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Chrysanthemama's Journaling Journey

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by Chrysanthemama, Dec 30, 2013.

  1. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

  2. I'm back! Its only been almost a year. Time flies.

    Jack, thank you for that link. I will explore those more fully. This is right in line with what I've been doing for the past year. I just completed a 9-month intensive apprenticeship with a shaman and energy worker. Talk about quantum entanglement. Working with energy at the cellular level and beyond. It's been incredible, mind blowing, eye opening and so satisfying to see how real this shit is.

    In perfect timing, I recently went through a massive health crisis right when this apprenticeship was coming to completion.

    There is no doubt this timing was right in line with the energetic and physical changes that needed to happen for me to step through the portal to my own becoming.

    I am going to document this experience here, however, in a series of short posts (I tend to write novels, so in the essence of time, I thought maybe I should do a set of shorter posts for you to comment on, if you feel so compelled). This has been a very intense situation that I'm still recovering from.

    In any case, I'm checking in here in the forum, and I think my activity here must correspond to colder weather! Lol! We went to the lake today, which was a cool 55-degrees. The temps outside were 80. It was awesome to swim for hours in the cold water and then sun on the sandstone rocks. It's getting colder, and I'm gearing up for another Waken Your Winter experience to count down to the Winter Solstice.

    Looking forward to catching up here!
    cinnamon likes this.
  3. Alright. I'm taking the time to sit down and write about all the shit I went through recently.

    But to back it up a bit, I'll start with where I was.

    Beginning of 2012. Athlete. Lives at 7500 ft above sea level. Eating home-cooked, mostly organic, whole foods. No "junk" really. But lots of beer.

    Ahh....beer. Microbrewed beers have been the bane of my existence.

    Gretchen posted this yesterday: http://wilwheaton.net/2015/10/seven-things-i-did-to-reboot-my-life/

    And he writes about beer about how I feel about beer. It sucks.


    In March of 2012, I saw a picture of me with two of my dearest friends and I looked really bloated. Not so much fat, but puffed-up. It was gross and made me feel bad. I'd been reading Jack's blogs since the middle of 2011, and I was having my mind blown. All of sounded interesting, contrived, possible, miraculous, and something I'd have to give up beer for.

    But in April of 2012, I gave it a shot. Sort of by accident I also ended up going low-carb, although it's not anything I intentionally set out to do, but once I did, I really, really liked it. Until I didn't like it. Because I wasn't actually following anyone's protocols, but was just sort of winging it and going at it alone.

    So, in November 2012, I felt really bad. Irritable, hormonally unstable, and stressed because my job had been totally on the line for a while. Working a lot, busy Mom of 2, husband who didn't bring in income, and really feeling like I'd hit my wall. But Thanksgiving happened. I was still grain-free, but I I fixed some kick ass t-day dinner with carbs. I ended up feeling a bit better. (Yeah, I've read about this. I've been learning how I fucked things up back then. Totally out of sync with the season, even though I was still doing a lot of grounding and CT, almost no sun, yeah...)

    I'm fortunate. I work in an old single story cinder block building with a concrete floor, with no wi-fi, and you can't even get a wi-fi signal where I'm at. I am right next to an amazing canyon and beautiful trails right out my office door. I work 4-days a week. We homeschool (Unschool for those of you familiar). I have long been an outdoor freak. I mountain bike, rock climb, ice climb, hike, trail run, do martial arts, swim, and generally just enjoy my life.

    In 2012, I was really, really stressed. I went low-carb in the spring, and didn't get enough morning sun. I ate very little seafood.

    That November, I started feeling better with some carbs. I haven't been in ketosis since then. I am working on getting back to ketosis this winter, however. I feel much more informed and in control.

    2013--lots to tell...some of it is back before this post. Met Jack. Met Erwan, met Joe, did MovNat. Presented at AHS13 and met lots of paleo-folks. Started drinking beer again. (Painting my kids' rooms began that habit again...then camping...aye-yi-yi!) Experienced a profound shamanic journey.

    2014. More of the same.

    2015. Began shamanic and energy healing apprenticeship. Basically all else faded into the background during this experience.

