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Christmas tree journal

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by MITpowered26, Feb 27, 2019.

  1. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Day 20: Amber Embers

    K.O'd the last 24 hours, repeated mistake. Waking up too early. Fail to prepare (sleep) and prepare to fail. Self-inflicted wounds. Certainly, my embers are still glowing, but they are embers right now, not fire. It's hard searching for meaning when your headspace is weird.

    I'm sad. I'm still tired. Heading to bed early so I can catch sunrise, which I missed yesterday, missed the mark for sure. Self inflicted.

    I'll do better tomorrow once my cup is full again. I'll dig deeper.


  2. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

  3. Inger

    Inger Silver

    I wake up that early or at 4-5 AM often. I go to bed between 8.30-9:30 PM. That is when I cant keep my eyes open anymore, I try to push myself as long as I can to not go too early to bed though.
    But here is the clue.
    I have no watch in my bedroom, and no light. I can only judge how late it is by the sounds I hear, the lights... etc. And I do not raise, ever. I just lie there in the dark, or in the moonlight. Always with the window open so I can look directly at the sky.
    And eventually I fall asleep again. Maybe after an hour or two. And then I wake up when the sun rises.
    I love to do it like this, it feels very right. And I get plenty of sleep that way. First round is maybe only 6 or 7 hours, but then I get another hour or two in - the next round ;). And I dream a ton. Every night.
    I do not want to get any kind of light in my eyes not even candles, before I raise and the sun have raised too. This "laying awake in bed in the dark" is not a bad thing at all, it feels nice! I am there in the dark with my thoughts... or I just enjoy the cozy darkness and my warm duvet, the fresh air blasting on my face..lol

    About feelings, bad feelings.
    I can only share what I have come aware of.
    Those bad feelings like fear, sadness, darkness... they will come. And in the beginning of my healing they came a lot (they still come, but way less though)! But I learned to just let them. And to dive even deeper into them. Open even wider to the pain.
    That is when it disappears. It is so magic! And when you have experienced that once, you are not so much afraid for those dark feelings anymore. They wants to be met, deeply, fully. That is it. And then, they resolve. No running away, trying to make it different. That will only prolong the suffering.
    I think it is nothing wrong with having dark feelings. That is what brings the healing process forwards. It is a great thing :). A huge blessing, in fact :)
  4. Inger

    Inger Silver

    Too little sleep has a huge impact on mood for me.
    That is also why I do not raise when I wake up early, I just stay in the dark in bed. I want all the sleep I can get. If I raise and start doing stuff, I will not get anymore sleep that night. If I stay in bed I get sleepy again after a while, it is so dark, and boring, and cozy..lol
  5. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    Being awake right now is a sign that your circadian rhythm is off and you're more likely to die of... well... everything really. https://buff.ly/2UGaqGk
    MITpowered26 likes this.
  6. So beautiful!
    MITpowered26 likes this.
  7. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Jason, you are so rocking journal land! Don’t be afraid to offend!! (My earlier comment was completely tongue in cheek.)

    You’ve got some gems here. I bet we’ll be quoting YOU someday. :)
    MITpowered26 likes this.
  8. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Day 21: Man's search for meaning

    1. Sunrise YES
    2. Spectrometer has arrived! Time to test some glasses on, and do some learning

    PLAN: Need to get some action lists out of the way to ensure I'm progressing forward:
    a. COLD face dunks..starting tonight
    b. lunch seafood soups, regular.
    c. Out of the house after dinner/work. Outside, outdoors, exploring my city, and spots to get some sunset therapy

    I'm numb. I'm numb right now. On that same token I have a match. A match that I need to continue to strike to light my light. Seizing my day, my moments, my time, above all else in nature.

    Why? Why I ask myself today. Why am I doing this. Well, because Jason, the pursuit of a good life is a good pursuit. And more importantly, the pursuit of a good life with a foundation of good health is even more ..good. It's great. And if this is our only life to live, lets chase the moments of life with great passion, fury, relentlessness, in heart and mind, with all we have. I've stumbled upon Jack, upon this community. And my trajectory for life has been changed, I'm awakened. My soul is awake. This is my home, this is my tribe. And this is only the beginning.

    OliverGruener2, caroline and LieselK like this.
  9. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    Well if you're number read this..........

    Jack is going to make you feel again.


    Uncle Jack is upping his game.

    Why are so many people "comfortably numb" today? Might it be the way we live with technology? My members and Patrons might just change their life with this philosophy of touch I am emitting now. New blog out today........https://www.patreon.com/posts/cpc-44-will-make-25499656

    caroline and Karen & Glen C. like this.
  10. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator


    I will drag you across the finish line if I have too.
    caroline likes this.
  11. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    Beginnings are ironic for Black swans.............

    ELLEN M., recoen, Inger and 2 others like this.
  12. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Day 22: Perspective

    I’m trying to make sense of my experiences thus far. The connect is still not connecting.

    There are two things happening here fundamentally.

    1. Live in the sun
    2. Live your best life

    While these are supposed to be one and the same, I’m having trouble grasping this. I believe this is happening because since my experience with Jack, I think I have been tethered to the idea that the man “Jack” has been the catalyst in my awakening, and not nature.

