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Christmas tree journal

Discussion in 'My Optimal Journal' started by MITpowered26, Feb 27, 2019.

  1. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    This reminds me of this post talking about changing the light environment of an office. Might be helpful? The whole thread is good.

  2. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member


    this was money:

    "Here are a few of my experiences of the Non Linear Aspects of Light

    A year ago before I knew what I was doing (low dopamine) I heard Jack say blue light was bad. I bought some bulbs from a website that had NO BLUE in them. I put them in my exam rooms. Within four days of working under those lights I FORGT STUFF. I couldn't remember if I had documented things and couldn't remember if I had looked in a patient's eye. Within two days of removing the bulbs my memory returned.

    Something else happened to me.....I got some glasses that blocked 90% of blue light from Kodak (I DO NOT RECOMMEND THESE AT ALL) My skin color changed to more pale when I looked at the lights in the office and when I removed the glasses my skin color became more red and inflamed and all of my staff of four people witnessed this. Also within one week of wearing these all the time I had a personality change. You could call it schizophrenic like. I thought I was hearing voices and also forgetting things. This was after the light bulbs. My personality returned after a few days of removing the glasses. I now WILL NEVER DOUBT the non linear aspects of light. I try to understand them better. I got the Blue Tech lenses and I DO NOT WEAR them outside.

    In addition I had a patient who was wearing a pair of blue blocking glasses (they blocked 85%) I asked him if he was forgetting things. He said YES. I told him to stop wearing the glasses outside and get a regular pair for outdoors."
  3. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

  4. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Sleep Log:
    8pm to 7am (11 hours straight, except for a pee break at 4am)

    Haven't quite learned how to decipher why things are happening the way they are in my body right now. I'll get there though.
    Anne V and Christine_L like this.
  5. Inger

    Inger Silver

    wow, that was a lot of sleep! Very cool! I have had a few long nights sleep to lately. Love it.
    Maybe the winter-hibernation-modus is slowly setting in? :) :)
  6. is this your store? fuck yeah! nice job.
  7. Reading this makes me so happy.

    You are all you have ever needed.
  8. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Do you see what I see? @Saichi phone.jpg
    Christine_L likes this.
  9. Saichi

    Saichi New Member

    Did you take the photo with your iPhone? :ninja:
    Anne V and drezy like this.
  10. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    go easy. transitions. transitions. :)
    Anne V likes this.
  11. Saichi

    Saichi New Member

    This is easy, if I were honest I'd already be banned. I'd have sympathy if you were on heroin or prescriptions which are physically addictive and have to taper off from. Radiation has no addiction.
    Christine_L likes this.
  12. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Sleep Log:

    8:30pm to 5am straight. (8.5 hours)
    feel good

    side note: the interview process is still going on for the cottage. I am told I am what they are looking for. Whether there are other candidates, I don't truly know. I've waited more than a week for this. I hope the overprecaution on their part is a good signal.

    Christine_L likes this.
  13. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member


    9pm to 4am (7 hours)

    feel good.
  14. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member

    Hey J,

    We have felt GOOD the last couple days eh? Often when we do, we stop doing what made us feel this way in the first place. That is: journaling, writing. Working through the pile. Time to get back on the horse.

    Its your birthday today. ITS MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY TODAY. lol.

    Ya. That's an important statement to us. And its important to talk about. For 34 years now, this day has been somehow a very tainted day.. a day of anti-celebration. yknow?

    Lets reflect.

    Ah. Our cousin.He died of pancreative cancer at 26 years old. His birthday was the same day as us. Young, full of hope.. perhaps in some ways, a symbol to the extended family of a good son who "deserved" a good life.. instead we were the "other" cousin who "got it all" but was the shit head of the fucking extended family.

    And then there's grandma.. the glue of the entire unit of 5 aunts (all married with kids) and 5 uncles (all bachelors, ha!)... I remember mum wanted to delay her passing a day later so it wouldn't taint my day too much already, but grandma died on my birthday as well...

    Thinking back, mom was very thoughtful in this dark hour. That is an understatement, but thats all I got right now. Wow. Some pain here I didn't know.

    So is this why we are very quiet on our birthday? I don't know.. hmm...

    Yes, its been our personality to be shy and avoid attention.. these events in adolescence buried this day even further..yes.

    It's akward ya, but its time to take back this day for us.

    Love you, and have a good day.

  15. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    Happy Birthday Jason! This journal and all your other steps towards optimal are your gift to yourself.

    You deserve to reap what you’ve sown. You are more than good enough.

    How are you and your family celebrating?
  16. MITpowered26

    MITpowered26 New Member


    Your question weakens the dramatization of my post. It forces me to realize.

    My sister asked me what I wanted last week for bday. I said I dunno, I dont care. And then I said.. I just want a hand written letter from you from the heart.

    My mom also asked what I wanted for bday. I said I dunno either.

    I guess this day isn't all that bad. Just history to work through, and more importantly, taking ownership of my perceptions.


  17. Phosphene

    Phosphene Gold (finally)

    I didn’t mean to downplay the drama—there is plenty there indeed. It’s difficult to celebrate when it’s also the anniversary of a loved one passing. I should know this—my best friend’s son passed from an opioid overdose the day before my birthday and she is never in the mood to celebrate with me. We used to do something a few weeks before or after, but now she’s mostly in Maine so it’s just a quick “Happy Birthday”.

    I am unfortunately good at downplaying the effects of others’ emotional trauma since I try to squelch it in my own life as well.

    That’s awesome what you asked from your sister. Maybe ask the same from other family members for Christmas, or whatever you celebrate then?
  18. Inger

    Inger Silver

    Happy birthday to you too Jason :) :) :) another October-kid :)
    MITpowered26 likes this.
  19. drezy

    drezy New Member

    Happy birthday J!
    MITpowered26 likes this.
  20. Swen

    Swen New Member

    Happy Birthday, Jason! I hope this helps you meet the Like or Reply quota.
    MITpowered26 likes this.

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