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Getting back to a normal weight from the other end of the scale

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by Hemming, Jul 4, 2013.

  1. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    But ..... your friend is in Singapore........
  2. Hemming

    Hemming New Member

    Yes, but I still don't like the place that much. That said, I was there when I was in a bad shape so I could see things differently if I went there now. But I'm travelling around the world before I feel better than I do now.

    I've baked bread countless times. Back in the days I did it all the time trying out a lot of different recipes. I had my own sourdough for quite some time :)
  3. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    some homemade sourdough bread with the pate would be yummy..... and homemade pickles...

    you are going to travel around the world???
  4. Hemming

    Hemming New Member

    How does bread go with the epi-paleo diet? :p

    Ah, I forgot a 'not' in there :)
  5. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    Hemming - don't sweat the small stuff! a small piece would not kill you and your family eats bread - no?

    Dr. Jackson talks about people who can not have wheat etc. in the U.S. - but can eat it when they go to Europe.

    I had some very yummy really large shrimp and calamari dipped in breadcrumbs and deep fried! .... at a party.

    Did I die .... nope! it didn't bother me one bit! would I do it everyday? nope. Maybe I won't again - but maybe next time there is a party with such awesome treats - I will!

    MSG does me in way more than anything else I think. I even had some yogurt last week.....

    Dr. K. says when our battery is charged - we can handle way more stuff.....I personally am going with that and going to have a life without being worried about every single thing.

    I did what I needed to do the last three years ....now I want to lighten up - just a little and only once in awhile if circumstances dictate it :)
  6. Hemming

    Hemming New Member

    My biggest problem right now is actually that I'm sweating everything. I'm trying to convince myself that I'll not die from having something which I've for so long restricted. The rest of the family does eat bread, I think mom and dad would almost start crying if I had mom's famous buttermilk horns, layer cake or fastelavnsboller :)

    Trust me, I'm the person in the world who the most would like to not feel this way about food. Some times I wish I could take the blue pill and just live in ignorance of all this.

    Thanks a lot for pointing out that a few indulgences will not kill you in the big picture!
    nicld likes this.
  7. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    I also forgot to say Hemming..and you alluded to this.....

    When I lighten up a bit - but still in control...... I don't know how to say what I mean.......
    My friends worry less about me...

    I certainly don't want to be fat and sick like they are ..... but I also need to lighten up and have a life...

    so do you! easy? ...... nope!

    no blue pill for any of us - you aren't alone you know.....

    Give your Mom and Dad the biggest hug ever and tell them how much you love and care and appreciate them. It will do all of you a world of good!

    BTW .... I took a strip off someone here last night because of what they said about anorexia ..... that was for you my young friend!
  8. Lahelada

    Lahelada New Member

    Fastelavnsboller... I googled it and I was right... Fastnachtskrapfen.... None here so cannot even contemplate straying...sigh.

    In all seriousness though I hope you find a "live and let live relationship" with yourself and your food. I know from acquaintances that it is hell to know and want to be different but almost have an outside outside force from within directing your move. I myself suffered from OCD due to a high stress situation for a while and almost burst into tears everytime I wanted to eat an apple and had to wash it and wash it. My mind knew ,wanted to stop but could not.My Out came in an unguarded moment where I sat on the Nr 25 bus devouring the Jose Carreras autobiography and accidentally wiped my mouth with an unwashed hand!!!Panic ...and then I thought something seemingly incongruous "but if leukemia patients can survive having their immune system put on hold you young lady will not die from a bit of communal dirt on teh bus". It took another two months for the symptoms to disappear completely but that was my "out" almost 20 years ago now . I hope you find your "OUT".
    sooperb, Jude and caroline like this.
  9. Hemming

    Hemming New Member

    I have told them already :) They're also now understanding how much this is about feelings/emotions and not about the food itself. They don't mind that I don't eat some things on a regular basis - they just want me to be happy.

    Thanks for sharing the story! I had a similar experience around a year ago when I was at my psychiatrist and broke down completely. When I came I looked at myself in the mirror weighing around 50kg and realised I looked like shit - that was a real turning point for me.
    My 'problem' now is that I feel so much better than six months ago that its so much more difficult for me to have that eureka moment again even though I still 'need' another one because I'm not over this yet.
  10. Hemming

    Hemming New Member

    Following my seizure I had an EEG and MR scan done with both turned out normal. Next up is more blood tests and an echocardiogram.
    I'm not surprised to see that everything is normal, I think it was just a one time thing.
    nicld likes this.
  11. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    I am so pleased for you Hemming... how are you feeling?
    Spring is coming there .... have you been doing C/T?
  12. Hemming

    Hemming New Member

    I'm feeling fine as such but after spending four days on a business trip I'm pretty wasted. Its still a problem for me to eat enough which is still the biggest problem I'm struggling with. I've lost some weight again and I'm feeling hungry more and more often. It annoys the hell out of me that I'm doing this to myself. I'm so tired of not having energy, libido etc. yet the urge to truly get better is overwhelming by guilt from eating.

