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Living with low dopamine husband who thinks Im crazy

Discussion in 'Beginners Area' started by shannoncorrin, Jan 23, 2018.

  1. shannoncorrin

    shannoncorrin New Member

    I tried to search this because I'm sure its been discussed before, but didn't find what I was looking for. I have read the Dopamine Rx, I like when Dr. Kruse says " You remain silent when you do not care. You speak up when you do…even if you are a pain in the ass." I've tried to speak up to my husband, but he isn't willing to listen. I see his health slipping. He is a CPA, so that means he sits in front of a computer for 40-70 hours a week. He won't wear blue blockers (I'm his optometrist, and I tried to explain blue light with my "doctor hat" on but it didn’t work) , he wont even download flux. He is literally finds a reason to put down every suggestion I make. He will not give up grains and cheese ( I wish I could eliminate these from out house because they are keeping me off track). He makes fun of my grounding shoes. Rolls his eyes when I tell him not put toxic spray sunblock on. The list goes on… he isn't ready for help.

    His dad past away a year ago due to complications of autoimmune disease. His death was the perfect example of how poor our medical system really is, and I have a major chip on my shoulder because of it. His lifestyle was never addressed, he was just put on medication after medication. My husband and his family thinks he died of pulmonary fibrosis. They don't seem to realize that if he was never put on the medication that caused the fibrosis, he may still be here.

    I've listened to Dr. Kruse state that he had a similar issue convincing his wife to change. I think it was the transformation that he made that finally woke her up. I don't have any transformations to make. I'm fit and active. My only "disability" is dystonia that affect my gait when I walk and how I write (both of which I am self conscious about but don't think any thing will ever help).

    I know I need to start small. Has anyone struggled with this? What did you do to improve the situation? How do you not sound like a "know it all". I almost think that if a different doc told him to wear blue blockers, he would be more inclined :(
    taiyang, JanSz, brandie and 1 other person like this.
  2. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    I'd ignore him. That is what I did wih my family until they slowly wake up. There is a chance he won't and if he does not then you have choices to make.
  3. brandie

    brandie CherokeeSol

    I've been there. I shared info on Facebook, no one cared, and the ones I cared about most didn't even engage me. All of whom knew I had been quite ill and improving. I actually got quite PISSED about it. I shared more, my words expressed how frustrated I was that no one cared, or heeded my warnings. Then...

    I forgot all about them and focused solely on me. I made an assumption that nothing was incurable, even my incurable condition.

    I decided that I can't live to help anyone else in any fashion, only me. If my husband teased me, I flipped him off. He finally realized I was changing and he had better accept my change. I didn't give an ultimatum, my energy did. And in this process (long, emotional process) I became better. My personality returned, is returning, and the me I had become (weak, quiet, indifferent) is almost a distant memory.

    I'd never say "leave him". I'd say see if he likes the you that you become.

    For me, I decided that life is too short to allow someone to control your thinking or being. I gave my power away to everyone, taking it back is painful, emotional but necessary. I didn't have the strength to do this before I improved.

    Incidentally, he's almost fully on board, except moving away from friends and family and 20 years with the same company. He was even ok with oil lamps.

    If this isn't a life threatening situation, give him time to see how you've benefited.
    Jude, caroline, Alex97232 and 5 others like this.
  4. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    I'm more hardcore. If you are not good enough for you who are you good for. FOCUS on you always. His reaction will tell you all you need to know without any words. Always pay attention to actions in case like this. You learn to be resilient when you focus solely on you; this is how you survive when you know you are capable of making worthy contribution to the world sans the anchors driving you down; you only let it bother you or fight it when you have nothing to lose and so much to gain. When my wife realized I was not waiting on her, and she was being left behind by her own volition, things began to change..............but that change would not have happened unless I played hardball with her.
  5. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    Some things cannot be fixed in life. They can only be carried. This is why your redox is tied to your resilence in life. If your redox drops the loads you are carrying around begin to affect you. Your past effects your present and future and you begin to spin your wheels. If you just get up every morning when your load is to heavy to carry and see the sunrise everyday, your redox will rise and you'll begin to see that life's adversities have the remarkable ability of introducing the real you to yourself. This is how the "what's in life, become the "why's in our life and allow us to walk into our passions.

