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Guess I'm in

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by Peertje80, Apr 25, 2015.

  1. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    You are making things happen .....maybe there is some pushing and pulling .....but they are listening!
    Peertje80 likes this.
  2. Peertje80

    Peertje80 New Member

    Omg did I just made a huge leap forward? How to explain this one. I never thought it would happen, but I experienced a 'normal' physical response to stress/danger. Because of complex ptsd in childhood, I was never really able to react to certain situations. I always get a freeze response or was dissociating instead of fight/flied. Which is quiet convenient in some settings. But actually not so healthy for your body because there is no release of energy. And as far as I understand in this case you really have fucked HPA axis. Well it gave me trouble anyway, difficult to fully relax and always bothered by problematic muscle tone.

    I consulted a army psychiatrist last year to see if I could make some head way with this problem, because it seemed I always got stuck in my body somehow. I tried multiple things but I didn't seem to make progress. About 2 months ago however I made a terrible mistake while kitesurfing. After I crashed waaaaaaaaaaaaay too hard, I just laid there in the water waiting for the beep in my ears to die down. There was totally no physical response whatsoever. After some days I noticed I injured my neck pretty bad. So I ended up at the physical therapist... again. He proposed to try and see if we could prompt a stress response anyway (without using TRE I might add because I find it too overwhelming). So I committed to physically exhaust myself by running, biking and weight lifting a couple of days straight before our next session to lower my threshold of control. Then he just very softly massaged my neck, shoulders and back. Though it didn't feel soft to me. More like someone putting his hand in my body to rearrange everything. However, before I knew what hit me I was shaking like crazy, heart pounding in my throat, feelings of distress and fear just flowing by. I tried to fight it.... fear of the unknown, but my therapist told me calmly just to let it go. So I did. After 15 minutes or so the response slowly stopped. I was dead tired, not able to lift a limb, and slept after for 1,5 hours like a rock.

    The days after that session were even more disturbing (well at first anyway). I would already start to shake and feel nauseous with something benign like a phone ringing (or maybe this is not benign at all?:rofl:). Luckily after some time I felt less sensitive, but I guess now it is possible for me to kindle a healthy response to stress.
    fitness@home likes this.
  3. Peertje80

    Peertje80 New Member

    I feel great. I'm lucky so far there is sun every day. Even my HS has completely calmed down now for over a month. Too bad I had to call in sick. Last week I had an other trauma release session. Which is good, great even. Finally I can maybe leave some shit behind and get my stress hormones levelled. But now I just can't seem to get a handle on all the stimuli at my work place, leaving me completely wired after an hour or so. So I'm getting some counselling next week. Hope it works. Or else... well nothing really. Nature forced here hand I guess. And I have to consider speeding up my carrier move.
  4. Peertje80

    Peertje80 New Member

    "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." I bet Krishnamurti would add "environment" if had he lived today.

    Anyway I've been seeing the office counsellor. But I think she thinks I'm really crazy. "I can hear the buzz of the fluorescent lighting and it is pissing me off." Maybe that was too much? In short? Not much head way there:shit:. I keep telling myself:

    "Do not fear to lose what needs to be lost" ~ Sue Monk Kidd

    But since I'm working only 50%, I spend more time outside. Which is really lifting my spirits and helping my tan :thumbsup:. HS is still not active (fingers crossed, nearly 2 months now). Some acne on back, but strangely enough only in the area were I wear my top. Can't be naked all the time hahaha.
    caroline and fitness@home like this.
  5. Peertje80

    Peertje80 New Member

    I had a bit of an adjustment period to the shorter light days. Which resulted in a HS outbreak... but of course. My mood took a dive due to lack of adequate sun light. And day light savings time.... aarrrrrrrrg. But... now I'm actually doing quite well. Short summary of things:

    • New blueblocker glasses which are now plenty available in the Netherlands. These actually seem to work since I don't have carb cravings like I had last autumn.
    • We made some adjustments to lighting in the living.
    • Bathroom renovation is planned for January. In the blue print... LED lights are out (yeah).
    • Since the 1st of Novembre I'm back to work fulltime fully recouped from my mental and physical break down. I noticed however when slowly starting to return to work, that longer hours at the office drains energy quite clearly. I didn't really noticed this before as I do now.
    • I take longer breaks during work days, so I can take nice long walks outside. Yes even when it rains.
    • CT and grounding after returning home from work. 20 minutes with 1 foot in ice bucket, other foot grounding on the grass staring in the general direction of the sun.
    • Taking it easy, even choosing not to go kiting sometimes, canceling appointment and such to balance energy.
    • Sleeping 1 hour more, between 8 en 9 hours a night.
    • Meditating every day.
    • Because of autumn ... most carbs are out. Just some autumn fruit. And added in larger amount of fat. Still have a large appetite.
    • Writing in my journal everyday to get ride of negative shit.
    • Wrote my business plan and took step 1 to start my own creative business.
    • And still going strong studying to become a shiatsu therapist.
    • I now have days, sometimes weeks, without pain in my muscles and joints. This makes me feel so free. My muscle tension has improved so much :cool:
    • I have a normal stress response now... actually this is pretty inconvienent but I guess very healthy.
    I feel I'm on the right track. It is not going as fast as I would like to. But this is my pace, slow and steady is okay. I'm bursting with energy. I don't recognize myself :p

    Thanks you Dr. Kruse for you reprimand last year. I needed that. It got me of my ass, realizing I have to do this myself... every step of the way. Working hard to escape office slavery in nnEMF hell. At this pace this will be a reality for me in 2 years.
    caroline and Inger like this.
  6. Jenny S

    Jenny S Gold

    Well done!
    Peertje80 likes this.
  7. Inger

    Inger Silver

    You are doing so well! :) :) Thank you for sharing all that :love:
    Peertje80 likes this.
  8. Peertje80

    Peertje80 New Member

    Yes frost!! The forecast for tonight is the coldest Novembre night of this century with minus 11 degrees celsius. It is so nice to have effortless CT :D. Commuting to work on my bicycle in my shorts. I really hope we get snow this winter. I wanna make snow angels in my bikini:cool: Never thought I would come to love the cold...
  9. Inger

    Inger Silver

    you have it colder than we do! ;) We have just a few degree C minus in the night right now.... I tanned 2 hours nude on the terrace around noon as the sun was on its strongest, in +1 to +2 degree C today.... it felt like heaven :) :)
    There is nothing better than tanning nude in the cold on a lambs skin
    completely alone, with only horses and cats around :) :)

    You are so right about that free CT is a luxury! I am a bit short of money now so I cant buy spring water so I just use tap water and put it outside in glass bowls and let the sun shine on it and it freezes partly in the night - this water for free tastes so good :) It tastes better when it freezes in the night, the flavor is different. Go figure :)
    Peertje80 likes this.
  10. Peertje80

    Peertje80 New Member

    Sounds really good... nude tanning. I can't do that here, sun isn't warm enough anymore and the neighbour will be rather upset, I think. But this freezing weather is so beautiful. Much beter then the grey and murky days of rain we ussually have in autumn.
    I think you found a great way to quantumfy your water. That is nice idea.
  11. Peertje80

    Peertje80 New Member

    Sh*t, I took a dramatic tumble from a flight of stairs. First I thought I was okay, but after a week I discovered I wasn't able to abduct my left arm above 80 degrees. So after waiting a couple of weeks, icing it down and physical therapy… still no improvement. I was sent to hospital for X-ray and ultrasound. Those were inconclusive. So now I’m waiting for a MRI. The specialist thinks a full thickness rupture of the supraspinatus. And if MRI is inconclusive we just inject the shoulder and you’ll move that arm in no time. So after radiating the hell out of me, they want to inject steroids. Hmm… steroids, you think that is a good idea? I feel if nothing is obviously damaged, I should just stick to ice, red light, therapy, right?
    Cpt.Tired likes this.
  12. Peertje80

    Peertje80 New Member

    Well I have no pain... that is the thing. Just can't move it. No injection right. Thank you Pbom for your thoughts about it.
    Cpt.Tired likes this.
  13. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    I am following this - my partner has the same issue. He Osteo has him doing exercises to strengthen the other muscles.