    I dropped a big and heavy knife on my thumb when I was about to cut an entire calf liver. I had to go to the ER and get it stitched together, its better now but no swimming for me at the moment :)
  13. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    I wish I had that magic blue pill that you speak of.......

    I just keep thinking of how much you enjoyed eating and food in Paris .... why was that? was it the food? was it your friend? was it the beautiful city? was it the weather? was it being out of your work environment?
    do you love your job? maybe time for a change? what about your idea for raising cattle?

    maybe you need a new start? Take a trip to Texas and put a cowboy hat and cowboy boots on and have some fun......
  14. sooperb

    sooperb New Member

    I think Audrey has it, you need a diversion of some sort but one that lasts longer than a few days. I could make suggestions but I don't know you or what would attract you, there must be something you'd like to do but haven't ever tried? Something that requires research and lots of concentration, that isn't over in five minutes, that engages your brain, isn't easy but would give you huge satisfaction to do it?
  15. Hemming

    Hemming New Member

    Both of you are completely spot on. I need that thing to make me realise what I want - not what my eating disorder wants. I need to what Thomas would do - not what my anorexia would do.

    sooperb, even though you say you don't know me you describe that kind of thing I'm looking for perfectly :) I've given a lot of thought to my work but I can't figure out if its my overall situation of my job that frustrates me. Paris was a great experience because it all came together, it was like when my friend was visiting some times during the year and we spent time with the family. I just felt a relaxation I hadn't done for a long time, for some reason whenever she's around I feel better.
    I think my problem that I really want something to happen but I don't know what or how. I feel stuck here.

    Wednesday I'm going on vacation with the family and I somehow feel that will be a good time to talk to everyone about life in general. My brother and his wife is having a baby around my birthday which I'm really looking forward and I'm thinking that could help me learn to focus on the bigger things in life.

    Earlier this week I spoke to a couple of American people about places to go in the US. I'm considering if I should go alone to really get me out of my comfort zone.
    nicld likes this.
  16. nicld

    nicld Gold

    Where are you considering to go to? The US is so vast and so much to see.

    Listening to your body and feeding it is such a mind game when one has an eating disorder. Learning to let go of controlling your body with food and trusting it is freeking scary. I failed at getting skinny with my anorexia but just got all of the mental crap with it. I still struggle almost daily with it.

    Just take it one day at a time sometimes one hour at a time but know that you are worth it. :)
  17. Hemming

    Hemming New Member

    I'm considering flying to Vegas and from there Wyoming or Idaho. The other idea is going to Texas to see a big ranch and maybe stay there a few days. It could be many different things, I just want to experience the authentic US and not go to New York (that's for another trip).

    As I've told some people - you can have an eating disorder at any weight. That's also why I try to explain people that even though I have gained some weight back I'm still struggling with a lot of things, they don't go away as the weight goes up.
  18. nicld

    nicld Gold

    If you go to Vegas make sure to take a tour to the Grand Canyon but with the tour that goes to the Indian reservation. It is just beautiful and not all commercialized. I heard that Wyoming and Idaho is gorgeous too. My favorite place is Colorado. There is a reason why it is called God's country.

    Yep the mental issues of an eating disorder may never go away. The goal is to not let the voices in your head take over.
  19. Hemming

    Hemming New Member

    Thanks a lot for the tips! They are all duly noted. It seems like the trip is getting longer and longer ;)
  20. prAna303

    prAna303 New Member

    I never had problems with eating but have seen some of it in others...

    I feel, from my own life that today most of us is out on sync.

    We have two sides today, on one we have the modern life of money and other stuff around it. On top of this we try to find an inner peace, often we attend to everything we can to enlighten us.

    For me this will always be a problem, i have always felt "off" compared to my friends around me. I had the feeling of making big money, had the feeling of seeing things that others did not... For many years i lived out of sync with the human (i).

    My way to deal with everything is, you must take time to sync your body and mind without any distractions, i did and what a relief.

    Put yourself into a little mindgame, reverse time slowly by thinking of everything you have done, backwards. Think about every detail, accept it, go backwards until you find where you lost yourself. I did this eight years ago and i reset myself to age 15 again, this i s where i started to look at my career instead of my passion for art, dance, music and girls...

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