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Hope Rising....

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by Hope, Mar 29, 2013.

  1. Hope

    Hope Gold

    Day 7

    So the advent of overnight summer gave us 76 degrees and heat in our bedroom last night. Means I woke up at 3am and no sleep until finally the room cooled to 70 degrees with AC UGH.

    But, considering I only slept maybe 5 hours I am not doing too bad today. Really want to go to bed early, and off the computer too. Last night I stayed on till 930pm, not good.

    Had a massage and chiro today, and my muscles all felt better...lighter...just wonderful, compared to all my other earlier appts until now. The pad is incredible. BEST money I ever spent. Everyone should get one. I so believe it in my heart. And best part of it, it will last forever.....wow. Now I just have to have some children to pass ours on to, 60 years from now.

    It is so utterly amazing, all this stuff.

    We have had Wifi off a couple nights. Tomorrow my ethernet cable will come. Yaye. May not get to install it all before my trip...but I will be return when I come back.

    I feel tired now. I had some nut butter tonight with raw cocoa. Ugh. I really needed some comfort food today. Thankfully, tonight my crispy nuts came. Not cheap, but they will last forever and give my digestion a break, until I can be nut-free. It's what I need to give up. Sun just went down.

    Felt sorry for myself today...a friend just got pregnant after endo surgery, over 40...still hope that will be me someday. When we are outside of the EMF bath and my body and really recover. I am so tired of all the supplements I've been taking that didn't really do much. What I REALLY needed was help..to assist my body sense the magnetic field it was designed to....whew.

    Jack's book is on the way. Can't wait to read the last chapter.....
     
  2. Hope

    Hope Gold

    Day 8

    Another rough night, again bc of HEAT. NO sleep until the temps got down to 71 upstairs, which took till maybe 12am? Then slept till 530am. Pretty good. Had a depressing MD appt bc of depressing results, both on thyroid and also on FSH...which is way too high. I am hoping my beloved acupuncturist is right, that it still is possible for me to get pregnant......some day. Thankfully, I know several women older than me with those issue....and getting pregnant naturally (I wouldn't do IVF, wouldn't want to force my body that way, and I wouldn't qualify anyway).

    So, not much to share today. I can tell the magnetico is working on me, still, even though I am sad. I feel the energy that it gives helps me be more present. To be objective in my thinking....I can 'see' myself go depressed, and for the first time, I feel I am on my own getting to where I can tell myself, "you don't have to go there. You can CHOOSE to think differently about this, and still be positive...and not give up hope, no matter what". Although getting sad is

    I know for sure, I am going to work harder on decluttering, letting go of stuff I no longer need...and on moving. I know clutter is not good for me. I am so thankful the master bedroom is all pretty now except for my packing area.

    Today I am proactive and have already started cooling down the house. I am SO manifesting a home that is all on one floor.....a single home with some space around it.....so I can grow more vegetables too.

    Clearly my body is resisting something. Not sure what...besides the EMF. Perhaps it's living here....I've never really liked it. Oh well.

    Anyway. Must get ready for my trip. I decided not to bring my laptop so I will be rarely on here. I am trying to do as little as possible with anything screened......I can't wait to get out of here.....though I will SO miss the Magnetico. Wish there was a travel pack, but no. So there will be a break from me posting....starting Friday, I think.
     
  3. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    Have a great trip Hope - I hope you will have lots of pictures to share with all of us! You have made so very much progress - I am very proud of all the hard work you are putting in to all of this and seeing so many benefits....
    I am sending you big hugs for a wonderful and relaxing and healing time away for both of you....Does your DH love it as much as you do?
     
  4. Hope

    Hope Gold

    Thanks, Audrey...my DH doesn't feel any difference. But, he never seems to. I do feel like he is happier to go to bed earlier though this past week.....so I think it could be making a difference for him, but he's not giving it the due. And that's OK. I wonder what it will be like in 6 months.

    Thanks for the encouragement....
     
  5. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    Always........that is what we are all here for .....
     
  6. BJK77

    BJK77 Gold

    Have a great trip Hope! I'm so glad to hear you're still seeing wonderful benefits from the Magnetico. I hope I soon feel the same!!

