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Emerging from Darkness

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by Jenelle, May 4, 2018.

  1. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    I prefer my oxy a different way.........FYI
  2. JanSz

    JanSz Gold

    my kind of a guy

    morning to fully wakeup
    night to fall easier asleep

  3. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Topical clitoral Oxytocin cream???????
  4. Jenelle

    Jenelle Evolving

    Today we got to see THIS ~ right next to the road, very close to our cabin.


    On our way to see THIS:

  5. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    So much for your relatively family-friendly journal, eh? (My fault? :whistle: I guess our sons really should learn some of this info though...:rofl:)

    Maybe that whole convo should redirect and revive this thread? (Once we reread all 21 pages of it...)

  6. drezy

    drezy Gold

    The bear's expression is great. It looks like a mix between "What?" along with "Wait, do you have any of that bacon stuff I steal from inexperienced campers?"
  7. Jenelle

    Jenelle Evolving


    Oh, hell ~ I don’t care! :rofl:

    The only thing bothering me about this thread tonight is that I hope my male seahorse thoughts didn’t come out wrong.

    I had a dad who worked all the wrong shifts, and lots of overtime. And I married a man who works for the railroad.

    I thought to myself while watching those seahorses ... how fucking cool it is that we can see the importance of the father’s presence and involvement, even in some other species.

    I stared at the penguins for a long time, too. The kids and I talked about how the male will stand still and hold the egg on his feet while the female will go out to get food.

    We also learned that penguins poop every 5-10 minutes ... and that they can and DO shoot their poop at each other when angry, up to a distance of 4 feet. That has nothing to do with my concern that @drezy might have taken my comment the wrong way. But it’s still an interesting fact worth sharing.

    Don’t piss off a penguin, folks. Just don’t do it!
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2019
    Phosphene, Christine_L, drezy and 2 others like this.
  8. Jenelle

    Jenelle Evolving

    I don’t think I can share videos here ... but the video right after I took that picture tells so much more of the story.

    You can hear the dog, barking at the bear, one kid yelling at the dog to stop barking, another kid telling my husband to throw Cheetos toward the bear, and see my husband waving Cheetos around in the air ... which he did NOT actually feed to the bear. :rofl:
    Phosphene, drezy and Sean Waters like this.
  9. Jenelle

    Jenelle Evolving

    One more favorite from today and then I’ll stop. ;)

    It was a good day.

    Mixed feelings about heading home soon. I guess it’s always that way.

    Sean Waters and caroline like this.
  10. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    Been there done that....
    Phosphene likes this.
  11. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    This thread is turning remarkable ....

    You are such a different person Jenelle than when you first arrived here...but that is what it is all about isn’t it...
    drezy, Jenelle and Sean Waters like this.
  12. Jenelle

    Jenelle Evolving

    Thank you, @caroline ... and thanks to ALL who are here and have commented. I appreciate each and every one of you.

    I was a very different person when I *first* came to this forum in 2016. I could elaborate on that ~ and maybe someday I will. But for now I’ll just say I’m very aware of it ... and the multitude of reasons.

    I was aware of it when I returned and started this new journal. And I’ve grown and changed even more since then.

    What those of us know, who have been here for years ... is that this group and what you will DISCOVER here is completely unique from any other website on the internet.

    *Anyone showing up who wants (or needs) to be spoon-fed* is either going to feel:

    A) like they see all of this food around them ... but they are starving to death! “Why won’t anybody FEED me?!”


    B) like they are choking and drowning because the bites are coming in faster than they can chew.

    I think there really isn’t a way to properly articulate the change that must occur INSIDE oneself ... it is not something that can be easily put into words. And the journey is long, and different for each of us.

    I spent a lot of time on a nursing forum, while I wasn’t active here. Gathering information ... learning as much as I could about what it is like to be a nurse. I don’t go there very much anymore ~ because the overall vibe THAT I GET from the site is pretty negative. It’s not a “feel-good” kind of place {spoiler alert: most nurses DON’T feel good}.

    One important thing I did take away from there, however ~ is this:

    Get comfortable being uncomfortable.
  13. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    .. and then go comfortably numb again by accident. and learn to get uncomfortable again.. and then back and forth .. again and again.. forever and ever. YES.!
    caroline, Phosphene and Jenelle like this.
  14. Jenelle

    Jenelle Evolving


    I want you to know that your presence here is changing lives ... even when you are not aware of it. You WILL NOT always see the results of your actions. Continue to be the best you you can be ... follow your heart ... and put yourself out there anyway.

