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Christmas tree journal

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by MITpowered26, Feb 27, 2019.

  1. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    do without ego

    Just write. Just fucking write. The first steps are sometimes the hardest, but sometimes taking them is all we need in our journey forwards.

    I had two important calls that came in today. The first was a financial advisor I started talking to. Great guy, unique approach that I have not had before from other advisors. He sits down, he gets to know you, your goals, what drives you, and helps you how to get there.

    I identified 3 main goals:
    1. To build my business to a point where I am able to walk away periodically without the sky falling down on me/it.
    2. To use the time away to head south to the tropics as often as I can.
    3. To get healthy

    The second call, a timely one, came from Jack Kruse today, checking in on how I have been making out. It was nice to hear from him and another member Joe Fang. .. People, community, and resonating frequencies that are intimately linked to the 3 main goals I have listed above.

    I have to be honest, I'm a pretty fucking impulsive person and I change my mind on things so many times over. It seemed like after my health scare last year, coming back to reality in Edmonton, a failing business, and the thought of relapsing on another travel venture, my days chasing sun in the south were numbered. It was perhaps time to find a new shiny health paradigm to latch onto.

    Today's phone calls remind me that this is not so. While I'm not optimal, while its damn winter here now, while covid giving me travel dreams that wont be a reality anytime soon, and while I am still stabilizing my life and business again, the goals still endure. That means something to me...

    Without ego. Do without ego. Don't think about writing just write. Don't measure your writing, just articulate. Don't expect an outcome, just see what happens with a healthy curiosity.

  2. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Excited and Ready for November Tracking. G = Sperti Vitamin D SunLamp

  3. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    11 degrees C / 52 degrees F Outdoor office naked in my kiniki.
    #showingup #gettinger'done #dreamwork

  4. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    Love you Jason.
    MITpowered26 likes this.
  5. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Love you too Jack.
  6. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Absorbing Truth

    Often times, I look back on things I write and I cringe. Did I actually write that? On the flipside, writing in the moment is so therapeutic that I never have regrets. It allows me to reach catharsis, to articulate key insights into myself and how I relate to the environment around me.

    A huge struggle for me in my business has been having to be the manager of the store. I have zero management experience, and more importantly, suck as a manager. Its been an uncomfortable journey, but one that has had a major breakthrough today in the way I'm seeing this role.

    I have recurring themes that crop up in my day to day life. One of them has been this desire to "move out of my parents house" and break out on my own. I've done it many times but seem to crash back to my parents house inevitably. But more pertinent to todays' stream of thought is the idea of how my role in the family unit, my role in the household, has intersected with my role as a manager.

    I've always known intuitively that there was something dysfunctional and stagnant in nature about my maturity growth curve and my sense of responsibility. And until now I couldn't quite gather enough pieces of the puzzle to push me over the top.. and actually see the problem from outside of the woods. But now having turned over employee after employee, I've started to take a look that perhaps, the problem was me the whole time.. both as a manager, and in terms of personal development.

    In short, I'm fucking spoiled. And it's my fault at the end of the day. It's led me to not not only be lazy (physically and mentally), but also self-absorbed and flaccid when it comes to my ability to get along with others, communicate, "collaborate" and "resolve conflict."

    I started to actually log during my shift every time I was internally pissed off but never showed it. It was a lot. I was pissed off at everything. When staff talked to me about virtually anything. And why? Why was I pissed? Why did interaction make me so uncomfortable and working by myself seem to easy and natural, even if it meant doing more mundane work that I hated? Because I'm an "only child" at heart. I have an older sister, yes, but she has always had to be independent from a young age having had less parental attention.

    Today has been a reality check and one that has been a long time coming. The answer to my management problems, my parental problems, my dating problems, was in the way I thought about the problem. Sounds so cliche, but when it clicks I guess it just clicks in my head.

    Awareness is the first step in change, and I'm getting doses of that - now that I am willing to see the truth of my being. The embarrassing truth I should have learned in middle school over a decade ago - that my family's needs doesn't revolve around me - even though I've made it this way. That being special is not a self-entitled badge you wear, but something you earn through hardwork, perspiration, and a right of passage.

    It's that feeling when you realize "I'm it, I'm on my own, and what I get from this universe and this life, is what I choose to go out and grab." That's what frightens me and makes me the most alive... and the lesson I have to keep learning until I get it.

    Jackie Jolie and Sean Waters like this.
  7. Sean Waters

    Sean Waters New Member

    Love this mate. I'm mirroring a lot of what you wrote here... look outward now and pay attention to nature. It is always trying to talk to you and guiding you... TRUST IT.
    Jackie Jolie likes this.
  8. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    On self-growth, art, cowardice, and happiness

    hey y’all.

