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Karen's Journal

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by karenr, Jul 30, 2017.

  1. karenr

    karenr Silver

    For sure! Even such a cheap pineapple! I'm more of a guitar player, in that category of instruments, but the uke is easier on my body, and I need my fix of some live acoustic music even on the couch.

    Yup. My feeling is that what's real is always more dynamic than any either/or dichotomy..

    This is so encouraging to hear!!

    Wow, thank you so much for looking that up! I'm in Monroe county, pretty close. (Many people think upstate NY means the Catskills, but there's a whole lot further up!)

    So this is a new concept, building my solar tolerance by being out later in the afternoon or early evening. I could definitely be out in the area of 6-7 PM. But I go to bed early, and have been starting my blue blocking routine by 7 at the latest. Does it work to go from a strong sun exposure to more nighttime darkness in a short time, in other words without a more gradual darkening?

    I'm also using the Sperti Fiji lamp around noon, just a few minutes at a time, my skin not getting any color yet from that. But I've been feeling very itchy the past few days, not sure if it's from that, but I have a feeling I should be careful with it - I trust the sun more than I do the lamp :). But the thing will be a lifesaver when the weather changes.

    Thanks so much for your input here!!
  2. karenr

    karenr Silver

    Another consideration is that being in the sun is overstimulating my nervous system, and I don't wind down for many hours after.. but my guess is I can't avoid that at this point - considering how out of whack my system is, things are not gonna just straighten out in a linear progression, and there will be bumps, and I may overshoot at times and have to make adjustments..

    The thing is to trust the process and approach things with mindfulness, balancing the structure of a given protocol with the kind of anarchy of life such as it is..What I'm bringing to this endeavor is a full participation, not just passively following a regimen.

    I guess that's what the n=1 is about, and we're honing our instincts about how to keep growing the ongoing experiment in an organic way. Just thinking out loud now, so grateful for this space.
  3. drezy

    drezy Gold

    I think this picture may be useful to you. Ignore the Kelvin scale along the bottom for now.


    I circled the morning session that I prefer. Note UVA+VIS+IR. Note that UVB shows up after it, but leaves at some point in the PM when you go back to UVA+VIS+IR. Given the constraints that you have expressed I'm not going to pick knits. Get the UVA & IR in the session that best works for you, but try to make the first light that hits your eyes in the morning NOT be artificial light.

    The gradual darkening that we are constructed for is built into every evening. If I were badly decoupled and had redox that really needed building the , aside from DHA, I'd chop that image right in half along that "UVB+UVA+VIS+IR" line. That would be my someday goal, maybe even my 15 minute and gradually increasing goal like you braved today. I'd focus on both ends and try to be out for a while to witness the transition where UVA shows up and disappears.
    Brent Patrick, Sheddie and karenr like this.
  4. karenr

    karenr Silver

    @drezy , this really hits the spot, thanks! Will be fun too to start really paying attention to these cycles. To think of myself as actually living in the natural world, what a concept!
  5. karenr

    karenr Silver

    Progress report.

    I shouldn't be surprised, but I am.. I have been falling asleep at night without sleep meds for the first time in many years. Four nights in a row so far, record setting. Feeling sleepy at night, what a concept! What a relief! Those meds were undermining my progress.

    Sleep is still interrupted and I wake up exhausted as usual, but this is a huge first step.

    The main things I've been able to do so far are:
    Early morning light exposure,
    Late afternoon direct sun exposure or whatever is out there
    Aggressive blue blocking all evening
    Greatly reduced wifi exposure

    Basically, I'm outside more than I have been in many years.
    And my eyesight has improved already!!
    I think it's due to the combination of light exposure and focusing on distant objects (trees across the street) which relaxes the eyes.

    Really breaking the iPad habit, not easy for me being so isolated and not many options for evening activities that energy allows. But when you start getting results, you get more motivated to keep going and do more things that seemed impractical before.

    Still ironing out wrinkles in projects to install lizard light and RubyLux bulbs, and put up blackout curtains. I need a personal assistant!!
    drezy, JanSz and Alex97232 like this.
  6. Sheddie

    Sheddie Silver

    Outstanding progress!! Whoooo-Eeeee!