  6. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    Once your passion for things in your past manifest, the response from this person/passion will be instructive on the next move for the mitochondriac.
    Brent Patrick, Alex97232 and brandie like this.
  7. Billybats

    Billybats New Member

    Do like the above said. My boyfriend made fun of me not so much in a bad way but thought this was another guru trip, but no. At first I talked about it now I just do what I have to do to help me and he has been pretty good but then he didn't care so I stopped talking to him about and just do what I have to. A few days ago we were making coffee as I passed by him staring out the window at the sunrise and smiled without a word , kept on walking. I actually got him to finally buy my all natural moccasins for my constant grounding during this cold weather. I thank God he is understanding what I tell him about this site.
    Alex97232 and seanb4 like this.
  8. JanSz

    JanSz Gold

    Good time to let off some steam.

    You just told me to ignore those on this list:

    pancreatic cancer, person just got home for hospice care ( I think that means less than 6 months prognosis)(high 70's male)
    metastasized prostate cancer, 79yo
    enlarged prostate, surgery in planning (80yo), coronary angioplasty, pending, doctor works on him as I write this
    two female breast cancers (60 yo mom and her daughter, got them at the same time)
    intestinal problems, IBS or Crohn's (male in high 50's)
    Crohn's multiple surgeries (male in 40's)
    meningioma now, twice angioplasy in the past ( female in 80's)
    MS (male in 30's)
    Parkinson's (65 yo male)
    Autism (male 20 yo), his younger brother with spina bifida

    Then there are the currently "healthy"

    caroline and seanb4 like this.
  9. brandie

    brandie CherokeeSol

    The first sentence is so true. You can't fix everything.

    Someone said on another post:
    You need to move to feel better; you need to feel better to move
    This IS dopamine in a nutshell!

    Replace the word move with anything

    Motivation doesn't come easy when dopamine is low.
    caroline and Alex97232 like this.
  10. Michalis

    Michalis New Member

    It is a vicious circle that can always break. Even if you got all the data down you can make an error where to break it resulting to the transition to range from easy to hard. That's my take on it.
    There is always the forum though so it is a good point to come back to and see how people are doing so even with low dopamine you get a little inspired to change things.
    Alex97232 and caroline like this.
  11. Da-mo

    Da-mo Gold

    I tell one of my daughters stuff. sometimes she decides she knows better and I know nothing. Sometimes she has to crash and burn before she will listen.

    On a colleagues resumé . . . . . Education: Graduated with honors from the School of Hard Knocks

    My wonderful wife, however, would follow me through the gates of hell . . . . and she has.
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2018
  12. LieselK

    LieselK New Member

    My husband is struggling to accept it all, but I'm not trying to explain it to him. I've talked about Jack for years now as my sister was following him so this isn't new. It's just new that I'm following so closely myself and really setting boundaries. And it all requires money or hard work and low dopamine individuals just can't get on board. I am caring for me and my kiddos as much as I can- my early riser toddler and I would sit on the porch under a blanket for the rising sun and he is the one who eats the most seafood and fish with me! My bigger kids are harder- I require them to sit outside in the mornings before they can watch any cartoons, but my husband won't require that. I just do what I can.

    I'm sure my husband is also thinking that this is just another one of my crazy ideas because I've always been looking outside the box for better answers. I've definitely dragged him through some things that were not winners! You do you and take care of you. As a momma of 3 I can tell you that if you don't, there will be a day when you have nothing left to give. My world has been dark and hopeless, but 2 weeks into my leptin reset and being strict with my diet it's such a huge difference. I am feeling like "me" again and surely I would think my husband will someday be able to see that and appreciate it. Take care of yourself now before you ever get to a point that you feel so terrible.
    Jude, Phosphene and Lahelada like this.
  13. LieselK

    LieselK New Member

    I wrote down this quote from you earlier today- the Vermont 2016 talk... "Who are you good for if you're not good enough for yourself?"

