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Christmas tree journal

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by MITpowered26, Feb 27, 2019.

  1. drezy

    drezy New Member

    Bacon sausage and eggs?
  2. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Yes. Do you concur with these choices ?
  3. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    My face dunking sesh. @RMW
    RMW likes this.
  4. drezy

    drezy New Member

    Yeah. It looks like you got the cooking angle covered.
  5. caroline

    caroline Moderator

    Do you honestly think women only love men who are good looking??????

    when you fall in love with someone it is because they have a beautiful soul .....

    if you only want a beautiful looking woman .....throw enuf money in their direction.....I am pretty positive there would be some takers.

    is that what you want Jason?
  6. drezy

    drezy New Member

    Oh man.... trick question time!
    caroline and Christine_L like this.
  7. Cuffy

    Cuffy Gold

    Happy birthday, Jason!

    Do you use corrective lenses (readers)? I love the Ra Optics deep tint, but the lenses that arrived were not the diopter I'd ordered. Both the Ultimate Day and Ultimate Night lenses caused blurry vision and eye strain--which my regular (non blue blocking) readers do not do.

    I'm wondering if the deep red tint somehow affects the refractive capacity of the visual correction.
  8. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    NOOOOOOO haha

    I know this to be true. I do. I know you are right @caroline

    I just don't think my heart has caught up to my head.
  9. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    holy shit that was interesting.. i kinda just passed out for the last 3 to 4 hours. Deep sleep. Whoa. I think this is a good sign...
  10. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Hey thanks @Cuffy

    Uhhh. I don't honestly know a lot about optometry... I have night time pairs (red) and they are also prescription to see far away (near sighted)... and I'm looking to get a day pair (yellow?)

  11. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Theres a lot of cluster-fuck to sort out right now in relation of me to women.
  12. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    still working on the "like" concept before I can allow the "love" concept.. this might take some time...
  13. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    CT second sesh done. (face dunking)...

    Oh. And its super super fun to drink Fiji water out of its bottle. Call it an oral fixation. My water intake is on another level.. about 5litres a day. and about 60 or so washroom breaks day (much to the horror of my pharmacy team) hahaha.
  14. LieselK

    LieselK Titanium Member

    I find it easier to chug a big glass periodically rather than sipping on water all day. It will cut down the bathroom breaks! And as you eat more of that delicous fat I think you'll find these patterns change anyway. It's good to have it in your journal to look back and see.
    MITpowered26 likes this.
  15. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member


    Parting thoughts before bedtime soon.... wanted to get this out...

    About relationship to lyrics in songs, and its connection to nature, and to humanity...

    Music has always played an integral role in my life... Ever since I picked up my first Beastie boy Album in grade 7.. memorized the lyrics to "Intergalactic Planetary".. and then when it played at the school dance ... I had a rare moment to shine in a dance circle... someone pushed me into the centre.. and I spouted some lyrics. I can't remember how I did.. but it doesn't matter.

    That was the first foray into lyricism. Second was a rap song with puff daddy, busta' rhymes, and notorious big. That is all I remember. It was a thrill, a feeling of power, perhaps in those songs that I received. I don't think lyrics have played a role in my coping through music since Grade 7...

    Fast forward to 20 years old. Broke up with my girlfriend at the time, and went severely depressed.

    This song:

    or rather the emotion it allowed me to feel...defined my experience through that detachment.

    Again, though, I've never been a lyric person. Never. I go for the pure emotion, and could care less grasping any sort of meaning of the words...

    But then I started voice lessons 4 years ago... And things changed. I struggled finding meaning in the words I was singing. Especially love songs, which TM pushed me to sing. "Can't help falling in love with you" by Elvis Presley carries so much fucking baggage in the last 4 years. It symbolized to me, the frustration I had with not being able to sing, not being able to feel (and feel specifically the subject matter required in this song)... I blamed it on TM and left the studio ... (Im' back now after a much needed break).

