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Christmas tree journal

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by MITpowered26, Feb 27, 2019.

  1. JanSz

    JanSz Gold

    Desirable quality in doctor.

    @Jack Kruse is discussing this in some of his posts.

  2. caroline

    caroline New Member

    keep fighting Jason!
  3. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    Love this brutal honesty. You're slaying dragons my brother in this journal. I wish others had this passion.
    Inger and MITpowered26 like this.
  4. Kathy Spears

    Kathy Spears New Member

    Growth is exhilarating and painful. Well done! Since going thru menopause I find that I no longer feel so emotional about things. I joke that I now understand what it feels like to be a man! While I have enjoyed feeling more even keeled and detached, I have to admit that I do miss the deeper, more raw feelings that are typically attributed to the female gender. Pain sucks but makes pleasure so much better. You may be opening up a tidal wave. Enjoy the ride. I think it's worth it!
  5. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    Embrace the discomforts of life because this is where the answers you seek will be found.
    Majcul, Alex97232, LieselK and 3 others like this.
  6. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Thankyou Jack, this message has been lifting.
  7. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Thankyou Kathy. Looks like we are blurring gender lines!
    Kathy Spears likes this.
  8. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    My intuition spoke to me in the same way last night. It said.. "Where the honeymoon ends is where the real journey starts"

    Lahelada and caroline like this.
  9. Kathy Spears

    Kathy Spears New Member

    Haha! Definitely!!
  10. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Day 13:

    1. Slowly reducing artificial light. Operating early mornings, late nights in the dark. Or at the very least, turning on lights in secondary rooms to indirectly light up the room I'm in to minimize the blue light.

    A Krusian post struck a cord with me this morning that I want to meditate on this.

    "Do not wait until you have reached your goal to be proud of yourself, instead be proud of every step you take towards reaching that goal. Whenever you fail, never give up, learn the lessons and become better as a result of it.... Cry as hard as you want to. But always make sure: When you stop crying, you'll never cry for the same reason again. .."

    Indeed. Indeed I acknowledge I am a man of action. I am a man of swift decision making. But I am also a man that is starved of cognitive self-love, self acknowledgement. Slow it down...slow the moments down and celebrate them. It's not just the big, profound, extreme measures that matter, contrary to my own belief. Yes, they bring on the most dopamine. But if I wait for the surges, I will miss the beauty in everything else. I will feel sad in everything else. Catch the wave, but feel the ocean, the sun, feel yourself in the moment, in time, in space.

    The little things. I hate the little things. They don't matter to me, but I know intuitively they matter. BIG BOLD BEAUTIFUL is my essence. But is also my greatest failure in life. Because I miss the journey along the way, the appreciation for it, for life.

    Life is simple if we make it such. Meaning to life is simple if we make it such. And truly that's all there really is. For me, it's certain an acquired taste that I know is good for me, but that I don't like right now. LIke goose liver, haha. In a society of extremes, seek the simple. Move with swift and bold action, but in that space create a equally profound, important, presence of consciousness, of self-credit, self-acknowledgement, of self-love, and build SELF. That inner game.

    Similarly, in that inner space, there comes the failure. The valleys, the mud, the dirt, the neck cranked as you see the mountain high above you. To my credit, I have never bothered looking up the mountain. I simply, blindly, like a worm, feel my way to the light. To the biggest actions that make me feel something good. Extreme. But the mountain is still there. And if I do not see it, you would never know its there. And to not know its there, is to not know where you have come and where you are going.

    Be overwhelmed, Jason. Let in the anxiety, the frustration, of the notion "how far you need to go, we need to go" as you stare up the mountain. Let yourself fail. And then let those emotions wash over you, quench you like a sponge to water, soak in, and so then it can equally impact you. And so then you can cry. And then you can learn. And then you can move on.

