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Christmas tree journal

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by MITpowered26, Feb 27, 2019.

  1. Katie Durham

    Katie Durham New Member

    (((Jason))), we're all rooting for you. I like that Jack was part of your journey back.
    MITpowered26 and Anne V like this.
  2. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member


    I'm actually back. Writing again and wanting to write again. This had been such an enormous outlet and part of my life last year.

    I told myself the last few months "It's going to take time" to mentally to get back to my baseline again, but I never quite believed things would recover all that much, given the enormous mania i had experienced and lack of sleep for 21 some odd days in L.A. and 5g - NYC of all places.

    If theres a silver lining, and there are/were many, at least I got out right before the so called "covid."

    Everytime I've been corresponding with Kruse optimal members in the last few weeks to months, including Jack, it took me back to a dream that I was cultivating. A dream that I did not quite understand at the time, but one that I feel ignites more and more in me everyday. A vision to finally make a place like the Yucatan my second home somehow, and immerse myself with the optimal crew, and feel utterly, emphatically, profoundly fantastic in the presence of SUN + WATER + MAGNETISM.

    So as I've been getting back to some sort of normalcy in my mundane city life, I've been feeling more at a loss with myself... restless, without direction, without hope, without purpose. It's not as intense as it would read, but nonetheless, its there. And then I talk to a member, and then I smile, and remember.

    On a rosey note, it's been sunshine 31 degrees celsius here. I've been earnestly getting some outdoor contact with the sun frequently. And I just recently discovered the river that runs through my city is a great way to get some mild CT. ... Here's to hoping I can get a wade/swim in tomorrow down by.. the river.

    Raffael Zissu likes this.
  3. John Schumacher and MITpowered26 like this.
  4. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    At 16 degrees Celsius, a wet suit is a must during a triathlon swim. At around 20 degrees Celsius, a wet suit is optional.

    Today I didn’t expect to get the nodd for a river swim as it was rainy all day - and I assumed the city overflow would contaminate the water too much.

    Well I did get the nodd - from a triathlete buddy that would take me into the elements.

    The water was 20.4 degrees Celsius today. I did not have a wet suit. But what I had was a ball of excitement and nervous energy for what I was about to experience. Some CT, Mother Nature, and a bit of exercise.

    I got into the water with my guide. Chilly. Started breaststroke underwater. I immediately popped my head back out of the water. Too cold to breathe under there. No problem. So far so good.

    I would breaststroke above water to the middle of the river when ... the shit hit the fan. The current was deceptively fast, the water deep at this point,and I was already gassed, hyper ventilating, and still not used to the temperature.

    I panicked. And panicked hard. My guide was a couple metres away and Appeared to be watching me struggle.

    This was an important moment for me, where man met Mother Nature. And indeed I was drowning in water, in ignorance, and in gluttony for a fanciful idea of adventure.

    Eventually I would clue in that he was there to help. I would call him and tell him i don’t think I would make it across. He propped me up to float, and catch my breathe. And then he let me be on my way again.

    I struggled some more. Breast stroke to back float. I really wanted to quit in that moment in full Panic still. How would I make it across, what the fuck did I get myself into?

    And then I stood up, and I was somehow on the other side. Shook. But relieved.

    “I wanted to challenge you,” my guide said. “I’m glad things happened the way they did, that you are somewhat afraid of the river now, that you respect the river.”

    Indeed. River swimming is no joke. Mother Nature is no joke.

    So why does an unfit, weak swimmer think it’s a good idea to challenge a river? I don’t know. It’s always something I’ve been compelled to do. Take on things that I cannot win, perhaps, and just try to keep afloat, keep my head above water.

    As for combining ct and exercise — yeah, not a good idea. I’ll be bringing a wet suit next time!