    The video you shared of Sinek (someone I had never heard of) resonated with me deeply.

    I shared it with my oldest ... 18 ... a high school senior ... getting ready to spread his wings and jump out of the nest. Into the real world of which Sinek speaks.

    I will be sharing it with my other two sons, 12 and 14. I haven’t had the right moment yet.

    I shared it with my husband on the porch of our cabin two days ago.

    He woke up yesterday, came and gave me a big morning hug ... and he said, “I greeted my spouse before I checked my phone.”

    I shared the video because it was relevant to what we deal with on a daily basis with our kids. WHO KNEW that it was going to speak to HIM about himself, as well.

    Thank you.
  15. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Thank you @Jenelle ..

    This post just fucked me up... big time.

    Can I get a bit emo again (like i love to do? haha) . I have to share something about me.. that is about YOU.

    As you may know by now, I've uncovered that I have a gigantic fucking ego, and a voracious appetite for attention seeking that only pales in comparison to that of the stomach of a world champion of hot dog eating.

    It's like each and every one of you is on my fucking hit list... that i'm sniping with my words. Check. Check. Check. A fucking laundry list.

    I can even sense, (maybe my imagination).. that people hesitate, or perhaps are more carefull... to like, respond.. to my journal... knowing what they know of me. .. its like they are managing my ego or something.. I DONT KNOW.. but i take as CARE. And I love it. Could be total delusion but whatever, it helps me.. cope with life yknow?

    Anways, back to you. You've intrigued me as someone on my list.. because up until now. I haven't received any "satisfactory" validation from you. And that really realy fucking bothered my fucking ego.. and then seeing you grow and getting love from others.. bothered my ego even more. It's shameful..but thats why I need to talk about it. It's been far too long I've quelled ugliness within me... and this helps me...heal.

    So ya, theres that. haha.

    Im' actually suprised anyone watched the Sinek vid. Its really long. But I love it.

    Peace (and too much info). haha
    Phosphene and Christine_L like this.
  16. Jenelle I love the zoo and the little aquariums here and there. My mom always stops and looks. "Come look at this!" Doesnt care about how old she is or how old I am. She loves learning and *seeing*. Glad she's stubborn and made me look.
    caroline, Phosphene and Jenelle like this.
  17. Jenelle

    Jenelle Evolving

    My line of thought took me off in a different direction, and I never finished about zoos and aquariums.

    I find the creatures fascinating ~ and I am glad to get to see them and learn about them. At the same time ... I feel sorry for them. I don’t care how much they try to recreate their natural habitat ~ it’s still not the same as being truly wild and free in nature.

    I’m happy for you that you have a mom who shares a love of learning.

    I saw toddlers in strollers with tablets and phones ... and that brings up too much for me to put into words right now.
    drezy likes this.
  18. Jenelle

    Jenelle Evolving

    As this trip nears the end ~ and we return to reality ...

    I’d like to remember the early morning walks we took. Mostly just me, my husband, and of course our beloved dog ~ Rocket.

    Our cabin is partway up a mountain. So we walked to the top, all the way down to the bottom, and partway up to our cabin again.

    It was rejuvenating. Refreshing. And completely free.


    We saw wild turkeys. I got to see them fly. It was beautiful.

    We saw plants, and berries, and pods I’ve never seen before.

    Each day, we saw Persistence.

    We saw this gorgeous ... whatever it is.


    But what I saw, that was perhaps most beautiful to me - is that, with all of the other daily bullshit stripped away - we are still very much connected.

    We didn’t talk about work, or the kids, like we do on our neighborhood walks at home.

    We talked about our future. And it wasn’t just dreaming. The foundation is being laid for a plan that can one day be executed.

    Until then ... I will remember the importance of traveling. Seeing the world. Taking a break from it all. And getting back in touch with who we really are. Together.

    caroline and Phosphene like this.
  19. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Those were my baby turkeys. I’m sure of it! :rofl:

    Such growth! I can’t stop liking things.

    I fucking love this place.
    Jenelle likes this.
  20. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous .....all of it
    Jenelle likes this.

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