    September 11, 2015. Ate eggs, green chile, and hash browns that my mother-in-law fixed for breakfast. About 1pm I began experiencing severe stomach cramps. By 6pm I was experiencing severe stomach cramps, chills, and just needed to lie down. I had experienced similar symptoms to eggs before, just never to this extreme. I had to lie down, where I stayed. The next day, no change in my condition. The next night I experienced the worst stomach pain I'd ever felt in my life. Piercing, radiating pain. I thought perhaps it was a gall-bladder thing, or maybe pancreatitis. It was horrific. Focused mostly around my duodenum.

    Sunday morning, the pain had subsided, and then came and went in waves that were 1 to sometimes 2 hours apart. I could sort of function. At times. Still mostly slept, lay in my bed. Didn't even have the energy to watch a movie or read. Mostly had to just be with my eyes closed. Could not turn on any lights when darkness fell. Just had to be on my bed, in the dark. Sunday night, around 5pm, a horrific headache began to develop. At this time, I felt like I'd been poisoned with something. Arsenic maybe...that's what I imagined arsenic might feel like. My muscles hurt. My everything hurt. The stomach pain came and went in massive painful waves. Then this headache started. I tried two advil. Nothing. Four hours later I tried 4 aspirin. Nothing. It seemed to be worse. The headache grew in intensity from 5pm until about 6 am the next morning, getting worse and worse and worse with every passing hour. I just simply endured. I drank a shit-ton of water. I did do some massage on my neck and head which helped while I did it. I was up that entire night. Couldn't sleep at all. It was brutal--the combo of the excruciating stomach pain combined with the worst headache I'd ever had in my life.

    Monday I went in to the Urgent Care clinic. After waiting nearly 2 hours in extreme discomfort (granted, I hadn't been able to get out of bed before this), I saw a PA. My blood pressure was high (160/100) as was my pulse. I knew I'd made a mistake when the PA began furrowing her brows at me and looking at me like I was crazy or confused. She palpated my gall bladder and pancreas and there was no pain. That gave me more reason to suspect this was more related to the eggs I'd eaten. She said, you probably have an ulcer, and prescribed Prevacid. Okay. SHe also put in an order for an ultrasound and bloodwork (which I wanted, btw, since I've had no bloodwork done for many years).

    I went in the next day to schedule the b/w and u/s. I have a high-deductible plan that wouldn't pay any of it and it was going to cost over $1000 for the blood work and $500 for the us. I said thanks, but no thanks.

    I endured the rest of that day and the next. No more headache, just constant waves of stomach pain. I couldn't get on the computer for more than 10 minutes without feeling entirely exhausted and would have to lie down. I slept a lot.

    Wednesday night I practitioner friend of mine ran me through an alternative testing protocol. Without knowing the details, her conclusion led to eggs being the cause with effects being acute over-production of stomach acid leading to an ulceration, auto-toxemia ( my body simply couldn't process all the by-products of the inflammation and whatever else was going on), among other things.

    Thursday was far less painful. Friday, I started feeling way better. Saturday super much better. Went to Japanese spa for detox.

    Sunday, felt good enough to take a walk but was totally startled by how much my fitness had been affected. I felt breathless on the smallest hill, and my heart was racing.

    Monday, I woke up and my limbs and muscles felt like someone had poured cement into them. I took a shower and almost fainted. I got out, and had to sit down to towel off (NEVER BEFORE IN MY LIFE!), I was getting dressed and literally had to hold on to the shelf in my closet when I almost fainted again.
    I could barely move. Had to lie down all day. At some point, I was brought food--fajitas. I did not know there was any avocado in the food, and scarfed it down. I was hungry after nearly 11 days without eating hardly anything...applesauce, of all things, was the only thing I could eat.

    I am highly allergic to avocados. Even though I was feeling the fainting spells and cement limbs, my stomach had not hurt since the previous Thursday. Monday afternoon, however, I started feeling the slow decline towards the horrific pain I'd felt most of the previous week. Later, I realized that I'd eaten avocado and wanted to cry. Thus began the second week of horrific pain.

    Thursday of that week, I spoke with our pediatrician who is also an allergist, although she does testing and treatment considered to be "garbage" by most medical professionals. She didn't bat an eye at what I described and said she saw this sort of reaction quite frequently. SHe suggested I drink Magic Brew--oh and MAGIC it is!! 1 tsp. sea salt, 1 tsp baking soda, to 1 L water. Oh My god. I wish I'd talked to her sooner. It soothed the stomach pain within minutes.