    I have been busy as of late building my financial literacy. I’ve realized how important and interlinked educating oneself is to the wealth-health paradigms.

    We endeavour in life to build wealth in order to live out a reasonably long and prosperous Time course - to “buy” us more quality time.

    And then so begs the question, what does one endeavour to pursue with their time on this earth? I’ve been very fascinated lately by the concepts of polymath and to a lesser degree polyglot. Fundamental to people that achieve such heights of mastery, therein lies such a crucial skill set - that of thinking, that of observing, that of learning.

    From that skill set, pillars beholden. I’m inspired to devote the rest of my life now, to mastering reading, writing, and speaking - the Actionable (dare I say) three legged stool of Growth.

    Just the other day I started a private video diary in an effort to help me Improve my articulation with speech. It felt really good. What felt so good was the validation I was giving and receiving within. The patience, platform, I raised for myself. It helped me not only make sense of my world at this moment, but uncover learnings of “why I am the way that I am.” It was a truly satisfying discovery.

    I’ve been also discovering and learning about literary authors as of late as well. Something always bothered me about why I couldn’t sit down and read fiction. I just didn’t “get” literature and I so badly wanted to.

    Enter a writer by the name of David Foster Wallace - DFW for short. A brilliant, hyper conscious, articulate genius of his time. An intellectual giant.

    Listening to him speak is like eating something really tasty - it just goes down smooth. His words, his demeanour, the beauty of his language. He taught me why literature and stories exist: because they help describe to some capacity, an understanding of the human condition that would not otherwise be able to be spoken in a more simplistic, direct way... some things we just don’t talk about.

    As I got to know DFW deeper, it became apparent he was, like so many, a tortured artist. His primary element was words on a page .. of which gave him an out - an outlet for which to speak and have catharsis over difficult subject matter. He commit suicide in 2008.

    This I Wonder about: the mad genius of certain artists of history. The fractured-ness Of the human condition and perhaps, how art helps heal this schizophrenia.. and maybe on the same token how doing so makes one live FULLY in reality with a way to reconcile the existential confusion, like reopening ones third eye.

    Is this why the genius of artists often leads down, ironically, Down a dark path of depression, substance abuse, or melancholy about the deep truths of existence?

    Enter neo, enter the red pill, and enter hope for the future. Hope is life force underpinned by the powerful energy of love. Do brilliant minds die because they see the powerlessness of their minute position in the system... or perhaps is there an element of cowardice? Cowardice to try, go beyond the constraints of fear, to face down the dragon.

    Bitcoin doesn’t represent faith. No. It represents hope. The unknown identity(s) behind bitcoin represent more than dollars and cents, more than 1’a and 0’s...but maybe that’s a rabbit hole for another day.

    Jordan Peterson says that human beings require so little fucking encouragement and validation to survive from others.. in yet this element of human interactions is so scarce in the corporate capitalist society we live in.

    A ted talk I watched the other day discussed a study that has been going on for the last 75 years and counting... tracking with hours upon hours of yearly Interviews of people from all walks of life. It is attempting to answer the question : what makes us happy. The 75 year old conclusion: good relationships.

    And so yea.... do I want 6 pack abs? Do I want health and wealth ? Yes. Would I love to be a polymath renaissance man some day? Cool. But above all else, I need, want, must, have to, cultivate good relationships in my life. This is the glue that Holds the foundation together.

    Last edited: Jan 31, 2021
    John Schumacher and Sean Waters like this.
  9. Jack Kruse

    Jack Kruse Administrator

    Last sentence......focus on it
    Sean Waters likes this.
  10. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    On Communication, Love and Fear

    Jordan Peterson says that in order for you to write an essay, there needs to be a problem you are attempting to solve. Without this, there is no essay. And so here is my problem: What does good relationship communication mean to me?

    I have the opportunity to think through such questions in my life at the moment, and for that I am grateful. In my in-person life, the quantity and quality of good relationships seems to be lacking, and that is something I want to work on.

    The obvious and rudimentary answer to "What is communication?" is simply "talking to someone", and expressing some idea, emotion, thought, experience. The goal of communication can be varied, whether you need a safe space to be your sounding board, or whether you are speaking to convey a message to the recipient of your words.

    Communication can also come in many forms and involve many or all of the 5 senses: Words (both spoken and written), Audio/visual (photos, drawings, videos, music), Taste/Smell (food/drinks).

    "Talking," as someone put it interestingly once to me, is beneficial to the person talking because the left ear (brain) speaks, and the right ear (brain) listens... and this can be a profound self-reflection through speech. And as such, the speaker, and the recipient, can be one and the same. Further to this, the end result of communication can be one of not only cognitive effect, but emotional, spiritual, and mental outcome, or a combination therefore. For example: boredom, inspiration, or empathy.

