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Christmas tree journal

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by MITpowered26, Feb 27, 2019.

  1. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    We are proud individuals living on the city
    But the flames couldn't go much higher
    We find gods and religions to
    To paint us with salvation
    But no one
    No nobody
    Can give you the power
    To rise over love
    And over hate
    Through this iron sky
    That's fast becoming our minds
    Over fear and into freedom
    Oh, that's life
    Left dripping down the walls
    Of a dream that cannot breathe
    In this harsh reality
    Mass confusion spoon fed to the blind
    Serves now to define our cold society
    From which we'll rise over love
    Over hate
    From this iron sky
    That's fast becoming our minds
    Over fear and into freedom
    You just got to hold on!
    You just got to hold on!
    Oh oh oh oh
    (To those who can hear me, I say, do not despair
    The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed
    The bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress
    The hate of men will pass, and dictators die
    And the power they took from the people will return to the people
    And so long as men die, liberty will never perish
    Don't give yourselves to these unnatural men
    Machine men with machine minds and machine hearts!
    You are not machines, you are not cattle, you are men!
    You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful
    To make this life a wonderful adventure
    Let us use that power!
    Let us all unite!)
    And we'll rise over love
    And over hate
    Through this iron sky
    That's fast becoming our minds
    Over fear
    And into freedom
    Into freedom!
    From which we'll rise over love
    And over hate
    Through this iron sky
    That's fast becoming our minds
    Over fear and into freedom
    Oh, from which we'll rise over love
    And over hate
    Through this iron sky
    That's fast becoming our minds
    Over fear and into freedom
    Rain on me!
    Rain on me!
    Phosphene likes this.
  2. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Forgot about this guy. Thanks!

    Love the well-placed horns.
    MITpowered26 likes this.
  3. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    I find myself in a new place lately...

    I don’t really have anything I need or want to write about... and I’m not sure How to feel about it...

    I think Starting tomorrow I am ready to begin “goal setting” ... or rather... intentional, consistent, reliable, discomfort....
    Christine_L and Phosphene like this.
  4. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

  5. Jenelle

    Jenelle Evolving

    This is a good sign, I think ~ that you are achieving more inner peace and balance. I'm happy for you. :)
    Phosphene likes this.
  6. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Thankyou @Jenelle
    Jenelle likes this.
  7. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    A Mosaic of Emotions, Thoughts, Happenings

    people watching in a coffee shop
    everyone is getting a variation of chai, and its HILARIOUS
    singing party. beautiful voices. open to the universe. right space of mind. engaging in dinner talk, actually.
    complacency. the fallacy of disconnecting from the hydrant that waters your plant when the plant grows.
    the drive home of rejection.

  8. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Today I restarted my Music lesson with my piano teacher (my vocal coaches partner). I went in expecting to resume things as normal and explore playing with the Piano. What I ended up getting was another deep profound dose of humanity in front of me.

    She wasn’t expecting what to transpired, transpire. But it did.

    Basically, seeing me again and beginning this journey together brought up many questions unresolved about how I abruptly ended the relationship with her and my vocal coach.. not dismilar to what I did to someone I hold very close to me on this forum...

    She got Teary.. emotional. She said her and her Partner genuinely cared for me, then, and now. And her guard is up as I enter into their atmosphere again after an extended period off. She professed she is protective of her partner.. and whether I will hurt him again. Am I here to stay this time?

    ... I broke down and got emotional as well, teary as well. I took her through why I did the things I did back then.. and the journey Of further growth have been on now since meeting Jk.. and the much needed time away from the studio I needed.

    She said she doesn’t want me to feel any guilt or that there needs to be any “proving of myself.” She also understood I needed to do what I did for my own journey ..

    I recognized though.. that there are side effects to ones actions.. and impact you have on the lives of others.

    What I took away most deeply however.. was an experience of a deeply caring, beautiful woman sitting Across from me..who simply cared for me for who I am as a human being when it was all said and done.. and one that was fighting off emotions that even surprised her.. emotion and.. I want to say a form of pain.. that was the direct result of my actions in the past to seize the “ relationship.”

    That fucked me up emotionally..I cried. It felt good. But I knew there was still a gap that only time would mend.

    I maintained I am different now. And I am. For two simple reasons.. 1. I am now aware of my emotions.. and 2. I am not afraid anymore to commicate those emotions, however negative they may be.

    We cried it out and then we went on with the piano lesson... we hugged then parted ways. Her to her second job. I see her partner in a couple hours.