    You said you had depressing results with your thyroid . . . do you know if you have Hashi's or just functional hypoT? Have you thought about following the AI protocol? I really think having a super tight diet did help my thyroid in addition to other things like finally getting on T3, following the light cycles and limiting EMF. I can tell you for sure that nuts are not good for me even though nutbutter is truly one of my first loves :) I also would never have good sleep if I stayed on the computer until 9:30 PM. Just my n=1, but maybe some things you want to think about . . .

    I know it's not easy to feel like you're being limited in so many ways and having to make such drastic changes, but it will be worth it when you regain your health :)
     
  7. Hope

    Hope Gold

    Thanks.....so yeah I've been doing the darkness since last April (12), and then the blue glasses since September. I am super stressed about it, actually, when DH messes that up....

    Yes, the being on PC is bad. I have gotten addicted to this board and it's gotta stop. Like now. Though tomorrow is the webinar....so wish you could just listen via phone sometimes...I will have to be sure to turn it all off by 9pm and maybe not participate in the chats at all....

    I forget how you limit EMF. Did you write about that anywhere?

    Did you get on PLAIN T3? I think you have talked about that.....I have to search for that thread. I guess I had SOME Armour and NP Thyroid - never more than 45mg, a little for 60. But then the heart kicked in, and even then didn't move the T3 blood levels (free). I couldn't go higher....I had tried but no go with the heart. I am on pretty good adrenal support. Haven't re-done the ASI though. I really want to do the melatonin test. BUT, at the same time, I am so tired of all this....I SO believe it's all so EMF related. But a move is at least a few months away....I am so thankful for the magnetico.....but I know there is more to do. We live so close to a power line a major one.
     
  8. cantweight

    cantweight Gold

    Don't be sad, put your faith in the universe that the time will come when it is good and right. You are doing a great job, don't stress about what you can not control and change what you can. Stress is your enemy for sure.
    Have a wonderful trip, relax and enjoy to the fullest. Can not wait to hear about it.

    Forums are wonderful especially when filled with people like this and information we don't want to miss. The best part is the support and that will be here for you whether you check in once a week or once a month. Follow your gut :)

    Have fun!!

    ~Christi
     
  9. Inger

    Inger Silver

    Hope, thank you for the loving words in my journal... (((hugs))) Sounds so nice what your hubs do for you massaging your back and all. :) You are one lucky woman! To have a great sex life is something that might be hard to understand how much of a blessing it is - you do when you got to miss it for years and years...
    Hope why do you not think about adopting a baby? There are so many homeless helpless suffering small children out there. I would do it ASAP if I had the possibility but I have no. No money, no space... no secure hubby either. But you could! It would be your child as much, and you could give it all love in the world and a great start in life!
    Hope I wanted to ask you, what exactly is your desire to be a mother and having a child made of? Is it that you want to be a mother so badly blessed with strong mother instincts, caring 100% for a child.. is it because only then you feel you are a whole family, is it because of the experience itself, pregnacy and all.. or your hubby wanting it so bad.. or .. or.. :)

    About hubby putting on lights etc. I think you should be very clear and loud about your needs always. Maybe you can have separate bedrooms? Or some other organisation that makes it work so both can have it their way. That is how I do. I have said to hubby, this is my place (and it is because that is my parents place where I come alone homeless after he throwing me out last spring having another woman) and my rules rules here. It is my place to heal, if you do not care, then stay away. He still comes often and follow my rules almost 100%. I do not care what he does otherwise, it is he's choice. But here, no bad stuff. He stays here for about 3-4 days/week, the other half he works far away that is why he sleep other where then. But he likes to come and sleep by my side in my ice cold bedroom..lol Ok sometimes he gets a bit angry cause he cannot see much..lol but I do not care. He can always go somewhere else and he knows that. I think we really must make clear what we need always. For us. It is our own responsibility to make us happy, for sure. It is wasted time to wait for someone else doing it.. wasted life.. too sad. That is what I have figured out at least..lol

