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Leptin Rx Journal- Getting Serious

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by allison09, Jun 11, 2012.

  1. allison09

    allison09 New Member

    Ok so I think I need a bigger BAB. I just ate a bunch of nuts only 3 hours after breakfast. NUTS??! Ugh I'm struggling over here. Seriously, what is my problem? Ok. I will not let this turn into a bad day. I will consider this an early lunch, and I will eat dinner later if I'm hungry. Nuts are just nuts. They don't have power over me!!
  2. allison09

    allison09 New Member

    Alright, so that didn't quite work out. I feel off the wagon today, face first, into a huge pile of sugar and terrible foods. Do I feel like crap? Yes. Am I disappointed in myself? Oh yea. Am I going to pick my sorry self up and try again? Hell yes. Today just showed me yet again how much I want this cycle to stop. I kind of just want to forget it happened. I don't want to dwell on this and give it more power. It's going to take a while to recoup physically, because I know that I'll be bloated and gross for a few days, but mentally I just want to move on. Great thing to do the week before I have to don a bridesmaid dress and try to look pretty, huh? I am not the smartest person.

    So the plan is this: Tomorrow is Day 1 (again). I will continue with the AI protocol, meaning no nuts, no dairy, no nightshades, no eggs, no coffee (or caffeine). I'm going to aim for nice big BAB's with plenty of fat. I think I got too caught up in tracking the BAB-seeing such high calorie numbers kind of freaked me out, so I think I was subconsciously trying to get my 50 grams of protein in as few calories as possible. Not a good move.

    I read something Dr. K wrote in a different thread-someone asked about how to go about changing the way you think to make this process easier. His response was of the tough love approach. He basically said to man up and stop living an average life. Anything that's worth achieving is not going to be easy. That really resonated with me, because I'm so sick of living an average life. I want to do this and I want to succeed. Tomorrow will be better.

    At least I know I'll sleep tonight :/ Hope you all had a better day than I did.
  3. Lyndra

    Lyndra Gold

    I'm sorry to hear today didn't work out for you but as you say, tomorrow is another day. I see a lot of "no" in your statements - no nuts, no dairy, no this, no that. Would it help if you tried to think in more positive terms - yes to fish, yes to beef, yes to filtered water, etc. I know I get down on myself if I focus too much on what I'm not doing right, so it's better for me to think of what I *can* eat and what *is* working. Good luck!
  4. Lanie

    Lanie Silver

    Hey Allison, sorry you had a bad day. I've had to learn the same lesson the hard way, about not skimping on the BAB. I recommend not counting calories at all. If you're following a keto Paleo diet you're going to have a very hard time storing fat...so just let it go! Eat as much protein and fat in the morning as you want...the 50g is minimum. It sounds like its hard to trust that someone else may know the right answers. Give up trying to control it...let the plan run the show for a while. :)

    Hang in there...and remember - just learn from your missteps and keep going. It's not about being perfect.

  5. allison09

    allison09 New Member

    Thanks Lyndra and Lanie, I appreciate the kind words and advice.

    Lyndra- You're right, there is a lot of "no" in what I wrote. I guess that's how I tend to think, but it never really works out for me. Every time I try to be "strict" with myself I just sabotage it, so I'm going to try to think in more positive terms like you suggested.

    Lanie- I only really started tracking at all to see if I was getting the 50 grams of protein, then it kind of took off from there. I have a hard time eyeballing how much protein I'm getting-these breakfasts are so huge! I'm not used to eating this much literally right when I get up. I just ate a beef patty, a can of sardines, and 2 pieces of bacon and it is only 49 grams!! I should probably eat more bacon:)

    Thanks again guys, I needed the support. I feel like today will be better.
  6. PaulaRichards

    PaulaRichards New Member

    There's lots to learn from this process. I think my number one lesson so far was the importance of the BAB! If I skimp with it I'm going to pay for it in the form of cravings, which can end in cheats/binges. I like the "man up and stop living an average life"! I need as many of these as I can get, especially at "questionable times"!

    Good luck today!
  7. Lanie

    Lanie Silver

    I actually use a cheap-o kitchen scale to measure out what I'm eating in the AM. I assume every ounce of meat is 7g protein (unless its bacon and really fatty), and every egg is about 7 grams. At this point I've learned I need a total of 10 - either ounces or eggs. Like today I had 8oz meat and 2 eggs. You'll figure out what's right for you. If you want to snack just eat a bigger BAB the next day. There's really no way to learn but trial and error. (Notice "error" is part of the process...so embrace it!) Have a great day today. :)
  8. allison09

    allison09 New Member

    Thanks again guys! Today was better-not perfect- but better. I ate a decent sized BAB and finished around 8am. I was hungry again at 1pm so I ate lunch at work. After work at like 4:30ish I came home and ate quite a large "dinner". It was more like picking on a bunch of random things instead of a real meal. I need to stop doing that. It's never as satisfying as sitting down to a proper meal, which I why I think it always last so long and results in me inhaling a ton of food that I don't need. So yea, I definitely ate way too much today, but whatever. At least it wasn't bad food.

