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Hope Rising....

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by Hope, Mar 29, 2013.

  1. Hope

    Hope Gold

    Hi Audrey,

    how cool is that about your daughter?!! I would love to go there. Finding great places for vacations is not so easy, especially ones without mold, though now that I KNOW, it does get a bit easier. We hope to spend a week in FL, depending on when we move. Blue mountains are glorious. Today we took a nice walk along the Potomac, I persuaded DH to do that rather than go to the movies. I am not sure if I went to the movies once in 2013. Don't miss it, but crave nature. The air smelled amazing there, truly.

    DH cannot do a thing from home, except certain (very few) online trainings. He is on special projects that don't allow any at home work. But he loves it. Bummer is, he is in a bad EMF hell. I have been checking out the area where he works, and the # of antennas and towers is just awful. They are going up everywhere, it is awful, around here. I just wanna scream when I see it. Also the power lines. SO many major ones. We drove through nice, some luxurious neighborhoods northwest of us, and I am just staggering at all the major power lines right by million dollar homes. Crazy! I wouldn't buy if I had the money. I guess people are all asleep or something or so focused on making money...they will pay the price later.

    No drawings yet, but I LOVE my friend's house in the mountains. It is not big but super cozy, no mold and I dream in a way of repeating it. Especially the screened in porch. I feel amazing there and will lie on the hammock in any weather. We go out tomorrow, weather permitting. But the idea of making drawings is amazing. I love that link Misty shared with building healthy homes. I want to learn a lot more about it. In fact I wish I could become an expert in that. So many dreams :)

    You test for mold with a special company that does it for you. NOT air - that is not reliable - but in the dust. People like me get sick not just from live but dead mold so it's really about removing it all or as much as possible. The biggest clue is a smell when you walk in. I have it in this house and also the previous apartment. It always kinda bothered me but I never stopped and thought, hey this might be hurting me. And it does. Now I will not stay in musty or damp places, no matter where. I will walk right out. Makes it easy also looking at homes. I look even at the outside. If there are issues with the siding, there is some water damage, or anything. It must be dry looking, and clean. And same thing inside. No warping anywhere, window in a bathroom. Stains on ceilings, or anywhere. A moisture meter helps too. same thing in laundry area all must be clean, hot water heater etc etc etc. You sort of get a feel for it when you are there. Also your gut REALLY leads you. Or me. Some houses look good online but I get there and something will tell me something isn't right, beyond what I see. It's weird but it works. Also avoiding carpet if possible is big. Though I have been in homes that have no smell at all with carpet. I also always check where the power lines are, and look online for wifi antennas etc. and check on my iPhone how much wifi pops up. Sometimes many, sometimes just a few. One house near it had barely any cell phone coverage, that was great.

    Also will take my body voltage meter from Michael, and might rent a unit also. I wish I could the full testing Dr K would do but am doing my best. Before we sign a new lease, I might test out the house with one of his meters that I will rent again. Trouble is things go fast and right now not much is out there, but I hope at least by Feb 1 there will be more....and then I'll move ahead with that. Hopefully with Michael on the line. He is so great with this stuff. I'm ready to move, have been for a long time, but finally ready to really do it.....I know the ultimate goal is a ways away, but that's OK. It took Dr K three years - if I remember right - to make his big move. So it's OK if it takes me time too :) I sure wish my DH was on board with all of it. But I am so happy that he gets I gotta get out of the mold for now....and he is even willing to pay for testing in the new place!). Right now getting out of mold and healing more from it will be key for me, esp. since wifi and mold make it worse - even if wifi is around me but not in the house. Ugh.

    So for me it's the next right thing....always gotta keep my eye on that. It feels empowering to do that, rather than cave in overwhelm (which I have done too). I am a bit bummed with vacations as finding rentals that I could get out of if they smell is hard. Some hotels will let you cancel - my mold expert has done so - but with rentals it's harder....and I used to love airbnb. But oh well. I have this other dream of creating a website where people can list places they have stayed that are not moldy. I have thought about asking Tripadvisor too to add a category for mustiness LOL. I just think it would be great to have that. One family I know of where the DH was ill, the wife had to fly out ahead of time to check potential places for her DH....he was super sick.