    Weirdly hubs has come along slowly and he is doing better right now (and I have kind of stopped caring what he does, I just am so tired of it and tears me out.. I am NOT going into that again ever), no alcohol, building some business, he even told me yesterday he has started to take cold showers! And he try to tell he's friend they need to eat better and stuff..lol He asked me to give him directions for a friends daughter that is 18 and has a cancer tumor.. they want no CW treatment but alternative instead. I did a summary for him yesterday to bring them with all that I could just figure out - earthing, Iodine, sunshine, EMF, food.. circadian biology.. everything.
    Actually I think about him as my good friend anyways. Not as my hubs. We both carry no rings either since a year or so. In one way it is maybe sad but I do not think so really. Maybe we were not ever ment for another in that way. that is how it feels to me at least. But as friends we do so great! But I am open to anything, life can turn around 100% in one second, that I know for sure..lol I kind of love to stay open to life. It makes my heart just filled with joy all the time, it is weird and magic..lol I do sometimes fall in old patterns but I remind myself and direct my thinking again. And the joy comes back! Huh :)

    We only need to do all our best the very second we are in NOW. Living it to 100%. How liberating...
    Then every second becomes so full of life.. and all those seconds adds to hours and days and the life becomes so massively alive...!!! Wow. That is for me magic! A life worth living.... totally worth. Then it does not matter what you have or not have at all anymore.. because you are so intensely aware of every little thing around you, you just come to miss nothing! Because you suck it all in and it satisfies you. I think that is how children live most of the time.

    Are you staying for long, Hope? I wish you all good for your trip! And do not forget to suck all in 100%... use all your senses. I know you are going to have some amazing days! :)
     
  10. Hope

    Hope Gold

    Thanks, Christi..you are too sweet. I appreciate the encouragement...a lot! I have printed yours and Inger's message and will take it with me to read again to remind myself of these truths....

    I am so so thankful for this forum, and all the wonderful people who are crazy about getting healthy..like me. :) BTW you are beautiful...when we meet, finally, I shall be blinded by your radiance, I bet (saw your pic on Spreecast). I so hope we all will get to do a retreat with Dr K.
     
  11. Hope

    Hope Gold

    You are too sweet, Inger. I can't believe you shared all this. Thanks so much. I still owe you a big response and it will come...I promise. I admire you so much. I don't know how you do it all. I can't believe what your DH did...but I know it has nothing to do with you, it's about him. I hope he becomes stronger...you deserve nothing but the best.

    I really need to copy your diet more, and maybe then I can be as wise and strong as you...how did you get there? And how long did it take? :) I love all you have said.....I have printed your post too and will use it to meditate on. You shared so much wisdom. And coming from you, it means so much more than reading it in a book written by a stranger.....I have decided to take as little with me as possible, no laptop, not even big articles. Just me, journal, camera, one book for fun reading (no studying)...and hopefully, at least a little time to meditate in peace. I just hope I get there when I hope bc they are forecasting thunder here

    I will be gone till next weekend, so I won't be here for a few days. Be sure, though, I will be thinking of you, Emma, the mommie, and all the other lambs...and the people you are helping (Wow!!)...and sending you loving thoughts across the miles. I trust all is well with the babies and Emma's bones are healing well. I can't wait to see more pictures.

    Thank you greatly for your inspiration....and I will answer all your questions next weekend.....but for now, here is a poem I find so inspiring.....

    On Children
    Kahlil Gibran

    Your children are not your children.
    They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
    They come through you but not from you,
    And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

    You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
    For they have their own thoughts.
    You may house their bodies but not their souls,
    For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
    which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
    You may strive to be like them,
    but seek not to make them like you.
    For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

    You are the bows from which your children
    as living arrows are sent forth.
    The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
    and He bends you with His might
    that His arrows may go swift and far.
    Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
    For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
    so He loves also the bow that is stable.
     
  12. Hope

    Hope Gold

    Day 9

    So last night I was utterly exhausted.....and as soon as I got in bed, I felt this relaxation, physically, wash over me. It took a while for me to get it was the bed.....it felt so great. But after some time, my mind started spinning about all I had to do today....and all that happened yesterday. So I had another rough night.....no more than 5 hours sleep. But I managed to do all I needed..... I Have some funky digestion. Not sure why. Maybe the stress? Maybe the heart is affecting my small intestine...in Chinese Medicine they are connected...hm. I was half listening to the webinar.