    I was wondering if you had to back off some for nervous system over-stimulation, but you're forging ahead. Waking up -- is it physical or mental 'exhaustion' that lingers?

    I've been playing with an old light pole that holds 2 bulbs. One I was going to install red and the other UV. I found a UV LED bulb at the grocery store but hadn't yet found a red bulb. Well, while I sleep like I'm in a coma these last 20 years, having to 'fight' to get up and get moving around safely after the night, I found that a couple minutes' of the UV in my face as soon as I sit up (and I have UV-blocking post-cataract lenses) I feel alert and wide awake. Most unexpected and it has been consistent now for more than a week... Perhaps, the UV 'signals' my pituitary to do something, or stop doing something? I lost the reference here that would explain why I ended up buying a bulb ostensibly for evenings... As a chronic fatigue sufferer I am sure something occurs (for me) with this morning UV exposure... (I'm still slow to 'wake up' muscles, etc., but it helps I'm more alert in general that time of the day!)

    Best luck carrying on such thrilling changes -- maybe after sleep improves so many other physical bio-physics events will follow.
    drezy and karenr like this.
  7. karenr

    karenr Silver

    Yup, forging ahead even when I'm a bit quiet with posting. Lots of good stuff percolating beneath the surface, and Yes, I think the sleep improvement will have a vast ripple effect that remains to be seen!

    And that's so interesting the energizing effect the UV is having for you! In the beginning stages of my CFS I was also sleeping a lot and unable to get started.. after a while that shifted to sympathetic overdrive, and now I bet I have cortisol in the morning making me jump out of bed and move around, feels like "fake" energy :(.

    Speaking of UV, I forgot to mention in my last post that I'm doing the Sperti Fiji lamp every day, up to 5 minutes now on front and 5 on back, so that's quite some UV right there! I can't determine exactly what effects that's having - no tanning yet, but I trust it's a good thing to keep up, and increasing the time.

    About my exhaustion.. it's mostly physical, I'd say, although taking in new info can be exhausting too, but it's mainly an overwhelming feeling of not having any "real" energy and having to constantly struggle to push through.

    My creative energy is through the roof!.. which is such a frustrating mismatch because I feel like there is an energy dynamo there that doesn't have the physical vehicle for expression. So the life force gets backed up, and I can feel myself running on stress hormones. Hence being so "tired but wired" all the time.

    It's one of the worst human experiences, profound exhaustion and not being able to rest, a kind of indescribable pain. But I'm sure glad that I'm mentally active and as highly functional as I am in some ways, given that I can't even walk around the block. I'm always able to find ways to stay inspired and engaged in life. Wherever that impulse comes from, I'm grateful.

    OH! Another update - my thoracic vertebral fractures are apparently halfway healed, no surgery recommended, whew!
    So the ball is completely in my court now, where I like it.
    Light, light, light!
    drezy and Phosphene like this.
  8. Sheddie

    Sheddie Silver

    Totally off the wall? -- my Intuition kept thrusting a notion at me... Can you use your musicality to integrate some of these energies? I 'answered' that I thought you couldn't play instruments presently because of stiffness. I got a word back -- Humming.

    I looked it up... saw a factoid (no reference to studies) that 'humming increased nitric oxide 15%.' Then, stuff about sinus type infections which didn't seem to match up. However, the frequencies would also vibrate in the whole head, maybe even to bone below the neck...

    But, I'm wondering if humming might focus some energies and get them to flow in your body. As per an active meditation... Or, if you have applied this in the past, perhaps it's wanting another try?

    Seems there's energy there for you but not moving/flowing through the right places, maybe a bit out of order for you right now, this early in... a marvelous re-patterning (for lack of a word) from seeking and receiving light, and reversing chronic light deficiency...

    I'm just passing on the word, Humming. Maybe it's meant for someone else. Or even me -- think I'll try humming for myself tomorrow. Sorry if it's not a connection. I'm really ecstatic to hear such good news.
  9. karenr

    karenr Silver

    Totally ON the wall! I can't play instruments because of upper body nerve pain, but humming is an idea that is very familiar to me, especially recently in studying vagus nerve stimulation hacks, that's apparently a great one! And more fun than gagging :).

    I just haven't done it much because of shortness of breath. But again, like so many things it's just a case of applying something in a different way and making it possible.