    Anyway YOU Audrey are amazing...all the support you offer here, and the changes you make yourself. I think of you in the ocean. Enjoy summer....wish I could be with you there right now. Maybe some day....another dream. I would LOVE to be with like-minded folks...even for a weekend. We went to a party for a bit last night and everyone was making a BIG deal about my Blueblockers. I will NOT take them off. Wear them on overnight planes too. One steward asked me what it was about...it's a fun way to talk about all this sometimes, but sometimes I just also want to be free, without being asked questions or getting funny looks. Though I won't compromise anymore....my health is too precious to me. I'd rather have people look at me funny. LOL.

    Big hug to you Audrey :)
  2. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    Hope - are you working with Dr. Tim Jackson? Mould is huge for him. Did you do the bootcamp?

    Misty and Dr. K. are going to be offering a new thing with Dr. Jackson ......
  3. Hope

    Hope Gold

    So we are looking at new places to live. Rentals again bc I don't feel comfortable buying, not around here, plus everything is so expensive. Plus my DH is finally more and more open to leave the area completely.....in the next few years so it will be easier to do that WHEN we are ready. He's actually interviewing with a major online retail company though I don't think he will take it. I don't think it's really a good cultural fit but I am excited he is open to even the process.

    So we have been looking and today at lunch we are meeting the realtor. Today I'm not only bringing my swiffer sheet to do a Hertsmi 2 in case I like what we see, but also my body voltage meter. I am pretty sure she is going to be more frustrated with me than she already is, but I ain't letting anyone stop me. This is my health we are talking about.

    I started finally major testing myself at home, and whoa it is shocking. The cool news standing outside, even on concrete, even with rubber shoes on, my load is still FAR lower than inside.....except on the couch. And we are within 300 yards of major yucky lines.

    Gotta find more ways to be outside, even in the freezing cold. Spent nearly an hour shoveling snow in bright sun early this am. So great.

    Here's to not giving up....and blazing my own trail no matter what the people think around me.
    Last edited: Jan 22, 2014
  4. fitness@home

    fitness@home Silver

    Love you attitude Hope!
  5. Hope

    Hope Gold

    Thanks, Fitness! I just can't compromise on this. :)

    So we are looking at houses and had the chance to look a couple yesterday. sadly one we liked was sold (not rented) five minutes after we said we'd send in an application. Not meant to be. The other one, which I loved even more.....for different reasons, but I have realized I cannot move in to. The brand new carpet not only gave me a headache but made me feel awful all around, have bad sleep, and feel awful still today. I'm so bummed but it's silly to move to a place that would give me headaches and not function well for who knows how long.

    I'm also still digesting Monday's webinar. I didn't catch everything but took notes for the first time and that for some reason helped me so much. I was on the phone more and just listening, not so focused on the chat, though that is so fun usually to read everything. But I really can't wait to hear more about the redox potential. Mine must suck. No, it does. I do still love my magnetico. But I wonder now how good it is for me. Though I believe it helps me tons, perhaps I am doing myself a disservice. I am definitely dehydrated despite my water intake. I have bad ADH, i.e. low...partly from my mold issues. Hard to really reduce EMFs where we live, so close to major power lines. And in EMF hell generally though I do all I can at home, for sure. I was excited about the body voltage meter saying that just being outside my house, even with rubber shoes, the voltage is nearly zero, like 0.02 which is much better than inside. I learned I really should be sleeping on the couch. Readings are lowest there, and sitting at the kitchen table. My desk in my home office is going to do nothing else than look pretty till we move. I haven't tested myself while using a grounding pad.

    Definitely need to read up a whole lot more about water...and I wonder how I will heal while mold is still affecting me, and the toxins are still in me, though I'm doing a lot to try to detox them. My recent hair analysis says I'm making progress on the Hg and Mg front which is good, but there is still much more to do.

