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Christmas tree journal

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by MITpowered26, Feb 27, 2019.

  1. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Hey I’m slightly offended that you equate forum entanglement with a low-dopamine activity! ;)

    I get what you mean, but I’ve had some truly treasured moments of care across the miles with extraordinary folks all over the world. Do I need to cut myself off at times like a junkie? Yes indeed. But I truly feel nurtured by my connections here. Nurtured, blessed and oh so lucky. :love:
  2. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Sorry ! Let me clarify. I think my meaning was lost. I love the forum. It has been a bedrock for me. BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, ACTION (in the world) trumps the forum, I can't lie. It's like this is the village where I share my adventures and the world is where I hunt. Yknow? BOTH are important, but if the hunter doesn't hunt, he is useless to his village. So i need to balance the two.
  3. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Thankyou Oliver. It brightens me to hear that.
  4. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Day 16: Despicable me

    Well, I met the sunrise today. This was a pivotal change for me. Putting life before business. WIN.

    But I wanted to talk about something else today... Indeed I feel like I have found my wings.. my broom so to speak, through this medium of entanglement that has transpired the last 16 or so days. A life force ,a power.

    Today I took it upon myself to anti-troll someone online. It was with best intentions to defend my beliefs. As noble as that sounds, it was not. You see, power/force/energy is a double edged sword as I realized today. A ying and a yang, a positive and negative charge, a harry potter and a drako. I went into that argument as a harry, but left feeling like a drako. My soul, my esteem, my life. The guilt, the shame. "Oh you're soft." Nah. I'm just not here on this earth to transmit bad vibrations, bad karma.

    I use to be an online troll. I was really good at it. INTERPRETATION: I had lots of trauma, pent up anger, and words was my weapon of choice...online. Like an anonymous coward. "Keyboard jockey." I turned the page on that, but that side came out tonight. Admitingly, it felt good. Real good. And that's what power feels like. That's how power corrupts. Thats how power melds and changes you.

    It all comes down to control in the end. Control of perceptions, control over someone else on the other side of the screen.

    I believe this control is driven by fear.

    I've always thought in the engagement of war, fighting evil WITH evil, troll with troll, has always been the most effective strategy. After-all, you cannot cancel out a frequency with difference, you have to do it with similarity. However along that road paved with good intention comes the losing of oneself, and the awakening of your fear.

    I'm a lover not a fighter. And letting trolls troll is for the most part something I have to let go of. It isn't cool, it isn't brave. It's just plain dumb.

    No more. Tuning to new frequency.

    LieselK, Inger and Phosphene like this.
  5. Inger

    Inger Silver

    Yes.. I too believe control is driven by fear. Something I have observed again and again... in me, in others...

    What I have learned is something like this; when I can accept my fear, just look at it, but not get lost in it, not run away from it either, I get the courage to let go of control. I guess it has something to do with acceptance.
    And love, is acceptance too. To accept the reality of what is truly here.

    I am learning every day, it feels so good to read what you write... like you are so wonderfully putting words to what I experience..!
  6. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

  7. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Day 17: Gods n stuff

    Focal points:

    1. Second day meeting sunrise. Feels good
    2. Secondarily, need to up my food game. Sardines in water—- buy and eat at will (my staff will forgive me, haha). I’ll start there

    Just some inner reflections weighing on my mind right now. I have a confession I’m guilty of. I view jack like a god.

    This is easy to do. Jack wants to share his passion and I’m sure he has his own dreams of the future- but I don’t think being put on a pedastel has been his prerogative. Yes, I believe he seeks respect in his leadership - but not that kind of respect.

    Enter TM- my voice teacher of three years. His support- our bond - our relationship has been a rock. More importantly, i fell in love with his thinking mind and his compassionate heart. He took me in during a very difficult time with my past business partner. It was more than singing - it was schooling in life.

    I’m guilty though. I also treated TM like a god. And I was all in on his culture, his vision, his investment in his students his people.

    In some ways, I’ve always just wanted somewhere to belong and be accepted. Some purpose, someone to believe in, and something to “take me to the promise land” wherever that may be.

    My first lesson since Mexico will be tomorrow. I come in a changed man where my past and present will collide - and I’m not sure how to reconcile the two. I’ve effectively traded one god for another- and I don’t know what to do.

    At the Crux of this matter is me: My need and search for a light of truth “out there.” ... when all this time I needed to find the light inwards.