    At this point, while I seemed to be getting the stomach pain under control, it was obvious that my blood pressure had been wacked out. The fainting spells, a pounding in my head everytime I stood up, and then my ankles swelled up like balloons with pitting edema. Ugh. I HATE PITTING EDEMA.
  4. prAna303

    prAna303 New Member

    Kind of seen the same things around here, very much in sync with your dates.

    Some friends of mine has been in and out of care and they can not find a thing. Fainting on and off, pain in neck, double visions... List is long.

    During this period of time i was out in the wild for the whole time and saw outstanding effects on the sky, day and night... Had an almost electric feeling in my body, like an urge to constantly move and change spot for rest.

    Back to reactions... I did a check at that time how the sun has been active or not... Okey, it was quite sleepy but did send some serious hits toward earth.

    My guess would be not to seek food for errors but look up...

    It started some days before.

  5. Indeed.
    I hadn't had a chance to finish, since I went to bed.
  6. I hadn't actually considered the sun, so thanks for that idea. While, I've not been able to be out in the wilderness, I'm definitely outside and grounding regularly. Lots of barefoot walking, lying on rocks in the sun, biking, and hiking. Even leading up to this episode.

    Since you brought up not looking at food and looking up, I'll bring up the other thing that was going on.

    The 9-month apprenticeship I experienced involved ever-intense layers of learning, expansion, and personal evolution each and every week. There was an incredible amount of internal work that was involved was mind blowing, sometimes quite literally. Working at the quantum level began on day one.

    So, the work had nearly reached the peak the week this episode began, and for the two previous weeks, I'd been feeling as if I was on the cusp of something huge. Magnanimous. At the cellular level, I could feel as if my entire system was on poised on the abyss and I was about to leap. On the Sunday before that Friday, I had made this deep commitment to myself. I'd agreed to commit to letting go of these deep-seated habits that I'd been continually holding on to, and often making excused for, even when I knew that only through the release could I step across a threshold to another level of being.

    Additionally, I've been feeling an intense urgency about doing whatever it takes to actually transition out of my environmental science career and in to doing the energy work and shamanic work that I need to be doing. On the day this began, I had helped lead a blessing ceremony for a dear friend who has also been one of my colleagues for these past 22 years and who was finally making her own transition out of environmental consulting and into her own massage therapy and energy healing practice. Surely there is no coincidence in this timing.

    Throughout this entire experience, the one thing that stood out more than anything, was just Being With. Being with myself in my agony. Being with without DOING anything. Just being. It's difficult to explain, really, but the themes for the previous two weeks had been Being With. There was no doubt that my entire system was participating in this exercise at a greatly enhanced level, most likely because that is what was needed for it to really take root.

    Additionally, my entire being was completely shaken up, stirred, and dumped out. For nearly two full weeks I couldn't eat anything other than tea, water, and applesauce. My entire gut was rearranged. The brain-gut connection became hugely apparent when I finally expelled the last of whatever it was that had attempted to stay rooted in my bowels. Literally, when I pooped out the contents of my system on day 9 or 10 or 11, it was like these microbes were making their last attempt at brain connection and control. I wish I could describe it as vividly as I felt it. It was like they did not want to go. I would nearly pass out on the toilet as they made their final transition to the outerworld. It was surreal and probably sounds whacked, but it was so incredibly real as I was experiencing it.

    For more than two weeks my bowels were nearly black. Like meconium. And totally locked up. Despite the tremendous amount of water I was drinking, along with tea, I was more constipated than I'd ever been in my life. In fact, only in the past week have my bowels returned to "normal".

    To say that my entire system was rearranged would be an understatement.

    The other weird factor, that the pediatrician said happens in events like these that she's seen, is that I overnight had teeth sensitivities, which I've never had before, and I'm guessing was because my stomach was overproducing stomach acid. How this affected my teeth is unknown to me, but it happened on day 9 or so, right in the midst of it all.

    So, in any case, there definitely seemed to be things going on that cannot all be attributed to food.

