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Christmas tree journal

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by MITpowered26, Feb 27, 2019.

  1. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Create with your heart ... build with your mind......

    Phosphene and Christine_L like this.
  2. Sorry I didnt get a chance to reply. Was not ignoring your reply. Any opportunity for you to heal that pain will help you in your journey. Do you think you've forgiven your mom, bio dad and step dad for that pain? Do you feel like they've acknowledged your pain?
  3. Jason, I caught up on your journal. I feel your pain. Its impossible to live up to others expectations and get beyond the control others try to wield over our lives. Tight knit families can be the death of ones spirit. You're doing what you can to balance your love of them and your love of yourself. It's an incredibly difficult task. I'm struggling with this myself.
    MITpowered26 likes this.
  4. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    economic collapse
    growing up as a business, and not a charity foundation
    stepping up to my love life, choosing someone to share my life with

    and current mood:

    see you soon miss china 2019.
  5. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    news feed:

    "We have to be willing to fail, to be wrong, to start over again with lessons learned."

    TED Talk here: http://t.ted.com/SO9H1aA
  6. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Btw.. where is your bxb in your walk the plank squar vid! ;)
  7. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    I have always look towards actors, Hollywood actors, with great intrigue and fascination. What Is the inner experience like in preparing for certain roles? The late Heath Ledger comes to mind acutely.. broke back mountain... dark knight..

    These are not easy roles..

    How does preparing for the darkness of the “Joker” affect ones experience of life... before, during, after?

    Sure... I think drugs and alcohol have certain influence in this culture of creativity and coping.. and it’s probably more pervasive than I’d like to know.

    But there is something quite special here, something quite magical, imaginative , soulful, in the exercise of being something of that which you are not. Changing yourself fundamentally, again, and again.

    I have much respect for dramatic roles. I am sure the pay with which an actor demands is correlated with the demands the role will have on the actor. I sense demand to fulfill these roles outstrips supply of actors willing to take them on.. it’s human Nature to shy away from that which is emotionally taxing.... no, scratch that. I give the industry too much credit ... I think motivations are quite whoreish in the players bubbling at the surface looking to break out... and rather.. it’s hard to find ones, willing or not, that can “actually” be someone like the joker... there are clearly long term implications to ones mental health...

    And so I sit here, imagining, trying, deeply, considering what It would be like for me to be homeless. And then I thought of the movie “the road”. ... a frighteningly realistic post -apocalyptic movie of America.. I remember the music .. and the struggle .. and survival.. and the scene where “captured” humans were kept below the floor boards.. like farm animals waiting to be slaughtered and eaten... different “gangs” of people seeking to continue their survival.. seeking to hunt and not be hunted.. horrific, cruel, in yet something very real in the nature. A return to nature.

    No, I do not envy those front-line actor. I do not envy their life.. but I do wish to understand their experience...

  8. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    ... I forgot to get out my conclusion....

    After all that... I realized it is not the horror, the pain, the discomfort, famine, broke, brokenness, unhappiness, pyschosis, deppression, jail, trapped, .. it’s not all the darkness that frightens me. The real tragedy of what the human condition could be is in having no insight into ones cycle of numbness...and never seeing oneself to escape from that in their lifetime.. as jack says.. when people die while they are alive...

    It’s In running out of time to reach the desination with which you arrive at life.. arrive at the now.

  9. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    I always reacted as if birds and other creatures of nature.. that fuck off once you “help them” were completely ungrateful asssholes... and it’s humorous to think about it..

    But I stopped today to go deeper with this..

    What if Mother Nature doesn’t have emotions?
    (I get that that is a fallacious question)

    What if I am tuned incorrectly in my perceiving?

    What if it is not in mothers nature’s school of life to foster this mentality.. and rather this is a man made education thinking.


    Maybe it is unspoken that not only is nature an impersonal, meandering, survival of predator and prey, but if one chooses to help another fellow of the jungle,in life or death, that is their choice. There is no thanks or gratitude built in. Time is of the essence in the jungle, and thanksgiving is not only masterbation, but a liability to life..

    “Kill me, ignore me, or save me” You only have limited Moves.. and the show must go on....and that’s all she wrote.


  10. JanSz

    JanSz Gold

    Some of them call "deplorable" some of us.


    • Worthy of severe condemnation or reproach.
    • Lamentable; woeful.
    • Wretched; bad.
  11. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    I decided as a new thing... to listen in live today on a testimony the ceo of facebook was making to a government finance committee on fb”s building of Libra - what appears to be some crypocurrency platform.. I sit and observe and have been trying to figure out the pieces to the puzzle of what is actually going on here, underneath. Competing power interests.

    And then it occurred to me - this is so damn nuanced, so far and away from Mother Nature, it’s quite stark. The study of society - sociology - has come to be a diseased endeavour. It’s like studying cancer tissue.. watching it grow and evolve.. its madness studying the decline of society as it moves “forward” with no intention to answer serious questions.. no intention to fix anything.

    Is there a point connecting onself to the modern mans society, or is one best to just not....

    drezy likes this.
  12. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

  13. drezy

    drezy New Member

    It's as fascinating as it is entropic.

    I don't want to be called out as a wild eyed optimist, but I think we've generally been doing alright with forward motion as a species.

    One upside of our advances is that when political power of a region changes people generally do not smash the babies of the failing power's representatives and force them to watch before they later get smashed or thrown off a cliff as was done in the mediterranian circa quite a while ago.
    MITpowered26 likes this.
  14. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Appreciate your perspective. Civil - ization.
  15. JanSz

    JanSz Gold

    Smashing babies or throwing them off a cliff is a waste of perfectly good babies.
    Babies and their mothers can be used more efficiently, to carry grenades to incoming soldiers.
    Ok,ok, you are talking about time before powder came from China to the East.
  16. drezy

    drezy New Member

    History is brutal.

    As messed up as we are now I'm in no rush to go back to some historical practices...
    JanSz likes this.
  17. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    So... google #wexit if you want..

    Western Canada want to separate from the poorer Half of Canada and form it’s own country... movement is growing right now...

    Some talk is of the us army coming in... we have oil... hmm....
  18. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Movies played an important role in my life in my late teens and early 20s. Right before I quit movies. I haven't truly watched movies every since, which would be a good decade or so. I don't have any regrets.

    Drama movies. Heavy. Depressing. Profound. These were my movies. The more boring, yet well-intentioned, drawn out, slow paced, the better I came to adore them. Movies like Magnolia. Requiem for a dream. Aviator.

    One such character that had lasting impact on me was Dr. Manhattan from "The Watchmen."

  19. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Magnolia - described as a beautiful flower, but also one with an extremely pungent odor.

    Life, the world, is imperfect. Human struggle is by design, not perfect. But in that chaos, from that chaos, comes beauty.

  20. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    There was a time in early University days, where my first real relationship with a girl dissolved.. I remember just lying down on a bench outside Rutherford Library. I was on the phone with her. I was so far removed from life... and I remember as I spoke to her, I reenacted a line from the following movie ... and I'm not sure why..


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