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Discussion in 'The New Monster Thread' started by Edwin De Vera, Sep 22, 2019.

  1. Edwin De Vera

    Edwin De Vera New Member

    Forgive me if this isn't the right place to post this, but this is from my wife tonight.
     

    Attached Files:

  2. Edwin De Vera

    Edwin De Vera New Member

    The concrete changes amount to turning off the wi fi at night, putting her phone and Samsung watch in airplane mode. Her devices are by her bedside. The wifi router is a few feet away from me on the other side of a wall.
     
  3. Jenelle

    Jenelle Evolving

    An ultimatum which is going to have lifelong consequences, no matter which direction you choose to go.

    If I had been given this ultimatum, I know what I would do. What is your gut telling you?
     
    Edwin De Vera and drezy like this.
  4. JanSz

    JanSz Gold

    If you like her and love her, let her go. Buy vibrator (the kind that does not talk back).
    If you do not care much, screw it.
    If she is financially and physically supporting you, do not talk EMF and similar in her presence.

    OTOH, being in a constant state of panic, is not so good as a way of life (unless that is how you make your living).


    ==========================================
    Dx: Pre diabetes, high triglycerides and cholesterol, sciatica, disc compression arthritis problems, kidney stone in 2013, bad seasonal (ragweed) allergy at the end of summer.
    upload_2019-9-23_9-0-54.png
     
    Edwin De Vera likes this.
  5. Edwin De Vera

    Edwin De Vera New Member

    For now, the "compromise" is that since she would likely be upset if I didn't sleep in our bed with her, I get up with her and turn the devices back on, when she gets up. I've been insisting that she put the phone in airplane mode as long as I'm sleeping in the room. Am I overdoing it? Is this necessary? I'm not sure how much the Samsung watch emits. On her phone, she keeps the bluetooth and wifi on all the time. She says she wants to be next to me. But I'm "crazy" because I don't want all of that blasting and pinging next to me while she uses her phone in bed for two hours while I'm still sleeping. Or the router, for that matter. I cannot get her to turn those settings off on her phone when she's not using them. I'm not sure how to pick these battles. She is a follicular lymphoma survivor. She VERY often holds the phone to her stomach. Two nights ago, I said "nicely" again "You shouldn't hold the phone right on the area that your mass of tumors was." I have to say something. My God. But I'm not going to say much more. And yes, this is a two income household.
     
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2019
  6. Edwin De Vera

    Edwin De Vera New Member

    Today she said "I miss the old you. The change in you is a choice you've made.The change in me is not a choice but the result of your choice."
     
  7. JanSz

    JanSz Gold

    So many choices.
     
  8. Lahelada

    Lahelada New Member

    I think this is a trauma brought on by being a survivor. EMF is a decision but also around us as "passive" users where we do not get input. Malls,offices,supermarkets,planes and trains. She is saying that she is too depressed to be facing this, which from the outside is no answer, but one needs to take into account the treatment received has in a lot of cases knock on effects on the way of thinking. I think it is not so much the loss of toys as looking at a danger yet again,loss of control of the environment she cannot acknowledge,feeling never safe again.
    Maybe you can address this underlying problem with a low EMF vacation in the sun? It might make a difference to the general outlook.
    I think not sleeping with the router connected is a good compromise for starters. Do your thing as much as you can. Work on getting the phone switched off at night.
    What else do you want to do? You are allowed choices as well.
     
    Edwin De Vera likes this.
  9. JanSz

    JanSz Gold

    @Lahelada
    Thinking of being mitochondriac as newly acquired religion.
    Many couples are facing this issue.
    And it does not have to be about being mitochondriac.
    The couple was formed under certain circumstances.
    Now one of them is making a major change.
    Either becoming mitochondriac or communist or progressive or Muslim or Democrat or Catholic or Scientologist or thrust in global warming or do not like plastic drinking straws etc.
    Usually, the new convert is highly diligent and motivated.
    How to take (gentle and civilized) account of the side that stays unchanged, (but will be hurt financially with any comming breaks)?

    ..
     
  10. Lahelada

    Lahelada New Member

    I understand it. I was just pointing out that a traumatised survivor's mind may choose to be blind whatever the cost. This is in addition to "normal" resistance to change. This is why I suggested the vacation to get a better environment for talking.
     
    Hilde and Edwin De Vera like this.
  11. JanSz

    JanSz Gold

    Consider changing your goals to:
    Lovering fasting insulin to less than 3 and and ajusting homocysteine.

    ..[​IMG]
     
    Edwin De Vera likes this.
  12. Edwin De Vera

    Edwin De Vera New Member

    Her first marriage of 19 years involved caring for a child with a kidney disorder and Oppositional Defiance Disorder. Her husband then became a very irresponsible spender, clinically depressed, an alcoholic and had a 15 month affair in secret. Her now teenage daughter has rejected her. She lost the house she invested in and her home, her family. Her cancer manifested a month after she found out about the affair. She survived chemo and has been in remission since 2015. It's probably not a surprise that she freaks out a bit at change. While I'm over here saying "WTH. Could you just press a few buttons for me?" Maybe I have been kind of clueless about this. I really appreciate the insights. Our marriage is at a tipping point today.
     
    Lahelada likes this.
  13. Edwin De Vera

    Edwin De Vera New Member

    Thank you.
     
  14. JanSz

    JanSz Gold

    It is better to be lucky than smart.

    ...
    OTOH

    there may be such a thing as
    narcisistic mitochondriac

    ----------------------
     
    Edwin De Vera likes this.
  15. Edwin De Vera

    Edwin De Vera New Member

    Her first husband kind of lost his mind. Her mind is racing wondering where her new weird husband is headed with the changes. And one another important point. She works in telecom.
     
  16. Edwin De Vera

    Edwin De Vera New Member

    It is important that they feel loved while things are getting unplugged. Loved AND protected. Emotional freak outs may be worse for her than the smart meter or phone to the head.
     
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2019
  17. Edwin De Vera

    Edwin De Vera New Member

    Amazing. She said to me just now, out of the blue..."I don't see why you have to turn the world upside down." By "world", she means switching three things off at night. And I've been scratching my head for weeks about this. And I KNOW how controlling she was of her first husband after the affair. And I still didn't put it all together.
     
    Lahelada likes this.
  18. Edwin De Vera

    Edwin De Vera New Member

    Sorry, this is probably way too much of my personal business here.
     
  19. Jenelle

    Jenelle Evolving

    You don’t need to be sorry. Where else are you going to find a group of like-minded individuals to help you sort through this?
     
    Edwin De Vera, Phosphene and Lahelada like this.
  20. Edwin De Vera

    Edwin De Vera New Member

    Thanks. :)
     

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