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Coming to terms with dying - other people that is

Discussion in 'The New Monster Thread' started by Aussie Nana, Feb 19, 2013.

  1. Aussie Nana

    Aussie Nana New Member

    It has hit home quite hard to me this last week that if I am to have better health than most of my peers then I had better get used to seeing friends and family go downhill and die. My sister has a heart condition. She looks terrible and thinks she looks good for someone her age. She had previously renamed all her heart symptoms as other things such as asthma, stress, tiredness, etc and continues to do so to a great extent. Basically she is very ill by my standards although her doctors are happy with the way she has bounced back after 10 days in the intensive coronary care unit.

    So if we, as a community here, are going to be healthy and most of the rest of the world aren't then we need to develop a strong sense of acceptance when others choose other pathways to deal with their health issues. My sister is very pleased for me, but she doesn't want to hear what she could do that might make a difference. She is choosing differently to what I would like her to do. She thinks I'm a bore about health. So having said my piece all I can do is to respect her choices and continue loving her as she swallows her blood thinners and all the other 20 odd pills they have her on daily.

    We also have to come to terms with people being very ill and dying while we stay healthy and know they could be healthier.

    But its hard. I weep a little.
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2013
  2. fitness@home

    fitness@home Silver

    Aussie Nana,

    Your words resonate with me. I have a very hard time accepting my parent's choices in healthcare. My Mom has many, many health issues and takes so many prescriptions.

    Since I don't live in Michigan any longer I am lucky to see her twice per year. The rest of the family doesn't see the very noticeable decline in her health as I do. To me, it's almost shocking.

    I have learned to accept their choices, even if I don't agree. What else does one do? I love my parents and want them around as long as possible.
     
  3. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    This is going to be really tragic for all of us I fear. When I look back and think of all the things that may have helped my husband I shed many tears ....but I didn't know better then [the ironic thing is he would have listened to me]

    I am now looking backwards with new eyes - doesn't stop the incredible sadness though and it is hard to forgive yourself.

    On the other hand - my daughter needs these protocols desperately and won't listen to me ......yes , I too am a bore about health it seems.

    Ultimately - we can only help ourself. In my case - the changes are very noticeable so why wouldn't that motivate someone you love so much?

    Most seem to be stuck in such a CW rut and can't or don't want to put in the work. That is unimaginable to me but I can't change it.

    JK always says ....."People don't care what you know until they know that you care" we will see.......
     
  4. Coriander

    Coriander Silver

    Yes it's heartbreaking to watch people we love continue to risk their health. I share what we're doing every time someone comments on how well we look, but most don't want to know once they realise it's a lifestyle change, not just a temporary diet.

    It's bad enough when it's the long distance in-laws, but my eldest son pretends to think that I'm a nutcase following some voodoo dr off the internet. He knows I'm not stupid, he just doesn't want to give up his lifestyle. He's been an online gamer for over a decade. It breaks my heart to know that he's giving up years of his life for it. And my eldest daughter has moved location with her employer; she's now deep in a bank's secure bunker/call centre. I can't image the EMF in there.
     
  5. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    You are so right Coriander - they may listen if it is a temporary diet ..... but a llifestlye change .... they don't even pretend to be slightly interested. I don't get it ... this journey has been incredibly exciting and positive in so many ways and what did it cost us? some ice and a grocery budget spent on seafood instead of potato chips . We get to look at the sunrise and the sunset and the stars in the night sky. I love that I can't be bothered with TV. I love that it is more important to interact with endlessley interesting people whether it is family or friends or strangers. I love how I feel and I love the joy in my heart.
     
  6. fitness@home

    fitness@home Silver

    This! My stepson is the same way. He actually stood behind me for a few minutes while I was watching the Sleep webinar. JK was talking about EMFs and the kid rolls his eyes and actually says, "what rock is he hiding under? Today's world is advanced and uses devices and wifi all the time". He missed the entire damn point... Yes, we have filled our world with these things and are now realizing they are BAD for us as a species.

    Seriously, he is 25 years old and has horrible eating habits. Poor diet = poor dental health = poor health for him in general. I fear that by age 35 he will have serious health issues. It was so ironic that it was the Sleep webinar that I was watching because his sleep pattern is so disrupted. There are times he is up all night.

    Sorry for the vent...felt good to get it off my chest :)
     
  7. Destiny

    Destiny New Member

    I think it is a process with the grown up kids. I am always e-mailing them tidbits of information and talking about Dr.K's stuff whenever I see them.

    They take some thing and use it and ignore other. I think the problem is that they are young, relatively healthy and feel immortal.

    I will keep persisting.... what other choice do I have? To give up on them, NEVER!
     
  8. SeaJane

    SeaJane Gold

    I have been walking this path of how much to push Jack's stuff with my mom. She was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer a year ago. She opted for chemotherapy to reduce the metastatic tumor that was causing pain and invading her abdominal cavity. She has always been health oriented and avoids the general medical establishment and their takes on things. She read a couple of books such as Anti-Cancer and another by a Dr. Block that advocate non-ketogenic diets, and opted for that approach even though I sent her info on the benefits of ketogenic diets with cancer. The chemo was successful in reducing the tumors and my mom kept pretty much on her "new" diet and started to add back in some dairy to help gain some weight back. Within 2 months the tumor had regrown and she opted for radiation therapy. This was in December. I was heart-broken after learning what I have from Jack's site. I just felt that the doctor's were killing her with their treatments. Radiation has been much harder for her and currently although she is technically done with treatments, her body is still suffering the cumulative action that is to take up to 4 weeks before it gets better. She has no appetite. She has now down to about 90lbs from her normal weight of 115lbs. Her energy (electrons) have been sucked out of her by the treatment. When I visited at the end of January, I suggested eating more oysters as she likes them and they are nutrient dense. This she did. As they live in St. Pete, I suggested she go and sit at the water's edge and put her feet in the water. This she wouldn't do because she already felt so cold--her body is struggling to generate enough energy to even keep her warm. There were things I said that I could see did not even register--her mind could not allow that to be so. What has become evident to me is that this illness and it's treatment has affected my mom's ability to stand back and question and to be open to new info. I am pretty sure her dopamine levels are in the tank and this is the underlying cause of suboptimal choices and her mind rationalizing shifts in her beliefs to support her behavior. It is challenging and painful to share with someone who has no space for something that may relieve suffering and bring health.
     