    Found out I am C677T heterozygous and also need to learn about my 23andme results. from THEIR reports I don't look too bad - my DH looks worse than me in risk factors though I know it doesn't mean much. Can't wait to have Sterling's app process it all. Now I am not sure if I should stop my beloved high sulphur veggies especially the onions and garlic. I do so love them. LOL. It's funny how I am not really tempted by carbs....but giving up those veggies would be hard. Same with meat and eggs. I do love fish....but still. I don't miss cheese at all and find that eating low carb and no dairy but butter (not even raw cream which I cannot get around here anyway) really helps my sleep a lot.

    I do get sad wishing I could move to the country tomorrow. I am so beyond ready. I caught some of a CBS Sunday morning show on future cars....and how they will be self-driving. I thought, wow, they will take our freedom to drive. Makes me miss the Autobahn more, where I can drive as fast as I want. I do love speed - responsibly of course. but worst of it? There will be radars and scans and sensors in every such car. So driving will be even worse than today. I so wish I had land and could buy an 1980s Mercedes and just store it till I need it and then have it restored. I really don't want to have to buy such a connected car. I get how bad this is. My friends when I share it all think I am cookoo.

    One cool thing, after almost a month of having my car-grounding device thingie laying by the front door, I asked my mechanic to install it, and they did it for free. So nice of them. Now I am driving around with a funny looking piece of rubber hanging out behind my one rear tire. Good thing I'm not famous. LOL.

    I do feel sad today about my lack of living choices. I Just want to find a place that has NO MOLD, LOW wifi, good lighting (as in natural light), some privacy, some trees nearby....and be in a residential neighborhood and no major power lines nearby.

    In searching antennas and towers I learned that a private woman has registered an antenna in my desired area to live. Interesting. I am tempted to call the listed number and ask why she would do this and does she know what harm she is doing herself? Those are my crazy thoughts flying in my brain.

    I know from Michael Neuert only a small number of these things are registered, it's a voluntary thing. Makes me wanna move to the country even more...not that I need a nudge for that, ha.

    I will keep on looking, and hoping and praying our realtor won't hate me too much for not yet picking a place after looking at 10 homes. We did lose a few, but still. I did send in HERTSMI-2 for one home. I don't love it, but it could work if there is no mold. Parking will be a problem and the oven is yucky but we would try to negotiate something better. We shall see. I do try to remember to surrender all this.....and to trust that God and universe know what I need. I am definitely searching and seeking every day for new places I may have missed.

    I do love the snow we have had. It is below freezing in the morning - single digits - but I love and treasure it. DH insists on keeping the heat on at night. I so want it off. But oh well. We are at 63 now....maybe some day I can get him to come lower....
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2014
  6. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    Dear Hope.... I went back in your journal a bit to refresh my memory - It seems to me you are worrying yourself into an early grave. You are putting so much stress/pressure on yourself all the time - that can't be good. Can you let go a bit? I know - easier said than done. Go back in your journal and have a read.

    You are trying to fix everything all at once ... cut yourself some slack - take your DH out on a date and go dancing! have some fun! What about a couples massage? You are lovely and young and this is your one and only life .... we all only have the present. Please stop and smell the roses!

    My takeaway from all this lately .... If we want to be healthy and suck up life - we have to improve our redox potential and then everything else will fall into place. Dr. K. has said many times lately ... if we fix that we can mitigate all the other less than optimal things in our life .... our body will take care of the housekeeping...:)

    Hope - you have so much to offer ....please take a step back and find the joy....xoxo
  7. Hope

    Hope Gold

    Hi Audrey, I agree...I guess I am on a roll bc I SO MUCH want to move :) to a better place with no mold.....and get well...and still have a chance to have a baby, PERHAPS. I am certainly not trying to fix everything at once..I've been working on my diet, etc for several years now :)

    You know I don't go out much at night. I am too gung ho on sleeping and healing! But we have fun during the day....for sure. Well, weekends. We used to dance. DH loves my massages, but not from others for some reason.

