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Hope Rising....

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by Hope, Mar 29, 2013.

  1. Hope

    Hope Gold

    Day 4 on Magnetico Sleep

    Slept great again. Again I feel so light when I wake up. Today I went outside weeding, instead of to my computer right away. I love to weed, it helps me feel so calm. Barefoot, of course. Then I had BF, and did more weeding outside in beautiful sun. Cold, but beautiful. Watched a woman walk by trying to train her dog. He didn't do so well....the ball was too tempting. But very cute.

    I felt lighter longer....and like I slept deeply again. Today I checked my email on iPhone shortly after breakfast and my fingers were a bit tingly. Never before. Wonder if that was the phone, and the magnetico is helping me be more normal over night....and more aware of the EMF?? IDK. But it was weird. Must and will test it again. I am totally into testing now. LOL.

    So today we had our community garden clean up day and we did a lot of gardening work for 2 hours. No computer time. And, I felt tired from physical work but in a different way than usual, for sure. Yesterday after 4 hours of work on it, I felt exhausted from it. I am really thinking it's affecting me a whole lot more than I ever realized.

    I was able to be more present today - unusual for me. My thoughts kept wanting to go to work, to situations, things I had to do but after some time I got really into the work in the garden. I got to talk to two seven year old adorable boys. So so cute. They were calm and played with all the worms, grubs and slugs I dug up accidentally. It was so sweet and it made me long to have my own again/still. I am realizing how much my thinking has been, I don't believe I can ever get pregnant, at a deep level. I am so thankful I see this so clearly now, and can spend time with those thoughts, challenging them. After all, why wouldn't I be able to have a child even at my age? Other women do. What's so wrong with me? That's been my thinking....some deep flaw in me is preventing it.

    Clarity is an amazing thing. And I feel I am much more clear in my thinking in the morning now, I think. Another magnetico effect. I can see the difference. At night, it is harder to think clearly and not do stupid things on this board which I have gotten addicted to, UGH. I think I need to spend less time here and more time reading the printed blogs, so I can catch up. And in the morning, so more goes in the first time :)

    So after the gardening I took a break, was online for an hour and we went to the lake. It was lovely but cold and windy and I thought of Audrey and Inger, tanning and being warm while I was freezing. Saw several moms with their kids, being either on an iPad or phone and I wanted to tell them, get off! You have this great treasure with you.....I didn't. But I did, jokingly, on a walk we took last night, in the park by another lake with the cute kiddos playing alone while both parents were on their phones. Huh.

    Walked in the water twice, and it was much less painful - not really painful - than on Monday. yaye! DH went for a walk and I sat and read my big Jack Kruse binder, EMF 5 for the fourth time. I circle and underline things and the next time I read it, I still get so much out of the stuff I already read, and make so many connections to my health. All those infections I had...EMF played a role. Wow. I never could see the deep impact. I want to take some biology classes but as Jack says, I would learn all stuff that isn't reality...it's the old paradigm. Also re-read some of the blog from the new year, about how our life has purpose, no matter what. Love that.

    But I so enjoyed being by the lake, watching the geese and some gulls. And some kids, one I talked to, so sweet. And I got to pet four doggies. I love them so. The owners were so kind to let me pet them. DH loved it too but sadly on his walk he was using the iPhone.....right next to his balls. :((( It hurts me but I know I can't control it. At least we were outside a lot today, 4 1/2 hours, more than usual....

    Here is a picture of my cilantro coming back, yaye.....love it. Hope it's visible.


    This was my view sitting by the lake.....not sure what happened to the left side of the picture....not an ocean, but I love the water. I always, always have...but since JK, I have a whole new appreciation for it.

    Last edited: Apr 6, 2013
  2. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    Hope - can you tell me more about that retreat? That sounds so interesting. I think you said you are taking a trip back to Germany soon?
    Baby steps - you will get to where you need to be .....you are strong and motivated .....
  3. Hope

    Hope Gold

    Retreat...you mean the Panchakarma? That was amazing, indeed. What would you like to know?

    Yes, I am going to that place, if all goes well, in May. I cannot wait...