    I'm still lacking motivation/excitement about all this at this point. Perhaps it's just a side effect of the sugar coma I put myself into yesterday, or the residual effects of the whole purging process (yes, I did that too), but I'm just so flat today.

    Someone at work even commented on it. Right now I work at the same natural foods co-op I worked at when I was going to college. I left for 4 (horrible) years, and now I'm back. I was standing at the copier and out of the blue this person, who I wasn't close with then and I'm not close with now, stopped and said "You're much quieter now. You're different. I hope everything is ok with you". It caught me off guard and made me realize just how much I need this reset, as much as I may hate the idea of it right now. I need to get this demon of mine under control and work on not being depressed anymore. I'm just waiting on the cysteine right now and then i can start the proper 5-htp protocol. Gosh. Last week I was so pumped about this and now I'm so over it. Anybody ever get like this? Does this pass?

    Random question: I've read so much about how macadamia nuts are supposed to be so good for you. But they are a nut...sooo, do they not posses as much/any of the bad qualities as other nuts do? Like phytates and anti-nutrients? Just curious.
  9. allison09

    allison09 New Member

    Oh also-I'm supposed to go on a date tomorrow night! Exciting? YES! But what am I supposed to do about the whole alcohol thing? We're supposed to be going out for drinks like NORMAL people-how do I handle this?
  10. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    pellegrino........that is how i roll
  11. allison09

    allison09 New Member

    Dating advice from the Doc himself! How many can say THAT!?

  12. Good morning Allison!!

    I'm glad you are on the right track again, you have a good attitude, and you can totally do it!

    I don't know about the nuts...I would avoid them completly on the AI, but can't explain you why...

    I'm a the dating scene myself, and I know it can be embarassing to tell ppl you don't drink. I tell people that right now I'm working on sleep problem and it's better for me to avoid alchool. Most of the people I meet are fine and very comprehensive with that. They don't need to know the whole story for now anyway, and if they think you are weird, you can show them the door, that means they are not worth it and won't be supportive. I meet someone 1 month ago, it didn't work out, but he was very sweet and comprehensive. He really liked me and wanted me to feel better, and that's how the right guy for you should care too.

    Just before I met that guy, I went for a drink with another one and had a Pellegrino. He was really offended I wasnt drinking, and couln't believe anyone wouldn't have any wheat and any dairy...Well, guess what, it seems that we won't have another date, buddy ;)

    Eventually, if you believe what you are doing for yourself is the best for you and it's worth it, you'll stop caring about what the other thinks.

    Going home too used to be difficult and lead to binges. But not anymore, especially on the reset. My parents know about my ED past, so it makes it easier too. Do the best you can with what you have, don't feel quilty if you don't stay on track, but at least make sure you enjoy that time with your friends, and have yourself come back on track as soon as possible.

    Have a nice day!!

  13. allison09

    allison09 New Member

    K you are so right!! And usually I don't have trouble staying strong and sticking to my guns in social situations, I guess it's just the whole "dating" thing. I never do this and I'm nervous/uncomfortable about the whole thing, so I guess I just want to fit in and be "normal" instead of adding all of this stress on top of it. Oh well, I just need to deal with it. I need to adopt an attitude like yours! If they are offended or not supportive, see ya later buddy! Love that.

    Alright, just ate a ton of protein and fat, time to go be productive!
  14. PaleoCowgirl

    PaleoCowgirl New Member

    Just swinging by to say hi! I've read through your journal, and you're right...we do have a lot in common -- the binging, bulimia (I have on occasion) and even the personality change. When you wrote about how a coworker said you're more quiet, I have noticed I'm far more reserved and much less social than I used to be. I think it may have to do with being in ketosis. Emotionally, I don't have the highs and lows like I used to (unless I'm on a sugar and carb binge), so things are less exciting than before. But, maybe it's a by-product of ED, too. Who knows?