    And I have a friend who's quite proficient in sacred chanting and such.. will see if he has some prescriptive ideas!
    I enjoy exploring the lowest tones I'm able to sing - they seem to resonate in my body.

    Now this is reminding me that I wanted to post about Buteyko breathing.. another one of those counterintuitive principles that hits the spot for me! Basically, reduced breathing, more CO2 to to trigger parasympathetic response and utilize O2 better. And another thing I want to incorporate more into daily routine.

    Humming and breathing. Hmmmm.
    Sheddie likes this.
  10. karenr

    karenr Silver

    So while I'm establishing so many new routines, I decided that posting here at least once a week would be one of those good things.. a lot of juggling going on, so many balls up in the air, no idea how I'm managing any of it, but I suppose I am. Lists.

    And meditation time for letting go of all the to-do's, is essential.

    So how I'm doing...I'm in that phase where the new regimen feels discombobulating. Healing is never a linear progression, and things seem crazy chaotic now, but the key is that there's an overall feeling of progress and being on the right path. Really important to notice that, rather than fixate on all the individual things that are out of whack.

    Orthopedist visit - surgery is not recommended, yay! Looks like I'm about halfway healed, so maybe another couple months. He said that with compression fractures, the normal height of the bones can never be restored. I just don't buy that. Sure I can see all the limiting factors, but the innate healing potential is always there. I'm up for it.

    Oh! I'm doing 23andme, very excited!

    Thoughts and questions coming up now:
    1. I unearthed an old SAD desk lamp from Northern Technologies, 10,000 lux at a foot away, no flicker, doesn't say what wavelengths, but looks pretty white. http://northernlighttechnologies.com/sad-light-store/nl-desk-lamp How does this compare, therapeutically, with the Exo Terra Solar Glo lizard light, 125 or 160w (I ended up getting the 125 because I'm very sensitive at this point). For getting that one dose of intense light early in the morning, when I can't get it naturally, would the SAD lamp work too?
    2. Planning to do a phone consult with Michael Neuert of EMF Center or his technician! And rent his test meters and all. Huge project, a little overwhelming.
    3. Found out that smart meters haven't come to my area yet, but are planned to roll out over the next 3 years, ugh.
    4. Measured the distance to that cell tower I can see from my window - 1,000 feet, another ugh.
    5. Sperti lamp - I'm up to 6 minutes per area, yay!
    6. Getting outside is getting challenging already, with mornings being chilly.. in a month or two I won't be able to sit outside at all many days, even bundled up. Not sure that can change much until I can change the diet, just doing the best I can for now..
    7. As for some cold to warm me up, the most I can do now is splashing cold water on my face. I'm generally so chilly that I almost never go without socks even in summer, unless my feet are in direct sun. I have to keep the indoor temp at least 74, or I have to bundle up inside! And for sleeping too, or my nose is like ice and I can't sleep.
    8. Decided to get some sashimi or sushi rolls once a week, even if I can only eat a tiny amount, but to get my body used to seeing some dense nutrition. Love it! Also some sardines packed in water, trying to overcome my aversion to sardines. Next project - making ceviche (marinated raw fish). I did it years ago, so simple to make the simplest version, with lemon or lime juice, some salt and chopped tomato, onion, etc. On the fence about whether to avoid nightshades - my diet is so limited, and a little tomato helps a lot of things taste better! Hoping it'll be okay to have some small amounts of nightshades.
    On another note, I'm noticing how most of the people I come in contact with here have zero interest in this whole subject of study. Even the ones who are seemingly health conscious.

    To question mainstream thought on even just one point, is a huge challenge to people's sense of security and even identity. It goes that deep.

    I've already taken the red pill probably at the moment of birth or earlier, no going back now! Even all the fluoride didn't seem to affect my ability to see that the emperor has no clothes. That's fascinating to me, that so many people are sleepwalking through life and others aren't as subject to the levels of manipulation and control going on.

    And that I always have my own blind spots to wake up to.
  11. Sheddie

    Sheddie Silver

    Beautiful update! Going strong.