    But how could this be? Intuitively, objectively, scientifically, we know environment is everything — not just the people we entangle with, but the whole damn environment. Is it really a stretch that sun, and the concepts surrounding its power, could have been a huge part of my transformation the last 3 weeks?

    Its easy to explain things away: “I needed a vacation and that’s why I felt recharged.”

    But it’s more than that. I’ve had, as I can explain it in my own words right now, experienced a phenomenon. I can’t explain it. Jack can. But i can’t explain it in my own head.

    This much is true: I’ve felt so damn good these last few weeks... so damn connected to life and people. But I know I’m missing a main character in this new act in the play of my life- the environment.

    I cannot rule out that it had an equal part to play in my awakening. I cannot. Something about those sun rays... those dips in the ocean and then hot tub and then back again.

    If environment, proper sun, is truly food for the body and mind, then my soul says yes.

    Why fuck with something good. When the wheels are turning.. don’t put your fingers in the spokes.. ah.. but it’s when the wheel slows down I start to sit there helpless .. and I want blood... I doubt.. and I want someone to save me.

    Perspective: I’ve been let out of my cage... the only thing I’ve known in my adult life. It’s a binary choice.

    Follow the good. Replicate the experiment in its entirety - people - sun - water.

    Destroy the cage- metaphorical, mentally, physically, socially, I don’t care. Just fucking do it.

  13. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Day 23: Latitudes and Platitudes

    ITZA FRIDAY! AND ITS SPRING! I'm out on my front lawn in a crescent full of indoor crazy people. Grounding going on, sun bathing going on, new office space going on. The dream.

    Instead of more platitudes about doing stuff, I decided to do stuff. I took the day off. I got outside on my front lawn, and I look crazy doing it. And the only two shits I give right now is how more funny of reactions this is going to generate when I get more and more naked as I go. Legally of course.

    This is a step closer to my dream, my dream of moving to a better latitude for moi. I'm letting go of the biz, keeping my employees and patients fed, charting the course towards optimal, keeping it all afloat. WIN.

    I'll love you from dusk til dawn...

  14. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

  15. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Day 24: Dark Embraces

    I really didn't want to write a post today. I didn't because there was no micro nor monumental change or realizations today. In fact, I checked out. I was apathetic. But if i really think about it, I wasn't. Apathy was my excuse for failing at something I in fact cared a lot about.

    This may be my most important post. Because the post-Jack boost has probably, in likelihood, reached a new equilibrium - the fire has been tamed.

    I didn't want to write today, but then I realized this is what Jack talks about misery, about embracing the suck. This is the beginning, and that's ok. There is shame, in yet there is elation in the clarity. There is guilt, in yet there is acceptance that this is where I need to be.

    Dark times are looming but its okay, its gonna be okay. I accepted the challenge ahead.

    Phosphene, caroline and LieselK like this.
  16. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Day 25: Birds that don’t rise

    Nobody loves birds that don’t rise... it was a lyric that I pondered this morning. Why don’t we love birds that don’t rise and conquer their demons? Is there no heroe without a happy ending to a story?

    I’ve been lit up these past few weeks. It’s been a grand fire of joy, perspective, dreaming, and action.

    It’s also been a journey of desperation - of holding on to this self-love, this indulgence in this romance I was entangled in with life.

    All good things come to an end. Holding on to something and wanting and yearning to capture these moments in time led to an inevitable feeling of loss.

    But then something occurred to me today. I had it all wrong. I was too invested in this character of my life - me. And I needed to take a step back and instead of choke this self concept so tightly, i needing something else: belief. Belief in self.

    And so today I began bathing in self beleif- I just decided I was going to believe in myself in everything that I did in this moment.

    And those beliefs in the short term may not translate to a linear path of Krusian optimal health actions - but rest assured the eye is still on the prize.

    As I meander in the dirt, I’ve looked at each social interaction- each entanglement- as an opportunity to action my self beliefs... to converse.. to act within the universe .. with preciousness of time.. and as a meditative experience in present focus.

    Birds that don’t rise may not be loved... but birds that have self-belief rise anyway.

    Happy Sunday.

    recoen and LieselK like this.
  17. It gets more entertaining the longer you get disrobed in high latitudes when its cold AF an everyone else is bundled up and you cant see their faces:D
  18. Dark isnt looming because youre headed into SPRING! That means (1) more sun (2) more UV! You are your own cheerleader. Jack is the catalyst, the spark or the fire starter for YOUR fire. Bolster that flame using every means you got. Don't let it go out. That's your job!
    JanSz and God loves you like this.
  19. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Thank you everyone for following/reading. Taking a break from the forums. Need some time/space. As mentioned before, I pickup and drop shit like nobody's business. Its just how I am. And what Jack has taught me about time, and especially after listening to the last q and a, i'm even more so pumped on steroids with regards to time. Need time to myself. I know. cryptic, but I dunno. Need to make sense of this privately right now.

    Bye for now.

  20. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    Good Luck bro............

    I'll miss ya but I won't forget you.


    The cost of a thing is the amount of time in your life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.

    Karen & Glen C. and recoen like this.

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