    It's so great to see all the questions....know I am not alone in all this. And I have to say....Both Inger's and Christi's words were like a shot in the arm today....I truly felt en-courage-d....thanks so much again, you two (if you happen to read this between now and next week) :)

    I truly cannot wait to meet you both in person...one day soon. Thanks for all your kindness and inspiration and hard work!!! (like tanning in the nude )
     
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2013
  13. Hope

    Hope Gold

    Day X after an 8 night break from Magnetico due to a trip.....

    So I've been back from my trip for almost 2 weeks now. No time to write here because being away from a computer (Just had my phone with me for necessities) was so so great. Of course being in FL is a great treasure anyway, anywhere. Though I had to be in an office for half the day from Monday through Friday, I did drive to the Gulf Coast, a beautiful town of Cedar Key (where I totally wanna go back!) a couple times on the weekend to soak in some sun and most of all, the water, and local grouper. And WOW, did I feel amazing despite not having pitch dark at night because of the blinds and not having stuff to cover the big windows.....

    I must say I never appreciated the sun as much as I do now. Since my return I have been minimizing time online outside of what I have to, and realized even our Q&A's at night keep me up, partly from excitement of connecting dots and learning. I have also started to go to a tanning booth , starting slow but it feels SO GOOD, like someone is injecting an energy boost into my body. It works SO Much better for me than the Myer Cocktail my old MD used to have me try that did nothing for my energy. It's all incredible. The feelings from the magnetico are no longer there - I think something in me is being filled up or getting used to it - but I still wake up feeling SO SO GOOD in the morning. I have only woken a couple times - once from a nightmare and once because I think I drank too much too late, on a day we went to the beach near where we live as I realized too late I hadn't drunk enough water all day LOL.

    Other than that, sleep is AMAZING now. I wake up and i feel like a HUMAN, the way I have not felt in 15 years. It is UNREAL. Also got hair analysis results and I am still detoxing lots of mercury but my digestion is better and my macro minerals are also better yaye. Even my magnesium which shouldn't be doing anything AS I am quite dehydrated. My BUN/C was 20 in April and my TBD is .5 L. UGH. But despite that I feel so so good. Each morning I wonder if today will go back to my old bad ways but not so far. It is incredible.

    I mean I have been trying to heal my sleep in so many years...and now I get to feel amazing. I remember reading Gretchen's post about better sleep and I thought. WOW. I wonder if that would ever happen to me. And here I am. WAY WAY earlier than I thought.....Dr Bonlie said the biggest detox is in the first three months. But maybe all the other stuff i am doing is helping too? I try to be outside more too. I have planted some more stuff. And yes, beans too which is bad but these little green beans are the only ones I eat for about a month in the summer and they are SO SO yummy. I eat no others. LOL. Well, if we get them again this year. Our cilantro has turned unto a 5 foot high tree and I will have to freeze some. Puts lots in seafood stew. Yumm.

    My extra energy, mental clarity has helped me use my free time to clear up our bedroom and now the office. WOOHOO. Feels so good to open closets and drawers and find things and have them be organized. It always caused me anxiety to see everything be everywhere and I wouldn't know it. I always used to be so organized before i Got sick.

    I really feel my brain improving. It is so so great.

    In a couple weeks I go on another trip - that one longer, to be with family in Europe. Can't wait but much to organize for that too but now I have energy. BUT I will miss my bed and the darkness. DH IS starting to see the difference in me, WOOHOO and now TURNS OFF wifi automatically at night. It's only ever on when I must be online (and of course DH) and when I get back from my next trip I will remove that too but no time so far, or no desire to deal with VZN. Just keeping the router unplugged as much as possible has been great.

    Just this morning I was driving home and thinking, I cannot believe that my head is clear. And I think. I do get tired, a little in the afternoon and then at night..but it is normal and from lots of activity all day/morning etc. Very different than starting out the day feeling groggy and like you never slept. Magnetico = amazing. Though really it's the whole thing.

    Also I feel better about the baby part......I have been able to soak up nature and its beauty so much that I literally lose myself in the moment....an amazing feeling indeed. Thankfully DH likes to be outside too. Went to a park today for a walk, well he more than me as I had to put my feet in the lake LOL and he said, "I love it here". Made me feel good as he rarely emotes. Gives me hope for my dream home in the country. Actually, my TRUE dream is to have a retreat center in the middle of nowhere, near an ocean or body of water, all organic food, bedding, magnetico pads on all beds, well water, for people to come and recover, to learn to live with better habits...to practice just being, not doing. It is a huge dream but it became so clear to me this week. Perhaps because ever since last fall I have had this deep desire to make happen a meeting with some of my fellow JK peeps......that would just be so cool. We'd all eat food we know why we love it, enjoy it, make it, clean up together and turn in early and wake up early too, to bright morning sun.