    When I started feeling better, I began CTing as much as I could. At first I was going up to the river in the caldera and sitting in the cold water and getting grounded. I got my CT tub set up, and so now I've been trying to CT as much as I can at home, and warming up in the sun afterwards. Two weeks ago, I had nearly 6 days in a row of CTing, and last week I had 4. This week, so far, 2. I've been trying to get morning sun every day, and grounding as much as possible.

    Last week I was able to take my first real hike, and yesterday I did an awesome run/hike/grounding/sun session. Finally feeling like I was coming back to myself. Saw a pair of hawks spiraling overhead, too, which is always a treat.

    Anyway, this has been quite a ride.
    Scompy and cinnamon like this.
  7. Monday November 2 I went to Ojo Caliente, a natural mineral springs and spa in northern NM. It's lovely, and I hadn't been there since my birthday in July.
    I was alone, and taking advantage of a rare Mom's day off. When I left my house, a pair of red-tailed hawks were spiraling right above me. A good sign, I thought.

    Another 10 miles away I saw a trio of red tails...flying with several ravens. That was 5 in less than 10 minutes!

    Hawk medicine is all about having a big-picture perspective, and being able to snatch opportunity when it presents itself. All right in alignment with what's been going in my life, and where I want things to go.

    I got to Ojo after the 1-hour drive on an insanely gorgeous day. The cottonwoods that line the rivers of NM were in full golden spectacular! So incredibly beautiful. It was a Monday, and so there were almost no cars on the highways at all. Just a beautiful blue-bird day with insane golden light emanating from the autumn leaves. I changed into my swimsuit and headed to the first mineral spring, the Iron Spring. Despite the empty roads, the springs were pretty crowded. I aimed for a vacant spot in the spring. As I entered the water, I recognized a woman who was tucked in between two rocks, clearly in bliss. I did a double take, and mouthed, "Jessika?" She looked at me like, who the fuck are you, and then realized who I was and blew me a kiss. And right then Erwan smiled broadly and waved a huge hello. There are many reasons why I love NM, and this small-state experience is one of them. I hadn't seen them since our Jack Kruse Mov Nat experience in January 2013, but the timing seemed auspicious.

    Later that day, heading home, I saw another trio of hawks. Eight red tails in one day. I've never seen that many hawks in one day.

    More hawk medicine: when a superfluous number of hawks appear it means all your wishes are coming true. All the intentions you've set are reaping the harvest you've sown.


    This was the first week I really began to feel good. Like GOOD good. I realize now, in looking at my experience, that while eggs might have been the trigger, redox was definitely the source.
    Low redox to be exact.

    Of course, this baffles me, because I always feel certain that I'm doing things "right" and for the most part I'm not in a really bad environment...at least that I know of. I do live in a highly complex government research facility, and I do live at the highest point on the north side of town. I'm at elevation, 7500 ft above sea-level. But thankfully I work in an old single-story building with no wi-fi (not even a signal!), and I am in a room with real windows and concrete floors, with no moisture barrier. I get outside a lot. A lot a lot. I ground a lot.

    I do the bulk of my movement outside--trail running, hiking, mountain biking, rock climbing.

    I've been eating a lot more seafood. I've been averaging 1 DHA meal per day, usually salmon, shrimp, or sardines.

    But still, I know that I'm not optimal. This whole experience showed me that I was not optimal.

    But I am healing. My redox must be getting better.

    I dream like a crazy Spielberg movie every night, and I'm super entangled in my dreams--dreaming of people who I'll be encountering or working with every single night. I've been sleeping so deeply, it's been amazing.

    I have been CTing on average 6 out of every 10 days. I'm SOOOOO glad I got this CT tank. Wow! What an amazing thing. I relied ont he spring, or the long drive to the rivers for the past several years. It is so nice to be able to walk out my door and into my tank. Regardless of the weather.

    In any case, I'm planning to get labs run. I've never done bloodwork the entire time I've been a member of this community, and learning about all this stuff. But now is the time. I'm 44. I need to know what the fuck is going on bloodwise, so that I can continue to get a better perspective of my own whole picture.

    I loved the most recent blog, post, btw. I wrote some comments in, and actually feel compelled to write my own blog post on the chakras and the light spectra as they are so closely aligned. I think there is more there to be explored.
    fitness@home and Scompy like this.

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