestimated how good the Long Con is, and that's quite scary, as the majority don't understand they're being conned. I understand why the Long Con is perpetuated, from the perspective of "protecting those who don't understand", but the reality that con is being used to subjugate the masses, under the guise of cost savings, and services. Neither of which occur.

    Watching Thrive, especially the last 45mins the thing that kept popping into my head and generated a discussion with John, Jack was the similarities to Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged (Neil alert). I'm not sure everyone understands is the system itself is a key component to ensuring the status quo, with the 1% maintaining control. Hence why Atlas Shrugged popped into my head and our discussion. The interesting thing is what's on the MSM is the distraction component of the illusion itself. MSM is the magician's assistant focused on us, to keep us from noticing what's really occurring, and promoting dissonance across the populace to push the agenda that continues to keep the masses from coming together and realizing we're not fighting each other but the system in and of itself and the small percentage that NEEDS that system to maintain their power.

    Hence why keeping up with the joneses and the smiths etc for the new car, the new cell phone, the newest tech and high speed connectivity is so critical; all that increases dissonance and prohibits connection at the natural location. How many here actually KNOW and regularly talk with their neighbors, help them out, invite them to dinner or engage them on the weekend? Most don't in the current world. Who here remembers last minute backyard barbques, sprinkler games and blockparties growing up, where you knew all your neighbors and you enjoyed them and their friendship? We're working on building that at our new place b/c we want that connection. But at our old residence - with the exception of 3 neighbors - we didn't connect and neither did they. There were no back yard bbqs, no walk down the street and play efforts - why, that's what the system wants and needs. The system needs us to be disconnected, sitting in our separate cars during rush hour, working through lunch, limiting our interaction to passing each other as we take the trash out/pickup the mail, or at a children's sports event. When was the last time you got together with friends just to have a good meal, and enjoy their company??? I was talking with Ameer last night, and we pretty much are living in the fucking matrix, and some ASSHOLE has us stuck in Idiocracy for fuck sake.

    I'm literally sick to my stomach, that what I do on a daily basis perpetuates this. I've spent the past 15 years deluding myself that what I was doing was serving others, when it was nothing of the sort. Now how do I walk away cleanly without wreaking my family or killing my soul further...

    As much as I need/should focus on the health aspects of what's coming down the pike... walking away cleanly is going to be far more important
    nicld and RobH like this.
  11. nonchalant

    nonchalant Silver

    I had a new boss who was a whiz at dividing up the employees under him and making us all suspicious of each other. What was once a cohesive group dissolved into chaos. But he sure felt secure. He also spent a lot of time in his bosses office, filtering information. It worked for a good long time, but finally we started comparing notes, and it wasn't too long before he was out on his tail. Well, it took about a year. And a couple of the employees remained loyal to him, at least until he screwed them over. I guess they finally got it. It took his boss the longest to realize what was happening, and that we weren't actually just a bunch of whiners.

    My father did his master's thesis on this management technique. I think he called it Control Through Chaos*, or something like that.

    It is hard to get suspicious, distrusting people to compare notes, though.

    *no offense, Gretchen. ;-)
  12. Shijin13

    Shijin13 Guest

    None taken Sally. Its all an observation... of where I really stand... and Now I have to figure out how long I want to do this.... or if I can do it...
  13. av8r

    av8r New Member

    I have a boss who insists that your office lights are on whenever you’re in your office. So I have a small desk lamp on the opposite side with a yellow bug light in it. I haven’t got any push-back yet.:)
  14. Shijin13

    Shijin13 Guest

    keep pushing the systems boundaries....
    av8r likes this.
  15. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    I am moving into a home that up until 2 days ago didn't have an inside toilet......it hasn't phased me one bit. .

    All I could see were the great plusses ..... I get to walk outside to the toilet every morning and I can walk in the wet grass and at that time I am wearing very little - no down side!

    seems funny doesn't it ???? I used to be a four star hotel type of girl!
  16. Joe Gavin

    Joe Gavin Face Everything And Rise

    So cool Gretchen! Great Writing! Love it!
  17. Joe Gavin

    Joe Gavin Face Everything And Rise

    Work it from the inside, ala Fight Club, until you can get outside.

    Narrator: He was *the* guerilla terrorist in the food service industry.

    [the Narrator looks at Tyler, who's urinating in a pot]

    Tyler Durden: Do not watch. I cannot go when you watch.

    Narrator: Apart from seasoning the lobster bisque, he farted on the meringue, sneezed on braised endive, and as for the cream of mushroom soup, well...

    Tyler Durden: [snickers] Go ahead. Tell 'em.

    Narrator: ...you get the idea.
  18. Shijin13

    Shijin13 Guest

    That's what I've been doing.... or so I thought. I'm neither the wolf nor the sheepdog. I'm the hybrid... but somedays, such as yesterday was an huge eye opener for what I'm really a party too and I wonder if I can hang on until the change occurs. 'Cause I'll tell you one thing - changing the dogma/paradigm inside the beltway makes leading a horse to water and getting them to drink fucking easy.

    btw Love FIGHT CLUB. but remember the first rule.
  19. Shijin13

    Shijin13 Guest

    thanks Joe... I've got 3 journals of writings...... I really need to revisit them....
  20. Joe Gavin

    Joe Gavin Face Everything And Rise

    Yes, a ton of delusion down there. And I thought about the First Rule right after I posted this! Ugh!!
    nicld likes this.

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