  9. nonchalant

    nonchalant Silver

    Well said, SeaJane.
     
  10. Shijin13

    Shijin13 Guest

    This is challenging for me b/c in the past two years I've seen the impacts of bad diet, horrible sleep, and an unwillingness to change impact my mom. she turns 70 on 15 March. I've tried to engage her - and she's told me point blank that she's not changing a damn thing, she likes her life, and isn't going to "rock" the boat.
    When DH and I had our talk on Saturday night after Jack dropped the MOAB on him, I told him I don't think my mom will make it to 80. I actually think her mom will outlive her. And that's scary. She's on statins, she hasn't had her BHRT adjusted since she started it 20yrs ago. In the past two years - she's suddenly looking far older than her age. I realize now that her in ability to get good sleep is what's doing this. On average I bet she's probably sleeping maybe 3-4hrs/night maybe 3-4 nights out of the week, and sleeping less the rest of the time. The scary thing, is I'm not sure my dad will survive her passing - he's not really on speaking terms with one of his brothers, and his other brother is a total flake. What's crazy is I'm coming to the realization, that while I may not get along well with my Mother-in-law, she's going to be the largest presence in my family - and she's making the same changes we are, she wants to be here with us and the kids, and it saddens me that the choices my mom and dad are making - are telling me they aren't. It makes me sad. It also hits home, that regardless of how MIL and I feel about each other, the two of us must bury the hatchet, b/c she's going to be here, where as my parents won't. I already feel that loss, even though they're not gone.

    I'd love it if my mom and dad would willing take on changing their lifestyle like MIL is, if not for me then for Chaos and Havoc. As I look at the conversations I've had w/them over the past years - I realize now that they're already in the process of checking out... it makes me sad b/c I want to fight for them, but they won't fight for themselves, let alone me or the kids.

    As much as it makes me sad, I've also realized that my tenacity and determination I have came from my parents, they're not going to change regardless of how much I try to educate them... so I have to let them go. They'll always be apart of my life but they're not present nor apart of where we're going.
     
  11. fitness@home

    fitness@home Silver

    Another well-written response Gretchen. Yes, time to bury the hatchet with your MIL. Who knows, you may gain a fulfilling relationship from it. At least she is open to change.
     
  12. For the sake of your own sanity, flip it around a bit - what if she were in a fatal accident and taken suddenly. I have had the unfortunate luck to have many people killed in my life and around me in sudden and tragic accidents. I think you know of this from your military experience, no? Once you realllllly get inside that life can just stop, and often does - it sure makes all those things you can't seem to change with other people pop into focus - as well as what you really want to be spending your time doing.

    I'm someone that has always re-invented and because until recently I never had other people I cared to be around - picking up and moving was a major adventure and always a positive thing. If it's not, then why do it.

    The other thing few will say is it really is OK to let go of someone without them actually getting hit by the bus. If they are not your tribe in any other way than name - you really can just walk away. Tribes can be made as well as born into.

    Now, whar you going to? Did you hear, my little burb is the 2nd happiest place in the US!

    http://www.dailycamera.com/ci_22623092/tweet-this-longmont-is-second-happiest-city?source=rss

    Come here! Several businesses that I bet are right up the employment ally (Major FAA center, digital globe, ibm, seagate) <---hehe I do see the irony of that.

    You can have BOTH here, a connection to the world plus some nature. Plus, there would be an optimal playdate!
     
  13. Shijin13

    Shijin13 Guest

    Thanks Cavemam - great perspective... you nutshelled what I was trying to say and far more eloquently. no clue as of yet... on the hunt but I do like Optimal play dates...
     
  14. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    you are beginning to sound a lot like me with my family.........I saw my mom die on the vine and I knew I could help her avoid her tragic end 3 yrs ago.......but she was not willing to do what it took.......and she died a miserable death. See, we all die, but how we die is up to us.........especially today
     
    Michael CULLEN likes this.
  15. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    I have not.........I am going to be on MTHFR support radio show tonight if you are interested in listening.......might drop some EMF 7 knowledge bombs
     
  16. IvanDrago

    IvanDrago New Member

    How do I access this live?
     
  17. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

  18. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

  19. KiwiLauren

    KiwiLauren Gold

    This is where you and I disagree. We are one very potent force in creating our health and/or illness. But we are only one force. There are others not under our control. And there always will be.

    Illness does not equate with failure. Physical health does not equal success. In my opinion, it is arrogant to think one has all the answers and all those who do not follow what we believe are ignorant or foolish or stupid or deaf or in denial. Isn't this what that Ted talk video in EMF 6 is all about? Everyone is wrong about something(s). I cannot know what is best for anyone else. And feeling sorry for someone is not the same as caring for them. Your external perspective may be that they refuse help or are not going to bat for themselves, but you can never know what is in a person's heart or mind.
     
  20. Hope

    Hope Gold

    Not to highjack this, but do you live in Longmont? If so, I'd love to meet you if I am going there in March....or maybe you could point me to some good sources for seafood, maybe other than WFoods? I SO WISH I could live there too...whew!
     

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