    I do love your reminder to stop and smell the roses. This morning I stopped and listened to the cutest little chickadee in the park not far from where we live :)

    I do hear you though for sure...I definitely tend to be obsessed....not so good. That's why I need both nature and meditation...which I haven't done enough of lately, for sure.

    Thanks again for your input...it's always appreciated!!
  8. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    Hope - I just think all of us have to remember - if we fix our redox potential everything else falls into place - we can handle the nasty stuff ... that is how we are built.

    I think you can have quite a bit of fun giving your DH a massage! does he do the same for you???? imagine if you had a lovely, private back garden :cool: keep looking girl! x
  9. Hope

    Hope Gold

    A lovely private garden would take a miracle around here....in our price range. but some day. Just a matter of time. Dr K took three years for his oasis.

    And for me, healing means moving.....so I can fix my redox potential. With all I have done, that is a huge x factor for me, LOL. I have done a ton of stuff to fix it, without knowing that's what it's called.....time to do something else. if I could I'd move completely...but for now we'll do our best :)

    And yes we give each other lots of great massages.....:)
  10. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    I am soooooo jealous! but very happy for you! do you play lovely music? candles? remember what Dr. K. said .... it takes a symphony...
  11. Hope

    Hope Gold

    music not so much, though I know he'd love it. He is VERY particular though. When we were dating I tried some Kenny G and he wasn't so into it which was hard for me. He is a professional musician, and knows a ton, especially about classical music but also loves jazz/rock/fusion.....as long as it's good quality. I usually have been needing either quiet or calm/slow music....but I hope as I improve more, I will be open to more. Strangely lately in my car, driving, I have a strong desire to listen to a couple classical tunes on a brain-boosting CD I recently got. One is the Hungarian Dance #5 by Brahms. I laugh at myself singing to it as I drive. LOL. It's beautiful and when I listen I imagine being a ice skater and doing my little choreography, or a gymnast (I used to dance ballet and jazz and created my own routines, LOL but so fun, when I was a teen etc), I wonder if it's maybe that I am using the grounding strip for the car? Because I used to be EXHAUSTED in the car.....not so much anymore.

    But you are right, I should bring more music in. Candles for sure. love those....especially in winter. And more so since i discovered beeswax.
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2014
  12. Hope

    Hope Gold

    Please don't be jealous...a wonderful man will come into your life at the right time/place, I am sure...
  13. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    Hope - that was just wishful thinking on my part .... touch is so very important ...:)

    I was lucky enough to be loved unconditionally by an extraordinary man .... I think maybe that will have to be enough...
  14. Hope

    Hope Gold

    That is a blessing indeed....but never give up. I have no doubt, he would love for you to find that kind of happiness..again.
  15. Hope

    Hope Gold

    CSM Started January 24

    So I started on a one time dose of CSM Friday to help with my biotoxins. So far, no bad results..was tired over the weekend but it got really good yesterday. Maybe it's also from meditating more again, and from having greater hope that we can find a place where I can like it, and heal more..in ways I could not here. But yesterday especially I felt as if my brain was clearer......hard to explain. but I knew something was happening. Wish I could do some NFB again but it's just too expensive right now. My gut says a move is #1. And getting rid of a ton more possessions...though I am OK with that.

    I have been wondering if it's better to live in an area with greater wifi but have a single family home - though not much space - or one with less wifi, like only 25% of the amount of wifi...but it's all townhouses and nearly everyone has those satellite dishes on their roofs, not far from the bedroom. Ugh. Must test I know....

    So we shall see. This am I am fasting for a blood test, and it is so hard. Funny how I am so used to eating my BF early......so thankful for more good nights of sleep. I really think the no dairy except butter, lots of veggies and fats and good protein and no sugars/fruits/simple carbs except in veggies is really good for me. But I wonder what my BUN/C will be. I know I'm dehydrated.....my ADH/Osmo levels are stink-o bc my pit gland can't make enough ADH bc of the mold in me.....but oh well. Must keep plugging away.
  16. Grmoline

    Grmoline Gold

    CSM? NFB? Trying to learn a little bit about biotoxins here.....
  17. Hope

    Hope Gold

    CSM is an older drug that is being off-label used to help clear biotoxins....