    I'm so missing my 'nightshades' but a test result put them on an allergy list. Even so, I hope someone will confirm my sketchy sense that I think Jack (Vermont 2016?) mentioned nightshades in connection with ROS. Not generally recommended, although that may be limited to the Leptin Reset stage? I was so unhappy about 'lettuce with lettuce on lettuce' salad that I took a tip from a forum woman here who mentioned 'drinking her salads!' Just by blenderizing with added water, not from a juicer. Surprisingly mild and refreshing.

    Good luck with trying some ceviche -- Inger on the Forum has a delightful YouTube (Ingerliese) demo of her Salmon Tartare recipe! For you, the carb sushi rice carrying the protein (DHA) ingredients could be a very positive beginning. Great idea. I'm struggling with 'morning anorexia' and forcing food too early was not working; I have backed up food acceptance a good two hours earlier, though. In several weeks of trying to avoid a most unappetizing queasiness. (Shhh, don't mention that I'm getting up a few hours earlier anyway so the 'net success' is a little suspect at this time.)

    You're so right on -- there's "no going back," only forward! Keep mentioning light, water, nnEMFs... to folks; you're just ahead of the curve and most people are used to thousands of message repetitions these days thanks to the 'authority' of media and the dearth of learning from 3D people all around as credible sources for useful, maybe even life-saving, information. Many times I've been the first to say something I didn't feel was trivial, and got the blank looks. Generally, about 5 years later (in my case) the very same persons would be rushing around promoting what I told them about so long before. It doesn't matter if you told them first as much as the fact you see them catch on to something you know is important. I can't wait to revel in a mass awakening to turn back to the sun and turn off the lights... I have a lot of faith in the mothers of the world, like their campaign against endocrine disrupting chemicals in baby bottle plastics. I'll be energetically supporting them when they realize daycare, schools, and ultimately the workplace, have some accommodations to make. Light Deficiency -- it's not a rare cause of disease anymore, but it surely IS the elephant in the room. And, I think the child who said the emperor has no clothes must be the first ever 'whistle-blower.' Don't be disheartened! It's all good. ...Cheers!

    I'll put this maybe-dumb idea out. The other day I was wondering if someone had very bad metered nnEMFs coming through one wall, might there possibly be some sort of dry wall with (?) metal wire (chicken wire?) embedded in it? I haven't metered and plan some day to get that done. More like I'm imagining the worst and moving would be (for me) too hard in the near future, maybe ever. I could, more easily, think of replacing a wall, and doing something up in the attic... Also, I can't recall the source but there was a 'hack' for EMFs through windows where it was suggested to put blue painter's (masking?) tape on the inside window sills... I think it came from some orgonite site but can't find it.
    karenr likes this.
  12. drezy

    drezy Gold

    Hey Sheddie!

    Kinda depends on the frequency of the emf. Higher frequencies generally get absorbed by materials & thinner metals (think catching minnows) lower frequencies often require thicker materials (think catching orcas) simple sheetrock won't cut it.

    Why @Scompy kicks butt:

    one resource pointed to there:

    I used to sit 5' from a window with this type of film on and had NO cell signal.
    Sheddie and karenr like this.
  13. karenr

    karenr Silver

    Whew, so much to respond to here! But meantime..
    I just got my Solar Glo lizard light and RubyLux IR set up, and need to clarify how to use them..

    Q: @JanSz you mentioned 2-3 minutes with the Solar Glo in early morning - is this mainly to set the eye clock, or is it good to get full body exposure as well?

    Q: The RubyLux IR, 2-3 feet away, naked, but for how long?

    I'm a little concerned about such a high wattage bulb with the wiring in this old apartment. The fixture is the appropriate rating for the bulb, so I guess it should be ok.
  14. drezy

    drezy Gold

    I usually cut dosage when my tongue starts forking and blood flow to the lizard brain stem increases my territorial instincts and I hiss at neighbors as they drive by.

    JK JK...

    Look at the table this page. The rubylux is 250W which puts it between an average vacuum cleaner and a blender in power usage:

    It does get really warm though so position it well before turning it on so you don't have to adjust it while n use.
    karenr likes this.
  15. karenr

    karenr Silver

    Ha! Not sure I'd mind being a healthy, happy lizard right about now.