    There is also something to be said of the communication structure of "stories" in particular and why they exist centuries and centuries later in the course of human existence. Not only do stories convey certain deep messages that could otherwise not be conveyed in a didactic, scientific manner, but stories hit you where it hurts... where it can persuade you, and perhaps where it can change you. Effective, persuasive communication, is therefore rooted in emotion.

    There is a sub-goal I am working on today, "Pretend to be a tourist in a familiar environment outdoors." A part of me doesn't want to, as its cold outside, its boring, and ...well its COVID-times. I talked to myself to work through this problem this morning, and my right brain registered how it sounded. I sounded fearful. And so then I asked myself, if nothing was holding me back, if I had no fears, would I choose to go outside and be a tourist. The quick answer was yes.

    And so the deep answer followed. What drives my decision making can come from one of two primary sources, LOVE, or FEAR. And then a question... "If Love or fear drives people's actions or lack thereof, then how does the quality of one's interactions?"

    Two words come to mind: Authenticity, and Intention.

    Authenticity is when one communicates to themselves and others, with "trueness." I think this is different from simply "telling the truth about what you think and how you feel." Instead, there is an intentional component there, to balance certain personal needs within the communication. Balancing your gratitude (love) or lack of gratitude (fear) of the person, your desire to heal (love) or harm (fear) the person, respect (love) or lack thereof (fear), or trust (love) versus not (fear). Authenticity can be full of fear, or full of love, but it has to be "true."

    And while relationships are not binary, but sometimes a hodgepodge hot mess of confusing emotions, this much is true: The net weight of love and fear towards a person determines your desire..or perhaps more neutrally and reductive, your "curiosity" to continue a relationship for the time being. IE. If some need on maslows heirarchy is being met, and that seems to be enough for you and outweighs in your perception the needs that are not being met, then you will stay in the relationship.

    Perhaps the last point seems common sense and readily apparent - because it is. We are self-centered creatures that go where our needs are being met in at least some fragmented capacity.

    So then, going back to my the question of what is communication to me and how can it cultivate good relationships Or rather, what is GOOD communication to me? I believe good communication is rooted with the intention of authentic love and not fear. And while you cannot always communicate with this purity in all contexts or relationships, it's certainly the standard by which I would like to measure up to in each moment. It's what feels the "best" and that love conveyed to self or others is what I think grows relationships in the long run.

    While "being" an intentionally hard, authority figure in a child's life is rooted in a fearful paradigm in the moment, the future child's self would look back on it as love. And therefore, the communication tactic is fear, but the root is love.

    To me, this may mean not sharing with my mother my weight loss struggles day to day because I know she is too emotionally invested in me, and it creates affirms a toxic shame for me, and a stressful worry for her. Sharing frustrates both of us, so having the intention to have self-control to assert boundaries and not share might be closer to building a relationship of growth in the end.

    It also may mean that in order to build more good relationships in my life, I need to start with the conversations I have with myself, and make sure they are of the "love standard" ... because other relationships will be built from this foundational self.

    To conclude with a high school plant experiment: You bully a plant and it won't grow. But you talk with the intention of love, and it will. Communicate with the intent to leave the person in a better space then you found him/her.

    Mike David likes this.
  11. Inger

    Inger Silver

    Hi Jason :) :)

    My own experience is, to be just an open, tender, accepting space for the other, is enough. To be present. I think people long to be seen.... Maybe love is just that? :)
    To watch people in their eyes....
    Sean Waters likes this.
  12. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Hi Inger,

    Thank-you for sharing. You seem to always radiate with love in your words and are a good model of this! Being present is a good phrase. I find it hard to watch people in their eyes, I can't think and watch people at the same time it seems! It's almost too much processing. haha.

    btw, this art project seemed interesting that I someone shared with me, where people lined up for hours to just sit and stare at the artist.


    I think it would be awesome to do. "Being present!"

  13. Inger

    Inger Silver

    try to not think (and you are right, it does not work that way, it is too much) when you watch people in he eyes, just watch! See how beautiful and fascinating people are... just feel it!

