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Creating Clarity ~ Clarissa's Journal

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by ClarissaK, Oct 2, 2013.

  1. ClarissaK

    ClarissaK New Member

    Hello everyone,

    Just found this site and this group recently and have been reading and listening to Jack's advice and knowledge voraciously! :)

    I have been on/off "Paleo" for a few years, though it never helped me for long and now I am understanding why it didn't answer my health issues in itself. The info I've been reading here is like an awakening! I feel that Jack has tapped into the very things that make us Human and I for one am ready to finally start feeling like one.

    I wanted to start this journal today because I believe that MY NEW LIFE is beginning for me on this date. I met my husband 14 years ago today and instead of celebrating it we are in the midst of a divorce. I have been struggling with that, not wanting to do it, but realized I simply must live for myself now, LET GO of the things that are "no longer serving me." So today is my day to start falling in love with ME, caring for myself as if my life depends on it (which it does).

    I was "lucky" enough to read this journal entry by Inger last night and it was so life-affirming to me, I plan to thank her sometime. I do believe that things can and will align to assist us in our journey if we allow them to. http://www.jackkruse.com/winter-solstice-special-blog-the-inger-effect/

    I also listened to one of Jack's blogs today, the one from March 2013. In it he says "Sometimes a Goodbye is a second chance for Life." ITA, and am saying goodbye to my old way of living, being co-dependent and lost, hungry yet overweight, tired and bored with life, ready to find some MAGIC.

    A little bit about my road to ill-health:

    I was raised on a pseudo-healthy SAD diet in the 70's/80's. I had chaotic, divorced parents (one of which was very controlling, one was a drug addict). As a little girl I was very thin, always had colds and painful legs, had energy but craved weird things like rock salt and dry dog food.

    As a teen I was thin enough, though felt fat and started the diet-roller-coaster that got me where I am now, age 44. My 20's were simply not healthy, didn't exercise much (didn't think I needed to as I was still thin enough), ate out a lot, went from being a junk-food-junkie to a Vegetarian and back again. In my mid-20's I was addicted to cola, too, and the low-fat nonsense kept me from ever feeling very good. By my late 20's I had become hyper-vigilant and everything woke me up in the night. By the time I had my son, age 33, my sleep failed to restore me at all and I sank into anxiety/depression/insomnia followed Chronic Fatigue, IBS, and Fibromyalgia. And it hasn't ever gotten better.

    The past 10 years have been a near-nightmare. I couldn't work. Lost friends. My marriage suffered. I crawled into a shell. My body felt like it was 80, not near 40. My moods were all over the place, and I tried EVERYTHING I could do "fix" my diet (fasting, raw veganism, the GAPS diet, juicing, supplementation, cleanses, low-carb, etc.). I found the only thing that helped was doing Paleo, but after a couple of months that would fail me too. However I kept going, kept trying, hoping something would click. Doctors were no help. I became despondent at times, what with my aching body and my foggy head not allowing me to have a life... BUT I am pretty tenacious and stubborn, wouldn't give up. I come from Pioneer stock and we keep on keeping on...

    So... after digging down VERY deep into the depths during my divorce and rediscovering my strength I have decided that I am NOT going to stand for living in the "shell" of my life anymore. I want to be a Starfish! I want to live again!!

    I live in Portland, Oregon, not too far from the ocean and my dream is to move nearer to it. I have always loved the ocean, won't ever live far from it (I lived in England for 7 years after getting married, just near the Kent coast). I feel that my urge to be near the coast is instinctual, and Jack is just adding to my conviction about that! :)

    So, what am I doing now? Making my diet as Epi-Paleo as possible. Fish daily (ate little before), grass-fed meats (though less beef now and more pork and organ meats), good butter/ghee, eggs, seasonal veg/fruits, and I'm weaning off the sugar/starches. I like sweet potatoes and also allow myself grapefruit and apples. Sugar in my tea is very hard to give up though, ugh! I tried cold-turkey on the sugars/starches, but my son has been sick and I've been up for 2 nights and I have been a zombie (fell back on comfort foods, though much less than before)...

    I am turning off the TV/wi-fi early in the evening, have low lights on from dusk, and am going to bed at 9:30 (I had been staying awake watching crime dramas and/or reading until I about fainted from tiredness). I am taking walks most days, and doing yoga before bed. And...so far there were 2 days when it all came together (sleep, food, lower stress, lower EMF's) and I FINALLY woke up with some energy and some hope. I plan to keep doing my best, be on this website every day, keep a journal, get off the sugars, learn the protocols, and love myself again.

    Any and all advice is appreciated--I look forward to reading more of your journals, too (when I am not so tired).

    I'm so excited about this journey, feel so blessed to be finding the CLARITY I have been seeking. XOXOXOXO
     
  2. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    welcome........you have joined at a time where the blogs will be foundational and key for wellness
     

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