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Hope Rising....

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by Hope, Mar 29, 2013.

  1. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    Sometimes the right choice is staring us right in the face. The decision not to jump often keeps people on the wrong road..........but make no mistake, you control that road youre on whether you chose to continue to lie to yourself or not.
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2014
  2. nonchalant

    nonchalant Silver

    Sounds like anxiety to me.
  3. sooperb

    sooperb New Member

    Walking away always looks easier from the outside.
  4. cantweight

    cantweight Gold

    For what it s worth, my husband, whom I adore, the one I think i could not breathe without....that guy....I have decided I must divorce him every time we were selling a house and moving. The stress is horrible! Even when it is a positive move it is a shit process and hard and exhausting and expensive and I could go on and on with all of things I hate about moving.

    As for the papers...I try not to be but still kind of am a paper hoarder. And when there is a big pile or a desk drawer I have stuffed full of crap and my hubs wants to go through it I feel very stressed about it. A little embarrassed that it happened at all and irritated by how much time it takes to go through it all to find the 3 or 4 things i didn't want thrown out. Maybe your hubs feels as their is less and less room for his stuff in your life there will be less and less room for him. No excuse for his behavior...I wanted to type, just move into the new place without him, but the gravity of that statement made me think....those kids of decisions can not be made during a move....after, just not during.

    Take deep breaths (away from the moldy papers of course!) and soldier on through. Where you land will hopefully be infinitely better than where you are.
  5. Josh

    Josh Gold

    Forget "beautiful thoughts" and try "no thoughts" beats any kind of "thoughts" hands down......:) Without thoughts in the present wherever one is, we know what to do or not do......simple, not always easy........;) All thoughts cost enrgy/redox, bad/stressful ones a bit more than "good" ones, but one is still running the car so to speak and the brain is an energy hog...

    Forgive me as my DW has been away for 2 weeks, so I do not have anyone to tell what to do......she comes home today, so I will no doubt fall back into my patterns...."inch by inch, row by row...."

    A story, here is as good of a place as any:

    I am a bit of an old Jew so I love stories......o_O
    Hope likes this.
  6. Hope

    Hope Gold

    I just noticed I still have not replied here at all..in 3 weeks, but my move is reaching the hot/crazy phase now. I did just come across this amazing site I had to share...an American living in Germany. I totally agree, except I think opening windows in winter is awesome.

    Indoor air here sucks, mostly. Buildings either can't have open windows, or are made from cheap, crappy materials - not concrete like in Germany. This is to me one more piece of the puzzle......why I feel so much better there, and grew up quite well, in good health...no major problems. Until 2 years after I moved here. HA! So it's not just EMF and stuff. It's the air I breathe.


    Oh and I love how he talks about Germans' kinship with trees. Totally How I feel too. I remember with each move I always longed for a tree out a living room window.

    Quote: I remember reading somewhere that the German obsession with separating trash, recycling and organics didn’t arise until it was made clear that industry and trash were killing the forests. The German obsession with fresh air may be related to their kinship with the trees. Living where I do on the edge of the forest, every Sunday there are trains (clean electric ones) full of people heading up into the forested hills to hike and take in the air. Freiburg is well loved for this reason among others.

    OH MAN do I wanna go BACK there and live there. In my heart...I will always believe living there is easier on my body than this country (and no offense to anyone living AND loving it here...).

    And how cool would it be to go visit Inger. Oh what a dream. I can dream right? Or maybe I'm just delusional from working in and packing all my mold contaminated belongings, ha.
  7. fitness@home

    fitness@home Silver

    Hope - won't be long and you will be settling into the new place. All the craziness will be behind you. Hang in there!
  8. sooperb

    sooperb New Member

    Maybe you should just ask him to move his own papers in whatever he has chosen to put them in, let him put them into his room when you move and have nothing to do with them. It might be preferable to him rifling through them and spreading any spores, mould etc. Is the big day tomorrow?
  9. Hope

    Hope Gold

    Thanks, ladies :) Big day tomorrow in that we get keys. :) But no big move till next weekend......we will keep bringing boxes I have been packing since January......and then get help from movers. I did it this way....so I could be sure to clean as much stuff as possible before it goes into the new house. That's the big stressor: Everything I bring has to be cleaned/decontaminated....or I will cross-contaminate the new house. Eek!