    And yes, I am motivated...I SO want to be well. I keep breaking my head over all I can do to get there...not have this fatigue hanging over me.
  4. Inger

    Inger Silver

    Hope, what are the temps where you are? If it is windy I do feel cold too but I always find a not so windy place to tan..:)
    Beautiful lake..! And you have your own coriander..? Wow! I want to plant some too this spring! Not sure if it grows too well that far north though. I have to test it.

    I do think we get more sensible to EMF's and that it is a good thing. I have been thinking a lot about it, you see. I think it is like tobacco smoking a bit? First time you feel terrible, but when you get used you do not feel any ill effects at all, practically. Even if you get used to a poison does not mean it is good for you. I think it is a good thing we get sensible. I think so. I am not 100% sure but that is what I think so far.

    I was thinking about my parents and their believes and my bro that converted. I got over the first sadness and I got to think about it from different views. I actually enjoy very much to think about stuff from any possible view. I realized there are people that might need those boundaries at least for a while, someone maybe their whole life? Everyone has their own pace and their own path. Who am I to judge? Everytime I do that I feel not so good - so it must be not so right...lol They are not mean to me at all, in fact thy are very kind. Ok, the clothing rules.. women are not allowed to use pants, only skirts / dresses for women. It is in fact not too bad because I love sweet womenly dresses.. lol It is a bit inconvenient when taking care of the animals and such, but hey, gotta sacrifice something not so important to get something more important. :) To not be allowed to use earrings is not too bad either, I can use them as much as I want elsewhere, and anyways they seem to be not so great together with EMF's...;)
    And when alone here I do just anything I want..lol I really need to work on my thinking, so easy to fall into bad patterns that makes you only suffer!

    Hope.. I never got kids either. Never used any p pills or such either. I am 36 now. It was never too sad for me because I have seen it is not only a walk on roses to be a parent today.. especially if you have a not so supporting husband. There are many great things about being childless too, I have been focusing on those instead! But sure... I would LOVE to have a baby still. So if I get one.. I am going to enjoy it 100% for sure! I would carry it close to my skin all the time.. breastfeed it as long as it wanted, feed it raw fish and oysters.. OMG it would be the happiest kid ever!
    I always think we humans have a weird habit of wanting what we do not have. My sisters that have children are somewhat jealous of me having it so "easy" and being lazy all day long me thinks...lol (which is in fact not true..hmmm.. to me tanning nude is not being lazy? ha). What if everyone would just enjoy 100% the situation they are in, I bet it would be heaven on earth! That is at least what I have figured out with my tiny not yet optimal brain..lol

    So happy for everything you are sharing, Hope...!!!
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2013
  5. Hope

    Hope Gold

    Inger, you are such a treasure, much more beautiful than we here on the forum can even imagine!!!! I want to respond to you in more detail....but i want to limit my time online till I get a wired connection. ALso want to process your poem in 4 paragraphs!!!

    Before I forget, yes, I try to grow cilantro. I think it grows well in cooler weather, if you have enough sun. This cilantro was dead over winter, and is slowly re-growing. So you can grow your own too, I am sure. Try to start soon, if you have seeds.....thyme is also very good for me, and parsley. I hope to grow some kale again too....we'll see. Last year we had lots of bugs.

    You are inspiring me in more ways than you can imagine. AND, you have more wisdom than you can even imagine...and you are living it. Wow. My acupuncturist who is into Taoism says the most important thing in life is to 1) listen to our inner voice (intuition) and 2) live in complete acceptance with all around us, in our life. You are amazing at it. Me...not so much. The not having a baby has been very difficult, for different reasons. But I will share more later.

    I surely hope one day soon, we will meet...whichever continent it may be..... :)

    With love to you across the miles ~
  6. Hope

    Hope Gold

    Day 5 on Magnetico Sleep

    I must start with last night - for some reason (I don't usually), I felt like taking a shower last night (maybe all the gardening??) and when I went to bed, I had totally forgotten about the magnetico. DH was with me and we were talking. As soon as I got into bed, I immediately felt this resonance in my body, even more so than the days before (I keep thinking, I won't feel it anymore as I get used to it?). I really wonder if it's because I had some water molecules somehow on my skin and that made me even more palpable to me, to lie down? Or maybe it's bc I was naked. IDK. LOL. I had to like take two minutes to just appreciate that incredible feeling of coherence of my body to the pad, and its field. I literally had to be quiet and feel my body respond. amazing.