    Thanks again for commenting on my blog. I think we can be buddies! :)

    By the way, let us know how your date goes!
  15. allison09

    allison09 New Member

    Oh my gosh you guys, the past two days have been absolutely HORRIBLE!!! I am totally stressing over having to go home and everything that comes along with that, and I've binged yesterday AND today! Yesterday was terrible. I was feeling crappy to begin with, then I had a really terrible phone call with my cousin that ended with me in tears and feeling horrible about myself. It was so weird because I'm really close with this cousin and he is usually nothing but supportive and encouraging and positive. Well not yesterday, he was giving me a hard time about everything and just attacking me and my character and my choices. It was so bizarre! I KNOW that I didn't deserve it, yet it really hit me hard. So, needless to say, I have not been on track. I'm going home tomorrow for a wedding that I'm in, so I'm just going to focus on getting through the visit without binging, and then when i get back home I'm going to start the Leptin Rx again for real. I'm going to first do the regular reset but without nuts, and then I'll remove more of the AI/Leaky gut foods. I think all of the restriction was leading to some of the binges, so I'm going to go slow with it. I know that's probably not as effective, but it will be better than if I don't stick to the reset at all. I'm really upset about all of this binging, esp since this time last week I was feeling so GOOD!!! UGH! I seriously hate my brain, and yesterday I just wanted to die.

    Hopefully everyone is doing better than I am- I'll be back in the game soon.
  16. You better come back here after the wedding ;) Please don't stress about this week-end, do what you can, and it will be good enough. Don't be upset at yourself, and learn from what happenned yesterday and today. It will probably happen again in the future, but you'll become better at managing it. Sending you big hugs!!
  17. PaleoCowgirl

    PaleoCowgirl New Member

    I've got weddings the next couple weekends, too, and I don't know why, but the stress of social situations, not knowing what the supper is going to be, all the drinking and merriment and cake being eaten around me....ugh, it IS stressful.

    I'm sorry to hear about your cousin beating you up. I had a friend really give it to me hard the other day, and one thing I've learned on this reset is, I can't have negativity in my life. If somebody is going to make me feel bad, I can't make time for them anymore. Sure, my friends list has dwindled in the past year, but I need supportive, positive people surrounding me, not people who are going to stress me out, put me down and make me feel bad about myself. I already say enough negative things about myself through the day, the last thing I need is other people adding to it.

    Just remember this. You are going to look beautiful in that wedding. People are going to comment how great you look because you have been focusing on you and your health, and it shows! Be confident. Love yourself. Enjoy some time with family and friends and eat well before you go, so you aren't tempted to give in to temptation.

    And, like Dr. Kruse just noted, today is the summer solstice, so if you've been loading up on carbs lately, now's the time to wind it back down as the days get shorter. That's what I'm going to think about as I gain some ground on my diet and get back on track. I'm ready for winter! (I can't believe I just said that!)
  18. allison09

    allison09 New Member

    You are so right about negative people! I am definitely working on only allowing positive people in my life, because like you said, I have no time for that. I highlighted what you said about negative comments because that really hit home with me- and you're right. I can and do beat up on myself enough as it is, I don't need other people doing it too. I think that's why the whole thing with my cousin got to me! He's usually not like that at all!! Jeez, I already don't speak to my brother because he is so negative and his life is a mess and I refuse to deal with his crap anymore, I'd hate to add to that list-especially with family members, but if I have to I will. My family also has no idea about my ED and and all the crap I go through on a daily basis. They also don't understand that I have spent the past 4 years hating my life situation, and the last 2 years REALLY hating my life and actually being depressed. I've tried telling my dad-but he's so emotionally unavailable that it was useless. But that's another story. What I'm trying to say is that I always feel like I'm alone with all of this, and because nobody knows about what I'm really going through, it makes it even harder to interact with them when I have to go home and be social. I just feel like a total outsider and I honestly don't have anybody that really knows me or really gets me, and that's enough to make me depressed if I think about it for too long.

    I'm getting off track.

    Thanks PCG, for your advice and kind words. I will try to draw strength from all of you out there this weekend and just try to remember that there are people in this world that are going through what I'm going through.

    PS- Dr. K's comment about the solstice is interesting-where is it? I didn't see a new blog post, was it a forum comment?
  19. PaleoCowgirl

    PaleoCowgirl New Member

    From his Facebook profile: Watching the sunset into the lake at 8:51 is cool.......solstice rocks

    ate 350 gms of carbs today.......highest total of the year.......time to begin the fall back to reality.
  20. PaulaRichards

    PaulaRichards New Member

    Well darn, I could have eaten carbs yesterday?!!! lol...hopefully I'll be ready for a few carbs by this time next year!!!

    Allison, sorry to hear about the family drama. I try not to get involved with too much negativity anymore if I can avoid it! Don't stress this weekend. Have a good time! Like you said, you're going to get on track with the Leptin Reset when you get back. I have found since I faultered a couple of weeks ago I am doing better with the Reset this second time around. Maybe it's coincidental, but it has been much easier for me to stick to the rules this time!

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