    So the main thing I'm reading is how to clean what. So much work, but so worth it.....now that the weather is nicer I can do cleaning outside......yesterday we cleaned a bunch of CDs (cases) outside. But the sheer amount of work = crazy. That's why it's good I gave so much away. STILL have too much. Like clothes.....it's crazy. I gave so much and still have a lot left. I do notice, I LOVE the master bedroom closet....half empty. It's just lovely. It is amazing how much joy having space brings me, even in a closet. LOL. And not that our house is that big....1200 sq feet total.

    yeah, we'll see how we do the paper thing. He has his room on the ground floor....thankfully there is NO basement.

    Anyway I just read briefly about the MH370 flight....and some cellphone tower picked up the copilot cellphone signal 250 MILES AWAY. 250!!!!!! I am so cooked!!!!! And I was excited to find a house with a lot less antennas and towers in a 4 mile radius........but it's like peeing in the wind, as Dr K would say.

    Oh but one thing that is neat - I hope - is they replaced the oven, and the fridge (and the microwave which will go unused).....funny thing I was ALL OK with having an old one, even thankful that it would be less EMF that way....but oh well. It sure is nice to have everything clean. Once I'm there to cook. But when we did the check-in on Friday and I walked into the kitchen, I couldn't believe my eyes. LOL. This is funny because when I first saw the house, I said "I will not cook with this oven".
    Lahelada, sooperb and Josh like this.
  10. Hope

    Hope Gold

    No time to write but had to share this - my BUN/C ratio is finally going in the right direction. YAYE! My digestion is also majorly improving on paper.....LOL....I TOTALLY believe it's the CSM I'm taking for the mycotoxins. Nothing else has changed outside of the Bs I started.
    And I had folate and B12 tested...and whoa...it's sky high...after taking them both on and off since late February. I bet I have that issue Dr Stewart mentioned in the webinar. Must research that after the move - note to self.
  11. sooperb

    sooperb New Member

    "You've got to accentuate the positive
    Eliminate the negative
    And latch on to the affirmative
    Don't mess with Mister In-Between

    You've got to spread joy up to the maximum
    Bring gloom down to the minimum
    Have faith or pandemonium's
    Liable to walk upon the scene"

    Lyrics by Sam Cooke

    Sterling words lol.
  12. Hope

    Hope Gold

    LOL indeed. thanks! A dear friend always told me that too :)

    thanks for sharing.....
  13. Hope

    Hope Gold

    Not much time......but wanted to say Josh:

    Forget "beautiful thoughts" and try "no thoughts" beats any kind of "thoughts" hands down......:) Without thoughts in the present wherever one is, we know what to do or not do......simple, not always easy........;)All thoughts cost enrgy/redox, bad/stressful ones a bit more than "good" ones, but one is still running the car so to speak and the brain is an energy hog...

    I love this. SO SO true.......no thoughts is of course hard to do but it is awesome when it happens to me.....on the rare occasions.

    Anyway.....today is a special day for me and on the radio (which I dared to listen to today).....came on this song I love, Brave by Sara B. It is pop but I love it......and I just blasted in our new home, sitting down and dancing to it sitting down. The thought came to me - this is how I wanna dance when I'm 99. No kidding. That's my goal. SUCH a great song.
    I could have been more brave today. At the lavanderia where I am decontaminating my clothes with ammonia and detergent......a young mom, with a baby and a maybe 4 year old, sat there with her dumb phone in front of her, right next to her baby...ugh. Made me cringe. I lacked the courage to say, that's hurting your kid. I also lacked the Spanish words. I REALLY need to learn Spanish. Her older kid...was eating Skittles. :(

    Off to do a little bit of moving.

    I haven't done this in some time......when in Europe I did it all.the.time. So I see my desire to sing out loud a great sign. Watching the video...I could smile. In my heart. I feel as though there is a flicker of hope....deep in my brain, it's saying "Hey" "No bad yucky mold here" "we can breathe"

    I AM COMING BACK TO LIFE..........YEP. NO holding me back........sure have been dead enough for LONG enough...
    SeaHorse, sooperb, cantweight and 3 others like this.
  14. Lahelada

    Lahelada New Member

    Thats a doublelike from me.
    Hope likes this.
  15. cantweight

    cantweight Gold

  16. Hope

    Hope Gold

    :) And while I am exhausted, I managed to walk 43 miles...from April 24 to today. No exercise, just walking up and down and back and forth, moving, cleaning, etc.
    fitness@home likes this.
  17. Inger

    Inger Silver

    Hope dear, looks you are developing wings again :)
    maybe we soon get to see your beautiful face :) :) :)

  18. Hope

    Hope Gold

    Hi Inger, thanks for saying hi! I just responded to your amazing journal. You are such an inspiration. Oh how I dream of living closer to the country. With this move we have made progress though...closer to many farms and animals and less population density. Still too close to DC for my taste but a step in the right direction. it even FEELS more spacious, less crazy here...probably also in part because I no longer live 300 yards from major power lines.