    Had another good night sleep 7.5-8 hours (I think my sleep efficiency is improving), earlier this time, which is nice and woke up earlier too. Feel still light, which I love, but also felt that heaviness in my head...that I usually get in the late stage luteal phase. So that was not fun. But I decided after my sun salutation to just rest for some time and that was great......I felt tired in my head, not my body. This is new. I took some more PG (thank goodness my MD gives me whatever I ask for) I didn't get online until late this afternoon. Much easier on weekends, I guess. After a lovely lunch of ground beef with lots of onion and mushrooms and tomato sauce, we went outside. DH went for a walk, 1.5 hours around that lake. I stayed home to rest...listen to my body, give it a break, and grounding my feet. I finished EMF 6 and am 1/3 into EMF 7. I didn't know Jack cried that day reality hit him in the head. I am amazed at all his findings. He sure is at the edge of it all.....right up there with Darwin and Einstein. I am so so slow in reading this. I actually started reading EMF 7 before, made notes, but reading it all again now in the beginning was all like new again. I only move forward little by little. I keep thinking about my family. My grandpa, who died when i was too, made his own radios, and also his own TV remote control...now I get why he got cancer. Wow. I am so sad my mom listens to a radio show at night, with radio (little) right by her head. but no listen. She is a stubborn German. So she suffers with terrible arthritis.

    While making lunch listened to Jack's sleep webinar. Had to scream when I heard about people with arrhythmias often have sleep disorders. My FIL with a bad stroke I am convinced has sleep apnea. I saw him not breathe some time after the stroke, when we visited while he was sleeping. Did ANY Md ever check it before? NO! I asked a nurse and tried to talk to an MD to get him a sleep study - even after the stroke. But nothing. Made me scream. I had to let out my anger. Just two quick yells, but I had to.

    So we've been outside now for 4 hours, it's awesome. Feel pretty good now. I'm grounded as I write this. Really must be online as little as possible.....

    So inspired by Inger today....once again, in different ways. All in all, a great day. I wish I could be outside every day like this.....I'd make lots of reading progress, too! Oh - and I was channeling both Inger and Audrey in my swim suit. I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, oh no. thankfully, my DH likes me as I am, even with a belly. LOL.
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2013
  7. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    Hope - you do have much intuition about yourself - trust it.....
  8. Hope

    Hope Gold

    Thanks, Audrey...I am starting to see it...embrace it..let it come to me. I always thought I had to figure out how to 'get it'...but I don't. It is always there...I just open up to it....get quiet...open my heart....
  9. Hope

    Hope Gold

    Day 6 on Magnetico Sleep

    So I surprisingly had more energy than usual. Woohoo. A miracle considering I am one day closer to a potential CD1. It was SO warm today, in the 70s, and my BBT was up at 98.2. I'll take it. I woke up earlier too and right away, went outside and weeded while grounding for 15 minutes, did two loads of laundry and hung them up outside. They have already dried now. So nice. Smell great. :)

    I woke up again, and feeling my body feel light lying in bed when I 'came to'. My dreams seemed vivid last night. Dreamt of old bosses in Germany, my hometown. They were mean and strict always and it was weird to dream of them, these brothers, from a very strict family that had these stores...whew. But nice to remember.

    I fell asleep easily, was lovely. I haven't needed any relaxation tapes at night. So far. Knock on wood it will continue.

    So the way I felt this morning...if my body were made of legos, it feels, when I wake up, as if someone put the legos all in perfect order in my body and mind. When I am tired, all is messed up, like at night. Tonight, I don't feel so bad. Not sure what is going on. Maybe it's

    - added PG yesterday (500mg total never did that before, won't again)
    - added milk thistle
    - rested a lot during the day
    - got lots of sunshine
    - spent as little time online as possible

    I think I am getting more and more a picture of how much my body is affected by EMF. The computer. I am getting so so tired of all the supplements I take. I just want to move to the country. That's what my gut and heart are saying. It's weird. It's only in the 70s and one neighbor is already running the AC so when I am outside, I hear it SO loudly, ugh.