    LieselK, Phosphene, caroline and 2 others like this.
  11. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    ANOTHER ONE to meditate:

    "Are you hanging on a moment? Then JUMP"

    This moves me. I have been operating partially out of fear lately. Fear of loss. Losing something that I cherish. A perspective on life and on meaning I have now. There is a great risk of self destruction that comes with self-awareness. If you know the path you went down and how you got there, you can equally, you can equally be as able to walk backwards down that same path. Memory is a funny thing for me. Part of me would prefer to forgot and bury the "evidence" of change as I move through it. That way it becomes like the movie INCEPTION, whereby I cannot figure out how to go backwards. But that isn't my reality it seems.

    And so... I NEED TO JUMP. JUMP HARD. JUMP FORWARD. ACT. and REPEAT THAT ACT. The act of affirming and reaffirming my belief and value of TIME. All things from from this fountain. Resist the urge to block the stream, the flow. As stupid and masochistic as that sounds consciously. But its more like that weird looking hole you just want to poke your finger in. Its tempting and intuitively seems like trouble, but you want to do it anyways.

    In the time I spend with people, how long, with whom, where I choose to spend that time. ACT... and then take time to see that action in my minds eye, feel good about it. Then fail. And feel that too. And see that failure in my minds eye. And then also repeat.

    Anne V, LieselK, Phosphene and 3 others like this.
  12. Hey Jason,
    Im jealous of your greenhouse and near death experience. I always love and dont want to forget the feeling of cheating the reaper. Need to remember how lucky i am to be here everyday.
    Keep enjoying your honeymoon, but keep your eye on the horizon. Big things happen a little at a time!

    Keep on rockin in the free world
    MITpowered26 likes this.
  13. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Thankyou for these wise words Marko.

  14. caroline

    caroline New Member

    I have always felt that we are made up of so many pieces ....the good, the bad and the ugly.

    There are things we regret, there are things we are ashamed of, there are deep secrets buried inside of .....but this all becomes the wonderful mosaic of our life ...

    All this junk in our life has made us who we are today, all the wonderful, stupid, heartbreaking, joyous,ugly stuff has turned us into this incredible human being.

    We sure do have a past -thankfully .....and it is leading us to our own special and remarkable future!

    Jason, you lived broadly before ...and now you are living deeply and with so much meaning and connection.

    All this can't happen, in my opinion, without looking in the mirror with honesty.

    Now we can see so much more that was hidden to us before. We have new insight and perspective - we are growing towards the light ....because we now know better!
    Lite Nomad, LieselK and Phosphene like this.
  15. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    I love the chaos of living. JT and I are men dying and we embrace it. We do it in ways few of you would understand. We write to one another about how we are dying in the present moment.........the conversation is way deep.

    2019 is going to the year of my wrecking ball........recently decided by the way.

    We shouldn't waste our time with explanations of Time: people only hear what they want to hear. How your TIME unfolds is 100% linked to the value of your choices. Since I am a man dying I appreciate time deeply than most mammals. Everyone must leave something behind when they die…………….what will you leave? Joe Q. Public are terribly afraid of dying because they haven’t lived a real freaking day of life playing the lead in their own play. They just have not yet lived yet my friend.

    Fuck that. I’m going out without any regrets.

    If you don't want someone sucking the life out of you....take out the straw.

    If you’re listening properly to this message and the March 2019 webinar, you’ll know how to disrupt peoples minds safely using your innate light. That light is called an idea. An idea is a thought secretion made by the electromagnetic force buried inside of you. Touch them without physically touching them with your power of thinking. This is how I touch Jason and how he is touching you all here. He does not know it yet because he is like a sorcerer in Harry Potter who just got his broom and he is learning to fly among our tribe right here in this journal. This is why I love this guy. He is not afraid of going all in. He gives two fucks. He is who I am looking for.

    We know what we give to others but we rarely know what others received from the interaction. Give it to them -- no consent is required to change a life.
    Lite Nomad, ELLEN M., recoen and 4 others like this.
  16. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Day 14:

    It's been a late post. It's been a whirlwind 24 hours. It's been down, then its been up. But I'm happy there is a happy ending to these last 24 hours. Let me explain;

    I literally hit a brick wall last night at work. I was so f****ing burnt out already. But how could this be? Because I wasn't really sleeping all that much since VIP trip, I was so jacked. Well I did last night. A lot. And I feel great again. But more importantly my psyche is much better. And I just got a hit of dopamine just now as I raced back home to share my adventure.

