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Deb's Journal 9/2018

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by Dr. Deb, Sep 5, 2018.

  1. Dr. Deb

    Dr. Deb New Member

    I have been a member for a week. Overwhelmed. Ordered 20 books, listened to scores of podcasts, printed off blog posts and many of the suggestions on getting started.

    I am almost 66, a pistol, active, healthy -- until I found out about mitocondria!!
    5'7", 135 lbs

    I live in AK x 1 yr, commuting back to SLC UT 2 weeks a month to work. Lived in SLC since 1991, prior to that, lived 40 years in So. California, grew up in Fullerton, spent total of 30 years there, 10 in claremont/pomona. From the time I was 5, till 13, we had a boat and made frequent trips to Catalina Island. I grew up barefoot, playing on the grass or street. My mom would tan so well she was light black when we were on the boat. She grew up in NYC, moved to CA with my dad age 19.

    Mom was 5'2 fat later in life. Had DM, HTN. I think she was probably hypothyroid, I know she was depressed. She beat us with whatever she could lay her hands on, vacuum cleaner cords, back brushes, 5 belts with the buckles down, hid behind the front door for her surprise attack when we walked in as elementary school children. Her mother was of Irish and English descent. Her father Basque and French. When I was 12, I remember saying to myself, I will never be like my mom--and I am not!!

    My dad is english and 1/2 swedish, with a pinch of norweigian.

    Birthed 10 children, smallest 8-8, 6 children 9-4 to 9-13, and three over 10 lbs, 10-2, 10-10.5, 10-11. the 10-ll, my sixth, was a shoulder dystocia. I had an unmedicated labor and birth and had PTSD from that delivery experience. I had nurses on each leg, one on the fundus, and it felt like I was being drawn and quartrered. I cried for months.

    Apparently I have "big placenta" genes according to my friend/MD who delivered my last. No gestational DM. Last baby born when I was 44.5. I spent my life thin and beautiful, pregnant. Thin and beautiful, pregnant. Fat, pregnant. Fatter, pregnant. thin and beautiful pregnant. Finally, baby is 22 and I have my body, lo, these many years. I know I am a depression eater and with my children's trauma, I gained weight, but was also having babies so it is so hard to unrevel.

    My first 4 children were raped repeatedly by a neighbor when 2, 4, 6, 8. We were in the courts for about 4 years. He finally copped to a plea and got 18 months. My children had life sentences. My son was 8 when it happened, the big brother to three little sisters. He carried the guilt of "if he had told, it wouldn't have happened to his sisters." They were in therapy for years--I was told it was actually kind of good they were all molested, a group therapy situation. I ran a psyh ward at home!!

    My way to deal with things is cognitively, to become the expert. My master's thesis was on Parental Support in Sexually Abused Children, for which I received an award.

    Each child has different symptoms of being a sexual abuse survivor; together they have all catalogued symptoms. I have 2 groups of children, the sexual abuse group and the non-abuse group. It was a very interesting life. When my son became a teen, he started acting out. I sent him to an inpt facility where my best friend worked in Utah (from CA). He was a brilliant young man and kept everything in his head. They made him carry a leather guilt bag around, with 40 lbs. of magazines in it, to illustrate the effect the unnecessary guilt was having on him. He broke down in one group and describe his pain, physical and emotional, his lost childhood, etc. He did well for awhile, then entered a wilderness program and did well. Shortly thereafter, I divorced my husband, and moved to Utah with 8 children.

    Erik was my oldest, my soul mate. He never lived more than a few miles from the family and he was adored by all the siblings. When he was 20, I received a call at work that he was dead. The story I got from the detective was that my brother in CA had given him his first hit of heroin when Erik was visiting him. He came back to Utah and died of an OD 2 months later. He was so new at it and got some really pure heroin... I'm sure what he experienced was like the Sarah McLachlan song, Angel. The memories seeped through his veins and he was free for the first time since he was 8.

    That is how I got into addiction treatment. I figure if I can help one person, Erik's death was not in vain.
    The 3 girls have had trouble with men and relationships. One teaches at NYU--she is a fabulous woman. Married at 37. IVF baby 38 or 39. Another is Pharm D at VA Illinois, also beautiful and brilliant. the other daugher has had a very difficult life, raped, feels she deserves shit and looks for it. At almost 40, she is finally strong, stands up for herself, has a very nice partner and has 5 children, 3 at home.