    Try to just taste the experience. It is something beautiful. It is like, when you have sex, you cant think about it! You just enjoy.
    haha.. sorry for this little weird comparison, but to me it works like that. :) :)
    Sean Waters and MITpowered26 like this.
  14. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    I understand what you are saying. That analogy works, I'll give it a try!
  15. Inger

    Inger Silver

    cool :) :) let me know how it feels :thumbsup:
  16. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    I tried it over zoom talking to a gentleman. It felt very funny and "giggly" to get lost in his eyes haha!
  17. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member


    Heading back the right way

    A photo of my sunset today. It feels like I've said this many times before, but I'm back heading in the right direction towards the church of the sun.. towards the simple quantum practices. After being in such a shit indoor environment all day, staring out of my car window, glasses off, into the sunset feels really really good. Like really good. It's like I'm get a high everytime I do it. lol

    As a friend said, build it one habit at a time. First, meet the sunrise every morning, without fail, non-negotiable, then follow it up with a seasonal breakfast (in my case, seafood/protein/fats/keto/Intermittent fasting type deal right now in winter). Start there.

    I'm back to hacking my work environment as well. Going to change out the lighting in the whole space to what looks to be a soft kelvin LED. It's all I can do indoors. Link below to the company that supplies them and claims zero flicker as well.


    What I plan to actually do when I'm working, (as I usually am open only during daylight)... is turn off all the lights in the staff space, let the natural light in, and have mini indandescent lamps in the areas of the store where you really need to focus! I'm excited about this idea. haha. The staff.. not so much. haha

    A long term project now, is finding a reliable manager for the store, so I can go heal in the tropics.

  18. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member


    Indoor / outdoor afternoon space
    Dteshome likes this.
  19. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Mr. Robot - a dystopian lens of the future of bitcoin

    Mr. Robot is a fascinating cult tv tv show originally aired in 2005. It forays into a fictional depiction of what a dystopian future could look like with bitcoin. FUD. The show effectively plays on dystopian fears, uncertainties and doubts on both sides of the coin - "the FUD amongst corporatist and government officials that bitcoin will take over the world, and the fear among bitcoiners that their beloved cryptocurrency will be perverted into a tool of the very institutions they sought to disintermediate in the first place."

    An excerpt:

    JACK: “…No. It’s unconstitutional. You can’t make your own currency. That is the federal government’s job.

    PRICE: Jack. Look at me. I am not the problem here. The problem is that hard cash is fading. Rapidly. That’s just the way of the world right now. And Bitcoin is spreading — and if Bitcoin takes over we are all in a world of hell. It is unregulated. It has already reached its transaction volume maximum and it is partly controlled by Chinese miners.

    With E-Coin we control the ledger and the mining servers — we are the authority. I will make sure that you will have visibility into every single wallet that’s opened: every loan, every transaction. Which means we can start making new assets. Which means we can start rebuilding the banking sector without you having to inject even more politically unpalatable federal funds into it.

    JACK: The President will laugh in my face.

    PRICE: But he will know that this is the right thing to do. This is going to be controlled by a good old-fashioned American company. You want to regulate it? Be my guest. Regulate the shit out of it. I’ll give you backdoors, side-doors, trace — whatever you want. Just don’t. Shut it. Down.

    Featuring the incredible Rami Malek and the timeless Christian Slater, Mr. Robot is about a protagonist, Eliot Anderson, a software engineer by day and a vigilante hacker by night. "He embodies the millennial angst and tension at the systems that run our lives and wants to make a difference. He is approached by a mysterious man from a hacker group named F Society who recruits him into a revolution to sever power from the “top one of the top one percent” and virtually eliminate all debt by hacking the largest conglomerate in the world, E Corp (or Evil Corp, as interpreted by Eliot."

    Whether art imitates life, or life imitates art, is debatable. What I do know is that this show is a necessary, relevant, yet very dark exploration into absolute extreme scenarios for the future of the world. Mr. Robot, in my opinion, elucidates why bitcoin is more than just another currency, but a symbol and remedy of hope for a better future amongst an anxious and fearful millennial generation - and the world at large for that matter.

    Strange, wild times we are in right now.

  20. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Quick hits:

    • Accumulating the small, consistent wins lately with respect to sunrise and being outdoors (despite the frigid -30 degrees celsius or so temps currently)
    • Finding I get euphoria each morning with sunrises. I read something today to the effect of "conditions will never be perfect, but your discipline can be." Feeling good at sunrise definitely helps me focus and settle in on step 1 of the day.
    • "Talent Code" by Daniel Coyle. Interesting book that studies talent hotbeds in various disciplines.. and why certain "groups" around the globe seem to reproduce multiple high-end talents (from sports to art to whatever).. came down to subculture, and community
    • Coming on I believe 5 years now in my music studio. The culture is evolving, its strengthening ironically through covid, and everyone (including myself) are getting exponential better at their art. The studio is definitely, and always has been a fertile ground to be great someday, and its happening.
    • The Kruse "community" draws parallels with the music studio. Community, strong sub-culture. These are the things you look forward to throughout your weeks. The community has been quietly leading a charge into a few frontier of health.
    Sean Waters likes this.

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