    As we can agree, Jack has that X factor.. that something something you want to get behind. His wizardry, his empathy, his information transmission methodology, his vison, his balance, harmony, and most importantly his relentless pursuit of meaning here and now.

    Jack has god like gifts to touch people in their minds and moreso their hearts. And that’s the temptation. To get behind Jack in a dependent way whereby without him, we are devastated as a community.

    Truth. Jack, and tm for that matter, won’t be here forever. They are not suppose to be. And I think thats why jack endorses independent thinking. Because ultimately we, you, us, I have to find my own light and my own passion and my own purpose.

    We are passing ships, interconnected islands. There is an expiration on our relationships and our time here in life as we know it.

    People change. I change. And hopefully for the net positive.

    I guess what I’m trying to say is that Jack has moved me deeply. He has a passion that is infectious that I want to get behind. And I will. For a long time.

    But the sobering truth is that I know In the end I must depend on myself and create my own light in this world — and that is the end game.

    I love Jack and all of you for what you believe in, and what you are chasing in this life. This subculture manifesting and bubbling below the surface is something special, something sacred.

    Shine your light.

    recoen, Anne V, Phosphene and 4 others like this.
  8. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    I love your growth........
  9. Inger

    Inger Silver

  10. LieselK

    LieselK Titanium Member

    I didn't know the pre-Mexico Jason, but I like this one a lot :)
    Phosphene and MITpowered26 like this.
  11. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Haha thank you :) :)
  12. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    A bird never learns to fly when it is locked in a cage......and neither do we.

    I just opened his cage in Mexico.

    Lite Nomad, Anne V and Phosphene like this.
  13. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Day 18: Clouds, dirt, and when east meets west

    1.Sunrise with mama bear today. It was a welcome addition to my sunrise club of 2 now. Life is good

    2. Reloaded on sardines + water

    I had my piano lesson then voice lesson today. The teachers are a couple. Asian piano teacher and Caucasian voice coach.

    I entangled with so much energy today. And it went phenomenon-ally well for how much apprehension I had going into today.

    As I’ve told Jack, my voice coach TM is, in my regard, the Kruse of the arts - that’s why I bow down past my hips to him as I do to jack - respect and admiration.

    It went well. They were both accepting of my new found self, decisions, vision of my life and time. They were open to my passion for light, nnemf, etc.

    I’m so happy both the east and the west In my life can co exist has collided and Produced a new harmonic quality to my life. Science and art, left brain right brain, ying and yang.

    Time is a funny thing. It can do a number on you and your perception of things, of people.. and their true intentions.

    People are self-centered for sure. The degree to which one operates by this drive is what is key here though.

    As I gain more clarity.. I realize things. The first is that as you detach from people... the distance for me at least, tends to bend stories and intentions and motives in my head. “Oh, he is Just trying to control me.” “Oh, he just wants my money.” “What’s his End game.” “He’s just using me.” STOP Jason.

    This is why for example, things like re-entangling with Tm and his partner today- or entangling for the first time intensively with jack is so affirming. It intuitively informs where someone’s mind is at, and more importantly their heart. It’s not just in the bigs, but in the subtleties, the nuances, the Freudian slips, the vibrations and frequencies they tune to.

    And that’s why bathing in that water of entanglement with people you love is critical. Because for me... time apart just simply F***s with my head and my heart.

    It sounds finicky.. but I suppose that’s how relationships either build or destroy.

    In the end.. the core of truth is this amongst people on my team, Jack, Tm, tm’s partner, the better I become as a person, they Better they become. It elevates both, it elevates community. And that’s what this is all about - raising the vibrations.

    Jack has parted the clouds for me— he has helped me see the light; the picture. And Tm? His partner? They help in the dirt- the process, the Talking through of things and thoughts and emotions.

    The clouds and the dirt.

    Life’s good. Life’s beautiful. Take it.

    Phosphene likes this.
  14. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    "Say it with your chest ... but you know if I waste my time, talking about what ain't mine....I wan't more out of life than this.... I know that I'm changing, I know that I'm changing."
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2019
    Phosphene likes this.
  15. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    Life should hurt........it keeps us engaged and focused. Comfort builds silence in the mind. When comfort dominates, we stop asking good questions. This is why there is greater comfort in the substance of silence for the living dead than in the answer to a question of those who embrace the discomfort of living. They seek to find and conquer life.