    Sean Waters and John Schumacher like this.
  5. Beautiful experience - respect her, she could kill you.
    Suggestion: Learn Wihm Hoff - breathe, practice 50 degree moving water, standing with the water up to your chin for 20 minute sessions. You may not need a wet suite next crossing of the river.
    Grandpa John
    MITpowered26 likes this.
  6. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Black Hole Sun

    It's amazing how upgrades and downgrades in my thinking software really affects me. I'm an overanalyzer/overthinker by nature, and spending an inordinate amount of time alone can be a really black hole that consumes me. I've made an effort to get outside this summer ever since I got back on my feet from my setback a couple months back. I've been kicking ass staying outdoors and moving into the daytime heat regularly with my solar callus built up.

    It's amazing what the mind can do to you. I use to hate the heat as a child. It was intolerable. And even at the store, I still keep things pretty chilly much to the complaints of the staff. ... bring a sweater. lol. But now, with the mindset that sunlight is good for me, massively good for me, I "experience" the sun with a smile, and enjoy it. I've been mostly playing tennis/pickle ball with a rotation of players throughout the week. I hope this will load me for the long winter ahead, as I am unsure how much I will be able to get down south with travel restrictions and quarantine protocols.

    The only thing missing to my tennis regime is a nice cool off with some ice cold water. Now that I think about it, I could build a shower contraption in the SUV and cool off periodically wherever I am! Something to think about.

    I'm still not grounding as much as I should with just tennis. One step at a time. Like my singing teacher use to say, any lifelong endeavor is like sanding wood. You just keep sanding and smoothing things over with wholehearted repetition.

    Similarly, my quantum game ebbs and flows, and is far from perfect. But bathing daily, immersing oneself earnestly in the habits of meeting sunrise, eating seafood, grounding, etc, is a daily, lifelong practice. ...

    Is my motivation always there? Nope. I wish it was binary. Its so much more simple when motivation is ON all the time. The effort becomes enjoyment, the process becomes easy.

    So here I am. Back at it. Working on my tennis serve, day by day, ball by ball. And working on my quantum game step by step. I have much to be grateful for. Finding my way back miraculously to functioning health, to a functioning business, and a quantum community that makes things feel right in a world that is deeply troubled right now.

    Carpe diem. Ace it. Chasing the sun until the sun don' t shine no more.

    John Schumacher likes this.
  7. It's tough when the quantum yield is low.
  8. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    True. It's like diminishing returns sometimes it feels like, when I know going down south pays immediate and exponential dividends.
    John Schumacher likes this.
  9. What are you measuring? before and after therapeutic intervention.
    Results will give you a better idea your on the "right path"
  10. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Nothing objective, currently...
  11. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    So.. 5g has arrived in my city, sprouting into neighbourhood by neighbourhood. It will be an interesting next year with the long winter coming, covid travel restrictions, and basically no sunlight. Right now I'm "feeling" good, admittingly mostly by keeping busy exercising in the sun often. Everything else has been somewhat inconsistent for quantum practices.. but to be fair, I've been recovering from a major episode... low thinking power, isolated brooding, spinning tires, was a mainstay thing the last couple months as I got, firstly, my sleep caught up. Sleeping endlessly to recover from what I think of as a major chemical-concussion-like brain injury.

    So right now I'm happy. Happy that I'm active. For my mood and for my brooding mind. After exploring much of what the cities exercise coaches had to over, from triathletes, to strength coaches, to tennis and basketball teachers, I have finally found a really cool, youthful, enthusiastic, and kind athletic coach at a reasonable price point. Our goal together? To make me a complete athlete. Work on my running, my jumping, my shuffling, my strength. And do it 100% outdoors through the winter and summers - no gyms. Why? .. Well something exercising for the sake of exercising just hasn't seem to have stuck with me over the years. What better way to tune my body than to do it working towards an external goal - become a better X sport athlete. Work on all the fundamentals of movement, eventually play sports, and not think of it in terms of the language of "exercise."

    Seems bold considering I have a major belly, lol, since the new york hospitals steady diet of sun chips and refined ham and cheese white bread sandwiches, which I gobbled up virtually every hour on the hour, into the wee hours of the morning, for my 10 or 15 or so day stay. (the meds they gave me during my stay accelerated my appetite - I'm off that particular one now).

    I guess if I shoot for the moon, perhaps I'll land amongst the stars.

    Hunger4More likes this.

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