    Enter: DW. My uncle. He's 77. He's old. We have always bonded over self help books, talking about psychology, etc. But something changed today. I realized I want him in my tribe, I realized he is my people. So I called him up and hung out. Much fruit began to bloom from this.

    Flashback to the first half of these last 24 hours. Honestly, I was down for the count. I was K.O'd dudes and dudettes. And my psyche was taking a hit. I saw the down ward spiral ahead, and thoughts were running through my mind like taking a break from the forum due to risk of my journal becoming some big failure plot filled with struggle, negativity, and general bad influence at the wheel. I was questioning this whole "thing" that I have become entangled in. Harsh things to say, but true. I was down for count, and because Jack, none of you, could save me, I automatically assumed you were not good for me. I read Jack's post today about "...saving yourself.." ... and subliminally I think that message registered. Because i reached out and entangled with my man, DW.

    Yea...I'm irrational. But more importantly, lack of sleep messes with me big time.

    Fast forward to last hour ago. DW. It was awesome. He's helping me build my greenhouse. GROOVY. He had an old truck that needs a timing belt change, but other than that he said if we fix it up together I can have it. PERFECT! He has an old freezer that he says I can have. WTF? haha. But nevermind all that. We entangled. And it was awesome. My dopamine went up. We had coffee together. I taught DW about his router, the blue light, nature. We talked about his wif (my mom's twin), about his son (my cousin), about his marriage, about my work, about life. And I loved it. I did something I never would have done. And it's because I was caught up in a low dopamine idea that "you can't hang out with a 77 year old uncle?...that's wierd,"

    Time to make up for lost times.... my tribe is calling. He's my circle in my circle of two right now in Edmonton. That's all I have right now, but its a beautiful circle.

    In closing, this too shall pass. The good. And the bad shall come. And that too shall pass. And that's the ebb and flow of life. Embrace the suck, Cherish the not suck. I really really lose sight of that - I lost sight of that in the first part of day 14. But I'm so glad for it.

    recoen, LieselK, Phosphene and 3 others like this.
  17. Thats great Jason. I value age diversity in my tribe. I used golf with a group of oldsters, ww2 and korea vets 30 to 50 years older than me. All bad asses in life and business, but their kindness and humanity touched me the most. Im glad you're connecting with your uncle!
    recoen, Anne V, Phosphene and 2 others like this.
  18. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Awesome Marko!
  19. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Day 15:

    Uneventful last 24 hours. I'm having trouble actually reporting some change, some experience. Was this a failed day? Perhaps. I worked, came home, got a haircut, then a moment came where I had a choice to either chase fire, seize the time, or go home and hit the forum. I hit the forum.

    I decided to take a step back, lick my wounds, and reset. I'll take the loss and hope to learn from it.

    Truly, entanglement, opportunity, "high dopamine" activity, can occur at any moment in my life. But why leave it to chance. I have to be relentless. F***ing relentless. I should be pissed I did not live my best life today. But instead, I'm pissed that I"m not pissed. I want to want.

    Seek and find. Search and find. Look and find. Find and find.

    Life is simple. I realize I just need to make it such. Back to the basics. Continue fine tuning my stop gap environment. Keep planning the ESCAPE.

    Its the slow growth curve part of my development. However, the sooner I get things setup, CT, finding a good sunrise spot, and blocking off the sacred morning, the better.

    1. I will not go into work tomorrow until I have met the sunrise for 30 minutes. Rain or shine.

    That is all. Enough lip service.

    Lite Nomad, Anne V, LieselK and 2 others like this.
  20. OliverGruener2

    OliverGruener2 New Member

    It is truly great to read along as to try to figure yourself out. Evolve as a human. Get better. The honest in it. It inspires me personally and profoundly! Thanks!!
    MITpowered26 likes this.

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