    The only BUMMER is I was unable to resist some rice pasta today. Shame on me. I had made some GF spaghetti sauce and I wanted it with pasta so badly, I let myself. but no more. Tomorrow I will do my usual kale. I am also super motivated to try some raw fish, the way Inger makes it. That would be so so fun. If only I can make it taste good...hm....

    I also had another session of 30 minutes Chi Gong and compared to LAST Monday, I felt more energized today. It is amazing. The only thing different? The magnetico, and being outside this weekend.

    I checked out my garden patch today, it's doing pretty well...well, the garlic at least. I hope it will make it till June. Would be so fun again. This will be my third year in the garden. Such fun. I just love the garden, playing with the soil, grounding myself. I wish I could live outside. I guess that is a natural desire.....I wonder what it was like to live all those years ago. No jobs, no office. Your job = get, make, eat food. So cool.
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2013
  10. Hope

    Hope Gold

    Also, last night on our walk, I saw this license plate..how appropriate, lol

    Last edited: Apr 8, 2013
  11. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    Have you seen Inger's recipe for sushi? It is delicious. It seems to me you are improving quite alot every day .... I am so happy for you! Is your DH noticing the change in you yet?? It is great that you both are getting outside a lot now - so he sees the benefit in that? I think you are making great progress for both of you! xo
  12. Hope

    Hope Gold

    No, but I will have to look it up. Well I probably read it and forgot. I must copy and paste these things for later.

    DH noticing...I don't know. He DID see I didn't get in a bad mood and for a weekend bf a new cycle that's pretty great. I can tell you I feel it. WHOA! And it's only 7 days. And I still live in a bathtub of EMF. Must change that.
  13. Hope

    Hope Gold

    So move......ASAP.

    That is my marching order. Just had an amazing consult with Dr Kruse.

    I really need to do all I can to help my DH want to move. In fact, I may not wait for it. I am seriously considering moving temporarily like for a month, on my own, and seeing if my labs change, this summer. But there is absolutely no reason not to move further out.....no question. I have been dreaming of living more rurally for a long time, but now it's becoming more and more clear. I just have to do it. I have to make a business case.

    I talked to him about how I literally feel that 7 days on the magnetico has done MORE for my health than all the supplements, acupuncture, herbs, chiropractic, massages, foot rubs, etc, that I have done. Sure, they helped some, but I feel so different. In seven days. While still living in this bath. EMF.

    And instead of calling me crazy, he agreed...and told me to move. It's funny because everything he told me, I already knew. And yet, I need to hear it from someone else, someone who believes in it so much, he made the hard changes himself. Part of it is because I have to fight at home with my DH's resistance to it, bc he loves his life near the city.

    He even gave me some ideas for how to help DH come around. Like with a vacation in Costa Rica and the Gulf. Would love that for sure.

    So starting today i am going to work on moving...renting a place further out, even for two years. I don't care about all our STUFF. It's just STUFF. NOTHING matters but my health. I grew up in a small space. We didn't have many material things. Maybe a third of what I do now. Do I need all this stuff? NO! Who needs 20 dress shirts?? 10 dresses? 20 pairs of shoes. Yet I have all that and more. Of course, I am a shoe person and I am trying to only get leather soled shoes now. And I do take care of them. Some are 13 years old and look like new. Made in Italy, of course.

    It's so empowering and freeing.....making all these connections. UNDERSTANDING why living on the 17th floor and working on the 20th floor for 2 years made me MISERABLE in my 20s. I looked healthy but felt like crap.

    So after my trip away, when I get back in June, I am going to seriously look at rentals in the country. Not as good as the real move, but it's a start. And if I feel better, and I KNOW I will, I will have more evidence and cause to suggest another move.

    Also talked about career. I need to find a job where I don't have to use the computer. Or a business. Maybe I need to become a landscaper. Or an EMF specialist so I know 100% how to reduce the EMF. Boy, so many things to do I need to write them all down.

    What I know for sure is...I will stop at nothing to get better. Knowing how I feel JUST from the Magnetico, I want to see how I would feel in a better environment. NOTHING else matters. I have to remember DH may not get it all bc he's not as desperate as I am.