    Other than that we are super busy here....everything has to be cleaned that we are bringing in. Not much is in the house still....except what we absolutely need and an organic, totally chemical-free futon that we will use for a couch will hopefully be here next week finally. And I must say, I don't miss my books, nothing. It is so weird. I rather love most of the emptiness, the lack of clutter, just having what we need etc. We have given so much away and I will give away more of our furniture....spaciousness feels free.

    We lost two nights of AC as there was missing freon - a big lesson in how little property managers do - which made me sleep pretty crappy and was a great reminder of how much I prefer cooler weather.

    This past week I did take my first trip to Chicama Run Farms, where I know Christi has been. It was so exciting to see the farm, and to be able to buy local eggs and other things any time...well when they are open. It appears prices are about double what they were in PA for ground beef....which is staggering. But we don't need a lot and it's worth it....I even saw some jars of raw milk with Christi's name on it - literally :) Everything here is so pretty, there are many walking trails - and people use them a lot, much more than where we used to live - and even driving around here feels nicer. Certain streets allow you to see the Shenandoah valley which is great. I love our community is so much more residential, no ugly big buildings.

    Yesterday we went to DC though, to the European open house for a lot of the embassies and it was beautiful. Though I could tell right away that the Ambassador's mansion for GB has mold in it, yep. It sure was beautiful though....and fun to walk where kings and queens have walked through, LOL. I did a lot of people watching in the lines, and it's shocking how many moms in jeans keep their dumb phones in their back pockets. Also had a lovely lunch at the French-German embassy...lots of Fish - Rollmops - and sole, and wow, so very very tasty, too....totally unlike much American food, sad to say. I was thinking, I could retire in France. :) in the countryside, somewhere near the Mediterranean.

    I also realized how deeply fatigued my brain has been...all those years living and working in mold. Though I have not upped my CSM - in fact haven't taken it for a while - I can already tell that somehow my brain is DIFFERENT. Not so depressed, or something. It's hard to explain. But it feels different. Maybe lighter?

    Other than that I am slowly starting to recover from the crazy moving stress and 13 hour days...now it's mostly cleaning and hoping our old landlord will return our deposit after we finally meet with him. Nothing in the house was wrong when we left....but he is in another state....ugh. And each week he says he'll be here 'next week'.

    Hoping to plant some things in my friends' garden in the mountains....though I have been so busy and tired organizing things for the move, gardening seems far from my mind. But I do crave it. There are also lots of vineyards here....just so pretty. I don't really drink wine...my bad RP just doesn't handle it well...but it would be fun to visit. Great reasons to be outside.

    Sadly my husband removed the car grounding strap that I am convinced helps me SO much when I drive around here. I feel/get so tired in his car....ugh.

    Hope everyone has a great Sunday..and mother's day!
    Last edited: May 11, 2014
  19. sooperb

    sooperb New Member

    You sound so much more positive, so pleased for you. Of course it's going to be better, more space, more reason to be outside, less stress and time to work on yourself from now on, well, once your home has it's belongings in situ and there is nothing more for you to do. The embassy's open day sounds lovely, I wonder if there is anything similar in GB? It would be quite a trek as all the embassies are in London and we don't live that close. It's a great opportunity to have a look round some grand houses, you don't tend to see an embassy housed in some small terrace house in the countryside lol.
  20. Hope

    Hope Gold

    Yeah....though surely GB has a pretty big one. It's a very old building I think from the 1920s. So pretty. France has a large one, and Germany has a huge one also, though they are renovating it. Then others like Mexico, just a townhouse. Poland's also just looks like a regular family home.

    I do wonder if they do this in Europe. I know in Berlin they had a government open house once, was interesting. One neat thing about Germany - they give out a lot of info on the dangers of GMO, sustainable agriculture, last year I even saw radiation stuff...like EMF which was amazing. Denmark showcased a lot of bikes - one you could even fold super easy and open with just one hand. Amazing. People bike there in snow. I didn't make it to Finland, Italy or Norway. maybe next time.

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