    Thanks for the tip on the power usage of the 250w bulb, that helps. I'm just skittish about electrical stuff, never learned much about it, and my dad was an electrical engineer!
  16. karenr

    karenr Silver

    Shorter entry this weeend, been going through intense migraines and upper body nerve pain.. not fun at all, but some of this pain is actually a result of moving around more, which IS a very good thing, just that the rest of the system hasn't caught up yet.

    Weather patterns all screwy, some days too chilly to sit outside much, yikes, and it's only September! Gonna have to do what I can with light hacking.. I love the idea that the true remedy is simple and all the hacks aren't necessary, ideally.. and even while I do need to work with my bag of magic tricks it still helps to be grounded in that bedrock of understanding that nature is what heals.

    So.. I also want to mention the emotional side of things, which often gets short shrift.. As so much change is happening at the cellular level, old emotional patterns come up, which I recognize as a positive thing.. All the fear and sadness and loneliness that was locked in the body is released as energy, just that the process can be painful, but it helps to understand it as a healing process.. not to suppress feeling with a false form of positive thinking (been there done that), nor wallow in it, but to accept everything that comes. It's taken me decades to come to understand this for real in my actual experience and not just as a nice concept to aspire to.

    --> Comes down to this.. finally starting to get that struggling to get well doesn't work when it's an internal fight against suffering.. but there is a way of standing up for the good and claiming the win without exhausting myself fighting the demons anymore. Then, with a little guidance, the actions I need to take seem to follow easily from there.

    It's like pulling the plug on the old limited power source and plugging into the inexhaustible source that we were meant to run on, and I'm beginning to get a glimpse of that incredible potential. Really inspiring to ponder this.
  17. Sheddie

    Sheddie Silver

    That upgrade to lots More Light than Before will want good hydration to make the EZ water; and let the process underway weave and flow fully to the right rhythms... Have you tried hydrolyzed gelatin, easily mixes in any liquid? Skin feeding with coconut oil, olive oil? (Perchance for better tolerance of protein and good fat along with lonely carbs via the alimentary canal?) I know food is a supreme challenge... just enough food is needed to balance with Light's role?

    Don't you think you could be some Gladiator (or any other super-hero/heroine) doing what has to be done? Movie hype aside, some Gladiators did, I think, win their well-fought Freedom. I'm feeling 'rich' and more 'alive' with so many new things to do, in spite of being a long term 'slave' to this state of being with disabilities. An epic adventure has much space for mythic characters.

    Thought precedes form: This came along just when I'd run out of thought material! (Nothing left to do is the worst case scenario.) Look at us! I don't envy the emotional detox but it does pass -- and doesn't return forever and ever. I know this well, and with confidence. (Ten years of it but always better and better.) Three-legged stool? Feels more like a three-ring circus broken out in mayhem at the moment!
    karenr likes this.
  18. karenr

    karenr Silver

    @Sheddie what an awesome reply! Gladiator, sure, why not? I'm obsessed with the old TV series Fringe right now, an infinite number of parallel universes that aren't really so hard to move in and out of, once you know what needs to be restored and what you need to let go of!

    The emotional detox I would say is no less intense than before but there is a huge difference - It's just energy moving through, and that's aliveness. I spent a lot of time in the past trying to disidentify with suffering, trying to "surrender," never worked, and just made me feel more disconnected and despairing.

    I think what we want is just to be real. That intimacy of experience. I hate the pain and don't have to love it or solve the ultimate mystery of suffering! Just bring myself to whatever I experience with all my heart.

    So bring on the 3-ring circus, celebration of misfits, we're in good company!
    Mayhem is apparently where it's at. Isn't that what the Greeks called Kaos? The fertile womb of creation? Like the dark night of the soul appears dark but is so full of light.. hmm.. the upgrade to Lots More Light Than Before, is in full swing!

    And skin feeding, yes. My Ayurvedic/Chinese herbalist/acupuncturist recommends topical sesame oil with warming herbs, for chilly Vata types, as coconut oil is more cooling. And it's more seasonal now too. But I'd love to hear more thoughts on that.
    Sheddie likes this.
  19. peter jesop

    peter jesop New Member

    My angel likes this video. But the best she likes is this one. Movies are not a reality, it is all bullshit.
  20. peter jesop

    peter jesop New Member

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