    If Tony turns his hand palm up he can lift his arm above his head. We are seeing a surgeon in a few weeks just to get his opinion if it is full thickness tear. Tony has no pain unless he moves the arm the wrong way.
    Lahelada likes this.
  14. Cpt.Tired

    Cpt.Tired New Member

    Those corticosteroid injections apparently make the muscle weak over time. Rotator cuff injuries are damn painful! I injured both my shoulders weight training years ago. It got better after months of icing and rotator cuff exercises. Ice bofore AND after exercise AND before bed. that's what I did.
    Could be "frozen shoulder?"
  15. Peertje80

    Peertje80 New Member

    Frozen shoulder? No I don't think so... It was too sudden. And I can move it all around, except for abduction.

    Yes cuff injuries are painful, I had my share of them while playing karate and kitesurfen. I know I'm at risk for it. But apparently cuff tears can be rather unnoticable, as I ve been told. That's why they are misdiagnosed so often in young adults. And that's why they are now using all kinds of radiation on me to find it. Because the joint moves alright, only I cant make it move myself :confused:
  16. Peertje80

    Peertje80 New Member

    Hi caroline, I hope your Tony will be alright. Ow ... I just tried the hand palm up thing... it works. I can lift my arm that way, but not with the hand the other way around. Thats totally weird! Well I guess I just have to wait. But it takes a lot of time and patience. On the 25th I have the MRI and on the 13th of February the results. So ... a long month a head.
  17. JanSz

    JanSz Gold

    Today is 16th, 4:45PM.
    Where are you located?
    Must say that in my city (ZIP 07054), I have a good chance to have that MRI done tonight or tomorrow morning and by tomorrow afternoon report from that MRI (read by specialist) should be in my docs office. At worst, day after tomorrow (18th).

    You may want to revisit your options about MRI.
    It looks like you may be heading for surgery.
    Sooner, better.
    Good luck.

  18. Peertje80

    Peertje80 New Member

    Thanks Jansz!

    I live at worlds end :D In a tiny country in Europe, called the Netherlands (52.2 N 4.4 E). I have a mandatory health care insurance. If I don't pay my insurance, I get fined. Health care is a highly structured and organized crime... eh business over here. I only get acces to health care via general practitioner. If I have no referal, the care I receive is not insured and I have to pay it myself. Of course I'm free to go to a clinic, and probably be done by tonight,... but I'll be out of money too:tears:. So that is a choose...

    Surgery? I hope not o_O Im just gonna sit my ass in the freezer for now :mmpft:
    Lahelada and caroline like this.
  19. Lahelada

    Lahelada New Member

    Ass in the freezer ! Good move !:D Red light too maybe ? Once upon a time in Germany that was not too difficult to get hold of as a treatment through a Kinesiologist-Heilpraktiker. Holland ? Hope you get it resolved soon withthe minimum of invasion possible
    Peertje80 likes this.
  20. JanSz

    JanSz Gold

    Netherlands can't be so bad.
    Andrie Rieu is there.
    Lets waltz.
    I have grandchildren. Money for their school is assigned to a organized crime family.
    So they can go only to one type of school and not the other.
    Of course their parents have a free choice to send them to any school that they are able to pay for it (second time). Not to many can do that.
    Within few days, if president elect keeps his word, that money will be assigned to children.
    Then my children will have a free choice of school.

    Last edited: Jan 17, 2017

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