    Life does hurt. It stings. It’s uncomfortable. It’s even miserable. But it’s a necessary duty of living.
    Don’t let comfort fool you. Fight for that optimal life you see in your mind. Fight for what really matters or you will die feeling you cut life short, that you missed out, that you gave in, that you gave up. Isn’t that worth a fight?!?!

    Phosphene and MITpowered26 like this.
  16. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Day 19: Inextricable links

    1. Getting ready to wake my mother to go see sunrise. WOHOOOO

    I've been up since 3am. While that's nothing to be proud of, I'm just pumped and ready to go. I'll be tired later for sure, and will get more rest later. My circadian rhytmn is a work in progress. Day 19 in and I'm still jacked, but haven't learn to slow things down yet when I need to.

    Anyways, wanted to talk about a post this morning, a quote Jack shared:

    "The reward for conformity is that everyone likes you but yourself"

    Wow. I feel. I do. Honesty ahead: The forum here is definitely a validating experience. We are social creatures. Birds need a reason to sing, and they also sing to be heard. I like being heard. By Jack, by you.

    Some part of me has realized that I like how I feel when I journal. When I engage. And I like how I feel when I hear a response. Allow me to flush this out.

    But even within the parameters of a nonconforming culture such as this, there is a level of conformity. Is that necessary in a culture, community? I don't know. I guess if you want to split hairs its probably inescapable, as even in Jacks' teachings to speak the uncomfortable, that becomes a new conforming norm. Whatever.

    I guess what I'm trying to drill down is that there is two processes at work in me. That which is my experiences. Good or bad. When its good I like them, when its bad, I don't. I have not yet come to a place where in the bad, the uncomfortable, I can embrace the suck and like myself for doing that, in the face of the suck. That is partly why I push forward, dig deeper, for meaning.... so that there is no suck. There is only meaning in the end I suppose. The good and bad are simple the subject matter. The movie, the story you watch on the "screen" can have moments of sadness, or moments of happiness. But what happens in you as you watch, observe your life as it unfolds before you, is where the magic, the meat, and the oysters of the sea are. It's where the work begins and meaning is found. Move forward. Dig deeper. And detachment from the good or bad becomes possible.

    The second process is sharing. Being vulnerable in the company of Jack, of another. Exposing your soul. This spurs on another experience, that of self doubt, self criticalness, that of pleasing others. And in my relentless pursuit of light, it needs to stop. The greatest leaders take you places you need to go, but don't want to go. Never reinforce poor thinking. Be intuitive in the rules of engagement - speak truth above all else, and secondarily, choose wisely when to do so. The second point I feel will come with time for me.

    But I am afraid. Afraid of not being liked. Of offending. And this is not helfpul to me or anybody in the end. Its a wasted gambit in time.

    Onto the title of this post, inextricable links...for me...that would be my dad. I'll speak generally here, and bluntly. The dynamic between us is toxic. And as Jack alludes to in his "fear of death" instagram post yesterday, what kills me is seeing my dad without self-purpose, without passion in life. It does. And I want to change it but I know my WANT to touch his life is not as important or effective as a NEED for him to touch his own life, in his own time, on his own terms... and thats hard. Because I don't know if he will get there in the end.

    He's my dad. F****. What do you do with that? i want to impact his life, but at the risk of disimpacting my own, I have been avoiding home lately and gravitating to seek tribe more at my frequency.

    Inextricable links. We are forever entangled, in mind, body, spirit. And I have to entangle at an arms distance to save myself. It's survival.

    Inextricable links.

    recoen, Phosphene and LieselK like this.
  17. JanSz

    JanSz Gold

    Being up at 3AM may not be so bad.
    As we (Black swan mitochondriacs) get closer to our ideals
    we will need to re-discuss sleep cycles.
    There is post here somewhere that
    @Jack Kruse
    discusses it including link to this video.

    Our natural sleep cycle | Jessa Gamble
    recoen and MITpowered26 like this.
  18. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    thanks Jan, will watch later. Heading to sunrise. Decided to power through today instead of the temptation to write it off.
  19. Kathy Spears

    Kathy Spears New Member

    Interesting! Thanks for sharing. What she explained is what seems to happen to me every night and I thought it was bad. I wake up so easily around 3 or 4 and then can't get back to sleep because I am wide awake.
    recoen likes this.
  20. JanSz

    JanSz Gold

    Good time to cuddle with someone if you share your bed.

    I am little confused about prolactin Jessa mentions in the video.
    That may help females, but high prolactin in male may not be that great (for the occasion).

    recoen and MITpowered26 like this.

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