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Christmas tree journal

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by MITpowered26, Feb 27, 2019.

  1. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    This last one doesn't need any introduction. But it is ,however, a disturbing end sequence.

     
  2. I dont understand??
     
  3. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Didn’t see your blue blockers In your Instagram video working out with your trainer doing squats on a plank
     
  4. OK - well, what you don't see is before and after that me standing in the sun. I only work out during the day and they have sky lights in the building.
     
  5. Thanks for looking out for me
     
    Phosphene likes this.
  6. LieselK

    LieselK Titanium Member

    I admit to not not reading the multiple pages to catch me up to speed, but I'm checking in on you so how's it going? For reals?
     
    Phosphene likes this.
  7. Swen

    Swen New Member

    I had written 2 different versions of a reply, but I do not think it belongs here in J's thread. The shortest answers are "no"; but I will wait for my journal to explore what the reasons might be.
     
    Christine_L and Phosphene like this.
  8. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Well since J has been elusive and this has folks concerned, I reached out and got a brief update on Sunday. Because that’s what I do.

    He sent this gorgeous pic from a trip to the mountains. Too good not to share—hope he doesn’t mind...

    800AD3F9-F867-44DB-9AF8-EFBADD2C6D0E.jpeg
     
    Hunger4More, Christine_L and Swen like this.
  9. Swen

    Swen New Member

    wowzers what a place to be
     
  10. Sure, link me to it for the answer.
     
  11. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Jason asked me to post this for him. Sending you love and support bud. Please reach out to your peeps. We can take the darkness, and bat it away with pure light.

    “Dear anyone and everyone I have ever cared for and has ever cared for me. I have come to realize the sickness that hides inside of me. The spaces I create around me for those to fall Into. The love I poison those around me with, and then watch as they fall.. and watch with resentment, judgment, impunity. The more I have ever cared for someone, the larger, the more sophisticated these honey traps have been. Consider yourself warned. I am aware, and it my duty to protect those around me from the darkness within me.”

    J
     
  12. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Another message:

    “I am doing good. I really am doing good.”

    Ok then, no more intermediary for me. Get your ass back here, dork. :p
     
  13. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Ok, one more. I am such a sucker. (But I do believe he’s doing ok, and will be back.)

    Hello jack and all,

    I feel very guilty and reckless for the abrupt stoppage of my journal. It’s the only way i know how to do things. I really do care. But when I don’t want to do something anymore (like write ) I just don’t. And there is no other way to explain that. I have grown so so much through journaling in the last year here, and I am thankful for all the support I have received. My life has really really changed and I am now ready to start living... I have been finding meaning and enjoyment these days in entangling face to face with people and over the phone. This is not a period , but rather a comma. I am a black swan thru and thru... and will continue to attend as many of the live events as possible... and look forward to meeting you.

    Jason
     
  14. Inger

    Inger Silver

    I really wish he would make it though, for him :) because everyone deserves to live a life full of love and light :)
     
    Last edited: Nov 3, 2019
  15. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    I sent him this yesterday—one of my favorite kirtanists (chant leader for Bhakti yoga of devotion). Best wishes for his ongoing transformation.


    This guy is special. See him or (better yet) take a workshop. He and his family opened up my voice in many ways. Looks like he’s in Toronto in a few weeks.

    He Maha Lakshmi He Saraswati He Mata Kali Jagatambe Jai Jai Ma
    He Ma Durga He Ma Durga He Ma Durga Jagatambe Jai Jai Ma...

    We call out to the great Divine Mother in the forms of creator, preserver and transformer
    We offer our salutations to She who embodies the highest reaches of Love, the Mother of all

     
  16. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Heeeeey everyone.

    Whoa. Its been a while. And its been a friggin' crazy last half year. If the last 6 months have taught me anything, it is that without your health, you really have nothing. I have heard that saying ad nausem til I rolled my eyes back in spirit, but I actually get it now.

    Much to @Phosphene 's credit, she noticed a while back that through my writing, I was behaving a little more frenetic and wierd.. the truth is.. I am on meds for mood stabilization (can't remember if I have written about it before) ... what happened was during the last mexico trip 6 month ago, I forgot to take my meds here and there, and much to my surprise (light, water, magnetism, I know...) I was feeling good. It planted a seed in my head that hey, maybe I don't actually need meds. After all, I had maybe only two severe destabilized events in the last 12 years? And there it began... my slow, descent into madness for the last 6 months off meds... ****For the record, it was my own decision to stop my meds, and nobody, Jack, gave me any medical advice on this topic.

    It's honestly hard to know you are sick when you are sick.. the lack of insight.. the "Alice tumbling down the rabbit hole" .. it's quite insane how far gone I had become, and how I have managed, with the support of people in my life, and perhaps angels watching above... that I have yet again, managed to make it back to what we know as reality.

    At the height of my delusion (or I should say at the bottom of it) I had ran away from my responsibilities to my patients/company, and booked a redeye to LAX/Los Angeles, trapped myself in a hotel room for days upon days, imaging I was a tortured actor in Hollywood... it was another world...

    ..and then the script called for me chasing the woman of my dreams (imaginary of course!) to New York City.. where I spent most of the time again, in hotel rooms, sitting in complete and utter chaos within my psyche.

    .. and then the hotel calling the police for "bizarre behaviour", and the ambulance.. and enter: The Queen's Psychiatry Inpatient Ward... where I spent a good part of the 15 days waiting for the next snack or meal... often bologne sandwiches with mayo and mustard (my favorite), or fruit cocktail (my childhood dream food!).

    In seriousness, it was, looking back, a crazy ride through the hospital. When I finally got out, with the enormous help and vetting of Dr. Kruse, I found myself back in Canada, and now in the midst of a viral pandemic and a business that was on the verge of bankruptcy and parents barely hanging on to their shirt.

    What a zoo, what a circus, what a crazy and confusing experience. I'm sane now, I'm stable now, I'm grounded now. And heading back to work next week to rebuild my business. I enter reality now with a certain gratitude, humbleness, perhaps maturity.

    And it's led me back to the forum that I slowly weaned off of in my descent to madness half a year ago.

    So ya, I'm back. I'm here. and yea.

    Health. It's what be are born with hopefully.. and what we leave this world without at some point... And besides that, we have community. People. Digital or live, whichever. Those two things seem to be all that really matters right now to me. Health and people.

    J
     
  17. Inger

    Inger Silver

    Good to see you Jason.
    Oh man, what a roller coaster you have been going through! Yeah... sometimes we only learn through crazy roller coasters ;)
     
  18. LOL fuck it, I always think these crazy times: "It will make a good book / movie one day"........... this forum is going to be full of potential Best Sellers IMO.

    Good to see you back as well mate. Begin again.......
     
  19. Raffael Zissu

    Raffael Zissu Silver

    Hi Jason,
    Glad you’re back in the saddle and that you are doing fine. Wishing you success in rebuilding your business and of course optimal health!
     
  20. LieselK

    LieselK Titanium Member

    Glad you're here and that you are OK and you have supporters far and near.
     

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