    To be honest, JUST THE FACT that I can dream again - in a way I haven't since my early 20s - is a miracle......and feeling more free without a baby as well. I really want to experience life to the fullest. With much less STUFF and much more FUN and experiences OUTSIDE in nature. On our walk today I was reflecting HOW MUCH I needed nature always and the past 15 years I have had way not enough - a nature deficit disorder - but I am starting to tip the scale again, the right way. Woohoo.

    I am also barefoot as much as possible, when at home at least, or weeding the front or back yard. It's looking great.

    So anyway....not sure when I will have time to write again.......
     
    Last edited: May 3, 2013
  14. Hope

    Hope Gold

    Some pics from Cedar Key, FL


    So sorry I cannot figure out how to make picture 2 smaller.....it was so so great to see these pelicans there though it was a very gray day. Tried to talk to the one up front. Felt like he was listening. LOL. I talk to many animals. I also saw my first live snail with one of those beautiful shells. If that's a snail? Was amazing to watch it move. THere was also a couple of horseshoe crabs mating, and LOTS of dogs...swimming and rolling in the sand. So instructive.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: May 3, 2013
  15. Inger

    Inger Silver

    That was a beautiful poem Hope.. and so beautiful pictures.. and what you write is all so encouraging, wow! I KNEW you will get better :) and I am so happy you discovered you cannot separate from nature without suffering. That is what I have always felt too, intuitively. I didn't knew why but staying inside too much made me feel bad.. so I always was a nature and tanning freak..lol That is what I could not ever understand either with the religious people, how could they possibly use their free Sunday in church with much clothes on, when outside was sunny beautiful weather? From a child on I suffered huge because of this.. I never wanted to sit there inside with the others... (but we had to, no compromises there, ever) and after.. there were always cakes and coffee, coca cola and sweet juices.. OMG I felt so bad in my body and mind. The whole day felt so wasted! Finally a free day.. and all wasted. How sad. I still can recall how it felt very clearly.
    So when I got my own place I was always out in the sun tanning when I could..lol To me it is like a life force I need so terribly. I always thought there was something wrong with me feeling that way, that I was so weak and sick I needed it so much.. because why would not the other feel like me? But maybe it was just right I start to think now.

    Reading your post just made me so very happy Hope. Your hubs will follow soon, I promise you. He will see the sun that has starting to shine in you stronger and stronger... and then he will know. :)
     
  16. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    Hope - I love that you are making so much progress and your DH is seeing a difference in you too. The great sleep is making a huge difference for you - is your hubby sleeping better too?

    Keep dreaming big dreams ..... look at how far you have come .....anything is possible.......we are living,breathing proof...
     
  17. ATL_Paleo

    ATL_Paleo Gold

    Hope, wow I am proud of you. The progress you have made is amazing. The story above belongs in the Success Stories section of the forums also .... even though your results wll continue to grow.

    Keep up the great work. Again I saw WOW, WOW, WOW ........
     
  18. cantweight

    cantweight Gold

    That was my favorite post ever. Can't wait to chat in person :)

    So happy for you and proud of you!
     
  19. vkiernan

    vkiernan Silver

    Mornin' Hope! Sounds like you had a fantastic trip. I still have not abtained the pad and am bummed. In the process, I just got my last metals test back and it showed I still have a lot of mercury and lead. Arsenic is gone though so forward progress. My last test showed much better results and I'm now wondering if I didn't drink enough to flush anything out hence the results. Anyway, do you truly think the Magnetico is helping you detox your metals? I really want one and haven't been able to persuade the DH. I would love to attempt to make one but I have no clue what I might potentially be doing to myself. Just looking for more feedback on that thing. Is your DH seeing any bennies from it?

    Thanks
     
  20. diane

    diane Gold

    Amazing post Hope! It's an amazing feeling when your head is clear - and wow, something I so took for granted before! Keep it up - you're such an inspiration!
     

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