    Everything is so clear to me now...I hope I don't lose it...I just will keep plugging away at this stuff, till we get there. I mean, heck, if I can move continents at age 22, all by myself, I can do THIS too. I know the Magnetico will help me.

    I also told friends who decided to do a two month vegan juice cleanse - they live in a rural area, but he's heavy into radio.....with a big fat antenna in the garden....to get rid of that stuff. He was laughing at me. But I had to tell him. Just once. Or twice. I cringe. but at least I tried.

    And I am SO thankful for the people on this wonderful board who get it.....
  14. cantweight

    cantweight Gold

    A year ago my husband was the guy that checked his phone constantly, the gamer who stayed up till 2 or 3 AM after a whole day of IT work, a total gadget guy.

    He kind of went along with every nutty new thing I swore we had to try to feel good...even going vegan!!! epic fail...lol

    Now he is the plug nazi...lol. All over the house making sure things are turned off and not plugged in. Was irritated when my computer cord touched his leg. He is horrified of the conditions he is forced to work in. It would be irritating if it wasn't so awesome. He may just be the catalyst I needed to help me get farther. He is insisting on the magneticos. We are reading blogs to each other that he printed out at work while the other soaks in the icy tub. He is running around outside barefoot....this is the guy I once called lady feet because he has the most perfect feet....they were never out of socks and shoes...ever!

    There is hope for your hubby :)
  15. diane

    diane Gold

    Hahaha - there's hope for me then. I have such sensitive feet - but am so excited to take my shoes off! Just kinda hard to do in the city lol.
  16. Hope

    Hope Gold

    WOW...that is so great...so so great...you are one lucky woman. Did he have any health issues? I wonder what motivated him....

    Either way, thanks for giving me hope...can't wait to meet too!!!!!!
  17. cantweight

    cantweight Gold

    He did have health issues....but to look at him you'd never know it. He's 5'10" about 174, great soccer player legs. Makes a good living, has the most amazing wife lol, 3 beautiful kids. The seemingly perfect life. But he was crazy exhausted, lived on prilosec and restaurant food. Forced himself to run 6 miles on a treadmill a few times a week to stay in shape. He drank like fish. The only way he knew to reduce stress and sleep. His labs were a mess. Single digit vit D, low prenenolone, low DHEA, mthfr mutation, positive for lyme. Just a whole shitload of crap that we had to clean up. He got better, like we all did. After we moved we thought that was going to be last piece, but it wasnt. We plummeted this fall.

    So our fixes were only temporary as Jack has expressed. We will never be rid of these demons lest we cast them out Kruse style. So this fall will be the biggest tell of them all....did we finally do it??? We will work all spring and summer to be as well as we can and keep our fingers crossed :)
  18. BJK77

    BJK77 Gold

    Loved reading this! It sounds so much like my husband . . . even the vegan part!!! He has pretty much always gone along with my latest idea of what we need to do to get healthy. Sometimes I felt like he was just humoring me ;) BUT, he has seen such a drastic change in me with all of Jack's protocols that he is even more on board than he ever was before.

    He was also a former IT guy and all about technology/gadgets. He ended up switching careers due to an absolutely insane boss and now I am so very thankful. He has always been a die hard gamer too - up until all hours of the night playing. We have very rarely ever argued in our nearly 15 years of marriage, but if we ever did it was over video games! Even before I knew about EMF, I hated the thought of him sucking my son into that!

    Now, he's the one telling my son no video games! He also never took his socks and shoes off and now every evening after work he's immediately in shorts and barefoot walking around outside (regardless of the temps). He hasn't completely caught onto CT yet, but he does his best with it. He even talked to some of our Amish neighbors about setting up some permanent propane 'lanterns' to use in th evenings.

    It is awesome to have a partner in all of this! For those of you whose spouses aren't quite on board yet, don't worry! Keep setting an example for them with your dedication and hardwork and they'll come around :)
  19. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    You guys are all incredibly inspiring ........
  20. Hope

    Hope Gold

    Christi that is just awesome...love it, gives me HOPE. Which I need. I can't even get my DH to do the blood test...he thinks he is OK.

    I wonder if you have done any EMF testing with a trifleld?

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