    But throughout all these years, since grade 7, I've struggled with words to songs. I didn't understand them. They didn't mean anything to me. I thought that was because I was empty inside. But I'm realizing the real reason is because I neglected to unpack the meaning behind my own emotions for so so many years - and articulate that into words.. I simply did not know how. And so, the raw emotions just kept building and building. And to my credit, I got really good at mastering the art of forget-fullness... in order to cope.

    But here I am, writing. Finding meaning through my words - songs or not. And through that learning, I'm seeming the language of humanity through words, more and more.

    One of the most frustrating artistic concepts I could not grasp for the longest time has been when people are like
    "I can hear your story when you sing" when artists perform. I'm starting to get it now though. And it's all in reading between the words. In their eyes. Hearing their emotion from phrase to phrase. I see humanity sits in that pocket now. And its beautifully human...

    Mother nature. .. People talk about observing mother nature... animals... the ominousness that is the sun... this too, fascinates me now. And just like the human condition... as people have said.. its in the nature.. human nature.. mother nature ... nature..

    And so all I'm trying to say is this:

    I use to see trees and think nothing of them. They were just trees. Dead to me. Like lyrics to a song.

    But I hear new sounds in my mind now... in lyricism.. and in the unspoken words of nature...

    that is all
    Phosphene and Jenelle like this.
  16. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Sleep Log:

    830pm to 5am (8.5 hours) straight, deep.
    Phosphene likes this.
  17. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Just realized something cool...

    Yesterday I barely ate anything, and I was fine...

    I had a Big Ass Breakfast at sunrise.. then a few pieces of bacon and a few eggs at sunset.. that was it. And it wasn't a struggle. ..

  18. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    I went to take a shit this morning, pondering some stuff.. my dependency on the jack kruse forum.. and then I came back to the forum after the toilet and I read Seans reply:


    Stop wanting it........ and start DOING IT.

    Ban yourself from the forum until you've done 5 things that fucked you up with fear.



    It's timely and relevant.


    I was going to flush out my thoughts... on all this.. but I'm going put a freeze on the forum until sunrise tomorrow... Catch you on the flipside... here we go..
    Christine_L, Jenelle and Phosphene like this.
  19. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Fuck it. I lasted 5hours. But I'm happy with it.

    I thought alot about Nietzche and Existentialism. Please do me a favour and at least watch the first 10 seconds before deciding if you are offended. I know there are some fucking snow flakes so....

  20. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    I thought about a lot in the last 5 hours, and I think I DID a lot too... I'll post about it later.. but for now.. wanted to explore my fears, so I can smash them.. in no particular order

    1. Being in prison. Solitary confinement. Torture. In a foreign country would probably be worse...

    2. Fame. It destroyed me once (in fantasy) and it can destroy me again...

    3. Physical activity. Goal setting. I put these two together.. because they are the same to me. It gives me great anxiety because both are concrete, black and white, and either fail or succeed... There is no arguing whether you completed 25 pushups or not.. whether you "stuck" to your goal or not.. ah.. theres the rub... commitment. Its commitment that is my biggest challenge... and with that comes my fear of pain and fear of failure... I've tried a lot of shit in the last 34 years... and have failed equally as many times. But the worst thing of all... my "learn rate" is astoundingly low. I don't learn from my mistakes. And so I guess this fear is a bit more complex... to sum it up.. my fear is of a. not being able to stick to a goal and so b. not trying to at all...

    4. Thoughts. Dark thoughts. Thoughts society doesn't want you to talk about, think about. Fear of going to those places of evil in my mind and heart and coming to terms with them...

    5. Reading the quantum biology science. Its stressful. It hurts my brain.

    6. Daily effort in socializing with women. And I don't mean a neutral conversation. I mean a "chasing" tone... making it known you are interested..

    7. Doing shit, especially at work, that my business needs me to do, but I don't want to do, so I don't.

    So those are my biggest fears right now..

    1 to 2...well I dunno about these ones. But the pattern here for 3-7 is just going through the grit of sticking to something, not giving up, not quitting, failing, and trying again....
    Phosphene likes this.

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