    Love you, JW and TM
    Phosphene and Jenelle like this.
  9. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Keep going Jason! Love how you’re taking care of yourself and sill finding time to do something you adore—music with real people. What else to you like and dislike about the new place?
    MITpowered26 likes this.
  10. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Not having someone to share it with :)
  11. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Wait, is that a like or dislike? I love being alone so it’s a tossup in my book.
  12. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    The following might read as crazy and out of the blue... and I’m okay with that:

    Ok I’m going to preface and give context as I love to do. I have no business speaking to others on the concept of romance.. or love for that matter. What I do have, however, is an ever growing sense of myself.

    There is a particular long time former student of the music studio That I’m bringing up today. We never really crossed paths during our times taking lessons. But then we finally did. And we clicked.. really well. I courted her quite regularly for a few months - there was no intimacy involved. Chemistry for sure. And then there was news shortly into our courtship where she said her parents were summoning her back to Hong Kong to live there, after living on her own in canada for a decade and some bit. She obeyed. There was no convincing her otherwise...

    Those couple months, looking back, hold special memories for me. I was more overweight at the time than I am now. Definitely more emotional baggage.

    She treated me at the time with a lot of care. She valued me, and she saw something In me (that which I Am not clear of) that allowed her to open up and embrace.

    She is an extremely guarded, yet content person. In his 9 years having her at the studio, my music instructor has never seen her open up to anyone as much and as quickly as she has to me. And I cannot help but feel good about that.

    Yet as closed off as she is, my music instructor told
    Me a story one day of an experience he had of her. It was a bad day for him. He was going through some stuff. It rarely shows for him, as he always strives for excellence In himself and in his capacity to Be fully Present for his beloved students.

    He was sitting on a bench in the studio. A rare display of a certain defeat in him. She sensed it. And in that moment.. she showed herself when humanity called her to. She sat down beside him and put a hand on his shoulder .. she did not say a word.. nor did he.

    He described this touch as something very meaningful and healing for him. Something he did not expect but came to appreciate. And as he tells me, it was In that moment he saw explicitly, a certain depth in a woman.. a certain compassion... empathize... understanding... and connection.

    She left for Hong Kong some 3 to 4 years ago. We contacted each other on and off.. and had some serious conversations of courtship .. also on and off. I don’t think she was sure though, In my many moments....if I was truly serious about wanting to settle down with her. And she was right..

    She is flying in next week for the first time since her departure 3 years back. I am taking her to the mountains. And she will be In the city for a week or so to tie up loose ends and visit with the people she wishes to see.

    I am prepared to marry her. I am prepared to help her move her family here and support them.

    And if this is how I feel, what stopped me from taking action before? That’s A good question. It is Because I didn’t know there
    Could be a chance before... I didn’t know there was a glimmer of hope for us. The timing was unfortunate. I wasn’t ready.

    Well, I’m ready as I’ll ever be, right now.

    But Jason, as convincing as you sound, how do we know this is really what is right? You go as hard left as quick as you go right ?

    And that’s another great question. One I have no
    Defense for given my history. And that’s a very damming point.

    There are consequences to action. Actions that may not matter to me.. but they certainly affects others.

    I don’t think I comprehend how gigantic what I am
    Saying is here. In yet I kind of do. And that’s why I write.. to work through it.

    I asked TM, do you think I will be good for her? He replied, “well, I think she will be good for you.”

    And I feel that truth now. I never really stopped caring about her, I just eventually closed myself off to it out of idea that book was already over. TM always says.. never say never. You are never out of it.

    I don’t know if this is the right decision for me, for her, for her family. All I know is what I feel fully in this moment..

    I’m looking forward to our time together next week. I’m looking forward to experiencing her, getting to know her, and her me, and discerning truth with what the future may hold for us...

    Phosphene, Inger and drezy like this.
  13. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    It’s a want.. but not a need.
    Phosphene likes this.
  14. drezy

    drezy New Member

    Sending some lucky dog resonance your way.
    Phosphene and MITpowered26 like this.
  15. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Thanks Dre. Not sure what that is.. but I won’t ask. Nor overthink it!


    drezy likes this.
  16. drezy

    drezy New Member

    It's the wishing luck PLUS option
    MITpowered26 likes this.
  17. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Further lost... haha
  18. drezy

    drezy New Member

    "I wish you luck Jason" is too boring
    Jenelle and MITpowered26 like this.
  19. Cuffy

    Cuffy Gold

  20. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    It is the federal election in Canada today. I am so jacked right now as more and more patients come into the store, and I entangle with them. Never have I seen a country so informed politically then I have now. Right now. And that tells me discomfort, to put it lightly, is hitting home for a lot of people. And I love it.. when it all boils down to it.

    My vision has just gotten much broader and higher of the world...

    good luck canada.

    Phosphene likes this.

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