    NFB is actually neurofeedback, a wonderful brain-healing tool, but also quite pricey....

    Happy learning....same here :)
  18. Hope

    Hope Gold


    So I have to write a short update in here today.....if nothing else, to remind myself to stay away from all things sugar and carbs. not good for me. I indulged in some gummy bears, not a good idea, last night. They have been sitting in a special drawer..and no tempting since last June. well not last night and it's not a good idea.

    This morning I stepped out on the snow for like 15 seconds. No CT, but it was just fun to be on the snow for a minute. I do love winter and now that i know I can't be on magnetico during the day on weekends, it makes me appreciate darkness even more. And I will stay in darkness in the morning from now although of course the sun is rising earlier and earlier and we are just a few weeks away from the time change in March.

    last night's webinar was great as usual and i really need to read the monk that sold his ferrari though my reading list is huge by now. Haven't made much progress with the Body Electric.

    I finally changed my avatar...or added one. I picked this one bc I want to remind myself when I am on here...to keep simplicity in mind. especially as we look for a new house, still. a couple slipped under our fingers. So much to do and learn.

    My sleep has been great, I must say, and I am not sure if it's the CSM but somehow this month I have some moments where my mind is actually lucid and clear, which is a great feeling indeed. I do see how key it is for me to watch light cycles like a hawk. I really think the morning Happy Light I use is helping too.

    Some things I need to work on...
    - increase cholesterol..my LDL is too low at 100
    - put my water more on the magnetico....
    - use my Heartmath on a regular basis. I want to use it at least 3 times a week for 5 minutes. I was so excited to see in the Redox Rx. Just gotta use it.
    - do my meditation also at least 3 times a week
    - keep to the low carb high fat diet. Though I am finding that I struggle eating coconut oil. I CRAVE butter, but not CO so much.
    - I need to get stricter with my bedtime. I was doing 9pm through Dec but since January it's been later which is not as good. Early sleep really works well. I do notice too that my body CRAVES darkness at night. It's so fascinating and I feel like it's a sign of my body maybe slowly rewiring itself and getting back to how things used to be in previous generations??
    - decrease my BUN/C ratio. It's the one that doesn't seem to budge at all. i CANNOT get it lower than 17, no matter what I try. It could be bc of the bio toxins. I know my ADH is low bc I am not making enough MSH, thanks to the biotoxins.

    My biggest goal is still to move. Have to stay in this area, but...I have been finding pockets further out where there are mostly residents, and much less wifi antenna's and towers. Still only a short term solution of course but we gotta get out of here...away from major power lines as well as the mold remnants, which I smell every day, and more so when I leave a couple days and return. It's like a blast of mold greeting me.
  19. Hope

    Hope Gold

    PS I think Jack's story about his son is AMAZING!!!!! Made me cry when Jack says he feels like he ruined him with Chicken McNuggets and turned him around. How amazing is that. Now he's a Navy Seal. Does anyone need anything more??

    Leptinism as his religion...love it.

    I would love to experience that kind of thing. Maybe when I am out of mold and have healed more. I hope so. Though my dream isn't weight loss..it's raising a child, adopted or our own still. But I gotta be strong. No way I could do it "now".
  20. Hope

    Hope Gold

    Looked at a couple houses today, found one with way less antennas and towers than where we are here, much more residential and near major parks and the Potomac River. One even had all hardwood but the smell was kind of weird - not moldy, didn't even have a sump pump....but like glass cleaner. But I felt encouraged. In it we could even sleep in the basement as there is a bedroom down there, and for some reason it smells better and drier there than by the front door. Too weird.

    Also felt very very tired, as I have all week, my fault stressing over the snow at first....and not sleeping enough. Last night it was 9 hours, which is unusual for me but not with acupuncture...which makes me relax incredibly deeply. Also needed a foot massage today after the house search. Just exhausting. So many things to consider.

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