    It's going on the wall.
    caroline, Phosphene and Lahelada like this.
  14. SlamSlask

    SlamSlask Newcomer / Gold Klub

    Jack is on point when he says you should focus on yourself
    They will eventually come by and slowly start listing to you I lived with a priorer college who had lots of trouble sleeping when I moved into a room in her house I asked if could turn of the WiFI and cable her computer instead
    There was 2 high intensity routers in her walk in closet right next to her bed
    So I did and without telling me she started sleeping the whole night without waking up
    She still won't wear blueblockers etc but stealth tactics works she now watches sunsets and such most days
    Be patient and understand how much you ask of him while I know you do this to help (Which I truly admire) you still have to understand how connected most people are to the "general thinking"

    Here are some of the practical things I have done to help my without "annoying" him to much dad (Where I live ATM)
    1. Hacked my dads TV by turning down the blue in RGB - optimal no but better (he still does not know)
    2. Turned off the WiFi and pulled a cable to his couch
    3. Put his phone to 3G only
    4. Installed cabled handsfree in his car ( keeps him from having the phone in his pocket when driving too)
    5. Degaussed the tires on his car (again he does not know)
    These are the major things just brand it as something smart/helpful to them it has to be easy to understand untill they accept the knew way of thinking

    Hope this gives you a few ideas or at least some hope
    Your doing the great work here keep it up
    Jude likes this.
  15. taiyang

    taiyang New Member

    how do you set phone to 3G?

    i understand the need to ignore people who will pull you down. however, you cannot 100% ignore a person if you are somewhat responsible for their problems.

    i put my daughter on adhd meds at 16, and now at 20 yo she is addicted to them. i am considering whether to cut off the meds since she gets them through my insurance. she needs them to complete college, but maybe i can find something else for her...

    she saw my transformation when i went paleo in 2009 and she was 11 years old. so she will eat low carb if she thinks she is gaining weight. she has problems sleeping but will not wear uvex, will not stop alcohol or weed. she doesn't care that i say her continuous use of her cell phone is damaging her sleep. she put her phone on airplane mode once and that was it. she is extremely disorganized anyway, as i am, but now her motivation is in the toilet and she needs an aderall to take a shower.

    she usually does not want to hear anything i have to say, but one thing i said seems to at least have made her pause, so i will go back to that message again and again. i tell her she has to think like a scientist. she knows herself best. she is her own expert. i told her to pay attention to the times she is feeling good and try to figure out what factors repeat themselves when she feels that way. same when she is feeling bad.

    so it would be nice and less stressful to completely check out of her life, but i could no sooner do that than anyone here could stand by idly while their loved one tried to slit their wrists.
    SlamSlask likes this.
  16. SlamSlask

    SlamSlask Newcomer / Gold Klub

    Jenny S and taiyang like this.
  17. drezy

    drezy Gold

    I hope you're able to get through.

    I think you really have bigger responsibilities first, though. You have a very good window of opportunity with your young child to model behaviors and norms to the point that it just becomes ingrained in your child's routines.

    "We're going out for morning sun now."
    "We're doing icy face dunks now."
    "We're dimming the lights way down and listening to an audiobook now."

    If you encounter any hesitance with your child just promise that you'll tell a good story during the activity like "The story of the boy in my class that was the worst behaved child ever" or some such fun tale. While telling your narrative, through your shared activity, you'll be helping your child build a narrative of "It's just what we do".

    Not to be too dark but if your husband doesn't join you and continues down his path he will be providing very useful (though sad) information.

    Because children are still developing language skills and might not formalize it in a sentence, I think we forget that children connect the dots 10x faster/sooner than we ever give them credit for.
    caroline likes this.
  18. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    True mitochondriac leaders actually do very little leading. Instead, they create and maintain a quantum framework that allows others to lead, create, and grow.
  19. Big E

    Big E New Member

    How did you Degaussed the tires o
    n his car? I have never heard of that?
    SlamSlask likes this.
  20. SlamSlask

    SlamSlask Newcomer / Gold Klub

    I just googled it after hearing Jack talking about it
    It's pretty straight forward

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