    I am wearing my blocking glasses at work and when I use the computer at home. I am on the deck in 43 degree weather, looking at the sunrise, naked, every am. Jack, can I ground myself with a wire stuck in the gound, or do I need to find a place on the ground? A few people around, limiting my nakedness.

    I am eating salmon, halibut, shrimp, scallops and trying to find oysters. I go outside with my new leather-soled shoes several times a day for a few mintues to look at the sun.

    Any easy biohacks for here in AK to implement while I continue to read and learn. Thank you so much. TTFN!
     
  2. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    welcome. Powerful story but the part you left out was your maternal side and given what we know about you my bet is yours is pretty solid. The traveling from UT to AK is interesting.
     
    Dr. Deb likes this.
  3. Dr. Deb

    Dr. Deb New Member

    Thanks Jack!! I want to work for you, BTW.
    This is what I put about my mom--need more?

    Mom was 5'2 fat later in life. Had DM, HTN. I think she was probably hypothyroid, I know she was depressed. She beat us with whatever she could lay her hands on, vacuum cleaner cords, back brushes, 5 belts with the buckles down, hid behind the front door for her surprise attack when we walked in as elementary school children. Her mother was of Irish and English descent. Her father Basque and French. When I was 12, I remember saying to myself, I will never be like my mom--and I am not!!

    The travel is becasue the love of my life has lived here for 30 years and is not moving. Licensing laws in AK much more restrictive than UT. I can care for anyone in UT, in AK I am resticted to women only.
     
  4. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    Why this restriction? Just curious. I have never heard of this in my career.
     
  5. Dr. Deb

    Dr. Deb New Member

    My original certification is in women's health, 1983. I became certified in Addictions in 2010 for men and women. In Utah, I worked at the VA and had a panel of 650 male patieints, I worked for IHS inpt adolescent male sub. abuse treatment, hospice, have done clinical research for years and addiction treatement for 17 years from 5:30-8 am most mornings, as a tribute to my son, before I went to my real job. I was exec officer of state board of nursing, pharmacy, midwifery, PT, and several smaller boards, so I know the Practice Act inside and out. In UT, I can do whatever I am competent to do, regardless of my certification. I just have to demonstrate that oompetene to the Board if asked. Kind of like being a new RN, you can learn whatever area you'd like and change from ICU, to NICU, to L&D, etc. I can do that as NP in UT. In AK, the certification is what matters. Since mine was women's health, they are restricting me. They to not count my addictions certification for licensure. I tried to fight it, wrote letters to board and legisators. Bottom line was: go back to school, with a doctorate! I said no way, I'll commute!
     
  6. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    The reason I asked this Dr. Deb is that you just taught our members something I taught them in the September 2018 webinar. The reason for this decision between AK and UT dates back to a presidential election in 1896 and the Flexner report. I want all my members to see a real-life example of how the paradigm controls and directs practitioners. The interesting issue is that in AK the population is heavily male weighted. Many practitioners are encumbered by laws of the state because we are all limited by the medical practice act of the state which issues a license. That decision goes right to the Flexner report.
     
    Dr. Deb, Scompy and drezy like this.
  7. Scompy

    Scompy Gold

  8. Dr. Deb

    Dr. Deb New Member

    Thank you!
     
  9. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    welcome Dr. Deb .......I am overwhelmed by your story - and how strong you are.
     
  10. Dr. Deb

    Dr. Deb New Member

    You are so kind. I have met and been assisted by many of life’s most wonderful and caring individuals—we all need each other! Now I find myself in a position, yet again, where I need tbe assistance of those who know way more than I.
     
    caroline and KrusinWitchie like this.
  11. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    That is such a positive thing in my book .....to know we need and accept assistance from others.

    I have been given so much - it is quite overwhelming and humbling......
     
  12. Dr. Deb

    Dr. Deb New Member

    i agree wholeheartedly. Thank you for responding. Anything you can share on how to proceed would be appreciated. Do I need to join the FB page to get the most out of the site, or am I good here? Thank you.
     

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